Kelly Rowland has been a beacon of light for little Black and brown girls since she first arrived on the scene through Destiny’s Child in the 1990s, yet, despite her success and accolades, her road to self-discovery is still underway.
The Fantasy Football actress says this era of her life is rooted in constant discovery and the realization that the possibilities in life are endless.
“I’m in constant discovery and learning about myself, about life, about love, about communicating, and I just say discovery is my current era, and to me, the possibilities are endless of what my capacities are,” the “Motivation” singer told xoNecole during an exclusive interview.
A part of that discovery is acknowledging all of the different looks she’s trademarked over the years, whether it’s her classic short red cut or the blonde she’s been known to lean toward recently. She attests a lot of her iconic looks to her bonus mother, Tina Knowles.
“I’m really grateful to Mama T for that because since she owned and worked in a hair salon, she would say, ‘Well, let’s try this. Let’s cut it off. Let’s grow it back. Oh, it’s just hair,’ you know what I mean?” the 43-year-old recalled.
“I’m definitely in that spirit when it comes to hair and glam and just seeing what pops and what doesn’t. I think that there are no rules.”
“For a long time, brown girls were told you can’t do this, you can’t do this, and you shouldn’t do this. It won’t look good on your complexion. That’s not our story. That does not belong to us at all.
"Our possibilities are endless. If anything, we make the trends and we make it look good. We make gem tones look wonderful because of the brown skin that pops off of the gem tone. We make it look wonderful.”
As the mother of two boys, Noah and Titan, Rowland still aims to create tradition through a good meal. She notes how she manages to balance maintaining quality time with her family as a woman who wears many hats.
“One thing that we’re trying to stay on top of right now is one-on-one quality time,” she shared. “I like to do that with my boys. They both get their own afternoon or day with me, so we have these little dates. Noah and I were sitting at this ice cream spot in LA the last time, and we just sat there and talked. It also made me sad because I was like Oh my God, this three-year-old is growing up so fast. I can’t believe he’s even three, and we’re sitting up here and having this whole conversation.”
“One thing that we’re trying to stay on top of right now is one-on-one quality time. I like to do that with my boys. They both get their own afternoon or day with me, so we have these little dates.”
Rowland added, “Then, with Titan, he likes a sushi spot that we go to for hand rolls, and so, we definitely bond over food and over certain outings that we might have. I just like for them to be one-on-one so that we can create our memories together, and they feel seen by me, their mother, and we just enjoy each other’s time. We laugh, and that means a lot to me.”
She is also very intentional in stressing the importance of giving back, something that was instilled in her at a young age by her mother that Rowland is ensuring her sons get a taste of.
“For Christmas, we like to be home, but we also like to give back,” said Rowland.
“Around Christmastime, I want my kids to understand how important it is to give back. So this year, I think we will pile it on because both of them will understand now even more.
"The three-year-old might miss it, but the nine-year-old is definitely starting to catch on. My mom poured that into me about the spirit of giving, and I want my kids to have that same tradition that my mom gave me.”
Today, she continues to give back by pouring into a locally owned eatery that made her, even having a meal named in her honor in a new partnership with Pepsi for the Local Eats Better with Pepsi program centered around spreading the love when it comes to patronizing local restaurants nationwide.
This Is It! is one of her childhood favorite Black-owned restaurants in her home city of Houston. During the earlier DC days, she recalled bonding with her bandmates-turned-family members over a delicious plate of soul food at This Is It!, a fourth-generation, family-owned establishment known for its comfort dishes.
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“I love the idea that a huge corporation like Pepsi wants to make sure that in their budget, they’re giving back to communities that have supported them for many years,” she said.
Rowland added, "This Is It! is a place that grew me up and helped me to keep my feet on the ground. This always brings back such fond memories for me.”
In honor of Rowland’s favorite This Is It! meal being named after her, which includes pepper steak with rice and gravy, green beans, peach cobbler, and an ice-cold Pepsi, the “Like This” crooner discussed her recipe for a good time.
“I would say good food,” she laughed. “Not that I need it, but a good Espresso Martini or a French white wine. Sometimes, I might lack energy, so I need a Pepsi to pick me right back up.”
“What else? Good energy. You need good energy. Like, good people with good energy who know how to have a good time. Who aren’t going to look around and see what the other person is doing," Rowland added.
"Because just when people are so good in their body and self-aware and self-assured, they are the funnest people to hang out with because they don’t give a crap about what’s happening around them. They just want to have a good time. I like those people.”
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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