In the 80's, Tina Knowles-Lawson gave birth to not one but two legendary superstars, and one thing is for damn sure: No one womb should have all that power. It's Father's Day weekend, meaning that tomorrow will be dedicated to showering dads with the love and appreciation that they rightfully deserve. Before we commence in this celebration of fatherhood, let's take the time to salute the mothers who help make it all happen.
While fathers protect, provide, and prepare their daughters for the real world, moms are there to offer emotional support and instill the tenacity we need to truly level up and become the Queens we were meant to be. Beyoncé, Solange, and Tina are a maternal trifecta that have not only created multiple streams of generational wealth, but left a legacy while they were at it.
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Last weekend at the Summit 21 conference in Atlanta, Mama Tina slid through with some clutch advice about how to raise an icon. According to the 65-year-old mother of two, her secret was having the ability to love her daughters separately and equally. She explained:
"One thing I'm really happy I did was I gave each of my kids a day. As Solange got older, I would spend Wednesdays with her and help with homework and do those types of things and just devote that day to her, and then one day to Bey."
Although money can buy a lot of things, one thing you don't have to pay for is quality time with your kids. While the media may make some believe that the formula for being a perfect mom rests in her bank account, Ms. Tina had another perspective. She continued:
"It makes them feel [good] you know? Because kids, no matter how much you give them love and attention, it's never enough. I mean I'm sure, everybody who has kids knows, you can take them to Astroworld, to eat, and they'll still say, 'Well what else we gon' do?'"
In a rare on-camera interview, Tina's eldest daughter, who we all affectionately know as Queen Bey, explained that her mother's time and attention did not go unnoticed. In fact, Beyoncé explained that her early exposure to Black art and entrepreneurship is the part of the secret behind her $300 million net worth, and it was all thanks to Mama T's bomb parenting.
"I think it was important to my mother to surround us with positive, powerful, strong images of African and African-American art so that we could reflect and see ourselves in them."
Beyoncé also told the publication that in a way, her latest role in the highly-anticipated live action Lion King film was a tribute to her mother's parenting. As much as Bey is excited to share the experience with Blue and the twins, she is even more elated to be able to share this achievement with her mom.
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Two weeks ago, Bey and her crew shut down the internet with their dope Lion King inspired attire at Ms. Tina's 3rd Annual Wearable Art Gala, a high-fashion soirée dedicated to art, fashion, and philanthropy, and Beyoncé said that this is only the beginning. She explained:
"My mother and Richard [Lawson, Tina's husband] believe that art is a representation of our history. Right now there's a shift, in these incredibly talented emerging black artists getting their due. I love so many great African-American artists, and I'm just so excited that these young black artists are getting their due. My mother has always been an entrepreneur, and she's taking that and teaching these young women that they can be entrepreneurs, exposing them to things that they would probably never see."
According to Beyoncé, part of Tina Lawson's success in being a dope mother, grandmother, and entrepreneur all at the same damn time is having a partner that can match her hustle.
"She dedicates her life to it, and she's found the perfect partner, Richard, who is just a kind, honest, beautiful human being who dedicates his life to the well-being of these kids. It's about the impact that you've had on this Earth."
To Tina Knowles-Lawson, her motto has always been purpose over paycheck. Tina reminds us that when you focus on your purpose, the paycheck won't be too far behind. Bey continued:
"My mother always believed that every person in this world has a purpose, and I think her gift is helping people realize their purpose a lot faster."
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This kind of wisdom is the type of hindsight that cannot be matched. Because again, while getting older shouldn’t be anything that any of us are afraid of or ashamed to do, wouldn’t it be great if we were more proactive than reactive when it comes to how we take care of ourselves — so that as we do age (and it is inevitable), we will age…gracefully…seamlessly…beautifully?
That’s why I took the time to ask 15 women in their 40s to share some things that they wish they had done in their 20s as far as physical beauty is concerned. Look at it as me doing a solid for any of you younger readers who really think that “I woke up like this” will last…forever. It won’t. And if you settle into that very real reality by taking good care of yourself now, the 40s will be where you actually end up looking better than ever.
*Middle names are used in all of my interview pieces, so that people can speak freely, no matter what the topic may be.*
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Eleele. 48.
“Some women aren’t gonna like this but, Black can crack. I see it often; especially when I look at a lot of these women’s necks — even celebrities. You can look like you’re 29 in the face but because you didn’t take care of your neck when you were in your 20s, it’s out here looking like it should be in a nursing home. That part of your skin ages and sags like everything else. I wish I had cared about that back in the day. I do now and yes young women, moisturize your neck every night and every morning. I personally use a combination of rosehip oil and lavender because they help to stimulate collagen production. Don’t wait until you have tree rings. Do it…now.”
Quincie. 45.
“I wish I had taken better care of my breasts. Not [just] as far as my health; as far as their appearance. When you’re in your 20s, everything is perky and unicorns. Hit 35 and you start to notice that your girls like your feet more than your neck. Doing some exercises to make your pecs more prominent and applying some cocoa or shea butter every night are little things that can keep them youthful. Don’t wait. A breast lift is an option but those aren’t cheap. And if you can avoid paying what a used car costs to keep your breasts sittin’ high, why not do that now?”
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Vonya. 41.
“It might sound weird but I wish I had laid off of my protective styles more. It’s like we’ve forgotten that the point of them is to grow our hair out but that can’t happen if we’re never giving our hair a break from all of the tension that comes from tight-ass braids and twists. Now my edges are suffering and that can make you look older than you are. Those ‘Brandy braids’ are cute, girl, but so is having a full hairline. Don’t live in a protective style — your future self is screaming this at you.”
Madelynne. 43.
“I wish I drank less. I had a good time, trust me. But drinking on the weekends and then having drinks a couple of nights a week after work took its toll. My skin feels drier and it takes more work to keep it moisturized. These days, [I] eat edibles instead. It’s healthier and it has compounds in it that can slow down the aging process. Oh, to be young again.”
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Noelle. 40.
“I wish I had incorporated some sort of hand care. If anything takes wear and tear on a constant basis, it’s our hands and we’ll be out here having a beauty regimen for everything but those. Now my hands are starting to look older than I would like and so I’m having to work overtime to get rid of some fine lines and fragile-looking skin. What I do is get hand facials every couple of months. Look to see what spas or salons offer them. It makes a really big difference on your hands. Your arms too.”
Imani. 42.
“I’m the most comfortable sleeping on my side but it’s not the best for my face — anyone’s face, really. I used to hear that it would cause wrinkles but when those aren’t something that you have to worry about, you don’t care. I’m starting to see a few around my lips and so now I’m on my back more often. I’m thinking that if I had cared about this in college, avoiding wrinkles would not be on my list of concerns at this age.”
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Ora. 44.
“Stay off of acidic drinks. Your teeth will age just like everything else and sodas and orange juice doesn’t help. Think about the people you know who look one way…until they smile. Then they look 10-15 years older. Go to the dentist regularly and schedule a professional whitening appointment. White teeth make you look younger. Just take good care of them. You’ll be glad that you did, if you do.”
Jaye. 44.
“Gray hair is a blessing but my grandmother always told me that it can come in prematurely — and a part of what causes that to happen is stress and a poor diet. When you’re young, you don’t care about stuff like that. But let those first ones creep in around your hairline and suddenly, you’re looking for all kinds of hacks. My advice? That man, that job, and that relative that is already making you want to pull your hair out? Let them go. Your hair can’t take it. And all of that junk food you’re consuming? I still hit a drive-thru but these days, it’s more like a couple of times a month instead of during every lunch break.”
Baylah. 48.
“Get your legs waxed. All of that razor shaving can cause discoloration or leave razor marks that can make your skin look older over time. Plus, it creates ingrown hairs and something about those can make you look older too.”
Francesca. 45.
“Stop not taking sleep seriously. When you’re 25, you can go on four hours of sleep for days on end but it catches up to you. Sleep is what rejuvenates you and if you don’t get it, eventually you will look like it. I have dark circles that I’ve been trying to get rid of and a part of it is due to years of no sleep catching up to me. Whatever it is, it can wait until you’ve had at least seven hours. Don’t listen if you don’t want to. One day you will look in the mirror and wish that you did.”
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Queen. 43.
“I wish I had spent more time outdoors. It’s no secret that Black people have more of a vitamin D deficiency than anyone else but trying to pile up on supplements when you’re older is a lot. When you’re at restaurants, eat on the patio. Sit on your back deck to read a book. Go for a walk in the mornings. I’m dealing with some hair loss stuff right now and it’s partly because I need more vitamin D. And thinning hair makes you look older than you should.”
Raini. 47.
“Waist trainers are bad for you. I wish those damn things would go away. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get that a snatched waist can take a few years off. Hell, I know that I took mine for granted back in my 20s. Snack on bananas and berries. Do some cardio even if that’s power walking through the mall. Stop drinking cold stuff so much. It might sound like a mama’s tale, but drinking things at room temperature reduces bloating. There are other things that you can do to get the curves that you want without smashing your organs. Lord.”
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Ruth. 42.
“I wish I cared more about my damn arms. Nothing makes you look older quicker than your upper arms not being in good shape. Get some five-pound free weights and set aside 15 minutes. Dry brush those bad boys; it’ll keep dimples from showing up. Keep them extra moisturized, so that those annoying little bumps won’t show up. And use sunscreen. The sun doesn’t know if you’re Black or not. It comes for us too.”
Lina. 41.
“Have a professional care for your skin. There are a billion things that you can do at home but an aesthetician is trained to figure out what works best and what doesn’t. Facials, microdermabrasion, and chemical peels from time to time have all played a role in me starting to look younger. If I had taken preventative measures, it would’ve kept some money in my pocket because I wouldn’t be going quite as much as I do now.”
Payce. 49.
“I wish I had been more choosy about my sex partners so that I could’ve had wilder sex. Listen to Auntie here. There is some stuff that good sex will do for you and aging that no cosmetic can. Sweat out those toxins. Work out that core. Take in some of that sperm. Just do it with a man you can trust and you can be totally free with instead of these knuckleheads. Yeah, better mate selection is the beauty tip that I recommend — and stop acting like it’s a rite of passage to start this at 35. Get a good man now and sit down somewhere. So that you can lay down in peace. That’s what I’ve got for you.”
Pass the plate around for Payce, y’all. As far as beauty and maturity go, she just preached — to women of ALL ages! Amen? Amen.
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