My favorite memory of my father is him teaching me how to ride a bike.
I upgraded from my little red tricycle and was on my first big girl bicycle with training wheels on deck. He had taken them off that morning, and as we started off in the dirt driveway of our home in South Carolina, he held me up. His hand was securely fastened on the back of my seat as I pedaled. There, he kept me safe, preventing me from falling. He promised he wouldn't let go until I was ready. Because of how safe he made me feel, I felt brave enough to conquer the world. He gave me a running start and I did the rest, not even realizing he let go of me until I was halfway down the driveway, pedaling away without training wheels and without him.
That memory of my father, Lee, is a favorite of mine because it serves as a beautiful reminder of the man who helped create me, but also the man who raised me. How he'd always be sure to make sure that if I fell (which I would countless times), that he'd be there to catch me. As a child of divorce, not a lot of us get to say that our fathers are an active part of our lives. From childhood to adulthood, he has been there, an ever-constant figure, a father, a confidant and most importantly, a friend. To me, he is the epitome of black love and laid the foundation of the love I have for myself and the love I'd come to expect from anyone else.
As a product of a dope black father, it was important to me to highlight the ones out there doing the work and playing an active role in planting the seeds of their legacy. Here are 5 black fathers on fatherhood and the lessons that made them.
Deano
Deano pictured with his wife Chadeia and their daughter
Courtesy of Deano/@cutzbydb
Age: 29
Location: Wilmington, Delaware
Proud father of: a one-year-old daughter
What fatherhood means to him:
"It's not who taught me how to be a father as much as what taught me how to be a father - my experience not having a father is what showed me what kind of father I wanted to be. My experience being a father is still in its early stages but one of the most profound moments that exemplified fatherhood for me was the time my daughter wouldn't go to sleep and I stayed up with her until she fell asleep knowing I had to go to work early that morning; it was a sacrifice that I had to make. That's what being a father is - making sacrifices for the benefit of our children.
"I remember the day my daughter was born like it was yesterday - 11:56 AM. I saw her hair as she was coming out, that's when it became real for me and once I held her, I was instantly in love. Words could not express the feeling. It was euphoric.
"'Father' means to always protect, sacrifice for and love your child as if they are your greatest responsibility, because they are. I hope that my children can learn to always count on and trust in me so that we have a very strong bond. This year will only be my second Father's Day. The first happened just a week after my daughter was born."
Jon
Jon pictured with his son and his mom who was his "dad"
Courtesy of Jon
Age: 35
Location: Quebec, Canada
Proud father of three kids: a soon-to-be 17-year-old son, and two girls that will be 4 and 2 in July
What fatherhood means to him:
"My mom raised me and my brother by herself so I would have to say that she is the one who taught me how to be the man and the father I am today.
"I don't think as a child I felt that something was missing from my life because my father was not around, but I strongly believe that it drives how I am as a father today. Even if I'm working a lot and don't get the chance to be around my children as much as I would like to, I make sure to be there for them for every important moment of their life. Every free minute I have, I spend it with them. The day I became a father, I was so proud. I felt joy and excitement but I don't think that at that moment I realized what that really meant.
"My kids are the only human beings who taught me what pure love was. What I want for my children to learn with me, is to never give up. I want them to work hard to get where they want to be and to work harder when they fall, even if it is painful. I want them to believe like me that nothing is impossible even when everyone tells you so. If my kids associate the word "dad" with trust, protection, laughs and most importantly love, I will be an accomplished father."
Jamaal
Jamaal pictured above with his sons
Courtesy of Jamaal
Age: 35
Location: Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
Proud father of: three sons, an 11-year-old, a two-and-a-half-year-old, and a one-year-old
What fatherhood means to him:
"Growing up without a father figure, I've had several male role models in my life who played a hand in my development as a man and a father. I ran track most of my life, so many of them were my high school and club coaches. But my mother was the biggest influence in my life. She worked hard to provide for my brother and me, and to instill certain values in us. I carry that desire and responsibility to provide - in a variety of ways - into my role as a father.
"My father's absence actually pushes me to be a great father to my boys. I think that's the case with many men who grew up without a father. We want to give our children something we never had.
"There's a learning curve since I didn't have that example, but the desire to be great is what guides me. It's like playing a role without a script, but I'm getting better at improvising. There's nothing to prepare you to be a father. With my first son, I was about to graduate from college and pursue a professional track career. I had the big responsibility of taking care of a life outside of my own and essentially becoming a compass for him. And I didn't want to let him down.
"Fathers wear many different hats, but right now being a father to me means being a leader, provider and a wielder of my family's legacy. Building future men, husbands and fathers. I want my sons to be unapologetically themselves, regardless of how society labels them, and to have fun doing it."
Aijalon
Aijalon pictured with his sons
Courtesy of @phourthelook
Age: 35
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Proud father of: a 5-year-old son, a 3-year-old son, and a deceased son
What fatherhood means to him:
"Although my father lived in a different state than I did, he still played a role in my life. I was fortunate enough to be able to graft influences from other great men as well. I remember when I was little, although my mom and dad weren't together, my dad would still come by and he would read the Bible to my brother and I. We may not have understood it all at that time, but he was not only laying the foundation for what I believe and teach my children today, but also setting an example for me unconsciously, by trying to be there for us as a father.
"I remember the day I became a dad. It felt scary. In that moment, I became responsible for something so fragile. To me, 'Father' means 'Starter' because you are the beginning and the continuation of everything. A house or child can be strong because of you or weakened and broken because of your absence.
"Children don't really learn by rules as much as they learn from seeing what you do. Lead by example. I hope my children learn to be peaceful, stable, and God-fearing men."
John
John pictured above with his family
Courtesy of John Moran
Age: 51
Location: Decatur, Georgia
Proud father of: five children -- three boys: John (24) Jordan (22) Juwon (22) and two girls: Taylor (18) and Casey (16)
What fatherhood means to him:
"I've had many men in my life who contributed to my development as a father. My father had some particular issues so we didn't have the best relationship but when I was young I specifically said to myself that I would NOT act like my dad did. Having said that, I have to say by 'process of elimination', my father was the biggest influence. When I was about 10 or 11, and before our relationship soured, my father would take me to the park across the street from where we lived. Every weekend or so we would play ball, fly a kite or watch a softball game. I see the correlation between that and the fact most summers with my boys were spent in the backyard or at the park playing ball.
"My wife was busy working and in school and it was before the girls were born so it was just us running around and playing. Those moments with my dad and with my sons exemplify fatherhood to me.
"The day I first became a dad was both the scariest and proudest moment of my life. My wife was in labor and we were all huddled in the delivery room. The doctor informed us that the umbilical cord had wrapped itself around my son's neck. I was handed scrubs and told they would have to perform a c-section. I went into the restroom and cried like a baby (pun intended) out of fear for my wife and son and not knowing what to do and feeling completely helpless. By the time I had gotten myself together and put the scrubs on, I walked out and the doctor gleefully told me the situation had corrected itself (he explained with all kinds of technical terms but I wasn't listening) and my firstborn son come into this world with no medical issues.
"I went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in less than two hours. Looking back, I now fully understand this would be a microcosm of married and family life...
"The word 'father' is so damn complicated. All at once you have to be a rock, protector, nurturer, CEO, engineer, mechanic, foreman, negotiator, lover, listener, cook...and if you're lucky you only have to be one at a time. The greatest lesson I've learned about fatherhood is that no one has the magic solution to being the perfect father. You try as hard as you can and allow love to guide you. We screw it up sometimes, we get it right sometimes, but in the end it's the greatest and most fulfilling job in the world."
Follow John on Instagram. Also check out his podcast Grumpy Old Nerds on Facebook.
*Responses edited and condensed for clarity
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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