It's October. Trick-Or-Treat Sex, Anyone?
Hands down, sex is one of the greatest things that life has to offer. Anyone who's had some great sex before can 1000 percent vouch for that. And while the act itself is fantastically bar none, all on its own, if you've been with your partner for a while and/or you're someone who likes to be sexually spontaneous as much as possible, it can only help your bedroom (or wherever you prefer to have sex) experiences to be intentional about finding ways to make things feel exciting and new.
That's why, every time a new season rolls around, I try and find a way to give some sex tips that directly applies to it. This time last year, I wrote, "Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex". This year, since Halloween is one of the two main holidays that autumn has to offer, I thought I'd share a few ways to incorporate it into your sex life—whether you plan on going trick-or-treating this year or not.
1. Send Trick-or-Treat Texts Throughout the Day
Something that most men and women are able to agree on is sex isn't just about the meshing of bodies. It's also about connecting on a mental level. One way to flirt with your partner, in the hours leading into Halloween, is to send them some trick-or-treat texts; only, make sure they come with a bit of a twist. Customarily, Halloween tricks come in a form of some sort of mischief, so you can ask your partner a trivia question about your relationship or even about your sex life or particular turn-ons. Treats are traditionally given in the form of candy or money. So, if your partner gets the answer right, you can reward them with either or both.
For instance, you can shoot a text during their lunch hour asking them, "trick or treat?" If they say trick, respond with, "What's my favorite sex position?" If they get the answer right, let them know that they're favorite candy will be placed…on a very intimate part of their body, in order for you to lick off. If they get the answer wrong, they have to "treat you" instead.
2. Get Some Pumpkin-Scented Soy Candles
It's kind of hard to imagine Halloween without a pumpkin being around somewhere. Well, here's the thing about pumpkins as it specifically relates to sex—I've shared before that there are studies to support that when a man catches a whiff of the pumpkin scent (especially when it is mixed with lavender), he gets aroused 40 percent faster than other smells. So, why not turn off all the overhead lighting and light up some pumpkin-scented soy ("soy" because they burn longer and cleaner) candles?
If you want to create an authentic Halloween theme, you can even put the candles inside of a jack-o'-lantern or two. And if you really wanna set off the Halloween theme right, you can make some edible webs outta cotton candy too (click here or here for step-by-step instructions).
3. Also, Get Some Pumpkin (and Lavender) Essential Oil
If it's been a minute since you and/or your partner has had a nice and soothing massage, create your own massage oil by adding some pumpkin and lavender essential oil to a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado or jojoba oil. Put between 5-7 drops of each oil, per 1/3 cup of carrier oil, and zap the combo in your microwave for around 15-20 seconds. Things will be popping up, all over the place, the moment you apply the oil…if you know what I mean. #wink
4. Make Some Liquor-Filled Chocolates
What would Halloween be without bringing some chocolate into the mix? Not only does it taste great, but since it's a food that has phenylethylamine and serotonin in it, and since those are chemicals that are considered to be mood boosters and sexual stimulants, chocolate also makes the list of being an aphrodisiac; especially if it's dark chocolate.
This year, rather than just eating a Kit-Kat and calling it a day, surprise your partner by making some liquor-filled chocolate candies (you know, since alcohol is one way to totally turn up the dial on a lit sexual evening). While it might sound a little complex at first, after checking out a couple of recipes (here and here), you might find that this is something you'll wanna do year-round.
5. Serve Up a Lil’ Jekyll & Gin Glowing Cocktails
In sticking with the Halloween and alcohol theme, how about making a couple of Jekyll & Gin Glowing Cocktails? They're super easy to make. All you need is some gin, grenadine, lemon juice, lemon/lime soda and ice. What I like about this particular drink is, if you shine a black light on it, it'll literally glow in the dark. As far as where to find a blacklight, your local Walmart is one of the many places that carries them.
(By the way, the recipe calls for tonic water but that can actually tank a man's libido; swap it out with something like Sprite and you'll be all good. You can cop the recipe here).
6. Dress Up
Something that Halloween and people who have a healthy sexy life tend to have in common is fantasy is incorporated quite a bit. This Halloween, bring some newness into your boudoir by dressing up. It can be in a costume or it can be simply taking your lingerie game to a whole 'nother level. While you're at it, ask your partner about a fantasy they have that has yet to be fulfilled. You rolling up, as fine as you wanna be, with you both having a mutual desire to make a couple of sex fantasies come true, could easily turn Halloween into your favorite holiday of all-time!
7. Do Some Neck Biting (Well, Kinda)
When it comes to getting and keeping you and your partner in the mood, enough can't be said about foreplay. A part of being a foreplay master is making sure to hit the right spots which are oftentimes known as erogenous zones or pressure points. Well, a place that is especially sensitive is the neck. In fact, if you Google other articles on this particular topic, you're gonna be hard-pressed to not see the neck come up. It's sensitive. It's sexy. And it's one of the true hot spots for arousal for both men as well as women.
And since vampires are something that often come to mind during this particular holiday, don't just kiss the neck—do some light nibbling too. If you add a little bit of cinnamon oil to the area first, it will provide a warm tingle for your partner and a hint of spicy sweetness for you.
8. Go Apple Bobbing (Again…Well, Kinda)
Here's some of y'all's something new for the day, I'm sure. Did you know that apple bobbing (you know, when folks put their head into a bucket of water, in the attempts of getting an apple out) is tied to a female fertility ritual? Not only that but, on the sex tip, apple bobbing can be another way to refer to fellatio. Plus (get this), it can also be when a man inserts a piece of an apple out of a woman and tries to get it out with his mouth. While I'm all for folks having a true adventurous time, putting actual food into your vagina can be a bit risky (especially if you're unable to get it all out). However, a nice alternative is to get your hands on some apple-flavored lubricant that you and your partner can put on your genitalia. Consider it apple bobbing—with a twist.
9. Incorporate Favorite Candies into Foreplay
If you don't have a massage oil candle, why the heck not? There is something that is super sensual about dripping hot wax onto your partner and having them return the favor. For Halloween, rather than going with a candle, how about bringing some of your favorite candies, along with a lighter, into the mix? Whether it's a Starburst, a Snickers bar or (ugh, why Lord, why?!) some candy corn—it's a sweeter take on the massage candle theme. It'll open your eyes to enjoy candy in a totally erotic kind of way.
10. Surprise Your Partner in the Middle of the Night
Halloween is alright in the day, but it's not until after the sun sets that things really get mysterious…fun…interesting. Even if you and your partner go around before turning in at night, go for a surprise second round in the middle of the night. Whether it's full-on intercourse, a quickie or oral sex, it'll be the kind of treat that will make you both glad that you decided to put a sexual twist onto Halloween this year. No doubt about it. Happy Halloween, y'all. Enjoy it to the (sexual) fullest!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Megan Thee Stallion Shares Her Transformative Approach To Health And Wellness
Megan Thee Stallion is back and better than ever — both physically and mentally.
ForWomen’s Health May/June 2024 cover, the 29-year-old rapper bared all, opening up about her healing journey following the aftermath of the July 2020 shooting incident by rapper Tory Lanez.
“A lot of people didn’t treat me like I was human for a long time,” she told the publication. “I feel like everybody was always used to me being the fun and happy party girl. I watched people build me up, tear me down, and be confused about their expectations of me.”
She continued, “As a Black woman, as a darker Black woman, I also feel like people expect me to take the punches, take the beating, take the lashings, and handle it with grace. But I’m human.”
While the “Savage” artist exudes confidence through her stage presence and boisterous lyrics, behind the scenes, Megan was experiencing a silent battle with her mental health. “Before I went onstage, I would be crying half the time because I didn’t want to [perform], but I also didn’t want to upset my fans,” she says.
With pressures from the outside world piling up, Megan experienced “dark times,” that caused her to isolate from the public eye.
“I didn’t want to get [out] from under the covers,” she recalls. “I stayed in my room. I would not turn the lights on. I had blackout curtains. I didn’t want to see the sun. I knew I wasn’t myself. It took me a while to acknowledge that I was depressed. But once I started talking to a therapist, I was able to be truthful with myself.”
The “Wanna Be” rapper also details her current workout slip and diet that work hand in hand, giving her the mental clarity and stamina to perform at her highest level. For four to five days a week, Megan is locked in with one of her two trainers, Emory “Joc” Bernard and Tim Boutte doing a variety of workouts like Pilates, running up and down sand hills at the beach, or hitting the StairMaster or elliptical for upwards of 40 minutes.
Best known for her “Megan knees,” leg day is a must — with hip thrusts, goblet squats, leg extensions, and “stallion kicks,” being included in her circuits.
With a combination of therapy, stepping away from imbalanced relationships, and daily movement, the Houston Hottie has since been able to reconnect with herself on a deeper level; putting her happiness before the opinions of others. “Working on myself made me get into working out because I needed to focus my energy somewhere else,” she shares. “I used working out to escape and to get happy.”
“I’m in a space where I feel good mentally, so I want to look as good as I feel.”
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