I didn't want to say that I was having bad luck. That's not something I'd ever want to speak into existence over my life. But I will say something wasn't right. I had a few coins stacked in my purse from a one-time project as well as from an ongoing one. Then I received emails from not one but two publications within days apart asking me if I'd like to contribute a few articles every week. Opportunities and money were flowing in. If you follow the law of attraction, you'd say I was vibrating on a high frequency.
What exactly is this vibration, though? Well, according to Chopra.com, "a vibration is a state of being, the atmosphere or the energetic quality of a person, place, thought or thing." Our vibration can affect everything that happens around us or to us. It may sound all "woo-woo" and new-age but we often talk about manifestation or karma or a particular person giving off bad vibes and we do everything in our power to avoid them. Likewise, it could be a person having a good vibe and we want to constantly be in their presence. It's all energy and our intuition picks up on it.
Whether you're vibrating at a high or low frequency depends on the physical and emotional feelings that you're experiencing. Low frequencies are often associated with jealousy, resentment, anxiety, desperation, unfulfillment, confusion, extreme fatigue, and unforgiveness. High frequencies are associated with joy, happiness, love, self-awareness, self-discipline, self-love, inspiration, and constant gratitude.
We're never 100% on either end of the spectrum and we can shift from one end to the other. Sometimes that can be rather quick. I switched environments shortly after I secured the bag and those gigs. But apparently, my bag had a hole in it because my money evaporated and I hadn't even bought anything! The business owner with the ongoing project didn't need my services anymore. There was no issue; she just didn't have any upcoming events that required marketing collateral. Any subsequent projects I got came with drama. And the two publications? Well, I can't say it was my best writing. I'll just say I wrote something. Eventually, I stopped writing altogether. The inspiration simply wasn't there. That high frequency quickly short-circuited.
I have a horrible habit of adapting to my surroundings and a lot of times it's subconscious. It's my automatic mechanism for survival, fitting in, or blending in. Not only did I shift my mood and personality, but I also assumed the frequencies of those around me. My peace was replaced with worry and chaos. My joy became despair. My optimism turned to helplessness. I felt stuck with no signs of progress. And when I looked in the mirror, I no longer knew who was staring back at me.
I didn't rebound until I changed my environment again. Once that happened, money and opportunities quickly found their way back to me.
Ironically, one of the ways Chopra.com says you can raise your frequency is to surround yourself with uplifting people who speak positivity, not "I'm broke" or "I can't" or always seem to find something wrong. You also want to be in the company of those who believe in you and make you feel better about yourself. If you're around individuals who constantly create unnecessary drama, doubt your abilities, demean you or speak death over your goals and dreams, it definitely takes a toll on your mental state and it becomes inevitable that you'll begin to vibrate at a lower frequency.
Granted, moving on is a huge, costly step and trying to walk away from relationships may prove to be difficult, especially if they were long-term. But it's important to note that those people will naturally fall off anyway as you seek to raise your vibrations. Nevertheless, here are five quick ways to increase your frequency today.
Express gratitude.
Chopra.com says this is the easiest way to amp up your vibration. It's probably an activity we already do every day. If not, it's as simple as being thankful for life, that first sip of a chai latte, or a stunning sunrise. You can either recite your gratitude aloud daily or record it in a gratitude journal.
Declutter inside and out.
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Clutter is a telltale sign that you're operating on a low frequency. What's interesting about clutter is that a messy space of neglected mail, dusty knick-knacks, ish you don't use anymore, unwashed dishes and piles of dirty laundry strewn about is often indicative of something that's going on within. An article in Psychology Today refers to it as the "clutter effect", which further subjects our well-being to stress and life dissatisfaction. Cleaning up a bit can make us feel better, therefore, raising our vibrations.
Eat high-vibrational foods.
Food is "prana", or life force energy unless we're eating a lot of "dead energy" in the form of meat, fried foods, or processed foods. Prana-rich foods are high in nutrients and include raw and unprocessed items like locally-grown, organic fruits and vegetables. Consuming these foods brings our energy back into alignment.
Listen to high-vibrational music.
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Did you know that there are certain frequencies associated with music? And each hertz is supposed to heal a particular chakra and balance energy? You can do a quick search for Solfeggio frequencies wherever you stream your music or on YouTube. But I rotate between Lalah Delia's Energy Cleanse and Miracle Tones' Chakra Healing Frequencies Solfeggio playlists on Spotify.
Forgive.
Forgiveness is the answer to everything, huh? I added it to this list although it's not an act that everyone can immediately perform. But it's important to note that unforgiveness can hold us hostage on the wrong end of the frequency spectrum. In fact, blame is low energy according to the emotional guidance scale. The emotional guidance scale is a system that ranks 22 emotions according to an upward spiral (positive emotion) or downward spiral (negative). Blame ranks 15 on the downward side. If we can find it in ourselves to fully forgive, we can release ourselves of this lower energy.
While I'm a work-in-progress when it comes to forgiveness, I try to be aware of any negative thoughts and feelings that I may be harboring and actively do the work to clear them. But what I'm not going to do again is match energies because the last thing I want is to join forces with another outside influence only to block my own blessings and breakthroughs in the end.
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Originally published on August 23, 2020
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And honestly, I ain’t got no lies for you. The reason why this headline has “2.0” in it is because it was right around this time, three years ago, when I penned the piece “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.” Well, I think it’s been long enough to “upgrade” it a bit by providing you with 15 other fall-related ideas that could cause you to literally fall in love with fall as much as I have…and quite possibly renew your enthusiasm in the bedroom in the process.
Can you feel yourself getting excited? LOL.
1. Pumpkin. Lots ‘n Lots of Pumpkin.
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Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin lattes. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin cheesecake. Pumpkin deviled eggs. It should go without saying that if there is a signature food for this time of year, pumpkin would be it. So, if you’re someone who is big on aphrodisiac consumption, definitely add more pumpkin into your diet, even if it’s snacking on pumpkin seeds. Between the zinc that’s in it, which helps to boost your libido (and can even help with erectile dysfunction in men) and the fatty acids that help to keep sex hormones in balance, every time you enjoy some of your favorite pumpkin-flavored foods, you’ll be giving your sex life quite the boost.
2. DIY Some Cranberry Seed Massage Oil
Another fruit (because, yes, pumpkin is indeed a fruit) that is at its best during the autumn season is the cranberry. Although many of us don’t give it much thought beyond the cranberry sauce that sits on the table during Thanksgiving, its scent is actually pretty sensual when you use it in the form of a scented soy candle or if you decide to make some of your own massage oil.
In fact, if you purchase organic cranberry seed oil, it naturally comes with a subtle cranberry scent which means that you can give your man a lingam massage (check out “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage”) without worrying if the ingredients in the oil will irritate his penis in the process.
As far as how to make the oil, all you need is some cranberry seed oil, a favorite carrier oil (check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level”), and possibly a bit of honey (for flavoring’s sake) and you’re good to go; especially if you heat it up in the microwave for like 10 seconds before applying. Whew, chile.
3. Also, DIY Some Pear-Flavored Whipped Cream
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Another fruit that’s in season for fall is a pear. I like them, not just for how they taste, but because they symbolize things like abundance, femininity, fertility, and happy relationships — all of which are awesome things to think about when you’re sharing intimacy with your partner. That said, you know, there is nothing quite like bringing in a condiment or two during sex (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”), and so, if whipped cream is totally your thing, how about making some that is pear-flavored? I found a recipe that is super easy (so long as you have some xanthan gum around). You can check it out here.
4. Incorporate Some Vanilla Lubricant
Another popular scent for autumn is vanilla. As far as your sex life is concerned, science backs that the smell of it can increase sexual arousal and even improve sexual performance in some people. Since pretty much all of us know that sex is so much better when it’s wetter, it might also be a good idea to have some vanilla (especially vanilla-flavored) lubricant on tap. Hello Cake has a vanilla chai lube that is a fan favorite (you can get it here). I also peeped a TikTok post that features a DIY recipe for this kind of lube (here), although it needs to go on record that it’s not the kind that you would incorporate if you use condoms (because there’s oil in it). Just sayin’.
5. Make Some Maple Syrup-Flavored Lip Butter
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Is there anything better than a stack of homemade pancakes or French toast with some maple syrup on a cold weekend morning? Take the maple flavor up a notch by making some lip butter that tastes just like it. You know, I was recently talking to a group of guys about some of their underrated turn-ons, and one of them said that when a woman exfoliates her lips, he can always tell because they feel extra soft. Let that be a reminder that taking a couple of minutes out to apply a lip scrub ain’t never hurt nobody. Then, if you add some lip butter afterwards?
Girrrl…he’ll be all up in your mouth from sunset to sunrise! (No, I didn’t forget. The lip butter recipe is here.)
6. Add Some Lit Vines Around Your Bed
It’s kind of wild how much people underestimate the sensuality of good lighting when you’re trying to set the mood. Although candlelight is always a bomb option, if you want to think a little outside of the box, there are vines that you can purchase to put around your bed. I found some on Amazon (here) that can make you and your partner feel like y’all are in an enchanted forest or a log cabin somewhere — until you can actually get there. Plus, this kind of lighting can be sexy because it can cast shadows on your body without making you feel super self-conscious in the way that overhead lighting or a lamp (with a bright bulb) could.
7. Put Some Fairy Lights in Some Mason Jars
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As far as lighting goes, another option to consider is putting some fairy lights into a couple of mason jars. I find this option to be very romantic as well as seductive. Plus, if you’re looking to create a sexy night at the last minute, you can find the lights and the jars pretty easily and at a reasonable price. For instance, a quick Walmart run would have you covered, all the way around.
8. Apply Some Apple and/or Caramel-Scented Fabric Spray
When it comes to attraction, looks aren’t everything. Studies reveal that how someone smells can help you decide if you’re truly interested in them or not. Not only that, but scent can impact your mood and performance ability, and, I’ve shared before that people with smell sensitivities tend to get aroused more easily; some women who fall into that demographic are able to have more orgasms too.
For all of these reasons (and probably more), you definitely should pay attention to how things smell in your bedroom prior to copulating. Something that you can do to make your bedding smell delightful is to either find a fabric spray that smells like fall-themed things such as apples or even caramel. I even found one on Amazon that is a combination of the two (here). #yourewelcome
9. Create Some Fall-Themed Potpourri
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Do you want to keep some of the scents from your favorite summer flowers around for longer? Or maybe you want to avoid spending money on Air Wick and Glade Plug-Ins. Either way, something else to consider is making some of your own potpourri. I grew up with that in the house, and it really did make every room of the home smell divine. A YouTube Short that will walk you through how to make a fall-themed one is located right here.
10. Design a “Fallen Leaves with Love Notes” Hanging
While I was playing around on the internet a couple of days ago, I happened upon a page that was full of fall-centered arts and crafts. One that I liked, especially, was a hanging that had faux fall leaves on it (it’s #9 here). After looking at it, I thought, “Now, how sweet would it be to add some handwritten cards or Post-its that either express how someone feels about their partner or what they want to do to their partner?” You can even switch it up every couple of weeks to add some spontaneity. Just putting it on out there for you home décor (who also happen to be horny) folks.
11. Invest in Some Silk Sheets
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If you go to your favorite search engine and you put something along the lines of “silk and warmth,” you will see all kinds of articles that cosign on the fact that although silk is light and soft, it also is a temperature regulator that has the ability to keep you warm. So, as the temperature drops and you’re looking for some sheets that will feel good to the touch, don’t have as much “heat generating potential” as flannel, and can bring sensuality into your space, investing in some silk sheets is definitely the way to go.
12. Pick Up Some Fall-Themed Lingerie
If you’re getting new bras and panties (roughly) twice a year (because that is what you’re doing…right?), you should put in your budget to cop some new sexy lingerie while you’re at it. Basically, some new stuff for spring and summer and some new different stuff for fall and winter. Since Black women look AMAZING in jewel tones (which are big during the holiday season), knock yourself out — or even go with something that particularly caught my eye called “Fall Fire Lingerie” (here). Husbands are constantly telling me that when their wife puts on something that they haven’t seen before, it’s like Christmas all over again. So, why not ring in Christmas early this year, a few times? Real talk.
13. Hang Some Eucalyptus Vines on Your Showerhead
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Listen, the past couple of weeks, I know of several people who’ve gotten COVID; one had to be hospitalized. So, although I am a huge fan of shower sex (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”) and I absolutely think that bringing some greenery into the space is visually appealing, there is another reason why I’m making this suggestion.
Fresh eucalyptus has the ability to relieve congestion, suppress coughing, and make it easier to breathe. So, since the fall and winter seasons are the time of year when people tend to have more colds, be proactive and hang some of these vines from your showerhead. It looks great, it’s good for you, and it can help to keep both of you from passing unwanted germs back and forth.
14. Swap Out Your Light Bulbs for Something…with a Deeper Glow
Oh, here’s another lighting idea. So, what if you prefer to have sex when it’s pitch black and your partner would like a little bit of mood lighting? Colors like red and orange definitely fit in with autumn — and they also can be a real turn-on in the bedroom if you swap out your white bulbs for ones that are that color instead. They can also help you to relax when you’re all caught up in the afterglow of things too. #wink
15. Enjoy a Fall Fruit Aphrodisiac Cocktail
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Whether it’s red wine, whisky, or tequila — all of them can get you where you’re good to go. That’s why, it only seemed right to wrap this up by recommending that you make a cocktail out of a fruit that’s in season this fall, whether it’s apples, pears, figs, passionfruit, pomegranates or something else that tickles your, umm, fancy. A girlfriend of mine is a huge — and I mean, HUGE — fan of fig and honey cocktails (recipe here) and ginger pomegranate martinis (recipe here) as far as her libido goes. She’s got sex stories for days, so…I’d at least give it a shot (no pun intended).
LAWD. Who thought that fall could be this damn sexy, right? Enjoy, sis. ENJOY!
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