I didn't want to say that I was having bad luck. That's not something I'd ever want to speak into existence over my life. But I will say something wasn't right. I had a few coins stacked in my purse from a one-time project as well as from an ongoing one. Then I received emails from not one but two publications within days apart asking me if I'd like to contribute a few articles every week. Opportunities and money were flowing in. If you follow the law of attraction, you'd say I was vibrating on a high frequency.
What exactly is this vibration, though? Well, according to Chopra.com, "a vibration is a state of being, the atmosphere or the energetic quality of a person, place, thought or thing." Our vibration can affect everything that happens around us or to us. It may sound all "woo-woo" and new-age but we often talk about manifestation or karma or a particular person giving off bad vibes and we do everything in our power to avoid them. Likewise, it could be a person having a good vibe and we want to constantly be in their presence. It's all energy and our intuition picks up on it.
Whether you're vibrating at a high or low frequency depends on the physical and emotional feelings that you're experiencing. Low frequencies are often associated with jealousy, resentment, anxiety, desperation, unfulfillment, confusion, extreme fatigue, and unforgiveness. High frequencies are associated with joy, happiness, love, self-awareness, self-discipline, self-love, inspiration, and constant gratitude.
We're never 100% on either end of the spectrum and we can shift from one end to the other. Sometimes that can be rather quick. I switched environments shortly after I secured the bag and those gigs. But apparently, my bag had a hole in it because my money evaporated and I hadn't even bought anything! The business owner with the ongoing project didn't need my services anymore. There was no issue; she just didn't have any upcoming events that required marketing collateral. Any subsequent projects I got came with drama. And the two publications? Well, I can't say it was my best writing. I'll just say I wrote something. Eventually, I stopped writing altogether. The inspiration simply wasn't there. That high frequency quickly short-circuited.
I have a horrible habit of adapting to my surroundings and a lot of times it's subconscious. It's my automatic mechanism for survival, fitting in, or blending in. Not only did I shift my mood and personality, but I also assumed the frequencies of those around me. My peace was replaced with worry and chaos. My joy became despair. My optimism turned to helplessness. I felt stuck with no signs of progress. And when I looked in the mirror, I no longer knew who was staring back at me.
I didn't rebound until I changed my environment again. Once that happened, money and opportunities quickly found their way back to me.
Ironically, one of the ways Chopra.com says you can raise your frequency is to surround yourself with uplifting people who speak positivity, not "I'm broke" or "I can't" or always seem to find something wrong. You also want to be in the company of those who believe in you and make you feel better about yourself. If you're around individuals who constantly create unnecessary drama, doubt your abilities, demean you or speak death over your goals and dreams, it definitely takes a toll on your mental state and it becomes inevitable that you'll begin to vibrate at a lower frequency.
Granted, moving on is a huge, costly step and trying to walk away from relationships may prove to be difficult, especially if they were long-term. But it's important to note that those people will naturally fall off anyway as you seek to raise your vibrations. Nevertheless, here are five quick ways to increase your frequency today.
Express gratitude.
Chopra.com says this is the easiest way to amp up your vibration. It's probably an activity we already do every day. If not, it's as simple as being thankful for life, that first sip of a chai latte, or a stunning sunrise. You can either recite your gratitude aloud daily or record it in a gratitude journal.
Declutter inside and out.
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Clutter is a telltale sign that you're operating on a low frequency. What's interesting about clutter is that a messy space of neglected mail, dusty knick-knacks, ish you don't use anymore, unwashed dishes and piles of dirty laundry strewn about is often indicative of something that's going on within. An article in Psychology Today refers to it as the "clutter effect", which further subjects our well-being to stress and life dissatisfaction. Cleaning up a bit can make us feel better, therefore, raising our vibrations.
Eat high-vibrational foods.
Food is "prana", or life force energy unless we're eating a lot of "dead energy" in the form of meat, fried foods, or processed foods. Prana-rich foods are high in nutrients and include raw and unprocessed items like locally-grown, organic fruits and vegetables. Consuming these foods brings our energy back into alignment.
Listen to high-vibrational music.
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Did you know that there are certain frequencies associated with music? And each hertz is supposed to heal a particular chakra and balance energy? You can do a quick search for Solfeggio frequencies wherever you stream your music or on YouTube. But I rotate between Lalah Delia's Energy Cleanse and Miracle Tones' Chakra Healing Frequencies Solfeggio playlists on Spotify.
Forgive.
Forgiveness is the answer to everything, huh? I added it to this list although it's not an act that everyone can immediately perform. But it's important to note that unforgiveness can hold us hostage on the wrong end of the frequency spectrum. In fact, blame is low energy according to the emotional guidance scale. The emotional guidance scale is a system that ranks 22 emotions according to an upward spiral (positive emotion) or downward spiral (negative). Blame ranks 15 on the downward side. If we can find it in ourselves to fully forgive, we can release ourselves of this lower energy.
While I'm a work-in-progress when it comes to forgiveness, I try to be aware of any negative thoughts and feelings that I may be harboring and actively do the work to clear them. But what I'm not going to do again is match energies because the last thing I want is to join forces with another outside influence only to block my own blessings and breakthroughs in the end.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on August 23, 2020
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
