Y’all, there is one reason and one reason only why I decided to write about this. I mean, I do hair content fairly often, and so it tracks that I would tackle this topic at some point. However, my actual reason for pitching it is because if you happen to be a full-time naturalista like I am, when you’re trying to maintain your own hair’s curl texture and pattern, and you find yourself getting frustrated, it’s important to keep in mind that oftentimes you simply need to combat what oftentimes goes under the radar: FRIZZ.
Since summer is the time of year when the things that cause frizz to happen are very much in full effect, let’s dive into what causes frizzy hair, along with some super effective ways to combat it. That way, you can have fewer “bad hair days,” and you won’t have to rely on protective styles so much of the time (unless, of course, you want to).
What Causes the Annoyance of Frizz to Begin With?
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You know what’s a trip? Because I have finally mastered how to tame my own frizz, I get that a lot of times, whenever we, as Black women, get frustrated with our hair, we think it’s because of our coils when it’s really because frizz is jacking them up; once the frizzing is under control, suddenly all is right with the world.
How can I be so sure? It’s because of the fact that frizz is the reason why our hair cuticles end up not being smooth, and our hair strands end up looking all crazy while being hard to style. And what causes that drama to begin with? Humidity is definitely a top culprit; that’s because when there is moisture in the air, it can cause your cuticles to swell up (just for the record, washing your hair in super-hot water can lead to frizzing because it can cause humidity).
Know what else can cause frizz? Anything that dries out your hair, whether it’s heat styling tools, hair dye, or hair products that end up stripping your hair of the hydration that it needs. Why? Because your hair produces natural oils that help to keep your cuticles smooth, and when those oils are lost, that also can wreak some serious havoc on your cuticles and cause your hair to look frizzy instead of curly.
So, you know what this means, right? If you want to have less frizz and more of your natural curl definition, your hair needs more moisture, less heat, and as little hair manipulation (via styling) as possible. The following 10 things can help you out across the board.
1. Go with a Sulfate-Free Shampoo
Some people think that sulfate shampoo is the devil. I don’t. If you happen to be someone who uses a lot of product on your hair, at some point, you’re gonna need that type of hair cleansing product because it’s able to remove gunk from your tresses like nobody’s business. The key here is to not wash your hair with it all of the time because it really is a lot like detergent is to clothes. Also, definitely follow up with a deeply penetrating deep conditioner (to restore the moisture that was lost). You may also want to go without doing a protein treatment on the days when you use this type of shampoo.
Protein treatments are bomb; however, they tend to be “hard” on your hair enough without sulfates getting into the mix at the same time.
So yeah, outside of trying to clarify your hair, go with a shampoo that is sulfate-free. Something that I’m personally a big fan of is shampoo bars. Etsy has a lot of them that are made with all-natural ingredients. Just go to the site and put “shampoo bars” in the search field to see which ones will meet your hair (and scalp’s) personal needs.
2. Apply a Conditioning Hair Mask on Wash Days
Whenever I write hair articles for the platform, it’s rare when I don’t shout out the importance of deep conditioning; that’s because it’s one of the most effective ways to penetrate your hair shaft with lots of moisture that lasts longer than just a couple of days. What doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves is talking about hair masks.
Kind of look at them like how a mask works for your skin when you’re getting or giving yourself a facial — it’s an extra pampering step that can do your hair strands a ton of good. Hair masks can do everything from strengthening your hair and reducing damage to soften it and help to prevent frizz. Two other cool things about hair masks are they have a way of protecting your tresses from extreme weather conditions, and they can help to promote a healthier scalp as well.
There are plenty of hair mask options that you can buy. Or, if you’re someone who likes to go the DIY route, you can read up on some homemade recipes that you can try here, here, and here.
3. Use Your Fingers for Detangling/Styling As Much As Possible
When it comes to detangling or even styling your hair, be careful how much you comb and brush it. The main reason why is manipulating your locks too much can cause breakage and split ends, and that can cause your hair to frizz up. That’s why it’s always a good idea to use your hands during the detangling and styling process as much as possible. Oh, and when it comes to detangling, it’s imperative that you use a brush that was specifically designed to do just that. Check out The Strategist’s article, “This Kids’ Detangling Brush Cut My Hair Routine in Half,” for a few options to consider.
4. Dry Your Hair Gently
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If one of the things that you struggle with is having a pretty good curl definition when it comes to the middle and ends of your hair, yet not so much as far as your roots are concerned, a part of the reason may be due to how you dry your hair. For one thing, when you’re in the process of towel-drying your locks, the friction from a lot of them can definitely cause your hair frizzing. That’s why it’s always a wise move to go with a microfiber towel; it’s gentle on your hair, hella absorbent, and doesn’t require a lot of “cloth movement” in order for your hair to dry in a good amount of time.
Also, if you’re going to rock a blowout, always use a thermal protectant, go with a blow dryer that doesn’t tend to overheat, and try and let the blow dryer attachment (or your brush or comb) go with your hair’s cuticles in downward strokes (like what you see in this video here); that way, you’re not raising them unnecessarily.
5. Keep a Leave-In Conditioner Handy
Something that has definitely done wonders for my hair is applying a leave-in conditioner on my wash days and also to my ends (since they are the oldest parts of my hair) at night. Even though I do a deep conditioning practice every wash day, pretty much within about five days, my hair is out here looking for more moisture. Something that helps to replenish it is a leave-in conditioner.
I will apply it before my blowouts on my wash days (because I tend to blow out my hair and then keep it braided up to keep it stretched out until the next wash day), and then I will apply some to my ends about every other evening before bedtime. Yeah, definitely, if you want to keep your hair quenched and your ends from splitting, a leave-in conditioner is gonna help to make both of those things happen for you.
6. Try a Blend of Avocado and Sandalwood Oil for Dry Hair
While checking out a blog on things that cause hair to frizz up, something that was mentioned was electrostatic repulsion. Long story short, super dry hair apparently gives off a negative charge, and when the dry strands rub against each other, they can cause flyaways and what appears to look like a lot of frizz. Again, as someone whose hair can’t get enough moisture, I’m constantly on the quest to find things that will keep it hydrated, in part, to keep frizz from becoming an issue. One combo that works well is avocado oil and sandalwood oil.
Avocado oil is great for dry hair because it contains magnesium and biotin (to strengthen your hair), it has properties that will add sheen, it will help to define your curls, and it definitely reduces dryness (to your scalp included). Sandalwood is effective because not only does it help you to grow longer hair, but it also helps to keep your ends from drying out — and since, again, your ends are always going to be the oldest parts of your hair, that is definitely a win.
I like to mix two tablespoons of avocado with a few drops of sandalwood essential oil, heat it up, and apply it as a hot oil treatment on wash days from time to time. It's also pretty bomb if you want to use a small amount as a massage oil for your scalp; since avocado oil isn’t super greasy, you don’t have to worry a lot about residue or build-up.
7. Experiment with Moroccan Argan Oil to Smooth Your Cuticles
Argan oil is something that my hair has never really been able to gel very well with. I wish it did, though, because I am constantly seeing articles like Vogue’s “Why Argan Oil Is Considered 'The Liquid Gold' of Hair Care.” Aside from the fact that it’s loaded with vitamins D and E, argan oil contains anti-inflammatory properties and helps to treat dandruff and dry scalp (which aren’t the same thing; check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp;” deeply hydrates; helps to increase elasticity, and it also reduces the chances of your hair developing split ends and breaking off — all of which play a solid role in keeping hair frizz at bay.
8. Honey Can Seal Your Hair Shaft
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I grew up with honey always being in the house, so it’s not like I’m not a fan. Oh, but when I found out that it’s the one food that never expires, it got my respect on a whole ‘nother level, chile. When it comes to your hair, specifically, honey is awesome because it contains properties that promote hair growth, reduce breakage, deeply condition, gently yet effectively cleanse your scalp, and add shine to it, too. Since honey is also a humectant, if your hair is naturally dry, it can keep moisture in your hair longer so that you can keep the curl definition in your hair from frizzing up on you.
One of the best ways to get the most out of honey is to mix a tablespoon (or two) of it with a half-cup of carrier oil like jojoba (it’s a hair strengthener), sweet almond (it’s a moisturizer that won’t leave much build-up) or argan (it’s filled with antioxidants). Zap it in the microwave for 10-15 seconds, apply it to clean and damp hair for 20-30 minutes; then thoroughly rinse with warm water followed by cool water (to seal your cuticles). You should actually notice an immediate difference in the quality of how your hair both looks and feels if you do.
9. Don’t Be Afraid of Hair Serums
Something that I didn’t get into until far too late (in my opinion) is hair serums. Because they tend to be such a polarizing topic, I always thought that they would harden my already naturally dry hair too much to give them a shot. What I have learned is that the key to hair serum success is to take the “less is more” and/or “a little bit goes a long way” approach to them.
When you do that, hair serums can be pretty wonderful for your hair because they contain ingredients that help to boost shine and add definition and, thanks to the silicone that’s in a lot of them, serums are also able to smooth out your cuticles so that you experience less frizz. If you’d like to experiment a bit with hair serums, check out Byrdie’s “The 12 Best Hair Serums That Yield Transformative Results” to see if any of those are able to pique your interest.
10. Keep Those Ends Trimmed
Bad ends are ultimately gonna ruin your hair shaft (because when they split, they don’t stop, they just keep moving upwards). If that isn’t enough of a reason to keep them trimmed, when your ends aren’t even, that’s another reason why your hair may look like it’s frizzing up. Bottom line here — keep your ends trimmed. No one is saying that every six weeks is a cardinal rule.
Just make sure to check your ends on your wash days and, if you notice that they look straggly, feel rougher than the rest of your hair or you have some split ones, at the very least, dust them (check out “Your Ends Are How You Get Length. 10 Things They Desperately Need.” for more on that.). The health of your hair will thank you. Your hair goals will thank you. Frizz will hate you — and that’s a good thing. LOL.
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When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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