

Although I’m going to forever be the woman who thinks that ladies should never be ashamed of their age — because aging is a beautiful thing as well as a blessing — that doesn’t mean I think that we should be out here just letting ourselves go. The reality is, that we can tell the truth about our birthdays and still earn a ton of compliments about how good we look on each and every one of them when we are aware of the many ways to slow down the physical appearance of aging.
By factoring in things like eating healthy, drinking less alcohol, exercising, not using beauty products that contain harsh chemicals, and keeping stress down to a minimum, you are playing a significant role in keeping your skin (and hair) looking younger than it actually may be.
Today, to go along with those things, I’ve provided 12 other tips that can help slow down the aging process as far as how you look goes. The cool thing about all of them is they are all-natural, easy to implement, and have been proven to be effective.
1. Eat Some Broccoli and Cauliflower
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As I was doing a bit of research for this article, my 'something new' was learning thatthe Latin word cruciferae means “cross bearing;" apparently, it’s because many “mustard-related” veggies have four petals that resemble a cross (interesting). Ironically enough, if you want to keep your skin looking youthful and healthy, cruciferous vegetables can be its (pardon the pun) saving grace. Not only doveggies like broccoli, cauliflower, and arugula help to restore some of the immunity that declines as we get older, they can help tolower the risk of a breast cancer diagnosis.
Also, because they areloaded with vitamin C, the collagen that’s in that particular nutrient can help to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles too.
2. Consume More Fatty Acids
A simple explanation of fatty acids is they’re the kind of fats that are actually good for you, especially as far as your heart is concerned.The reason why your skin and hair like them so much is because they contain properties that help to protect them both from UV damage, they can keep your skin and hair hydrated and, when it comes to your hair, specifically, fatty acids are able to help to prevent hair loss (something that can become an issue as you get older).
Another cool thing about fatty acids is they have the ability to keep the surface layers of your skin looking smooth and even. One way to get fatty acids into your system is to take an omega supplement orfish oil supplement. Another option is to consume foods that are loaded with them. Some of those includesalmon, chia seeds,pasture-raised eggs, spinach and anchovies.
3. Create an Essential Oil Blend
Any time that I’m given the opportunity to shout out some type of essential oil, you can absolutely believe that I am going to do it. Today, since the focus is slowing down the appearance of aging,I’m going to share a few that can help you out in that department. One that I like a lot is rosemary oil. To me, it provides a radiant glow without a (super) oily residue. Beyond that, it also helps to fight off the kind of free radicals that can lead to cellular damage and make your skin look older than it actually is.
Sandalwood oil is another great option; that’s because it contains properties that can help to smooth out the appearance of fine lines. Another essential oil to consider is neroli; it’s been known to help with cell renewal (so that your skin loses more dead skin cells; frankincense can do this as well). Add one or all of these to a carrier oil (to dilute the potency in them), and you’ll have a great moisturizer to put on your skin before turning in at night.
4. Bathe in Milk
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Although I can’t tell you the last time that I drank a cup of milk (I’m more of an oat milk gal, myself), if there’s one thing that I will do, with the quickness, ishop into a tub that is filled with some dairy milk in it. Why? Well, between the vitamins A and D along with the lauric acid that’s in it,milk is awesome when it comes to gently exfoliating your skin, deeply moisturizing it, and reducing skin inflammation.
In fact, if you’ve been looking for a chemical-free type of skin cleanser, some skin experts say that washing your face in milk can be just as (if not more) effective than many popular skincare products. Oh, andwhile we’re on the topic, when it comes to your hair, milk can also reduce dryness, heal dandruff, and reduce split ends. Yep, cosmetically, milk totally has your back in a myriad of different ways.
5. DIY a Blend of Shea Butter and Aloe Vera
If you’ve ever looked at (eh hem) certain other folks and wondered why some of them look twice their age, a big part of it is because, if they’ve spent years in the sun and didn’t protect their skin in the process, the UV rays have damaged it.Photoaging is one term for it and it can lead to things like wrinkles, hyperpigmentation, and a loss of skin’s elasticity. And while it is indeed true that the extra melanin in our skin helps to slow down the aging process, never fall for the okey-doke that you don’t need sunscreen as well.
That said if you’d prefer an all-natural DIY alternative, mix some shea butter and pure organic aloe vera gel together. Not only willshea butter help to protect your skin from the damage that the sun can do, but it will also moisturize it and protect it from cellular damage; plus, it’s rich in vitamins A and E. As far asaloe vera gel goes, it will deeply hydrate your skin, work to prevent sun damage from happening in the first place and, if you happen to have eczema or psoriasis, it can reduce inflammation and irritation that spending time in the sun may trigger too.
6. Drink Some Black Tea
If you’re a tea drinker, the fact thatblack tea can help you to live longer (by reducing your risk for heart disease and a stroke), is already enough of a reason to drink it on a consistent basis. However, as far as slowing down the signs of aging goes, another dope thing about black tea is it contains antioxidants that canprotect your skin from sun damage from the inside out. Plus,the polyphenols in them (which are basically organic compounds) can help to slow down the development of fine lines and wrinkles, slow down the gene that slows down the production of collagen in your system and, black tea is good at strengthening your hair over time as well.
7. Watch Those Straws
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OK, so last year, Allure published an article entitled, “Is Your Stanley Tumbler Changing Your Face?” Guess what the answer was? Basically, yes. Not if you suck on a straw every once in a while, but if you’re doing it constantly, you are very much so on your way to having more fine lines around your mouth than you probably would like. Now, is there some type of a workaround? Apparently, there aresome anti-wrinkle straws that are making their way into the marketplace space; however,being intentional about not pursing your lips together so much and also making sure that the skin around the outside of your lips is well-moisturized at all times? Those hacks also can come in pretty handy.
8. Exfoliate Your Hands and Your Neck
This point, I’ve stated before. Y’all, even before I reached the age that it personally mattered, if there was one thing that irked me to no end, it was seeing a woman whose face looked one age while her neck looked another. SMDH. Listen, it doesn’t matter how much you try, and conceal your actual years on this planet if you’re overlooking the needs of your neck and hands while doing it. Why? Well, if two things are gonna “tell on you,” they would be it. That’s why, aside from (of course) washing and moisturizing those parts of your body, it’s also important that you exfoliate them too.
When it comes to your neck,some dermatologists recommend doing the exfoliation process with a product that contains alpha-hydroxy acid. Another option is to exfoliate your neck and hands with an all-natural body scrub that’s made from fruit (some recipes arehere); ones like strawberries contain a “grit” that can help to remove dead skin while the antioxidants in them will help to give your skin a healthy glow.
9. Scrub Your Scalp
A part of the reason why I wrote the article, “10 Things Your Scalp Has BEEN Waiting For You To Do,” for the platform is because if there’s one part of our body that tends to not get the kind of pampering and care that it deserves, it’s our scalp. And,as far as TLC goes, one thing that is an absolute must is exfoliation on wash days. Not only will it help to break up dandruff flakes and get rid of dry skin that may cause itchiness and irritation, but scalp exfoliation is alsogreat for your hair overall. For one thing, it helps to remove any build-up that could be clogging your hair follicles, and it helps to reduce stress so that your hair can grow healthy and strong (which is always a plus as you get older).
10. Apply Horsetail Plant Oil
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Speaking of hair,since it’s been reported that more than half of women over 50 will experience some level of at least semi-noticeable hair thinning or hair loss,in part due to the changes that come along with perimenopause and menopause, horsetail plant oil is something else that you might want to keep in your possession.The silicon and antioxidants in the oil will help to prevent hair thinning and the phenolic compounds in it will help to keep oxidative stress and damage at bay.
11. Deep Breathe
As far as your health is concerned, you may have already heard or read somewhere that deep breathing can help to reduce stress (and sincea lot of serious health issues are directly tied to stress, that’s a good thing to keep in mind).However, did you also know that since deep breathing can make you calmer, that can ultimately help your body to produce more collagen which, in turn, can help you to look youthful? Yep, by devoting just five minutes, twice a day, to deeply inhale and exhale, you can get anxiety off your back while alsobringing more oxygen to your skin, which helps with cell renewal and rejuvenation.
12. Sleep on Your Back
And finally, how do you sleep? Is it on your stomach? On your side? Or on your back? If the answer is “C,” even if you’re just doing it for comfort’s sake, you are actually benefitting your health on a few different levels.Sleeping on your back helps you to breathe better, can help to clear up sinus, headache, neck, and back tension; and, because your face is not rubbing against your pillow and sheets all night long, it just might reduce the chances of you experiencing breakouts too. Also, as far as aging goes, since moving around on your bedding can also create friction on your skin that can ultimately result in fine lines — well, that’s just one more reason to consider sleeping on your back, at least a couple of times a week.
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See, I told you. By just making a few minor adjustments to your lifestyle (and doing them consistently), you can be well on your way to being one age and looking another. Try these and tell me it ain’t so!
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- I've Got 10 Teas That Will Help You To Age (Even More) Gracefully ›
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Remember When Brandy Said 'Almost Doesn't Count'? Here's What That Means.
Listen, although I pride myself in knowing quite a bit of random information (I get it from my Daddy), if there is one thing that I really don’t play about (and could easily win a ton of money as a contestant in a trivia game), it’s 90s R&B. And when it comes to that topic, if there are three women who I will forever stand 10 toes down on when it comes to them having some of the best vocal arrangements ever, it’s Faith Evans (a fellow Gemini), Missy Elliott and Brandy. Don’t play…don’t ever freakin’ play about them.
When it comes to Brandy, specifically, there is a song title that I find myself saying in some of my sessions, far more often than I ever thought I would — almost doesn’t count.
Chile, that song is so brilliantly written that I once shouted it out in a podcast that I did with a dear friend of mine a few years back (you can check it out here if you want to): “I can't keep on loving you one foot outside the door/I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure/Can't keep on tryin' if you're looking for more/Than all that I could give you, than what you came here for.”
Won’t it preach? “Almost” when it comes to romantic dynamics? It’ll have you out here feeling like you’re in some straight-up purgatory because, when you’re not really sure where things stand with someone and/or things feel like a perpetual game of hot-and-cold, you never really know what you should do — and that can have you in a very uncomfortable mental limbo or feeling like you’re in some emotional version of the throwback game Twister.
Today, though, we’re going to discuss “almost doesn’t count” from a broader perspective. I want to explore what happens when you’re in ANY DYNAMIC where it feels like you’re in a state of almost — and what you should do about it if that is indeed the case.
I’ve added Brandy’s jam for you at the top of all of this. Feel free to play it as your background music as we finally figure out what to do with the “almost ish” that is (currently) in your life.
Almost. Revisited.
Y’all, I am so sick of people allowing social media to redefine words.
For instance, just because something didn’t work out with a guy, that doesn’t automatically make him a narcissist (check out “You Could Be Turning Into A Narcissist...And You Don't Even Know It,” “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?” and “3 Warning Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist”) and just because someone doesn’t “gel” with you, that doesn’t mean that they are toxic (check out “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life” and “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself”) — and while we’re here, just because you hear the same online opinion dozens of times a day, that doesn’t make it a fact. Google is our friend. Open up browsers to fact-check things. It’s a wise move and well worth your time.
Okay, so in order to build the foundation of this piece, let’s look at what almost means (even though I’m sure that you basically know):
Almost: very nearly; all but
Synonyms: approximately, essentially, most, relatively, practically, virtually, about
It is a very wise man who once said that “The worst lies are 99 percent true” — and that is what’s so wild about almost: It can be so close to being something that you will think that it is that thing…when it actually…isn’t. You can literally have close to 99 percent of everything that you needed, wanted or required and that missing one percent can still totally jack you up out here.
A good example? A condom. If you go to pretty much any health-related website, it will say something along the lines that — eh hem — when used perfectly, condoms are somewhere around 98 percent effective. And yet, while I do tend to roll my eyes whenever folks (in general) end up pregnant and shocked, all the while claiming to have used them (because I also know that only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms and even they don’t consistently), I am aware that there are some people who are being completely honest: they used them, each and every time, correctly, and still…a positive pregnancy test result. And that’s because condoms are ALMOST totally reliable. Not totally, though.
Or a white lie. Oh, those are the “best” and most damning ones because they have so much truth to them that the deceptive part is super subtle. Hmph. It makes me think of a rather young South Korean artist (in her 20s) by the name of Dahyun. She once said, “When you love someone, or when someone is special to you, there are situations where little white lies are necessary.” Yeah, that makes me think of a quote by an author named T.J. Klune; he once said, “I lied to you because I thought it’d be easier for you, but I was really just trying to make it easier for me” — and he’s exactly right.
One of the greatest lies anyone can tell is that they are lying to protect or help another individual. More times than not, it’s a form of cowardice, because people don’t want to deal with the accountability (or even possible fallout) from telling the truth. Proof of this is a white lie: enough truth to cleverly hide the deceptive or omitted part(s).
Yeah, that’s what can trip you up about being involved in things that are “almost” what you are looking for or expecting: they can be so close to being on the mark that you let your guard down to the point where they can actually end up catching you off guard in some pretty profound ways.
The Difference Between ALMOST and POTENTIAL
Before we go even deeper, I do think that it’s important to explain the difference between almost and potential because, although they might seem like the same thing, they actually aren’t.
Say that you are working at a company where there is plenty of room for growth and promotion; that is potential. Potential is about possibility and capability. Sure, it may not have happened yet; however, you see plenty of signs that it really could. Okay, but after working there for two years and running circles around many of your co-workers with your performance, you keep getting passed over for other positions — and that is when almost comes into play.
What has you trying so hard is the POTENTIAL of what could be. What has you disappointed is things keep ALMOST happening — almost yet nothing more.
Let’s do relationships. Personally, I think it is hella arrogant and a bit delusional to say, “I don’t date for potential.” Umm, everyone out here is potential-in-progress, so are you saying that you want people to grant enough patience to allow you to keep evolving and transforming when you won’t extend the same grace their way? Gimme a break. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone’s potential and wanting to have a front seat in their life in order to encourage and support it. The issue comes in when they keep “almost” getting there without ever actually hitting their goals — and the reason why that’s problematic is…what is keeping you stuck at “almost”?
Example. Say that you’ve been exclusively dating someone for 15 months. You get along well, your family members and friends like you together and you seem to have similar life values and ambitions. Thing is, you want to get married within the year and he says that he wants to have a certain amount of money saved up before jumping the broom. The POTENTIAL of you becoming his wife is if you notice that he really is stacking paper. You ALMOST marrying him is when you factor in all of the other stuff that I said and yet his money is still funny (because he’s misspending, not saving or he’s simply not prioritizing like he said that he would).
Do you see the difference between what potential and almost look like and why “almost” can be so much more mentally draining and emotionally dangerous? “Almost” can — and oftentimes will — have you wasting precious time because it can deceive you with a feeling of “someday.” And that’s because things are so close to becoming a reality and yet, they never end up coming into full fruition.
And that, my friend, is why Brandy’s song is right on the money — at the end of the day, “almost doesn’t count” because, if you keep experiencing “most” or “practically” or “very nearly” of something or even someone and yet what is required for that something to actually become all of what you desire never manifests…what that ultimately boils down to is it — whatever “it” is — is really not much of anything at all.
It’s basically like what a playwright by the name of Nikita Gill once penned: “The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word 'almost'. He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. He almost lived. They almost made it.” It’s like…if it almost happened yet didn’t…why does the almost really even matter (much)?
At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, other than (hopefully) the lessons learned…it…doesn’t.
Someone Who “Almosts” You? That Is a Conscious Decision.
And here’s the wild thing about the person who “almosts” you — nine times out of 10, they know exactly what they are doing. The boss who almost promotes you and yet doesn’t…over and over again? You think they don’t have a self-serving strategy (or is it stratagem?) in that? The boyfriend who almost proposes (tells you that he wants to marry you while months to years later, he doesn’t do anything to prove that) and yet never does? You think he’s not aware of what’s going on? Oh, take it from me — the “almost folks” like being that way.
Why? I mean, think about it: If you are giving someone just enough for you to get what you need out of them without giving them all of what they want in the process, why not keep them in the cycle of “almost”? Let’s circle back to Brandy’s chorus to further illustrate the point:
I can't keep on loving you one foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin' if you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you, than what you came here for
Look at what she was doing: she kept on trying while he kept on hesitating. And what this basically means is she was mistaking almost for potential. And you know what? He was letting her because he was benefitting from all of her trying and, although she was getting something in return (maybe even 99 percent of what she was looking for), his hesitation was causing her to see that something isn’t everything…and everything is what she deserved — and still, he chose not to do that.
HE CHOSE NOT TO DO THAT. He chose to remain in the relational purgatory of “almost” because he didn’t want to be “all in.” He was right where he wanted to be and if that kept her uncomfortable…so be it.
See how ugly, self-serving and manipulative “almost” can be?
Do you see why we need to stop romanticizing it because it really shouldn’t count?
What Should the Shelf Life of Almost Be?
So, final question with this: When it comes to the “almost” areas of your life, how long should you allow them to last? Honestly, I think the answer to that lies in the definitions of the word “almost.” You see, the reason why most of us even notice that we have an “almost situation” going on is because there is a need (sometimes a want) that is going unmet to the point where we aren’t satisfied. And since one definition of almost is “all but” — what is the ALL and then what is the BUT?
Once you figure that out, it’s time to address the “but” part with the individual who isn’t providing it — and honestly, not just their response (words) but their reaction (actions) will let you know what the shelf life of the almost needs to be.
Case in point: When it comes to some of the couples who I work with, sometimes one of the partners goes through a significant change and they want their spouse to quickly adapt to that fact. Usually, the change within wasn’t instantaneous, and so, I share that it’s unfair to expect that to happen immediately; usually, a fair amount of time should be allotted. The relationship is ALL good in every area BUT where the evolution is transpiring. If the spouse’s response is, “Give me a minute to get used to this new you,” the partner should. The spouse is almost where they can accept matters. They just need a bit more time for the almost to turn into “I’m good now.”
However…say that you have a friend who you like and enjoy just about everything about them. The challenge is the fact that they want you to be on-call for their issues and gripes and yet, whenever you need them to do the same thing for you, they are more unavailable than not. Not only that but, whenever you bring it up, although they acknowledge your point, time and time again, nothing ever changes; you still pick up their calls at 11 p.m. while you are still leaving voicemails when you reach out their way. If that is indeed the case, that makes me think of an Instagram post that I recently watched that is underneath this last point. In it, the content creator says, “It’s so important to know where people go. Your feelings will be less hurt.”
And along these same lines, it’s important to know an “almost” when you see it. Isn’t it interesting that one definition of almost is “all but” and to that, I think most of us have heard that whenever you use “but” in a sentence, it negates pretty much everything that you said before it. Chile, if someone is doing all BUT and the BUT is a really big deal to you…does the “all” really “scratch your itches” like you need them to? And again, if they are refusing the “but” (and the “but” is realistic, by the way), isn’t that saying a lot about how they see you and y’all’s dynamic? I would certainly think so.
So, how long should the shelf life of an almost be? Long enough to articulate your needs, for the person to hear them, and then make adjustments. If no adjustments are made…almost is probably where things are going to remain — what you choose to do about that is on YOU not THEM. How long you take speaks to how much you value…yourself.
All this from the word “almost”? Yep. You can thank Brandy for that. LOL.
You deserve to get and have what you need. If you’re almost getting it, remember what Brandy said: When it’s all said and done, sis…almost doesn’t count.
A white lie will tell you it does.
The truth has just revealed — otherwise.
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