

Damn time flies. It was about this time last year when I wrote "10 Things You Should DEFINITELY Know About Condoms" for the site. Well, now I'm back and it's pretty much due to two convos I recently had with two male friends of mine. One just had a pregnancy scare with a sex partner. The other is a guy with herpes who, although he tells his partners that he has it beforehand, he goes without wearing a condom more times than not — and his partners are fine with it. What the hell, y'all?
Both discussions inspired me to check certain data to see if anything had changed when it comes to men and condom use, in general. Nope. That said, did you know that only around one-third of people actually put a rubber on during sex? Have mercy. Even with all of these STI/STDs (reportedly, 1 in 5 Americans have one) and the fact that a lot of people (including my friend who had the scare) profess they are not ready for kids (or they don't want any at all), folks are still raw-dogging it. And a top reason continues to be, "I don't like how condoms feel."
So, in the effort to get more folks (including my friends because I am going to forward this to them) to wrap it up more often, here are a few hacks that are proven to make condom use a much more pleasurable experience than simply buying one at Walgreens or CVS and just putting it on.
1. Get Out of Drugstores
Say that you only bought your clothes at Target. Not that there's anything wrong with that particular store but man — when you actually explore department stores, boutiques and fashion websites, it's like it's a whole new world out here, right? Same thing goes for condoms. A part of the reason why a lot of people don't like them very much is because they only really think about them the day they plan on gettin' some which means that they've got to rush to some drugstore (or gas station) up the street to pick something up real quick.
Listen, not all condoms are made the same and to say that there are levels in quality is a major understatement! One of the keys to enjoying condoms more is to purchase them from a place that has a wide variety. A cool online shop is Condoms Undercover. The options are vast. The prices are good. And it ships to you confidentially. Awesome.
2. The Thinner, The Better
As a marriage life coach and a doula, I find myself talking about birth control options quite a bit. Because some of the couples I work with would prefer to avoid the hormones that come with a lot of birth control options, some wear condoms. While the mere thought of that can suck when you're in an exclusive long-term relationship, what several husbands have been able to personally vouch for is the fact that the technology of condoms are continuing to evolve and there are some thinner ones that make protected sex a lot more bearable — pleasurable even.
So, be intentional about finding ones that are as thin (and yet still effective) as possible; the kind that seem almost like a second skin. One that gets a lot of praise in this department is Kimono MicroThin Condoms. As far as thin latex condoms go, they are some of the most popular ones on the market.
3. Make Sure He Wears One That Actually Fits
While going raw (not wearing a rubber) would usually be preferred by both the giver and receiver (because, I mean, come on), whether they realize it or not, a big part of the reason why a lot of men don't enjoy condoms is because they don't fit well. And that's because it seems like every man in the world thinks he needs a Magnum…when that absolutely is not the case. There's no telling how many times I've said that most penises are around 5-5.5" erect. This means that a lot of men can go without a rubber that comes in an extra-large. Anyway, as far as general sizes go, condoms tend to be classified as snug, standard, large or XL.
For your partner to know what will work for him, he should measure his penis when it is erect and go from there. For tips on how to do that, so that condoms can end up being a comfy fit, check out Medical News Today's article "How to Find the Right Condom Size".
4. Nix the Spermicide
Although some people are allergic to latex itself (if that's you or your partner, there are latex-free options), oftentimes, when it comes to discomfort, the bigger culprit is the spermicide that's inside of many of them. While spermicide is pretty effective when it comes to killing sperm, it can also irritate genitalia if you're not careful. That's why you should probably go with a condom that doesn't have any spermicide in/on it. Will that make it less effective? So long as your partner puts the condom on correctly and it remains on during intercourse, most health professionals agree that you should be just fine. Besides, a lot of brands don't even use spermicide anymore. #themoreyouknow
5. Put Some Lube Inside of It
Hey, the wetter, the better…right? I'm pretty sure that's a point that isn't up for debate. It's also a reason why some people give the thumbs down when it comes to condom use because, even if you give off a sensation of wetness, since there is a condom on your partner, it's not like he can feel it feel it.
One way to work around this lil' bit of frustration is to put some lubrication inside of the condom itself, even if you're planning on using a pre-lubricated one. If your partner puts some on the tip of his penis before putting the condom on or within the tip of the condom before unrolling it, that can help to provide a more intense sensation. Water or silicone-based is fine.
Prevention's got a list of some of the best water-based lubes here. My Toy for Joy has a list of some of the best silicone ones here.
6. Get One with “Bumps” on It
You don't even have to tell me. The thought of anything sexually related having "bumps" on it doesn't seem very appealing. However, it did make you look and the reality is a lot of textured condoms have exactly that — raised dots on them. And why should you consider going with those if you haven't before? It's because they have a way of creating extra friction (in the best way possible) which ultimately creates more intense orgasms for you. No one is saying that you have to use these. Still, if you've never given them a shot before, there's no time like the present to knock something else off of your "never have I ever" list. Right?
7. Put It on Orally
If your partner hates wearing a condom with everything in him, even if he knows that it really is a very responsible thing to do, warm him up to the idea by opting to put the condom on for him — with your mouth. It's sexy. It's seductive. And, if you apply the following tip that I'm about to make, it could actually cause you to become a really big fan of condoms. At least when it comes to oral activity.
8. Have You Tried the Flavored Kind?
It really does trip me out how, some people will be quick to say that they use condoms for intercourse but then will turn around and say that they never use 'em when it comes to oral sex. What in the world? Pretty much any STI/STD that can be transmitted during intercourse can also be passed on during fellatio and/or cunnilingus too. That's why you should definitely make sure that you and your partner are tested before ANY kind of sexual activity goes down. Oh, and if you want to be extra safe, you should use condoms during oral sex as well.
Listen, I'll be the first one to say that back in my "oral fulfillment days", I wasn't the biggest condom-user; especially when it came to head. Part of the reason was because I loathe the way that regular condoms taste (kinda like a rubber tire from the way it smells alone). Yet I wasn't really on to flavored condoms either.
I've tasted a few, so that I can give my honest opinion for pieces like this (and to prepare for when I return to them). And while they aren't exactly a hot fudge sundae, what I will say is they can make oral safe sex way more enjoyable for you and your partner. For you because they taste pretty good and him because, the more you enjoy giving fellatio, the more he will enjoy receiving it. Sex Toy Helper is a site that can point you in the direction of some of the best flavored rubbers on the market right now. Read about it right here.
9. Close Your Legs (Kinda)
Remember how I said that textured condoms can provide a good kind of friction feeling? So can keeping your legs somewhat closed when you're having sex. I mean, of course they can't be kept all the way closed. But if you're on top and you put your legs inside of his (rather than traditionally kneeling outside of them) or you put both of your legs over his shoulder while he's penetrating you, these are the kinds of sexual positions that can also take the sensation up a few notches when he's got a condom on (especially if the lube trick that I talked about earlier is added).
10. Think Positive
If you go in saying something along the lines of "I hate condoms", there's not too much wiggle room to change your mind, hacks or not. Listen, again, having sex without a rubber feels better (especially for the guys). Still, when you think about the fact that it can prevent you from getting sick or having a baby when you don't want one, how can you not have a little bit of love for it? The right one. The right hacks. The right position. The right partner. This combo can make condom-wearing (and feeling) better than you think. Just try the hacks and see.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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From Teen Pilot To Aviation Leader: Beth Powell Talks Career Journey And Making History
Captain Beth Powell, aviation leader and founder of Queen B Production, a company dedicated to empowering diverse voices through meaningful storytelling, is an innovative entrepreneur with a deep commitment to philanthropy and inspiring future generations. This commitment started as a teen in St. Ann, Jamaica during her first flight in the cockpit. “I felt that rush of being able to do something amazing," she shared. “So many people want to get into the path of aviation and they don't really know how. So I sat down—as my own daughter is going through the process—and I'm writing a blueprint for her and for the world.”
Now, with more than 20 years of experience in professional aviation, starting with American Eagle Airlines and then on to becoming a captain at American Airlines, she has continued to pay it forward. In 2022, she made history as the first commercial airline captain to lead an all-Black, women-led flight crew. She has also written a biography on Bessie Coleman, the first African-American and Native-American woman to earn a pilot’s license, and produced and directed, Discovering Bessie Coleman, working alongside the family to get the project completed. Add to that her role as a founder of consulting firm LadyAv8rBeth, which offers a guide of pathways into aviation, and as a podcast host covering all things aviation.
For Women’s History Month, xoNecole caught up with the busy pilot, in between flights, to talk about her career journey, her role in a Bessie Coleman documentary and book, how she balances self-care and safety, and how other Black women can add to the aviation legacy:
xoNecole: You’ve built an successful career in aviation. And you were only 15 and already had your first flight. Were you afraid at all, or did it feel like second nature to you?
Beth Powell: It felt completely natural. There was no fear, just excitement and curiosity.
Now, it’s what they call STEM, and my teacher at the time thought that I was really good at numbers. He recommended three career paths, and I tried the first one.
I didn't understand why it made sense back then at 15, but as I grew up and met other pilots, I recognized that the reason I liked math and physics was that we were technical learners. So we like to break things apart and put them back together. We like to check procedures. We like to write manuals. We were technical artists.
xoN: That’s such an important message. Many young women and girls are often discouraged from pursuing careers in STEM or aviation, so it’s incredible to hear your story. Now, fast forward a bit—how did you transition into your corporate career with larger airlines?
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BP: After that first discovery flight, I quickly finished my high school classes and graduated at 16. By 17, I had earned my private pilot’s license, and by 18, my commercial license. Then, I moved to the U.S. to attend flight school in Florida. While working on my degree in professional aeronautics, I began working for American Eagle Airlines at just 21. Over the years, I’ve built my career and have now spent 25 years in the airline industry, including 14 years at American Eagle and 11 years at American Airlines. In terms of leadership, being a captain is key.
As a captain, I’m responsible for the aircraft, the crew, and the passengers. It’s a huge responsibility, and you learn a lot about leadership when you’re in charge of so much.
Being a captain definitely teaches you leadership. You’re in charge of every aspect of the flight from the moment you sign in to the moment you sign out. From overseeing the crew to managing the safety and well-being of passengers, you have to make quick decisions and take responsibility. Even when you’re starting out as a first officer, you’re learning vital leadership skills that prepare you for the captain role.
xoN: There's a lot going on with airlines right now that might make someone feel afraid in terms of some of the tragedies that have recently happened. How do you sustain your self-care balance and your resilience in the aviation industry when those sorts of things happen?
BP: I truly believe that aviation is still the safest and the No. 1 safest means of transportation. I say that proudly. For any airline, any pilot, any air traffic controller—anyone who works in the industry—safety is our number one priority. However, of course, we see things happening in the news, and it is concerning to passengers.
What I'm telling everybody to do right now, including myself, is that it's very important to have your source of strength. I'm a Christian, and one of my sources of strength is prayers. I go deep within my prayers every morning, and I pray to God, giving things that I can't control to him, and the rest— I can do my best to deal with.
No. 2 is meditation on the Deepak Chopra app. Ever since COVID happened, that was the first time I thought that I needed something more than just my prayers to help me go through to calm down the noise around me.
And last but not least, I'm really big on self-development. I read, I read, and I read. If your foundation is strong, you have something to build from. And so, when I read, I learn a lot about myself. I learn about what triggers me and when something triggers me. I literally hear the Kendrick Lamar song, "TV Off" in my head, because sometimes you need to shut the noise off.
xoN: That's amazing—the combination of faith and just being excellent at what you do. Now, how did you get involved with the Bessie Coleman project?
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BP: I sit on the board of advisers for an organization called Sisters of the Skies, and was at a gala celebrating with all our Black women of our achievements. At the end of the night, Dr. Sheila Chamberlain walked up to me. She was the first Black woman U.S. combat intelligence aviator in the Army. So, if she's walking up to me, it's very serious. She said, ‘I have a favor to ask.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ I did not hear what the favor was. I didn't know what she was going to ask me, but somebody like that walking up to you saying, ‘a favor’? The answer is yes.
She told me [the project involved] helping the Bessie Coleman family elevate the story. ‘I'd like you to ask your company if they will do a flight in honor of Bessie Coleman.’ I went to the different departments at American Airlines, and the rest was literally history. We did that flight on August 8, 2022, and it became a historical flight because everyone on that flight, from the ground up, was a Black woman.
Gigi Coleman, Bessie’s grand-niece, was also on that flight. We started chatting at the end of the flight. Another night, we were hanging out—Sheila, Gigi, and I—and she kept telling me she wanted to write a book, that she wished there was a movie, and that people approached her about it. Nothing had been done as yet. And I thought, sounds like another mission.
I literally took it on. We do have a documentary with the family sharing their perspective of who Bessie Coleman is. And we do have a book called Queen of the Skies.
xoN: For the young women who are looking for career paths in aviation, what are some skills they need to thrive?
BP: While you don't necessarily have to love math to be a pilot, technical knowledge is important. You’ll need to understand aircraft systems and aerodynamics. This includes weather patterns and instrument training. It might seem daunting at first, but the great thing about flight training is that it builds on itself. The more you learn, the more it all clicks. Also, aviation is constantly changing, and you need to be adaptable.
It’s a field where you need to be ready for anything, from unexpected weather to technical issues. Being open to learning new things and adjusting to change is crucial.
My daughter, who has her private pilot’s license, once said, “This journey is both challenging and rewarding. I feel like I’ve grown so much since starting.” It’s important to keep going, even when it gets tough.
To help others, I’m outlining how they can go from “zero to hero” as a pilot. I offer this information freely on my Instagram account, and it’s something I’m passionate about sharing. I want everyone to have access to the resources they need to follow their dreams.
For more information on Beth Powell, the Bessie Coleman documentary, and aviation career resources, visit LadyAv8rBeth.com.
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