Not sure what sex education looked like in your high school but it for sure wasn't the ol' banana on a condom tutorial for me. It's disappointing because it was by far the thing I looked most forward to doing in sex education, that and carrying those damn egg babies around in an odd attempt at simulating parenthood. Even with my mom gifting me a golden compact mirror for my 16th birthday, inscribed with "Just in Case", and a secret compartment with a Lifestyle condom neatly tucked into it, she wasn't about to show me how to use it. Yet, the knowledge piece is just as important. Arguably more important to know is how to put a condom on.
And based on most of the women I texted, and asked, "How do you put on a condom," it's clear that the knowledge is lacking or I have too many coupled friends, and thus they see no purpose. Nevertheless, it was an eye-opener that even if we wanted to initiate condom use, so many of us know nothing beyond "pinch the tip and roll it down." Moving forward, all you need to know is L.I.P.S.T.I.C.K.
In this instance, when learning how to put on a condom--at least an external condom--you want to remember the acronym L.I.P.S.T.I.C.K!
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Now, here's how to put on a condom step-by-step, or L.I.P.S.T.I.C.K.:
Look at the expiration date. Yes, condoms expire and while they have an pretty long shelf life, you'll still want to double-check.
Inspect the condom for holes, air bubbles, and then open it.
Pinch the tip and place the condom on with the pinched tip facing up. If your partner is uncircumcised, you will need to pull the foreskin back, first.
Slide the condom to the base of the penis. This ensures that you've covered as much skin as possible since some sexually transmitted infections are transmitted from skin-to-skin contact rather than the exchange of fluids.
Time for some fun. Aeeoowww.
Isolate the shaft of the penis by holding the condom in place while pulling it out. It's more effective if you manage to do this before your partner starts to lose their erection.
Carefully remove condom and properly dispose of it in trash, not the toilet.
Keep these steps in mind!
Putting condoms on doesn't have to be awkward and take us out of the moment. As you become more experienced at putting the condom on, you can take this task on from your partner and add some sensuality to it make the act far more seamless.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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