The first time another woman flirted with me, I missed all of the cues. She was batting her eyelashes, complimenting my fragrance, and leaning in close. I thought she just wanted to make sure I heard her over the loud music of the club we were at. Looking back now, with more time and experience, I realize she was full-on flirting with me, and I had no idea how to flirt with girls as a girl.
What Makes Flirting With Women Different
Flirting can be a fun and exciting way to show interest in someone, but when it comes to flirting with other women, many of us find ourselves feeling uncertain. Is it like flirting with men? Yes—and no. While the fundamentals of flirting remain the same, nuances specific to queer relationships often add layers of complexity. If you're a bisexual, bi-curious, or queer woman looking to flirt with other women but feel unsure about where to start, this guide is for you.
Understanding the Flirting Dynamic
First, let’s acknowledge the struggle. For many women, flirting with another woman can feel awkward or even intimidating. There’s often an underlying societal pressure to “prove” one’s queerness, which can manifest as anxiety around making sure you’re coming across as genuinely interested—especially when navigating the tricky territory of interpreting another woman’s signals. Is she queer? Is she even attracted to women? This uncertainty can create an extra layer of tension.
As Irma Garcia, a certified sex educator, explains, “One common challenge queer women face when flirting with other women is that their advances are often mistaken for friendliness. This can create confusion, especially in femme-to-femme dynamics, where traditional markers of flirting overlap with how femmes generally interact—warm, playful, and supportive.” It can be hard to convey flirtation between women, but confidence begins with this mindset shift.
The key to overcoming awkward feelings or misunderstandings is stepping boldly into your identity. Be prepared for some pushback or rejection. But remember, you’re attracted to women, and that attraction is valid.
Eye Contact: Your First Flirty Move
Flirting 101: Confidence Starts with Eye Contact
So let's talk practical advice, shall we? The most subtle, yet impactful, form of flirting starts with eye contact. When flirting with other women, eye contact is your first tool in breaking the ice. It’s a silent, non-verbal way of showing interest, and it can communicate attraction without saying a word.
“Maintaining eye contact signals engagement,” Irma advises. “But the trick is finding that sweet spot where it’s not too intense. Eye contact combined with a smile invites the other person into your world in a flirty, approachable way.”
Eye contact and a genuine smile act as a non-verbal invitation, showing the other woman that you’re open and interested.
Here’s how to do it: Hold her gaze for a few seconds longer than usual and smile in a way that feels comfortable. Look at her lips, cheeks, and chin, and then back up at her eyes. Remember to listen. (It will show on your face if your mind isn’t on what she is saying.) Stay present and remember not every glance needs to be intense; subtlety can go a long way in creating a flirtatious atmosphere.
The Power of Thoughtful Compliments
Compliments Are Your Best Friend
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Once eye contact has been established, the next step is leveling up the flirtation with a well-placed compliment. Specific, thoughtful compliments can make someone feel seen and appreciated. Instead of going for something generic like “You look nice,” try focusing on a unique aspect of her style or personality. Complimenting her laugh, her fashion sense, or even her energy can show her that you’re paying attention.
“Compliments are beautiful gifts,” says Irma. “Complimenting someone’s personality or the essence of who they are as a person feels more meaningful than surface-level flattery. It’s about being an active listener and making sure your compliments reflect the person’s true self.”
Be sincere. A specific compliment feels personal, and it’s more likely to stand out.
Avoid comments that feel rehearsed or overly familiar, and focus on what genuinely stands out to you about the person. A well-thought-out and genuine compliment will pay off big time!
When (And How) To Introduce Physical Touch
Building Connection Through Touch
Introducing physical touch into the flirting equation can deepen the connection, but it needs to be done with care and sensitivity. Touch is a powerful tool for creating intimacy, but knowing when and how to incorporate it is key.
“Consent is just as crucial in queer dynamics as in any other,” says Irma. “If you’re ever uncertain, simply ask! Phrases like, ‘Is it okay if I hug you?’ or ‘Can I hold your hand?’ show respect for boundaries without breaking the flirtatious energy.”
Start small. A light touch on the arm during conversation or a gentle brush of hands can signal interest while giving the other person space to reciprocate or pull back. Pay close attention to her body language—if she leans in, she’s likely interested in escalating the interaction. If she pulls away, it’s important to respect that and shift gears.
Real-Life Flirting Scenarios That Work
Putting It All Together
Now that we’ve covered the basic building blocks—eye contact, compliments, and touch—let’s look at how they flow together in real-life scenarios. Picture this: You’re at a house party, sitting close to a woman you find attractive. As she talks, you maintain eye contact and listen intently. She cracks a joke, and you compliment her sense of humor. If she responds positively, you can initiate a light, casual touch on her hand or arm to test the waters.
Maybe she leans closer as you continue chatting. You continue to maintain eye contact and place your hand on her shoulder, leaving it a bit longer. She responds positively, smiling and placing her hand on your knee. You keep following, eye contact, compliment, and light touch. Boom, you’re flirting!
This step-by-step process helps build a natural rhythm in flirting, making it easier to navigate from the first glance to more intimate exchanges.
As Irma points out, “Confidence comes from being present in the moment and enjoying the interaction rather than worrying about the outcome.”
Finding Your Unique Flirting Style
Developing Your Own Flirting Style
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While this guide offers a road map, it’s important to develop your own style of flirting. Authenticity is always the most attractive quality. Experiment with these techniques, but don’t feel confined to them. Maybe your style is more playful, or perhaps you prefer deep, meaningful conversations. Whatever feels most comfortable for you is what’s going to resonate best with others.
Irma emphasizes the importance of being true to yourself: “Trying to adopt a different persona can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Authenticity is key! Pay attention to your body language, lean in, maintain eye contact, and let the energy flow naturally.”
Navigating Misconceptions & Biphobia
Overcoming Misconceptions About Same Gender Flirting
Finally, it’s crucial to address the misconceptions and bi-phobia that bisexual, bi-curious, and queer women may encounter while flirting with other women.
As Irma highlights, “There’s sometimes an assumption that bisexual women are ‘just experimenting’ or ‘not serious,’ which can lead to unfair judgments.” The best way to navigate these misconceptions is through open communication. Be clear about your intentions and assert your desires with confidence.
By surrounding yourself with affirming spaces and individuals who validate your queerness, you can minimize the impact of biphobia and focus on connecting with women who appreciate and reciprocate your energy.
Final Tips for Flirting With Women With Confidence
Empowering You to Explore Your Bisexuality
Flirting with women doesn’t need to be daunting. With the right mindset, it can be an empowering experience. By starting with small, confident gestures—eye contact, compliments, and gentle touch—you can build meaningful connections with other women while exploring your bisexuality in a fun and fulfilling way. Remember, flirting is supposed to be playful and sexy. So, take the pressure off yourself, be authentic, and enjoy the journey.
As Irma Garcia puts it: “Confidence is a state of mind, baby! You have to flip that internal switch and own the fact that you’re that girl.” So go out there and flirt like you mean it.
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Here are some of my favorite takeaways from three standout panels featuring Jordan Chiles, Marsai Martin, and Kandi Burruss.
Leveling Up Your A-Game with Jordan Chiles, Morgan Shaw Parker, Chelsea Fishman, Laura Correnti, and Tabitha Turner-Wilkins
Jordan Chiles
Paras Griffin/ Getty Images for Power Play
Olympic gymnast Jordan may have medals and magazine covers to her name, but her mindset is refreshingly grounded. “The day I finally feel pressure,” she said, “will be the day I know there’s still more for me to learn.” For her, joy—not pressure—is the fuel. Her confidence isn’t performative; it’s rooted in family, self-worth, and authenticity.
“Everything I’ve done in my career—tattoos, long nails, rocking my crew at the Olympics—that’s all me. It’s not because someone told me to do it. It’s because I felt confident doing it. And that’s where my ambition comes from: being my authentic self.”
For Morgan Shaw Parker, President & COO of the Atlanta Dream, the conversation around pressure went even deeper. “Legacy work” is how she described her mission—navigating male-dominated spaces, sometimes pregnant and pumping on NFL team planes. “After COVID and George Floyd,” she shared, “it became clear to me: vulnerability is power. You don’t have to show up perfect to lead.”
Chelsea Fishman, founder of Atlanta's first bar dedicated to women’s sports, Jolene Jolene, shared how the haters (especially the Reddit kind) were her confirmation: “All those comments saying it would fail—those were the signs that I was doing something right.” She’s hosted 25+ watch parties already and is building the very community they said would never come.
This panel also touched on ambition, authenticity, and owning your power—both in sneakers and in suits. One of the best mic-drop moments came when the moderator flipped the question: “What if we stopped making ‘power’ a bad word for women?” A nod-worthy reminder that we’re not here to play small.
Making Your Voice Heard with Marsai Martin, Carol Martin, Miss Milan, and Heather McMahan
Marsai Martin
Paras Griffin/ Getty Images for Power Play
This panel was a masterclass in staying grounded while growing up—or glamming up—on the global stage. Actress and producer Marsai talked about what it’s like to show up in high-pressure moments when your confidence is low but the world is still watching. From red carpets to long shoot days, she reminded us that even when you’re not at 100%, you still find a way to push through.
“There have been days where I wasn’t feeling the best, but I still had to show up on this carpet. Or it was that time of the month, but I still had to go on set. I just didn’t feel as confident—but it’s about how you take care of yourself in those moments and still keep pushing.”
Her mom and business partner Carol Martin dropped gems about motherhood and mentorship: “It’s like teaching your kid to ride a bike over and over again. Now the bike is a movie or a brand.” That balance between guiding and letting go? Not easy—but essential when you’re raising a mogul and running a company.
“There have been days where I wasn’t feeling the best, but I still had to show up on this carpet. Or it was that time of the month, but I still had to go on set. I just didn’t feel as confident—but it’s about how you take care of yourself in those moments and still keep pushing.”
Miss Milan, Grammy Award-winning DJ and Doechii’s right-hand woman, lit the crowd up with her no-nonsense energy. “I built my own table,” she said. “When you build it, they can’t tell you you can’t sit.” From journaling her dreams to manifesting Grammys, her story is one of resilience and intention—and a whole lot of faith in her own vision.
This panel didn’t shy away from hard truths either: the sadness that can come with success, the fear of fading relevance, the criticism that hits differently when it’s personal. But Marsai said it best: know your why. And let it evolve with you.
The Cost of Starting Your Own Business with Kandi Burruss and Nikki Ogunnaike
Kandi Burruss
Carol Lee Rose/ Getty Images for Marie ClaireKandi doesn’t sugarcoat the grind. From chart-topping songwriter to multi-business entrepreneur, she’s built her empire one risk—and one reinvention—at a time.
“Fear equals failure. If you don’t even try, you’ve failed automatically —and you did it to yourself. I’d rather take a risk and lose money than play it safe and never know what could’ve happened.”
She broke down the real costs of entrepreneurship: money, time, and emotional bandwidth. “You think you’re going to work less when you work for yourself?” she laughed. “You’re going to work more.” For Kandi, mommy guilt and financial setbacks are part of the package—but so is the satisfaction of seeing an idea through.
She opened up about scaling back on her clothing store and temporarily closing the original Old Lady Gang location. “It felt like failure,” she admitted, “but sometimes you have to step back to make things better.” Still, she’s not one to quit. She just pivots—with precision.
One of her most memorable reflections? How her music career hiccup led her to songwriting—ultimately writing the mega-hit “No Scrubs.” That song became the key to a new lane and legacy. “You may think you’re working on one dream,” she said, “but it could open the door to another.”
Also? Kandi wants you to stop emailing her from a Gmail. “You’re doing million-dollar business on a bootleg budget,” she joked. “Invest in yourself. Start with a domain name!”
The Marie Claire Power Play Summit was a powerful reminder that ambition, authenticity, and vulnerability aren’t separate traits—they work in tandem. Whether you’re building a bar, a brand, or a business from scratch, the key is to stay rooted in your voice, your story, and your why.
And if you need a sign to go for it? Consider this your green light.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/ Getty Images for Power Play