If you were to ask a lot of sex therapists what a sex date is, they would probably say they are the kind of date that is strictly for the purpose of having sex—no more, no less. To me, that sounds like the calls that I used to get at midnight when I was in my 20s. Come to think of it, I used to know a man who would call those "the blue light special" because the person would come in after dark and leave before dawn. I certainly don't knock those (to each their own, chile). At the same time, because I know that the biggest sex organ is actually our brain, it can help to plan the kind of date where it's mutually understood that sex is at the culmination of the date without it being the only thing that transpires while being on it. To me, a sex date isn't just about having sex. It's more about…extending the foreplay a bit longer. It's about doing something with your partner that is erotic, sexy—something that makes you both feel desired…craved for, even.
Sounds hot, right? If a sex date is something that you and your partner could definitely use right about now, I've got 10 ideas to, at the very least, pique your interest in exploring some of your own naughty thoughts and sexual creativity.
1. Throw a “Wine and Senses” Party
Something tells me that I already had you at "wine". From a scientific standpoint, a part of the reason why red wine is considered to be an aphrodisiac is because the ethanol that's in it tends to stimulate the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the part of your brain that regulates things like your body temperature, your hormones, your hunger levels and yes, your sex drive.
If you pair a bottle of red wine up with a blindfold, it can make for a really sexy date because as you and your partner take turns covering up your eyes and exploring different parts of each other's bodies while verbally affirming each other, it can heighten certain senses.
For instance, without being able to see, your sense of hearing will automatically increase (dirty talk, anyone?). Or, if you pair up the red wine with some dark chocolate, not only will the chocolate stimulate your sense of taste on another level, but it will increase blood circulation throughout your body, ultimately intensifying your orgasms as well.
2. Meet Up for Some Midday Sex
When is the best time of the day (or night) to have sex? That answer is kind of multi-layered. On one hand, it's been reported that men's peak of sexual desire tends to transpire between 6-9am while women's are highest between 11pm-2am. However, another scientific study says that men and women's bodies are most (sexually) in sync at around 3pm (with a close runner-up being at 7:30 in the morning). While I am a huge fan of morning sex, there is something that I really like about that 3pm block. To me, it just screams spontaneity. I mean, who wouldn't get excited about receiving an email or text from their partner asking them to meet them at home, a hotel or, umm, somewhere for a lil' sumthin' sumthin'? Especially since science says that the afternoon is almost guaranteed to make sex better.
3. Design Your Own Erogenous Zone Pleasure Maps
Everybody's body is different. This means that while there are some erogenous zones that fall into the "general population" category, there are others that are specific to the person you are currently with. Make a date out of discovering what your partner's favorite hot spots may be by having them strip down to their underwear and then using your hands (and mouth) to figure out where their customized erogenous zones are. Make it even more fun by turning on some slow jams from their favorite music era (that will help to relax them). Then "mark the territory" with some lipstick. To make things even more enjoyable for you, I actually found a line that creates edible chocolate lipsticks. You can cop a tube or two here.
4. Shop for Sexy Items Together
Lingerie. Sex toys. Massage oils. Aphrodisiac foods. A lil' alcohol. Bedding. Whatever works for you and yours, make a date to either order some of these things online or while you're out shopping together. For one thing, it's probably been a while since you've upgraded your sex stash. Secondly, getting these kinds of items together can help you both to get a better grasp of what turns the two of you on—and what doesn't.
5. Make Your Own Fondue. And Then…
I'm thinking that most of us know what fondue is. It's when you melt one food into a dish and then dip other foods into it (like bread into cheese). You can totally put a sexual twist on this by having the fondue be made out of chocolate and the "food" be your various body parts instead. If you're all down for this but (Lord forbid) you hate chocolate, no worries. There's a butterscotch recipe here, a strawberry one here, and a salted caramel recipe here.
6. Create a Sex-Themed Scavenger Hunt
Something that can bring an element of curiosity into your sex life is to create a scavenger hunt that has a sex theme to it. You can leave notes in your partner's briefcase, car and throughout your house with riddles, hints or instructions of where to go next.
Some people like the notes to include directives to take off certain articles of clothing. Others prefer to "reward" their partner if they get an answer right to a question about a certain sexual memory that they can recall with their partner. Or, you could let all of the items that you bought on your other sex-related outing to serve as clues to your "grand finale".
The details are totally up to you, but a sex-themed scavenger hunt is definitely a way to bring some real fun back into your boudoir.
7. Have an Electrical Outage (on Purpose)
Earlier this year, Mashable posted a video sharing some of the reasons why having sex with the lights on is better than in the dark. One of the reasons it shared was it makes us feel more exposed to our partner; by them accepting us "in that light", it can, in turn, create a stronger connection. I totally get and support that. At the same time, no one said that the lighting had to be a neon light in your bedroom. There's something that's both sexy and mysterious about being alone with your partner in the dark. So, for one night, pretend that you've got absolutely no electricity, light up some scented soy candles, pull out your massage oil and give each other an erotic rub down. Don't even turn any music on. Enjoy the silence and sounds that the both of you make—before, during and after sex happens.
8. Enjoy a Romantic Dinner with Aphrodisiac Appetizers and Dessert
A romantic dinner is always a classic move. Spare yourself all of the work that comes with preparing everything; instead, order your favorite main dishes from a restaurant. Then, focus on creating the right ambiance with some vanilla-scented candles (and/or fairy lights), some rose petals, some 90s R&B playing and absolutely no phones. Next, pull out your good dishware and a fancy pair of glasses. The sexy twist here is to make your own aphrodisiac-inspired appetizers and dessert, along with a signature libido-boosting drink. Perhaps some avocado egg rolls (with sweet chili sauce), a little Mexican chocolate mousse or homemade honey ice cream and, for the drink, a blueberry martini. You'll be tipsy, horny and full by the end. A "perfect store" for a sexual rendezvous.
9. Become a Shibari Master
If you are saying to yourself, "What the heck is that?", consider this to be your something new for the day. Basically, shibari is the word for Japanese rope bondage. You tie your partner up (or let them do that to you) via different types of rope patterns that are designed to stimulate various pressure points throughout their body. I did some digging around for beginner's tutorials and chile, this ain't as easy as you think. But if you want to step out there and give it a shot, click here to learn how to create single and double-column ties.
10. Go on a Monthly Hotel Room Tour
There aren't going to be too many articles written by me where the topic of sexual suggestions come up and I don't mention a hotel room. Hmph. Just because it's been a while since I've gotten any, that doesn't mean that many of my memories aren't still crystal clear when it comes to the pleasure of sex on a bed that has a mattress that costs a few thousand dollars in a room that is somewhat unfamiliar that I don't have to clean up afterwards. Pretty much every city is known for having at least one really sexy hotel. Have you and yours ever tried it? If you really want to get buck wit it, use your sex jar to go on a regional, national or even international hotel tour. You can get some inspiration by checking out articles like "20 Sexy Hotels That Make Banging Better", "The Sexiest Hotels in America" and "13 Naughty Hotels That Aren't Afraid of a Little Nudity, and More…". Out of all of these date suggestions, I'm not sure a sex date gets any sexier than this!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'
These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level
10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)
If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go
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RELATED
In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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