Calling myself anxious would be an understatement. This year, I have experienced more restlessness, panic, and weariness than ever before. The compounded stress of our current pandemic, racial tension, and woes of being a working mom (from home) is enough to make anyone mad. Maybe I'm stir-crazy or feeling the weight of years of carrying the baggage of others and pursuing my pilgrimage of success. Like Drake said, "This shit got me in my feelings." I am over letting it run my life.
So what is anxiety? According to Anxiety.org, anxiety is intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Sometimes you experience a fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, and feeling tired. Everyone has different triggers that cause bouts of anxiety—it's the never-ending laundry list of things to do for me. Identifying your triggers—or what I like to call "what's eating you"—will help you navigate these emotions. It takes time to determine what they are, but once you do, the power lies within your hands.
I understand that my feelings are fleeting, and the anxiety I feel may last more than a moment, but it won't stay for very long. So, I honor them because they matter, and then I make a conscious decision to move forward.
I'm a firm believer in affirmations—positive statements that can help you overcome self-sabotaging, negative thoughts. They can improve your mood, boost self-esteem, increase motivation, help you solve problems, and boost optimism. They work! I've used affirmations to tackle stress, increase my self-love and respect, and even find a man.
Here are 10 affirmations to tackle anxiety and be the badass you were meant to be:
1. I have everything I need within me.
Girl, there is no one coming to save you. Unless you have the blue pill or the red pill from The Matrix, there is no special pill to change things. The strength of our ancestors is embedded within you, waiting for use.
2. I breathe in relaxation and breathe out tension.
Ain't nothing to it but to do it. Breathing is free; inhale the good stuff.
3. I love and approve of myself.
Say it with your chest and say it often. Reaffirming self-love is necessary for growth. It's something we need to work at, and daily tune-ups won't hurt.
4. Every thought is creating my future.
Yes, thinking is a type of action. Taking ownership of our actions is a power move. Anytime you allow yourself to become overwhelmed by negative thoughts, it can erode your quality of life.
5. At this moment, I choose to feel calm and peaceful. Everything is unfolding as it should.
Have you ever stepped away from the crowd and into a bathroom to do some deep breathing? No? Just me? Find a place to close your eyes and remember all the times you felt victorious. With that, visualize another moment of success. Discomfort is normal. If you didn't feel anything, you would be without a pulse.
6. I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me. (Philippians 4:13)
For my saved and sanctified, this is the perfect time to remember you are capable of doing all things through Christ who strengthens you.
7. I am grateful for what I have.
Sometimes our thoughts about others can get the best of us. Focusing on what we lack in comparison to others—like thinking, "Why did they get the promotion, and I didn't?" instead of being happy for them and grateful for what we have. As the saying goes, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
8. I attract all that is good and beautiful.
When you remind yourself that you are the prize, you continue to attract great things.
9. I am safe at this moment.
There's no time like the present to reaffirm that you are secure in the place that you dwell. This affirmation will help you relax and help you master your feelings.
10. Today, I choose happiness and joy.
Each day, we have a choice to be happy. Even when something doesn't go as planned, you still have the power to change how you feel.
Argue for your limitations, and they are surely yours. That's a daily reminder that what you think and focus on will become your reality. While anxiety can affect your mental health, it does not have to cripple you. If you're dealing with debilitating anxiety, I suggest seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist to help you achieve inner peace. Honestly, in a way, I feel like my anxiety was caused by not allowing myself to be free—free of fear, free of inhibitions, and free of self-doubt. There's always that little voice telling you that you can't do it again, that you're not worthy of success. It's time to let it go.
My final affirmation: I have nothing to prove to anyone, but everything to prove to myself.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 8 Affirmations That Remind Us To Slow Down - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Say These Self-Affirmations To Start Your Day On The Right Note ... ›
- Positive Affirmations For Inaequacy Self-Doubt Self-Esteem ... ›
- 14 Affirmations When You Feel Like Giving Up - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 7 Positive Affirmations To Speak Over Your Life Right Now ... ›
- Positive Affirmations For Goals Success - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 12 Affirmations For New Moms - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Client Services Manager, xoNecole.com - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Ayana Iman is a certified life coach, professional speaker, and mama of one based in New Jersey. She's also known for her love of big hair, travel, and cooking. Find her across social @AyanaIman.
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
We Had A Strong Connection IRL But My Instagram Scared Him Away
If you scroll past anydating guru’s free advice, such as dating coach Anwar’s, they often promote a long-curated list of dos and don’ts, advising women on how to attract the ideal relationship.
“When men are looking at your pictures on social media or on dating apps, they’re making two assessments: one–affordability, and two–seriousness.” Dating coach Anwar said. He recommends women curate their pictures well by minimizing skin and avoiding posting too many traveling pictures which don’t represent your full life because men are trying to envision themselves in your life.
I certainly don’t believe in shrinking the essence of who I am just to bag a man –whether in-person or online– including for the one thing that brings me pure joy: my worldwide adventures. By now, it’s common knowledge that social media is only a shiny highlight reel that doesn’t take into account all aspects of real life.
I’m fortunate that the men I date in my late 30s are mature enough to understand that notion, but in the past, I’ve learned the hard way that many men are, in fact, judging women’s social media accounts to determine if they are a perfect match.
While trying to stay afloat in grad school, I managed a week-long promotional gig for a festival concert. I stumbled across a breathtakingly handsome guy engrossed in curating melodic sound production as an audio engineer.
Fine enough to giveBridgerton’s Regé-Jean Page a run for his money, this tall cutie had glistening caramel skin, big brown eyes, and a gorgeous smile that radiated across the conference center.
My heart practically stopped each time I glanced at him. I caught him conspicuously glancing my way throughout the day, too. Our energy was magnetic. I couldn’t let him get away without making it very apparent I was feeling him. Ten hours passed before we found ourselves drawing near one another. Dating co-workers is against my rules, however, dating someone I’ve met after completing a temporary gig was an exception I’d happily make.
Serotonin oozed throughout my body when he approached me. We engaged in meaningless talk, while I anticipated he’d ask for my number. Instead, he asked, “What’s your IG name?”
I’m old school; I want to get acquainted chatting on the phone until twilight–or on a well-executed romantic date. I accepted his request and followed him back. Baby steps.
Each time his adorable face popped into my mind, a rush of happiness flooded me. I’d already conducted a pre-check for a potential relationship, and based on absolutely nothing but chemistry, he had already passed. Scrolling through his page, I could see he had three, incredibly young children, from ages two to five. That’s okay, I can play step-mommy. Or so I thought.
The next morning, I swapped out my motivational morning gospel music for my vibey, R&B music. I floored the gas pedal, speeding to work in hopes of getting to the fine audio engineer as quickly as possible.
I sashayed through the conference doors with an extra sway in my hips–smitten and glowing as my bright eyes landed on him, standing by for sound check. He took one blistering look at me, and as time stood still, his scathing disapproval made me feel as though we were arch-enemies with unfinished business.
What happened in the less than twelve hours we met and were apart? I was flabbergasted by his bait-and-switch of emotions. The only culprit, I surmised: freaking Instagram.
A few hours of him ducking and diving to avoid me passed. I put my grown woman panties on and marched over to him. He pretended he couldn’t see me through the corner of his eye, but judging from the nervous stiffening of his erect posture and locked jaw–even through his discomfort, he would have to face me.
“Hey, how’s it going? You’re different today,” I said casually, yet resolute, peering deep into his wide eyes.
“Well, you know, it’s cause you’re big time. I’m just a regular guy.” He quipped. Completely confused, I stared blankly at him, waiting for an explanation.
“Your Instagram...” He confirmed like I had full knowledge of his insecurities.
“If I had seen your page before I met you, I would’ve never tried to talk to you. I’m not good enough for you.”
I melted into a puddle of vexation. I wasn’t a celebrity or social media star. Hell, I didn’t even have more than 5,000 followers! I’m a regular girl who’s had a career in entertainment which has afforded me many opportunities to attend swanky events; I love upscale travel and dining at Yelp’s highest-rated star restaurants–and yes, I relish capturing those delicious moments. But at that time, I was a broke girl in grad school, making a few coins on the same gig I’m certain he was earning a pretty penny for.
He’d already taken over my thoughts, feelings, and body’s desires in a short twenty-four hours. Though he was far from aware of all the ways he had swept me off my feet without stepping foot on an actual date, the energy between us was undeniable. I literally couldn’t stop thinking about him and grinning since the moment I saw him, and I know for sure he felt the same. And now he’s thinking he isn’t good enough for me?
He was fine, humble, funny, had a sexy physique, and a lucrative career, yet for some ridiculous reason he’d convinced himself he could never be with a woman like me? I was floored. Typically, I’m not forward with men in the initial stages of dating. It’s important I feel highly desired and sought after before I explode candidly. But the world was going to absolutely know that day: “I like you. You’re someone I’d like to get to know. And you’re absolutely perfect for me.”
He sighed and relaxed his shoulders. I felt empowered, quelling his feelings of inadequacy. (Or temporarily, I shall say). I’d soon learn that if a guy was harboring major insecurities, the idyllic lines to boost his ego are merely fleeting.
Pumped up on an extra dose of courage, later that day, he asked for my number. And I delightfully obliged.
We spent a good amount of time expressing our mutual feelings towards each other and perused through calendar dates to see when our schedules would match up. He lived in Las Vegas, but working as an audio engineer for major events necessitated him to spend most of his year traveling across the country and internationally. Still, I was determined to make it work.
And yet, it didn’t work. Despite my insanely busy grad schedule, I was ready to trek to Vegas or whichever country he visited, except his insecurities overflowed like putrefying lava. I probed to see how involved he was with his baby mama. Ya know, normal stuff. Somehow, he took that as a jab.
“You don’t want to date me because I have three kids, huh?” Again, he left me confused and exhausted because I was absolutely ready to become a bonus mommy to the right one.
Despite the endless times I cleared up what he thought was a problem, boom! another insecurity flared up. Coddling a mid-thirties man, who had thee lowest self-esteem I’d ever encountered was dooming.
A few months passed and winter had descended upon the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. I’d just left a snazzy art gallery Chiwetel Ejiofor hosted for his independent movie premiere. Park City is a magical and frosty cold, picturesque town in January. Most of the festival events are situated on densely packed Main Street. I stepped my leather boots outside onto the icy, uphill sidewalk, with a platonic male friend in tow. My phone rang–it was audio engineer bae. I noticed his name and pushed decline.
“You ignoring me now when you could’ve easily picked up the phone?”
What in the hell?! I peered around on both sides of my street, cautiously nervous.
I hopped into the black SUV. The festival traffic moves slower than molasses. You could gingerly walk down the street and still beat a moving car. As the driver slowly peeled away, I glanced to the opposite side of the art gallery street; there I saw old bae, forlornly staring at me, saddened with puppy eyes in his hooded Parka. I was busted. In my defense, however, I hadn’t heard from him in months, and us dating was certainly a never-ever-going-to-happen-closed case.
How was I supposed to know he’d been watching me from 150 feet away? No human in their right mind would expect an immediate answer, but he did.
“Hey, sorry, but it’s really hectic; I gotta hurry to this next event.” I apologized despite not owing him one. If he’d crossed my mind at any point up until now, it’d be futile. His recurring insecurities ate at him and thus, swallowed any attraction or potential traction for us.
By the time my plane landed in sunny Los Angeles, he unfriended me on IG. Exhausted from the nonsensical mental gymnastics, I unfollowed him, too.
Finally, we agreed: the feeling is mutual, boo.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Charles Olu-Alabi/Getty Images