I don't care if you've been with someone for several weeks or many years, if there's one thing that should be made a top priority for the entire duration of the relationship, it's both individuals, being extremely intentional, about keeping the romance alive. One way to do that is to cook together.
So, what if you hate to cook? So much, in fact, that there isn't one single thing that you find to be even remotely attractive or appealing (let alone romantic or sexy) about doing it? That's where today's article comes in. Whether you want to save money, stay in for a weekend and/or come up with a quality time date that is both healthy as well as seductive, I've got 10 tips that can make spending a little time in the kitchen hotter (and easier) than it's been in a really long time.
1. Go Grocery Shopping Together
I know I might be the rare one here to be saying this but I'm actually someone who enjoys grocery shopping. A part of the reason why is because I actually like to cook. Plus, for some reason, I'm able to get some deep thinking accomplished as I'm strolling from aisle to aisle. Yet even if you're someone who kinda loathes the idea of going to your local grocery store, something that can make it more bearable is to take your partner along with you sometimes.
There are a few benefits that come with doing this. One, you both can get what you want (rather than relying on each other to get what each of you truly desires). Two, it's an effective way for both of you to stick to a budget (which means, one less financial conversation that will need to be had). Three, look at it as a quality time date and a way for you to plan a sexy meal together. I'm telling you, shopping with your boo can be more fun than you might think. Try it before totally shooting the idea down.
2. Cultivate Some Ambiance
Once you get home and all of the groceries are put away, make sure that you create the right kind of atmosphere to make a dinner for two. Turn off your phones and the television. Light some scented soy candles (soy candles burn cleaner and last longer). Play some R&B music or load up your favorite playlist (just make sure that it's sexy and/or romantic). If your blinds or curtains are open, close 'em (I'll explain why in a bit). Pull out a bottle of your favorite wine. Light one up too, if that's your thing (check out "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better").
Sometimes, what makes people hate the thought of cooking is it seems more like a chore than a fun activity. By cultivating a chill environment, it can take some of the stress out on the front end which can make it so much more of a pleasurable experience on the back end.
3. Go All Out on the Décor
Question. When's the last time you pulled out your really good dishes? Your fine china or the plates that you totally fell in love with; you know, the ones that you can count on one hand that you've eaten off of. Cooking and dining with your man is as special of an occasion as any, so make sure to pull those out. While you're at it, don't forget about some champagne flutes, a pretty centerpiece for your dinner table (Taste of Home has some cute DIY ideas that you can check out here), some rose petals for the floor around your table and a linen or lace tablecloth.
When you're not eating food on paper plates while sitting on the couch and instead, you're taking things up a few notches even in your dinnertime approach, that can get you all excited about preparing a meal together too.
4. Wear Very Little
Now let's talk about the two of you. While sometimes, dressing to the nines is what the occasion calls for, this time, how about wearing as little as possible instead? I've shared before that several men have told me that while lingerie is definitely appreciated when sex is about to transpire, what they really like is when a woman is in a teddy, baby doll, corset, body stocking or matching bra and panty set — just because.
He can pick out what he'd like to see you in as you do the same for him. Watching each other cook and then eat in your favorite alluring wear can be a visual aphrodisiac all on its own (it also explains why I recommended closing your window treatments).
5. Cook Together
Cooking together can be very romantic; erotic even (as you'll see by the time you finish reading all of this). Plus, there are plenty of articles to support the fact that it's a great way to spend quality time with your partner; it helps to create positive and lasting memories; it helps the both of you to get back to enjoying the simpler things in life; it helps the two of you to sharpen your cooking skills and, it can actually de-stress you both because it gives the two of you the opportunity to discuss things — things that you may not have time for any other way.
6. Keep Things Simple
Even if all of this sounds great but you're reading this like, "OK. But that doesn't change the fact that I still hate to cook," I totally hear you. The idea is to keep your menu simple. Lobster Mac and Cheese. Scalloped Portobello Mushrooms. Eggplant Parmesan. Baked Pineapple Salmon. Chicken Curry. 15-Minute Jacket Sweet Potatoes. Herb and Garlic Cauliflower Orecchiette. Ravioli with Creamy Mushrooms and Asparagus. Thai-Style Peanut Chicken Wraps. Mustard-Crusted Lamb.
All of these are dishes (that I hyperlinked the recipes too; you're welcome) that may seem like they'll take all day to prepare but are actually pretty easy to make (even if you're an amateur) and are in quantities for two. When you realize that not everything requires blood, sweat and tears, it can make you feel better about making meals from scratch.
7. Make Fruit the Appetizer
If you and your partner want to truly impress yourselves, your sexy menu needs to consist of an appetizer and a dessert. And since, if all goes well, the dessert may be something that you don't have to cook at all (if you know what I mean), go with a fruit appetizer. It's sweet. It's refreshing. And it's typically light, so that you're not too weighed down for, umm, dessert later.
Maybe some Strawberry Cheesecake Bites. A Mexican Fruit Salad. A bowl of Frosted Grapes. Some Fruit Salsa with Cinnamon Chips. Or some Lemon Whip Fruit Dip.
8. Experiment with Condiments
After you've enjoyed your appetizer and the meal that you planned, it's now time to pull out some condiments because guess what? Technically, the cooking is now over and again, once you review the recipes that I shared with you, you'll see that it really wasn't as much work as you probably anticipated (especially since you're only doing half of the work because you've got your partner in the kitchen with you).
And just what are the condiments gonna be for? I'll let your imagination run wild with this one. What I will say is if you check out "12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious", you might be surprised how many condiments are sexy AF. Straight up.
9. Come Up with Some “Special Rewards”
Although I do enjoy cooking, depending on what I'm making, sometimes prepping the ingredients can get on my nerves. Don't even get me on clean-up.
So, if it's not so much that you hate cooking altogether, it's just that there are certain parts of it that you and/or yours can do without, come up with some sort of rewards incentive that will keep the both of you engaged. It could be deep kiss in between bites of chocolate-covered strawberries for every task that's completed or something checked off of y'all's sex list (check out "This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'") if one of you agrees to do something that you loathe (like maybe peeling veggies or putting dishes away).
When there's an incentive to do something, that always makes it easier to do and more worthwhile.
10. BE THE DESSERT
By definition, dessert is defined as being something sweet that is served up after the final course of the meal. You know, men find it sexy when a woman can cook. Women find it sexy when a man can cook too. Since you and your boo watched each other do it, there's already been some mental foreplay that's gone down. Now it's just time to take all of that sexual stimuli into the bedroom (or stay in the kitchen, if you please).
If you want some tips on how to make that extra special too, check out "15 Simple-Yet-Kinda-Buck Items To Take Sex To Another Level", "15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level", "12 Absolutely Bomb Sex Techniques To Try Tonight", "So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better", "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?" and "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile."
All of them can help you and yours end the night off with things being extra sweet. So sweet that you'll want to repeat all of this sooner than later. Promise.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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