Minds. Letters. Your favorite restaurants. These are only some of the things that are best when open. Apparently, relationships now belong to that list. While Millennials and Gen Zs are engaging more in this type of relationship, it is not just a trend today. Open relationships date back since time immemorial and have been a part of different cultures around the globe. But what, exactly, are open relationships? And most importantly, is it for you (and your partner/s)?
“Open relationship” is an umbrella term encapsulating other forms of nonmonogamous relationships like:
- Polyamory - A practice and philosophy of loving multiple people simultaneously—intimately and romantically.
- Monogamish - Two people in a primary relationship but open to others strictly sexually.
- Swinging - A social practice of swapping sexual partners or joining group sexual activities as a shared bonding experience of a coupled relationship.
- Relationship Anarchy - A relationship approach that rejects rules and expectations. Instead, the people involved will follow their core values (not social norms) to navigate the relationship.
If you’re one of the 26% of Americans interested in having an open relationship, there are general guidelines, boundaries, and agreements to consider before you swing (heh) your shot.
There’s no non-negotiable, all-encompassing “rule” to follow as each individual and relationship differs. Still, establish ways to ensure you practice ethical nonmonogamy and provide emotional safety for all parties involved.
1.Do it for the right reasons.
Cavan Images/Getty Images
Start by identifying what an open relationship means for you. First, look internally—why are you interested in opening your relationship? People enter this type of arrangement for various reasons, like exploring their sexuality, a kink or fantasy, or mismatched libidos, among others.
Whatever your reason is, you shouldn’t start an open relationship to solve the problems of your current relationship or fill your dissatisfaction with it. Kicking off a nonmonogamous relationship for the wrong reasons builds a shaky base. And what does that do to an unstable foundation? It will easily topple over.
2.Honesty is key.
Honesty is the baseline of trust for any form of relationship—open or not. It means never lying, never hiding the truth, and never omitting or misdirecting from the fact INTENTIONALLY. And it’s even more imperative in a relationship involving more than two people. Being honest facilitates healthy and open communication for a functional relationship.
You need to be able to talk openly and have confidence in the person’s authenticity, transparency, and straightforwardness.
3.Always talk about your relationship.
fizkes/Getty Images
Open relationships are neither novel nor rare—with 4% of Americans in open relationships and 20% of them having entered open relationships at some point in their lives, according to the same report above. Hence, it should be a topic you can discuss freely, especially with your partner/s. Communication isn’t a one-time, done deal. Set a schedule and space for these communications, like a date night or staycation to nurture the relationship.
Also, determine which and how much detail to convey. Some people want to know Every. Single. Detail, while others prefer to be left in the dark on some information.
4.Identify each other’s emotional boundaries.
Emotional boundaries are hard to define and set. Still, they should be discussed. The concept of feelings is complex. And while couples often turn to a “No Emotions Allowed” rule, you might be setting yourselves up for failure as—as cheesy as it sounds—you can’t know for sure who you’re going to fall in love with.
But you can take baby steps. Start by discussing these two questions:
- Can you have sex without developing feelings for the other person?
- If you do, how will you and your primary partner address that situation?
5.Set sexual boundaries.
David Jakle/Getty Images
And be explicit and specific while you’re at it. Set sexual boundaries in your open relationship by defining the following:
- Which sex acts are on or off limits?
- When or how do you display affection?
- How often can sex occur (weekly, monthly, or so on)?
- How many partners at a time and where?
- Is penetrative sex okay? How about oral sex and kissing?
- Will sex toys be used and shared?
I know. It gets weirdly specific and personal. But you should clarify all these stipulations and logistics before going forth and unleashing your sexual vigor out there.
6.Practice safe and consensual sex.
Aside from the emotional baggage involved (or not) during sexual activities, sexual boundaries also center around sexual risk management. You and your partner will engage in sexual acts with multiple people, which translates to higher chances of contracting STIs. But you can protect yourself by establishing safe sex guidelines. And always ensuring everything is with CONSENT for all parties involved.
For example, make sure you use condoms. Simple, readily available, and effective—when used correctly. In fact, nonmonogamous individuals are more likely to use condoms and get tested for HIV and other STIs. Great!
7.Allot time to check in with your partner.
Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images
Regular check-ins with your primary partner are ideal to ensure they’re nurtured, respected, and excited in the aspect of open relationships, especially when it’s new. Over time, you can make these check-ins less frequent when you and your partner get into the swing of things.
And (!) don’t forget your secondary partner(s) as well. All parties in the relationship should feel comfortable, respected, and cared for.
8.Jealousy is your enemy.
Ahh, jealousy. The elephant in the room.
Jealousy is often the crux of open relationships. And that’s normal because humans have feelings, needs, and wants. Some also assume people in open relationships don’t have the right to be jealous. That’s a no-no. These feelings are entirely valid, and you can work through them.
This is where everything comes in full circle—you’d need that trust, honesty, and open communication to cope with jealousy. Reevaluate your needs and boundaries as an individual and as a couple. Then, you can build a healthy and happy relationship if you work through it with your partner.
There are many nuances to people, relationships, and emotions. Continue educating yourself more on practicing ethical nonmonogamy if it’s something you want to practice.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
- Consensual Nonmonogamy Relationships, Terms, How - xoNecole ... ›
- The Open Relationship Type - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- Why I'm Considering A Polyamorous Relationship Style - xoNecole ... ›
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
Success Cities: Black Women Share The Places Where They Thrive
Several organizations and new sites release lists of the “best places for millennials," the “best places for young professionals,” or the "best cities for Black women." The lists offer options for many who are either seeking better opportunities or need that reminder that where they are is actually where it’s at. These lists also always prompt popular and frequent debates online about why a city is (or isn’t) what everyone popularly says it is.
It’s always good to be able to say that you’ve found a city where you can thrive in your career (and in your life overall), whether it’s because of the opportunities for jobs, places to visit and eat, nightlife, traditions, and culture, or family-friendly elements.
For me, this city is Negril, located in the Westmoreland parish of Jamaica. I fell in love with it seven years ago as someone who was only ever familiar with Kingston and its neighboring parishes. While I’ve lived and worked in major cities, including Washington, D.C., and Brooklyn, New York, my latest transition has set my sights on digital nomad island life.
Not only is Negril more than a tourist spot now, with a growing community of young professionals, millennial expats, and entrepreneurs, it has a nice mixture of cultures and people, affordable housing options, a range of restaurants and leisure experiences, entrepreneurship niches, and real estate investment opportunities. It’s slow enough to have a calming effect but not quite a snooze retirement spot where you're not right at the cusp of an adventure. And even better, it's not too far from a more bustling city (with nightlife, more restaurants, and even more entrepreneurs, professionals, and expats), Montego, Bay.
Negril is like a second home for me, as I visit often, keep major connections there, and find it ideal for my writing and editing career. I can connect more with my Caribbean culture and nature and embrace a peaceful, less hectic existence while there.
I caught up with a few more fabulous and successful women professionals to talk about the cities where they’ve found success, happiness, balance, and longevity and why they chose to stick around:
Nicole Blake-Baxter, Managing Director and Founder, The Blake Agency
Metro Atlanta Area, (Johns Creek, Ga.)
IG: @theblakeagency_
“I relocated to Atlanta about 10 years ago from Brooklyn, NY. I initially launched my media and marketing agency in New York City several years prior but rebranded and made a strategic shift to a full-service PR firm when I moved to Georgia."
Her Origins: "I was born in Kingston, Jamaica. I lived between the United States and Jamaica during my childhood and permanently moved to New York as a teen."
Why Atlanta? “My move to Atlanta was out of necessity; I needed a lifestyle change and felt I had outgrown the hustle and bustle of New York City. There’s a saying that ‘Discomfort is a catalyst for growth.’ In a short time, I went from trying to climb the corporate ladder to launching a business and becoming a mother. I was struggling to navigate motherhood and entrepreneurship, and that discomfort pushed me to seek out a new environment.”
“Relocating to Atlanta was the best decision for me personally and professionally. It provides a healthy balance of everything I need to raise happy and well-rounded children and grow a successful business. Although moving to a new city with no close friends or relatives can be unnerving, it made me more disciplined in my approach to entrepreneurship.”
What She Loves Most About Her City:Family-friendly environment, lower cost of living, business opportunities. “Many of our new business leads are tech founders and travel brands that want to work with an agency in the southern region.”
Jasmine Dary, Founder, Twisted Corks
Nashville, TN
IG @TwistedCorks
“Nashville is a big, but small-feel city. It’s the perfect place to be if you want to keep Southern roots without losing the big-town opportunities. It’s constantly growing, which I find to be exciting. There’s always something new happening here for the first time, and being part of this city’s early adopters for cool concepts and experiences is one of my favorite self-proclaimed roles. There’s also a unique and tight-knit entrepreneur community here. In addition to exciting career opportunities, I knew that I’d eventually want to thrive in entrepreneurship.”
Her Origins: “I was born and raised in Chattanooga, Tenn., and made my way to Murfreesboro after college until naturally progressing to Nashville to pursue career and business opportunities.”
Why Nashville? “I first moved to Nashville in 2012 to make a major career shift from higher education to corporate marketing in wine and spirits. Coming from a much smaller college town, I instantly fell in love with the city! This job became the catalyst for so many future opportunities and interests including starting my own company, Twisted Corks.
"I was thrown in the mix for some of the city’s biggest events and worked alongside some of the world’s largest spirits brands. This corporate experience plus genuine passion granted me credibility with even my earliest business clients.”
What She Loves Most About Her City:Family-friendly, community, events (like the Nashville Black Chamber happy hour), Programs (like the Nashville Entrepreneur Center’s Preflight program for new startups.) “I’m thriving here, but I’m definitely not doing it alone.”
Christen Rochon, National Account Executive, NBCUniversal
Detroit, Michigan
IG @CandidlyChristen
“Detroit is more than just a place to work—it’s a place where innovation, resilience, and culture are embedded in the fabric of daily life. What makes Detroit especially unique is its long-standing history as an industrial powerhouse, balanced with a fresh momentum in tech, arts, and small business development. In my career in marketing and media, I’ve come to see Detroit as an evolving ecosystem where diverse industries intersect, creating rich opportunities for growth and impact.”
Her Origins: “I’m a born-and-raised Detroiter, however, my career in broadcast and digital media has taken me to Charlotte, N.C., New York City, and Chicago.”
Why Detroit? “Detroiters know how to rebuild and innovate, and this grit translates into the professional landscape here. The city's thriving entrepreneurial scene fosters collaboration, and its well-connected business community continually encourages professionals to think creatively and work cross-functionally.”
“It’s a place where you can see firsthand how your work makes a difference, from witnessing the revitalizing neighborhoods to supporting the next generation of innovators. The opportunities for mentorship and giving back here are endless; I’ve been privileged to contribute through roles that support education, community engagement, and innovation—efforts that are deeply connected to Detroit’s story of transformation.
What She Loves Most About Her City: Vibrant seasons, close-knit communities, rich history, opportunities for growth, culture of entrepreneurial grit and service. “Detroit offers the potential for financial success and legacy building. As the eldest of 10, family is incredibly important to me, and returning to Detroit allowed me not only to be close to family but also be in a space to establish my own. Being part of Detroit’s evolution is exciting.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by ljubaphoto/Getty Images