

Although many years have passed since the whirlwind that was 2020, I finally feel like I am settling into a state of rest, joy, and relaxation after two and a half years of feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, and overworked. During that time, I wrote the proposal for my book, Owning Our Struggles. It has been a wonderful journey writing, reflecting, and reveling in what it means to own our struggles, pain, and tragedy in order to make room for joy, love, and liberation.
As I was writing, I found myself immersed in the concept of Black joy and cultural healing. I am a first-generation American who identifies as Black-Hispanic and Afro-Latina. My parents are from Colon, Panama, and San Andres, Colombia. As a child, my parents did not understand mental health concepts or disorders like anxiety and depression, but they were strong advocates for healing and ensuring that joy remained at the center of our lives despite the challenges or hardships we faced.
The lessons they taught me came back to me as I wrote Owning Our Strugglesand reflected on the world of hurt, pain, chaos, and tragedy that surrounds me and the feelings of powerlessness that often arise. Being Black in America can be tough, but it also feels beautiful when I see how Black culture continuously moves the needle in society and our role in advancing our communities and liberating ourselves from oppression.
The celebration of Black joy and the process of cultural healing are critical components of the Black community's resilience and survival. Black joy is a radical act, especially given Black people's historical and ongoing oppression and marginalization. It is a way of resisting the negative stereotypes and narratives that have been perpetuated about Black people for centuries. By celebrating Black joy, we claim our humanity and our right to exist fully and joyfully.
Here are six ways to celebrate Black joy and engage in cultural healing:
1.Connect with your roots:
Learn about your cultural heritage and traditions. This can involve exploring your family history, learning about the history of your ancestors, and the cultural traditions that have been passed down through generations. By reconnecting with your roots, you can better understand where you come from and how your cultural identity shapes who you are today.
2.Celebrate cultural events and holidays:
Participate in cultural events and holidays that hold significance for you and your community. Whether it's attending a Juneteenth celebration, a Kwanzaa gathering, or a Black History Month event, these celebrations can provide an opportunity for cultural healing and a sense of community.
3.Engage in creative expression:
Engage in creative activities that allow you to express your emotions and experiences. This can include writing, visual art, music, dance, or spoken word. Creative expression can be a powerful tool for processing emotions, healing from trauma, and celebrating joy.
4.Support Black-owned businesses:
Supporting Black-owned businesses is a way to celebrate Black joy and support economic empowerment within the Black community. Whether buying from a Black-owned restaurant, boutique, or service provider, we can continue supporting our people and communities through financial investments.
5.Build community:
Building community with other Black individuals and allies can be a powerful way to celebrate Black joy and engage in cultural healing. This can involve joining a social group, attending community events, or volunteering with a local organization that supports the Black community.
6.Practice self-care:
Practicing self-care is critical to cultural healing and celebrating Black joy. This can involve taking the time to rest, engaging in activities that bring you joy, prioritizing your mental and physical health, or seeking out support from a therapist or mental health professional.
By embracing Black joy and cultural healing, we resist and disrupt systems of oppression and claim our humanity and right to exist joyfully and fully. Let us continue to give ourselves the life we know we deserve and reclaim the power of community. Order my book, Owning Our Struggles, to gain more tools and exercises on Black joy and liberation.
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Originally published on July 26, 2023
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Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
A couple of days ago, I was listening to a friend of mine (who is in her 30s, by the way), semi-rant about how she doesn’t understand why it seems like she has a slight appearance of a double chin emerging when she hasn’t gained any weight and works out on the regular. When I asked her what her skincare routine was like, it took her a minute to connect the dots. That is until I shared with her that I once read that we actually start to lose our skin’s elasticity as early as our 20s and we can end up with as much as 30 percent less of it within the first five years of menopause.
What that means is the skin that once looked so firm, plump, and full can end up sagging, having fine lines and wrinkles and not appearing as youthful as it once did.
Damn Shellie, what a grim way to start an article. Yeah, I hear you. Really though, it all depends on how you look at it because, when you accept that aging is a (blessed) part of life and taking proactive measures can make easing into the aging process so much easier to handle, take it from me — it’s not so bad. And when it comes to your skin, specifically, you can actually hang on to its “bounce back” (the ability for your skin to maintain its natural elasticity) for much longer than you might think.
For starters, by following these eight proven (and all-natural) beauty hacks…
8 Natural Ways To Keep Your Skin Firm and Youthful
1. DIY a Witch Hazel Spritz
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I’m not exaggerating when I say that there isn’t one good reason why every household in this country shouldn’t have a bottle of witch hazel somewhere. It’s inexpensive. It works well for all skin types. And it comes with a myriad of skin benefits including containing properties thatreduce inflammation and irritation, decrease the appearance of pores, speed up the healing process of acne, protect skin from free radicals, and even help to soothe scalp discomfort (if your scalp happens to be particularly sensitive).
As far as your skin’s elasticity is concerned, witch hazel is “that one” because it has the ability to correct elastosis; elastosis is what happens when your skin starts to thicken and degenerate which makes it more difficult for your skin to maintain its elasticity.
That’s why it’s a good idea to create a skin-toning spritz out of one part distilled water and one part witch hazel. Spray your skin with it in the morning and whenever you need a skin refresher in order to maintain a subtle “tightness” and natural glow.
2. Do Some Chemical Peels
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I’ve mentioned before that I am absolutely sold on chemical peels (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.”). Although I’ve had to do a little bit of trial and error (as far as the strength level of the peel and how long I should leave it on my skin before thoroughly rinsing it the peel off), once I got the groove of things (which roughly took me a couple of months), I have appreciated everything that chemical peels have done for the quality of my skin.
That’s because they help to resurface skin, even skin tone, reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, make skin look and feel much smoother, and boost the production of collagen and elastin in it. Like I said, I prefer to go the at-home route. However, if you want quicker and more drastic effects, book an appointment with a professional (and reputable) dermatologist or esthetician. I say that because to say that all chemical peels are created equal — that is a flat-out lie. Some are so potent that you shouldn’t even want to attempt them without an expert’s assistance. Trust me.
3. Moisturize with Aloe Vera Gel
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Even though Aloe vera gel is made up of 99 percent water, it also has vitamins A, C, E, zinc, magnesium, copper, potassium, enzymes, and a wealth of other nutrients in it. That alone makes it an ultimate skincare go-to; especially when it comes to hydrating your skin, healing the effects of psoriasis and eczema, and treating inflammatory acne. Know what else Aloe vera gel is good for? Keeping your skin firm. That’s because the properties in the gel help to produce collagen production — and the more collagen that your skin has, the more elasticity it will too.
4. Apply Vitamin C Extract
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Something else that your skin loses over time is its amount of hyaluronic acid. If you’re curious about what hyaluronic acid is, it’s a natural substance within your system that helps to keep your skin hydrated as well as flexible. Personally, I’m such a fan of the stuff that I wrote an article on it a couple of years ago (check out “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday”).
And listen, if you’re super serious about keeping elasticity in your skin, pair the acid up with some vitamin C extract. While a bottle of hyaluronic acid alone will help your skin to maintain its texture, vitamin C extract (serum) will help to brighten your skin, reduce hyperpigmentation, soften the appearance of dark circles underneath your eyes, boost collagen production and yes, help to prevent skin sagging as well.
5. Eat (More) Antioxidants
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Antioxidants are chemicals that help to fight off free radicals. That’s necessary because free radicals are linked to things like impaired vision, autoimmune disorders, cancer, diabetes, gray hair, and yes, skin aging. When you consume foods that are high in antioxidants, it helps your skin by reducing inflammation, improving its texture, softening the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, increasing hydration, and stimulating the production of collagen and elastin. Foods that are high in antioxidants include berries, dark leafy greens, pecans, apples, cabbage, mushrooms, potatoes, olive oil, cloves, and red wine.
6. Indulge in Dark Chocolate
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Dark chocolate brings me so much joy — and I’m not just talking about men either. LOL. I’ve seen what dark chocolate has done for my system to the point where I was inspired to once write “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe.” And, well, when it comes to your skin, dark chocolate is awesome because it contains organic compounds that increase blood circulation, protect your skin from damaging UV rays, improve hydration, slow down aging signs, and also, because dark chocolate has manganese in it, this means that it’s a food that helps with collagen production (which as you already know, leads to skin that has more elasticity).
So yeah, when it comes to dark chocolate (that is made up of around 65-70 percent cacao) — eat up! Your skin needs you to.
7. Sip on Some Ginger Tea
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Last fall, when I wrote the article, “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen” for the platform, I didn’t include ginger tea — oh, but I probably should have. While, health-wise, ginger is great when it comes to reducing nausea and morning sickness, making menstrual cramps more tolerable, and decreasing your cholesterol levels, ginger is good for your skin because it reduces the amount of oil that your skin produces, softens the appearance of scars and it improves your skin’s elasticity and tone.
So, if sipping on tea is totally your thing, the sweet-meets-spicy flavor of ginger tea can do you and your skin some good on a ton of different levels.
8. Get Plenty of Rest
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Sleep is a time of rejuvenation which is why your skin needs you to get no less than 6-8 hours of sound rest on a nightly basis. What science has proven is your skin will most definitely benefit from consistent zzz’s because sleep can help to strengthen your immunity which can decrease inflammation and breakouts; it decreases stress and anxiety levels which can keep your hormone levels stabilized; it can help to keep your skin cells healthy; it can slow down aging signs (check out “Women In Their 40s Share The Beauty-Related Things They Wish They Did In Their 20s”), and sleep can even help to keep your skin from becoming dehydrated.
And since collagen is also produced while you sleep — perhaps now it makes all of the sense in the world that the saying “beauty sleep” is actually a very real thing. Sweet dreams (to you as well as your skin), sis!
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