

It's interesting how people will assume that you're constantly unhappy, bitter, or discontent merely because of your relationship status…or lack thereof. People need to understand that: 1) being single doesn't mean your life is stagnant or that your life is on pause, 2) being in a relationship or being married isn't necessarily for everyone, and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean your life is perfect, and 3) some people actually choose or prefer to be single…and that's totally fine.
Yes - I can attest to the fact that being married and being in love is truly one of the greatest experiences in life and I live for some #BlackLove and love seeing others experience true love. However, that doesn't negate the fact that there are more than enough examples of dope and incredible women who are living their best lives as single women as well. They're single and loving it (or making the best of it as some would say)…and it's likely because somewhere along life's journey they, like many of us, have learned to embrace these seven affirmations as it relates to their single season.
1.My single status is a blessing, not a burden.
It's obvious to you that now is the best time to live your best life. There's no better time to put yourself first. You are walking boldly and proudly in your season because you understand that a relationship status doesn't make you; rather, who you are and what you decide to do with your life and your purpose is what makes you. You refuse to allow others to make you feel some type of way about your single season, whether it's by choice or force.
2.Relationship Goals: love God, love myself, love others…and in that order.
It might've taken some time, but now you understand that these are the most realistic #RelationshipGoals that you're interested in. You understand now more than ever that God wouldn't send you a relationship that would cause you to ruin your relationship with Him. Hence, when your priorities are right, then the love will be right. When it comes to the next relationship, you have basically declared: "If God ain't in it, then I don't want to be in it." There was a time when you made the relationship the priority above everything else in your life but later realized that you thought you found love but ended up losing yourself. Now, you've made yourself a priority and have learned how to love and embrace yourself before trying to love someone else.
3.I deserve to be with someone who is not only interested in me, but also intentional with me.
You can tell a lot about a man's interest in you based on how intentional he is toward you…and now you're able to tell the difference. You're paying attention to whether or not he's making excuses or making an effort because you truly believe that you're worth the date. Texting isn't enough. Snapchat isn't enough. You've made it known that in order for them to really get to know you, they will have to spend quality time with you.
4.If a man wants to be with me, then he’ll be with me.
You understand that the one who wants to be with you will make it clear not merely through his words, but through his actions. You're no longer wearing yourself out trying to force someone to be with you or forcing them to change because you also realize that you can't do that anyway. You've told yourself and you may have even told him that if he wants to make it work, then he'll put in the work. If he loves you, then he'll be good to you and good for you. You have decided that the only man you may ever chase after again in life will be the Ice Cream Man.
5.I will no longer make excuses for people who need to be excused from my life.
You are no longer holding onto people or putting your life on hold for someone who is holding you back. You waited long enough and you gave them enough time to "get ready" for a relationship. Ultimately, you allowed their indecision to help you make a decision that would help you, and you found the good in goodbye. You decided that you no longer wanted be connected to dysfunction, and instead, you wanted to meet up with your destiny. Now, more than ever, you realize that God has too much that He wants to do through you and for you to be wasting time with people who aren't meant to be in your life.
6.I am enough. If I can’t be myself, then I can’t be with them.
You're okay if they walk away because you understand your value, your worth, and your standards, and you refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve. You no longer act like a "relationship chameleon" and change who you are based on who you're dating. You understand that real love means they love the real you…"flaws and all." Yes – all of us change and evolve as life goes on and there are times when we have to compromise in relationships. However, you are no longer compromising your morals, values, or character merely for the sake of being in a relationship. You are committed to staying true to yourself and who you aspire to be.
7.I am right where I’m supposed to be.
You trust the timing of your life, and you're learning to embrace where you are on your journey. You realize that you are not alone, and you acknowledge that you're right where you're supposed to be. Gone are the days when you used to feel like you had to be married and have children by a certain age. You're no longer stressed or obsessed with living your life based on other people's timelines or societal pressures. You understand that comparison kills confidence, so you're more focused on living your life rather than someone else's life who you only see on social media.
Life has shown you – through your personal experiences and even the experiences of others - that even though things don't always go as planned, God's timing is always perfect. Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that it won't. You have declared that "if it's meant to happen, it will happen at the right time, at the right place, with the right person, and for the right reasons."
Featured image by Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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Featured image by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock