Affirmations have the power to change everything around you if you just believe. With your words, you can immediately tap into a new belief system that can shift your life like never before. Creative director J. Ivory is a self-proclaimed Affirmations Queen who is known for being a visual storyteller and manifesting the life God has for her. In doing so, she has learned there is so much power in words and even more so in spoken words.
“The words we speak can either hurt us or heal us. I believe that your words are the most powerful weapon that our humanity has. Believe it or not, you are the very result of the words you have spoken over your life. Positive words have the power to change your life," she told xoNecole.
When it comes to manifesting your destiny, J. Ivory proclaims that you should think of affirmations as the pathway in which you want your actions to go. “You manifest affirmations best by doing the work and some of it is really hard work. I often tell my clients, 'If you see it, you can have it.' Visualize and write out how you see your highest/best self and start showing up as that person every day. Get to know the person you want to become. Be specific. What do they eat? How do they dress?” she asked. J. Ivory went on to say, “What books are they reading? If the person you want to become is financially free and wealthy, and that’s what you are affirming, then you need to ask yourself, 'How does my current spending habits and mindset align with the wealthy and financially-free person I want to become? What are some changes I can make today that I can be consistent at that will get me closer to my desired outcome?'"
Above all, she wanted to make sure folks realize that affirming the life you deserve calls for you to be unafraid of the specifics. “Sometimes, I find that people think that affirmations are some type of magic trick.” One thing to take away from J. Ivory's knowledge about affirmations is the importance of your actions aligning with your words.
In 2023, we want to be intentional about how we speak in every way. Since being about the action is a part of the beauty of manifesting affirmations, we rounded up 23 women to share the biggest affirmation they are speaking over themselves this year. Here’s what they had to say.
Tasha McCaskiel, Social Media Strategist and Creator of Black Girls in Media
@tashjmackk
Courtesy of Tasha McCaskiel
"I affirm a new and long-lasting love because 2022 was such a self-love year for me, and it was great. I also thrived professionally. [This] year I affirm room for a lifelong romantic partner! God has plans to prosper me, not to harm."
Terrica M. Wright, Founder and Co-Owner of The High Esteem Society
@terricatalks
Courtesy of Terrica M. Wright
"I give myself permission to be all that God has called me to be. An affirmation that got me through 2022 was 'Know who you are and whose you are.'"
Kimberlee Ward, CEO and Founder of Eternal Balance Candles
@theekward
Courtesy of Kimberlee Ward
"I am enough and worthy of the life I desire. I am speaking this affirmation over 2023 because this is the year to not only sit in a place of healing but recognize I deserve to enjoy and revel in what is on the other side of that healing. I want my awareness of what I know to be possible to expand toward the life I desire. I do not intend to act small or be small in my wants.
"As a 31-year-old Black woman, I deserve to have the luxuries of life and for my business, Eternal Balance Candles to become a six-figure business. I am speaking this affirmation over my life in 2023 to let myself know that I am enough and I can be in a place where I am thriving and not just surviving. I want myself to know that the survival mode I have been in served a purpose, to thank my physical body and mind for the changes it made through the hardships, and for me to know now is the time to shine being authentically me."
Mercedes Matthews, Meditation Instructor
@mercedesm7
Courtesy of Mercedes Matthews
“'It’s not what it cost, it’s what it’s worth.' This is my affirmation for 2023 because it reminds me to get comfortable making investments in my life that bring ease. The affirmation that got me through 2022 is 'Here I am, so here I’ll be.' A gentle reminder to be completely present in every moment possible."
Rechelle Dennis, ESSENCE Girls United Lead
@YungChelly
Courtesy of Rechelle Dennis
"'Take more fucking risks and love being uncomfortable!' It is important not to fear the power that resides within you. Find allies and people who can help you harvest your talents. How can you grow to the best that you can be without optimistically facing the unknown? 'Believe in yourself' is the corniest phrase known to mankind but it really got me through 2022. If you don’t believe in yourself and who you are, you can’t expect anyone else to. Everything starts within."
Kimberly Ndubizu, Founder and Host, Rich Little Brokegirls
@sliimkim
Courtesy of Kimberly Ndubizu
"'There are no limits to what women can achieve because there are no bounds to what women can dream.' For years women have slept the wildest dreams— today we are rested, determined, and will stop at nothing to see them true. Never doubt your intuition, it knows exactly where you are meant to be."
Rocquelle Porch, Podcaster of Black Style Anecdotes and Content Creator
@considermelovely
Courtesy of Rocquelle Porch
"'I can do hard things!' There are some things I want to accomplish in 2023, financially, professionally, and creatively. Doing so won’t be easy…requiring some sacrifice and grit, so I will be reminding myself of this daily, as I strive to reach my goals. The grass is green wherever I am."
Chasity Hart, Theater Teacher, Singer and Actress
@Iamchasityhart
Courtesy of Chasity Hart
"'Weight doesn’t determine my worth. Even if I’m afraid, I will do it. If I can dream it, I can have it. No one is me, and that is my power. I will thrive outside of my comfort zone. I will face resistance with action and faith. I am not what I’ve been through. I am who God made me.'"
Rasheda Crockett, Actress
@RashedaCrockett
Courtesy of Rasheda Crockett
"'God loves me and in love there’s no fear.' 'All things are possible' was the affirmation that got me through 2022."
Cashmiyr, Mompreneur
@cashthecre8tve
Courtesy of Cashmiyr
"'My intuition is clear and powerful.' 2022 was an extremely transformative year for me. Through the difficulties I’ve faced I came to realize that when I challenged or ignored my inner voice, I struggled the most. Fortunately, with the help of these lessons, I’ve arrived at a place where I don’t dare question the power of my intuition or the validity of my experiences. I know and feel that implementing this affirmation into my life will be incredibly beneficial, and I’m looking forward to meeting the woman I’ll be this time next year because of it. I believe in my strength and in life’s generosity."
Roberta Tabb, Digital Designer and Author
@therobertashow
Courtesy of Roberta Tabb
"I am only getting better. If I want it, I will get it. Last year’s mantra was, 'I am wealthy, emotionally, mentally and financially.'”
Kenniqua Howell, Content Creator, Storyteller and Social Strategist
@kenniquamona
Courtesy of Kenniqua Howell
"'I am worthy of all the good life has to offer, and I will continue to climb higher because there are no limits to what I can achieve.' Why? I’m so quick to question why I receive good things and in 2023, I am stepping into my full potential. I am no longer allowing people, things, jobs, etc. decide what I am capable of. In 2023, I am ready to wow myself and show myself that I am my wildest dreams and can achieve so much more than I think. I am no longer doubting myself, getting everything I deserve, and accepting every single thing… because I am worthy of it all."
Jennifer Francis-Smikle, Digital Media Strategist and Video Production
@MySpicedLife
Courtesy of Jennifer Francis-Smikle
"'I choose joy.' I want to do things that make me happy, make me smart and also serve ME. Oftentimes, I noticed that we are doing things to make others happy or doing things that will cause the least amount of turmoil with others. I am on the path to changing that for 2023. I celebrate all wins, big and small."
Daphine Bush, Influencer
@Simplydaph
Courtesy of Daphine Bush
"'I have the nature of love. All that I encounter will flourish in love.' This is my mantra this upcoming year because [the] God I love can and will empower us to lead our lives with love. We can spread love, walk in love, and abide in love despite what we experience and this new year, I’m always determined to love others and myself with the love of God. Last year's affirmation was, 'Be intentional.' I was determined to be intentional in all things. I was focused on my family, on my health, and on my relationship with God."
Shanika Graham-White, Content Creator and Cookbook Author
@orchidsnsweettea_
Courtesy of Shanika Graham-White
"'My year of restoration is unfolding. Every seed that was planted shall harvest in every form of my life.' This is what I'll be speaking over 2023 because it reminds me that my sowing in faith, perseverance, and patience will all reap something plentiful beyond what I could ask or think. 2022’s mantra was, 'Just keep going. Persevere, be consistent, and remain focused.'"
Bethany Everett-Ratcliffe, Content Creator
@twentysomethingplus
Courtesy of Bethany Everett-Ratcliffe
"I am worthy of all that comes my way. I don’t want to doubt any of my blessings. What I’ve hoped and prayed for is rightfully mine. Show me how good it can get."
Abigail Ogun, Digital Marketer and Travel Creator
@ladiestakenotes
Courtesy of Abigail Ogun
"2023 is a year of intentional growth and execution. I say this because I've spent a lot of time learning more about the content creator industry and how to turn it into a profitable business, as well as testing different methods to see what works for me and my audience. In 2023, I'm excited to jump into the deep end, implement everything I've learned and grow into my goals. I will take life as it comes and see the lessons in everything."
Marie Zoumanigui, Actress and Content Creator
@PetiteMarieNyc
Courtesy of Marie Zoumanigui
"'My thoughts become my reality.' I did a lot of trusting my abilities in 2022, it’s time for me to believe those abilities will get me to where I want to be as long as I keep working on them and putting the work in. 'I trust in my abilities' helped me get through 2022."
Tanisha Cherry, Influencer and Content Creator
@tanisha.cherry
Courtesy of Tanisha Cherry
"'My ambition and drive for success are balanced, healthy and in alignment with my highest good.' I'm dedicating 2023 to being locked into accomplishing the goals that will get me to that next level professionally. But at the same time, I am going to do it by remaining true to who I am and trusting my intuition along the way. Around the middle of 2022, I found myself being sad about not showing up for myself the way I need to and not having a support system to lean into. During these times, I had to remind myself that although I am feeling this, I am going to be okay."
Devana Turner, Technical Recruiter and Content Creator
@devanaturner
Courtesy of Devana Turner
"Nothing is more important than my mental and physical health. I will say no and say no often. No matter what your intentions are, take accountability for the impact."
Anita Aloys, Digital Content Creator
@auneetuh
Courtesy of Anita Aloys
"'I can accomplish everything I set out to achieve because fear is not a trait of a bad bitch.' This affirmation is so important to me because my goals for 2023 are huge and a little scary but I am determined to face them fearlessly as I'd love 2023 to be my best year yet! In 2022, I affirmed, 'I am receiving everything I deserve and the universe is aligning for my good!'"
Melissa Chanel Carnegie, Entrepreneur and Content Creator
@melissachanel
Courtesy of Melissa Chanel
"'I’m only going to get better!' I saved an Issa Rae TikTok this summer and it has stuck with me! [This] a reminder of where I’ve been and if I continue being my best self, I’m only going to get better! 2022 taught me that asking for help is a sign of self-respect and self-awareness. Asking for help has always been hard for me! This year I was able to practice and understand that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. This affirmation helped me with that!"
Klarke Foreman, Model, Graphic Designer and Business Owner
@kweenklarke
Courtesy of Klarke Foreman
"'I can do hard things.' Adulting, pursuing a dream, nurturing relationships, and establishing healthier habits internally and externally are all challenging (and that's just to name a few). But what's even harder is staying the same. I am choosing my hard, especially if it's for the betterment of myself. The affirmation that got me through 2022 was 'I am conquering my fears and becoming stronger each day.'"
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Featured image courtesy of Marie Zoumanigui
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Bi In A Straight-Presenting Relationship? Here’s What To Consider Before Coming Out
I don't know if it was Kehlani's latest tour or Teyana Taylor and Victoria Monét’s sizzling Usher tribute at the BET Awards, but something has sparked a lot of us into a late-in-life bi-awakening. Even Keke Palmer shared that she’s not strictly into men. But let’s be real: admitting you might not be fully straight while already in a relationship with a man? That can be downright terrifying.
Cultural norms and societal expectations can make you second-guess whether you should even speak your truth. The thing is, most bisexual people are in what’s called "hetero-presenting" relationships—meaning, from the outside, it looks like a heterosexual relationship, but in reality, one (or both!) partner(s) may be bisexual. Being bi but appearing straight? It’s more common than you think. This phenomenon makes bi-erasure even more real!
Realizing you’re bisexual while in a hetero-presenting relationship doesn’t automatically mean you want to jump ship. So what now? How do you navigate this revelation and still keep your relationship intact? How do you even bring this up to your boyfriend or husband? And let’s be real—should you come out at all?
'Is Coming Out Even Worth It?'
Coming out can mean showing up more authentically, finding new communities, and maybe even expanding your dating options (depending on what you and your partner agree on, of course).
Many bi folks feel a huge sense of relief after coming out to their partners and loved ones. As sex therapist Shadeen Francis puts it, “This can be an exciting and growth-filled time. People often experience a renewed curiosity about themselves or their relationship, awe about their sexuality, and a deeper interest in or appreciation for their partner.” In fact, your bi-awakening might even bring you closer to your partner. Vulnerability in a safe, supportive relationship can really deepen your connection.
Shadeen also points out that “partners can be inspired to explore themselves more deeply. While it may not always be about sexuality, one person’s self-discovery often sparks reflection for those around them, including spouses.” In other words, honesty breeds emotional closeness.
What If Things Go Left?
It’s important to keep in mind that not every coming out story is all sunshine and rainbows. Coming out as bisexual while in a heterosexual relationship is a deeply personal experience that can shake up everything you thought you knew about yourself. For Black women, this journey is even more layered. “Cultural upbringing, race, and religion can all influence how you discover, accept, and navigate your new sexual identity,” explains certified sex educator Taylor M. Akers.
Realizing you're bisexual can be both liberating and terrifying. The fear of how your partner, family, or community might react can bring up waves of anxiety and self-doubt. You might wonder if you’re risking the safety of your relationship or your sense of belonging. And let’s be real, if your partner or your people don’t vibe with bisexuality, it can trigger feelings of rejection and leave you feeling misunderstood.
As Taylor Akers points out, the idea of coming out can even activate your survival instincts. “They may fear losing the security of their current relationship and the stability it provides. Feelings of rejection could arise, leading to anxiety or depression, especially if their spouse, family, or social circle culturally disagrees or is indifferent to bisexuality. That can feel unsafe and threatening to one’s sense of self and identity.”
While those fears and risks are real, it's important to remember that without risk, there can be no reward. Stay rooted in your 'why' when navigating the tough parts of these conversations, and remember that those who truly love you will want you to express yourself fully.
How To Navigate the Conversation
Once you've decided that coming out is worth it because you want to be fully seen for who you are, think carefully about when and how to tell your partner. Timing is everything—avoid dropping this potentially relationship-shifting conversation when they’ve just woken up or walked in from work. Sex Therapist Kamil Lewis suggests, “I recommend having the conversation at a low-stress time, maybe over dinner, after watching a show together, or during a light conversation about your relationship.”
Once you’ve picked your moment, connect with your support system! Whether the conversation goes smoothly or takes a turn, you’ll want someone on standby—whether to celebrate with or to lean on. Kamil adds, “If a close friend or family member knows about your bisexuality, let them know when you plan to talk to your partner. That way, they can offer support, no matter the outcome.”
When it’s time to talk, here’s a pro tip: keep the focus on your own experience. Sex therapist Shadeen Francis advises, “Share your feelings using ‘I’ statements, like ‘I’ve realized’ or ‘I feel.’ Then, listen to your partner’s reactions without judgment.” It’s important not to expect any specific response—they might need time to process before they can fully express how they feel. And above all, if you’re committed to the relationship, say so! As Shadeen points out, “It can be reassuring for your partner to hear, as many assume this means you want to break up.”
This conversation might also turn into a teaching moment. In a world shaped by compulsory heterosexuality, your partner might not fully grasp what “coming out” as bisexual means. So, open that notes app and jot down your thoughts ahead of time. Think about what specifically you want to share—and don’t hesitate to practice the conversation beforehand.
The Bottom Line
Ultimately, deciding whether to come out as bisexual while in a relationship with a man is a deeply personal choice, but it’s also one that can combat the erasure of bisexual identities. As we’ve explored, this journey can be both liberating and anxiety-inducing. Bisexuality is often misunderstood or overlooked, especially in hetero-presenting relationships, and coming out can be a powerful way to affirm your truth—not just for yourself, but for others who may feel unseen.
Whether it’s the joy of being more authentically known, the emotional closeness that honesty can bring, or the fear of potential rejection, remember that there’s no one right way to navigate this.
If you feel ready to share this part of yourself, consider the timing and approach with care, lean on your support system, and speak from the heart. And if the conversation takes an unexpected turn? Give your partner space to process, but also let them know your commitment to the relationship remains intact. This isn't just about coming out—it’s about resisting erasure, embracing your full self, and nurturing the love and connection you've already built.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images