10 In-Season Fall Foods That Are Incredible Aphrodisiacs
If you've ever wondered where the word "aphrodisiac" actually comes from, you can pretty much thank the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite. Because food and sex are pretty much the strongest appetites that we have and since they both appeal to all five of our senses — sight, taste, touch, smell and hearing — the belief is there are foods that can intensify our desire for physical intimacy. And yes, these foods are called aphrodisiacs.
Because fall is my absolute favorite season of the year and also because I'm all about encouraging everyone in earshot to go to their local farmers market to get some produce when it's in season (because that's when fruits and veggies are their freshest and you can get the most nutrients out of them), I thought it would be cool to share a list of some fruits and veggies that are currently in season and, as you soon will see, also qualify as being deliciously stimulating aphrodisiacs too.
1. Apples
While apples are clearly available all throughout the year, it might surprise you to know that their actual peak season is early fall thru late winter. So, if you're all about homemade apple crisp or apple cheddar soup, this would be the ideal time to make either or both. Health-wise, apples are good for you because they are a great source of Vitamin C and fiber. Plus, they're able to help to keep you regular, lower your cholesterol levels, support your immune system, give you good gut health (due to the prebiotics that are in them), reduce your chances of becoming diabetic and, they even contain compounds that help to fight asthma.
And just why are apples an aphrodisiac? Well, two other things that this particular fruit has in it are polyphenols and antioxidants. Both of these can help to stimulate blood flow, including to your genital region. There are also studies that say apples can improve the sex quality of young women. So, if it's been a minute since you've snacked on one, what are you waiting for, sis?
Apple Recipe: The Best Cheddar Apple Soup
2. Eggplant
I don't know about y'all but a question that irks me is, "What do you know how to cook?" Not because I mind discussing the kitchen and what happens in it, but what kind of general question is that? What I will say is one of my favorite DIY dishes is eggplant parmesan. Due to its texture, it's a great meat substitute. On the benefits tip, this is a fruit (yes, fruit) that contains a good amount of fiber and protein. It's also pretty cool as far as manganese content goes. If you're wondering what else makes it so good for you, eggplant contains antioxidants that fight off free radicals and it's known to keep blood sugar levels in check.
Sexually, it really should come as no surprise that eggplants are on the list (I mean, considering the emoji meaning and all), but if you're wondering exactly why this is the case, the potassium that's in it helps to lower one's blood pressure which can help your partner to maintain his erection. Eggplant also has Vitamin B6 which is awesome when it comes to boosting sexual performance overall.
Eggplant Recipe: Baigan Chokha
3. Pumpkin
Of course, pumpkins are on here! They are the quintessential fall food. Tons of fiber and protein, a huge amount of Vitamin A, some Vitamin C, potassium, copper, manganese and iron are all reasons to get in on this seasonal fall fruit. As a bonus, the antioxidants in pumpkin help to keep chronic diseases from forming, the beta-carotene in it can strengthen your immune system and it even contains compounds that are really good for your skin.
As far as your sex life goes, the focus needs to mostly go into the seeds of the pumpkin. That's because they are full of omega-3 fatty acids which are lipid compounds that help to keep your sexual health intact. Also, pumpkin seeds are known to support prostate health and, thanks to the zinc that they also have in them, pumpkin seeds can improve sperm quality if you and your partner are currently trying to conceive.
Pumpkin Recipe: Spiced Pumpkin Latte Cheesecake
4. Pears
Pears are one of those fruits that I have to be in the mood to eat yet I never regret it whenever I bite into one. Let me tell you, thanks to all of the fiber that's in it, it really is one of the sweetest ways to stay regular. Straight up. Aside from that, pears are good for you because they've got a fair amount of Vitamin C and copper. Pears also help to keep your gut in good shape, contain the compounds lutein and zeaxanthin which are good for your vision, are able to lower your diabetes risk, can help you to lose weight and are rich in flavonoids which ultimately reduce your body's chances of experiencing any inflammation.
Maybe it's just me but pears look kinda sexy, thanks to their feminine curves yet I digress (LOL). Because this fruit is full of anthocyanins, flavones and flavanones, it's got a pretty good reputation for naturally treating men who may deal with erectile dysfunction on some level.
Pear Recipe: Caramelized Pear and Bourbon Turnovers
5. Kale
Did you know that kale is a part of the cabbage family? While it's another food that you probably don't think about having a peak season, it is mostly harvested between the early fall and late wintertime. Since it happens to be a dark leafy green, I'm pretty sure that you know that, health-wise, kale's benefits are pretty much off the charts! Y'all, the daily value of Vitamin A in kale is 206 percent, in Vitamin C, it's 164 percent and in Vitamin K, it's a whopping 684 percent. The antioxidants quercetin and kaempferol in kale help to prevent the kind of oxidative damage that can lead to cancer. Kale also helps your system to build calcium and is a pretty good source of minerals like magnesium which can help to de-stress you.
It's actually the magnesium in kale that makes it a great food for sex. For one thing, it helps your body to produce the hormones that help to keep your libido intact. Magnesium also makes it easier for testosterone to flow freely throughout the body of men and women which results in your sex drive going up a couple of notches. And finally, because Vitamin A deficiency plays a direct role in fertility issues among so many women, if you want to make a baby, a kale salad or some kale chips can help you out — naturally.
Kale Recipe: Sautéed Kale
6. Figs
Figs are a bit of an acquired taste; still, I can get down with them when it comes to certain dishes. Health-wise, they are a good source of fiber. They're also known for boosting digestive health, improving blood fat levels, managing blood sugar levels and, in extract form, figs are pretty great at helping to boost collagen, strengthen skin cells and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
Remember how I said earlier that I think pears are kinda sexy in their appearance? This is how many people feel about figs; they even think its smell is a bit of a turn-on. When it comes to your actual sex life, though, the amino acids in this fruit can help to trigger your libido. Also, it has magnesium and potassium that can help to balance your body's electrolytes, decrease your body's blood pressure and increase your libido and stamina.
Fig Recipe: Fall Fig and Chicken Sandwich
7. Butternut Squash
You can also find butternut squash all of the time, but it is known to be best around this time of the year. What I really like about it is it's the kind of veggie that is, oddly enough, both sweet and nutty at the same time. And if you're looking for something that is pretty much a multivitamin-food, butternut squash has totally got your back because it's rich in fiber, protein, vitamins A and C and tons of other vitamins and minerals while being a low-calorie food too. The carotenoids (which is what gives the squash its color) help with cell growth as well as eye and bone health. It's also a food that's pretty good at supporting digestion and boosting your immunity.
OK, aside from the fact that in the sexual position world, there is something known as the "butternut squash" (chile…CHILE. You can read about it here), this is another food that is high in omega-3s which can also help to increase dopamine levels. This is a good thing because dopamine is a natural hormone that helps our system to detect when we experience feelings of pleasure and sex definitely falls under that category. Amen? Sho' you right.
Butternut Squash Recipe: Roasted Butternut Squash
8. Cranberries
Cranberry sauce. I'm pretty sure that at least half of y'all are gonna make or eat some before this year is out. Although, in their purest form, cranberries lean towards the tart/bitter side on the taste tip, they actually contain about four grams of fructose per serving. They also have a lot of fiber, a little bit of protein and some Vitamin B, C, E, manganese and copper, along with some pretty powerful plant compounds and antioxidants. I'm pretty certain that cranberry's most popular health benefit is it has phytonutrients in it that help to prevent and health UTIs (urinary tract infections). It's also got compounds that can help to prevent stomach ulcers and liver disease.
So, what can cranberries do for your sex life? The Vitamin C in them helps to synthesize sex and fertility hormones like androgen, estrogen and progesterone. The Vitamin E in them increases blood circulation from head to toe. The Vitamin Bs in them can relax you and stimulate your libido at the same time.
Cranberry Recipe: Cranberry Smoothie9. Arugula
If you've ever eaten arugula before, you know that it has a bit of a bitter and peppery taste to it. Vitamins A, C and K, potassium, folate and calcium are just some of the nutrients that it contains. Because it's also a dark leafy green, it's a good source of fiber, it helps to improve bone and teeth health, it supports your muscles working properly and it helps your cells to stay healthy and strong.
Between the nutrients that I just mentioned and the antioxidants that are also in arugula, it's a valid aphrodisiac because the properties in it also help to fight off free radicals — the kind that play a direct role in causing your libido to tank, if you're not careful.
Arugula Recipe: Thai Steak and Noodle Salad10. Passion Fruit
One more. How could something with the name "PASSION fruit" not be an aphrodisiac? Fiber, vitamins A and C, antioxidants and potassium are plentiful in this fruit, and they all work together to help to reduce your diabetes risk, boost your immunity, support your heart health and decrease any anxiety that you may be experiencing.
Because the potassium in this fruit helps to keep your blood pressure where it needs to be while its medicinal alkaloids and several phytonutrients help you to sleep well and the Vitamin A in it helps to produce testosterone (which you and your partner's libido absolutely need), this is why it can never hurt to bring a few slices of passion fruit into your boudoir. It's sweet. It's sexy. And it bona fide in-fall-season aphrodisiac. Eat up and enjoy!
Passion Fruit Recipe: Pan Fried Salmon with Passion Fruit Sauce
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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