The Scientific Reason For Why We Have 'I Feel Ugly' Days
I’ve said before that learning about the most random of things is one of my absolute favorite pastimes (I get it from my daddy). When it comes to this particular topic, though, what inspired it was a conversation that I was having with one of my clients about how to deal with her husband, who is “up” about 70 percent of the time — oh, but when he has a bad day, his energy tends to suck the life out of the house. He’s not mean, he’s just…low. And when she asks him why that is the case, he tends to say nothing more than “I’m just having a bad day.” (When I asked him for myself, he said that stress tends to overwhelm him at times.)
As she was asking for tips on how to deal with him when he’s in that kind of headspace, I ended up reading about the science of bad days, in general. The intel behind it? I don’t think that it will shock a lot of y’all. What it all basically boils down to is, if we think that we’re going to have a bad day or we’re in a bad mood and choose to stay that way, a bad day is exactly what we’re going to have. In other words, our mind has more power than our emotions to create whatever it is that we want (always remember that).
For instance, some studies reveal that more accidents tend to happen on Friday the 13th because a lot of folks put so much focus on it being a “bad luck day” that they end up cultivating circumstances for bad things to happen, oftentimes without even being (fully) aware of it.
Hmm…so if that’s the case when it comes to bad days overall, could there be some sort of correlation between why we have days when we feel way less attractive than others? Let’s do some digging and see.
Is There Really Such a Thing As “Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed?”
GiphyOkay, so before we get into the feeling ugly/unattractive part, since sometimes we call that “getting up on the wrong side of the bed,” how much truth is there to that saying? Good question. Again,when we get science in on all of this, it actually holds some weight and relevance. Probably the easiest way to explain it is our bodies naturally go through what are known as “mood cycles,” and it would appear that our lowest points happen around 5 a.m. while our highest is at 5 p.m. (right after work?!). What can intensify us having a lower mood is if we didn’t get a good night’s rest (or we dreamed something crazy because apparently there is a correlation betweendreams and the state of our mental health) — and well, there you have it: waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
So, if there is a scientific reason for being in a bad mood when you get up, can there also be one for not feeling like you look all that great as well?
Why Do You Feel Ugly Some Days and Not on Others?
GiphyIt’s another message for another time,all of the backstories behind whywe feel “ugly” sometimes. From the toxicity of the media and its beauty standards to whatever we heard from our parents and caregivers (about what beauty is and isn’t) to how we compare ourselves with our peers to the fact that all of us battle with self-esteem issues at some point or another — the reasons are vast. What I’m tackling today is why it seems like some mornings, we can wake up and grin back at our reflection while, just 24 hours (or a few days) later, we can damn near hate all of what we see…when the reflection hasn’t really switched up much at all.
Are you ready for what I found? When it comes to women, specifically, once again, you can “thank” your period. The word on the street is that when we go through what is known as the luteal phase (which is when our uterine lining thickens in order to prepare for the possibility of a fertilized egg), the increased levels of estrogen and progesterone can wear us all the way out by leading to fatigue, erratic mood swings and, at the end of the day, just feeling kind of crappy overall (especially since that can be when we end up with period pimples and bloating too).
And what if you’re older and you’re shifting out of consistent menstrual cycles as you head towards the latter part of perimenopause and then menopause (and post-menopause)? There is also something known as “perimenopause depression,” where your estrogen levels significantly drop, and that can result in irritability, weight gain, and yes, feelings surroundinglow self-esteem.
In fact, sinceestrogen fluctuates pretty much every month — that can be another cause of semi-unpredictable “ugly” days: when your estrogen is low, you just don’t feel as great as when it is high(er); this is especially the case if your “feel-good hormones” like serotonin and dopamine aren’t where they need to be too.
What Do You Do on Days You Feel Ugly?
GiphySo now that you’re able to somewhat connect the dots when it comes to the reasons why you sometimes just don’t feel your best, is there anything that you can do about it — or do you just have to avoid all mirrors and hope that the next day will be better?
I’ve got a few tips that just might help.
Balance your hormones out (just a bit). Believe it or not, there are certain things that you can do that can help to balance your hormones out rather quickly: exercise; consume more protein (it can help to decrease stress and anxiety); eat less sugar (it can have your hormones going all over the place); take care of your gut (check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.”), and take a quick nap (so that you can “recharge”). Also, stepping out into the sun and hanging out with friends can help elevate your serotonin while listening to music and meditating can increase your dopamine.
Put on your favorite color and scent. Color psychology really is a thing (check out “Understanding Color Psychology Will Sharpen Your Lens On Life”). So, when you’re not feeling great about yourself, opt for a hue that professes otherwise.For instance, while yellow represents happiness and, green represents balance, pink represents love and blue represents calm. Also, believe it or not, there are scents that can help you to feel better about yourself, too.Some of those include citrus (it makes you feel joyful and energetic), lavender (it can make you feel more feminine),and sandalwood (it can make you feel sexier).
Do what makes you feel beautiful. I don’t know about y’all, but on the days when I’m “mirror dodging,” it’s easy to stay in that rut. Now I’m in dark colors, I’m rolling my eyes at putting on lipstick, and it’s easier to stay negative throughout the day. If you can certainly relate, the thing to keep in mind is there is “feeling ugly,” and then there is “believing that you are” — and your thoughts are stronger than your feelings.
That said, do what makes you feel beautiful by thinking about the actions that you can take to help with that. Paint your toes another color. Wear something that makes you feel extra pretty. Soak in a long and luxurious bath. Jot down a quick list of things that you love about yourself. Have some really amazing sex! At the end of the day, by definition, "beautiful" is about pleasure and satisfaction — so put your focus on what will cultivate those feelings for you.
___
One of those “days” is coming (again). Hopefully, all of this makes them make more sense.
Sis, you don’t have to take an “I feel ugly out of nowhere” day lying down.
When your hormones are clowning, now you know what to do to feel like your ole’ beautiful self — again.
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- How I Let Go of My Insecurities & Owned My Stretch Marks ›
- An Honest Conversation: I DON'T Have Pretty Privilege. And It Sucks. ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Here’s How To Start Running As A Beginner, According To An Expert
As the summer heats up, so does the desire to participate in outdoor activities that keep you moving and connected to others. Among these extracurriculars, running checks all the boxes.
If you look anywhere on TikTok, you might think that just about everyone is running these days. It only takes a few scrolls before you stumble across someone taking their viewers along for 10-mile runs or trading dating apps for run clubs.
Running is beginner-friendly, requires little investment, and offers a number of mental and physical health benefits, so it’s clear why the sport has become the hottest new hobby to participate in. And if you’re one of the countless individuals inspired to lace up your shoes and hit the pavement, you might be looking for a few practical tips to start your own running journey.
"The most important thing you can do for yourself as a runner or someone who's interested in starting to run is being consistent," Ashlee Green, co-founder of RUNGRL, a digital-first community for Black women distance runners, tells xoNecole.
When Green first began her running journey, she recalls never quite seeing herself as a runner “and certainly not an athlete.” It wasn’t until she moved to Chicago and worked for the city’s Nike store that her views on the sport began to expand. “I had a friend who ran, I had access to shoes, I had access to the Lakefront,” which eventually became her personal track.
A move to Washington, D.C., led to her joining a local running club, District Running Collective, which not only solidified running as a core part of her wellness practice but a cornerstone to building community.
“Community is absolutely what helped me to feel like I was an athlete and an actual runner,” she says. “It was through the opportunity to both show up as a community member and, over time, as a community leader, that deepened my commitment to the sport for myself and the impact that it would have on other people.”
Through RUNGRL, Green has since created a supportive environment along with her co-founder that encourages beginners to start where they are, grow in their journey alongside like-minded women, and “ultimately inspire more Black women to get and stay moving.”
To help get your running journey off on the right foot, Green spoke with xoNecole to provide the best tips for building stamina, finding a run club that fits your needs, and becoming the runner you desire to be.
Consistency Is Key.
“I feel like there's this sort of general, societal understanding that running must be easy, but it's not,” she says. “What does help it become easier is when you're consistent and committed to showing up for yourself and the miles on a consistent basis.”
“That doesn't mean you need to be running six or seven days a week. But what it does mean is that you’re committed to twice a week, three times a week, or whatever works for you and your schedule,” she adds. “Move your body and find ways to build up the stamina and the endurance you’re seeking because everybody's journey is different.”
Find an Accountability Partner.
“Having your ‘gworls’ with you makes it a lot easier,” Green says. “Somebody who can go through the experience with you, talk about how you're feeling, and tell you that your hair still looks great even though you're out there sweating. Having friends along the way, I have found, has made the journey better. Everything is better with your girls.”
Set a Personal Goal.
Green tells us, “Signing up for a race or just having an end goal and something to work towards makes it easier to build a plan or establish consistency because you’re working towards something specific.”
“Whether you want to run a mile by a certain day or sign up for this 5k, setting those types of goals helps you to have something to look forward to and work towards.”
Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.
“A lot of the times on the internet, we see success stories and people crossing the finish line, but running hardly ever looks like that all the time,” she says. “Most of the time, it sucks. I don't always physically enjoy the act of running, but what I do enjoy and appreciate, is what it brings and will continue to bring to my life: movement, wellness, community, accountability, and representation.”
“You don't have to compare yourself to the next person — you don't know what they're going through off of Instagram. One foot in front of the other is all that you can control, and that's all that you should feel beholden to in your process.”
Choosing the Best Run Club for You.
Green advises, “Seek out the groups, the clubs, and the crews that are into running for community, accountability, and creating safe spaces for people like us. This particular boom is really interesting, and it's trending around dating and things like that, which, in my opinion, takes away the feelings of safety and showing up because I want to be well and better myself.”
“So seek out groups that are in it for the right reasons as you are in search of your best self,” she adds.
Adopt a Healthy Mindset.
“One of the things that I often tell myself is, ‘You can do hard things.” Another one that RunGurl says all the time, “If you run a mile, you can do anything,” Green says. “One thing that I find myself saying when I’m actively running is, “No matter where you are on the run, you can do anything for 10 minutes. You can do anything for five minutes. You can do anything for however much longer you have to go. It's only a set amount of time left, but I can do it, I can show up for myself, and I will get through it.”
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