
It's been some months since that vision board party where you and your friends vowed to manifest the lives you know you deserve. Everyone brought some food, drinks and old magazines. As you cut out images that represent your deep desires and pasted it to a large cardboard, you became excited about the possibilities for this year.
Maybe you went home and hung it up on the bedroom wall so you can look at it every night before going into a dream state. Or, you were bold enough to have it on display in the living room as a constant reminder of the life you want. Every day, you've been holding the vision, taking action steps and being steadfast in faith. Even when your mind started to betray you, you kept a positive attitude. But, let's be honest. Nothing is materializing and you're about to snap!
There's nothing wrong with having a clear vision for how you want to experience life. In the book, Truth, Triumph and Transformation, by Sandra Anne Taylor, she adds, "Life isn't only about making money or owning nice things, and the energy of the world has a far broader purpose. Limiting our viewpoint will actually reduce the profound power that energy and consciousness can bring to your daily life…"
Although you can never separate yourself from the Source of all creation, there are several reasons why the energy is limited or blocked from materializing into your desires.
Your Desires Are Not Aligned with Your Divine Mission

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You are a spirit having a human experience. Spirit is eternal and has chosen to materialize as you for a specific time and reason that goes beyond enjoying physical sensations.
You have unique gifts, skills and talents that are to be shared with the world. No one else has this treasure trove the way you do or can share it like you. When these superpowers are charged with an intention that benefits all creation, you are aligning yourself with your mission.
Maybe you want a certain car to prove that you "made it". You can change your intention to manifest that same car because it will help you travel wherever you need to go to share your gifts with people who need them.
When your desires are aligned with the greatest and highest good for all, the world opens up to you.
Your Eating Habits Lower Your Vibration

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In general, people know having a positive attitude keeps your energy high, and makes it easier to attract what you want. Food is also energy. Either it is increasing your vibration or diminishing it.
Everyone is designed to serve humanity or fulfill their mission in a variety of ways. You may see someone eating junk food all day everyday that can manifest whatever they want in life. But that might not be you. How do you know? Look at your life.
Your present existence is always giving you feedback. And it doesn't lie.
Think of a time when you cut back on sweets and started exercising. Did you have more energy? Did you feel like you were in the flow of life? Did you get more clarity? Were you able to resolve some issues?
Try an experiment. For the next 30 days, choose three items to remove from your diet. They must be things you love, but know you don't have any business eating. And no cheating! Journal daily so you can keep track of any out-of-the-ordinary occurrences.
This experiment will also help release any guilt, shame or judgment you may feel by eating something you think isn't good for you. This will improve your vibration. See, it's already working!
Low-Energy Sexual Partner(s)

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There was a woman who thought her husband gave her a STD. She felt a burning sensation every time they had sex. She visited the doctor several times, and each time, the doctor gave her the same results: Nothing.
Finally, she had a dream, which revealed that she didn't want to be married anymore. Her body was literally communicating to her that he was no longer allowed in the temple. Once she admitted this truth, the symptoms were gone. And so was he. Remember, you have a divine mission, and the entire universe aligns itself to support you in fulfilling it. Free will is a gift and a curse.
You must be honest about the type of partner with whom you have chosen to exchange energy. That's exactly what it is, an exchange of energy.
At some point in your life, you've walked away from relationships because it was too draining. They caused confusion. You were on their emotional roller coaster. And at the end of the day, the relationship was all about you being there for them. This is part of Energy Vampire-ism. More on that later.
For right now, the question is: Are you receiving loving, healthy energy that helps sustain your high vibration or even increase it? If not, then you have to choose: Do you want short-term physical satisfaction or live a better quality of life?
Truth be told: Your intuition told you about them when they opened their mouth to speak to you. So, you know what to do.
Unhealthy Relationship with Money

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Have you ever wanted a certain amount of money and got it? How did it feel? It probably felt like heaven – for a moment. But then, you noticed that high is steadily dissipating into one of two things: uneasiness or boredom.
If you feel a little anxious after receiving money, then it might be because you know another financial problem is just around the corner.
This can become a vicious cycle – need some money, receive money, spend money, and broke again. You're in a constant state of worry and may sacrifice self-love and self-respect to get your needs met. You accept less pay, work in an unhealthy environment or succumb to other conditions that compromise your well-being. Your life is focused on surviving, not thriving at the highest level of existence.
Or, your bills are paid and you have a certain amount of "disposable income." And so, you throw it away on meaningless items. Your direct deposit hits midnight Friday. By Monday morning, you're out $300 and have nothing of real value to show for it. Money has no real meaning to you.
The money you have now is the materialization of Spirit. Be grateful. Pay your bills with appreciation.
Never say you don't have enough because that paycheck was never meant to make you rich. It was to pay you for a service. That's it. The infinite Presence of the Most High is the Source of all wealth, which includes prosperity, divine health, and relationships, love, joy, creativity, success, etc.
Does your monthly bank statement reflect your beliefs and principles? Every time you purchase something, it is an investment in your values. At its best, money is a spiritual tool supporting you to fulfill your mission. Charge your money with an intention to use it to serve your higher calling. The energy will flow with a greater purpose and will be aligned with the Universe.
Energy Vampire-ism

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Energy is the force that fuels all life. You can't exist without it. Our society thrives on the exchange of energy. We trade time, gifts and talents for payment. We barter our resources for a variety of reasons. College students intern for free to receive exposure and invaluable skill sets. On the other end of the spectrum, once there was a male friend who paid an electricity bill on a monthly basis in exchange for guaranteed sex.
Constantly trading resources to get our needs met can condition us to think our source of energy should come from another person. When this happens, there are usually unmet expectations and hurt feelings.
Your partner expects you to make them happy even though they have no clue about what brings them joy. A boss tells you he/she is disappointed with your performance as if your actions control how they feel. That's a sneaky one. Your work performance may not meet the requirements, but your boss must manage him/her own emotional response to it, not you. Don't let your boss program you to think it's your responsibility to make them happy through your work. Anyway...
This type of energy vampire-ism is noticeable because you'll feel tired and weary. What about energy vampires that are undetectable?
It can be argued the worst energy vampire is the energy of indifference and idleness.
How much time do you spend on social media or online? You've had the experience of checking some celeb's page, and an hour later, you're looking at something stupid, just killing time. Or you accept a phone call your intuition told you to decline. You listen to them talk and may even have a few laughs. Afterwards, you're not drained, but you're not energized either. In fact, if you had not answered the call, your life wouldn't have missed it.
You think no harm was done. Well, time is an illusion.
All you have is now. You breathe now. Your heart beats now. You exist in the now. And if you're spending all of your existence on frivolous things that doesn't move you closer to your vision, you aren't harnessing the energy necessary to attract what you really want.
For the next 30 days, limit your social and online playtime to one hour a day. Then, record in your journal your daily accomplishments. You will be able to track your energy investments, and your progress to manifesting your desires.
As Taylor says in the book, "You can deny it if you want, but you do have an eternal identity; and your soul has its own intentions. Unfortunately, they may be entirely different from your personal intentions of making money or achieving success. The truth is that when you align your soul's intention with your goals, you'll unlock all the mysteries and open the door to ultimate abundance."
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Originally published on May 16, 2019.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Sergio Hudson On Designing With Intention And Who Gets Left Out Of The Industry
Sergio Hudson dreamt big as a young South Carolina boy staring out of the window of his mom’s Volvo driving down the Ridgeway, South Carolina streets. Those dreams led him to design opulent tailoring that’s been worn by Beyoncé, Queen Latifah, former Vice President Kamala Harris and Forever First Lady Michelle Obama, just to name a few.
Those dreams have come full circle in a new way as he recently collaborated with Volvo for a mini capsule collection suitable for chic and stylish moments this fall. The 40-year-old designer follows a long legacy of fashion aficionados who’ve used their innovation to push the automotive industry forward, including Virgil Abloh, Eddie Bauer, Paul Smith and Jeremy Scott.
Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.

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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”

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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”

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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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