We Asked 10 Men What Makes A Woman “Wife Material”
There are a billion times 10 reasons why I think it's important for women to have men as friends. One of them is because, if you really want to know how a man thinks, although everyone is an individual, other men are gonna give you a much more realistic (and reliable) perspective than other women will. This includes when it comes to the topic of marriage.
Now before you roll your eyes and say the last thing (most) men want to think about, let alone discuss, is marriage, I've done some (statistical) digging around. From what I've found, that's simply not true. Men tend to fall in love at first sight far more than women do. Men crave romance far more than they are given credit for. And, once a marital union actually does come to an end, guess who ends it first, the most? Women (70 percent of all divorces are filed by women). Since some studies reveal that married men live longer, make more money and have better sex than single fellas do, that alone explains why they're not so quick to call it quits.
But after reading a feature on Today's site about what makes men want to marry certain women and not others, I decided to conduct a personal study of my own. I hit up a few single, married and divorced men—all handsome, all successful and all good guys—to share with me what life, love and the pursuit of marital bliss (or at least relational contentment) has taught them about what truly makes a woman someone they want to wife up.
Christopher, 48, Married
"Something that's really attractive to me is a woman who carries herself well in public. I'm not just talking about her appearance; a lot of women are great at that. I mean, someone who knows when to put her game face on. Whatever transpired at home or even on the way to where we're going, she doesn't feel the need to share it with others—whether it's with her words, her facial expressions or her energy."
"Men feel safe when the woman they love knows that their business is their business."
Stephen, 35, Single
"I'm looking for someone who's on the same vibration as me. I used to be the kind of person who thought that so long as I was attracted to someone and she was attracted to me that it was a true connection. Now I realize that we need to agree on certain things—ethics, values, faith. It's also important to be open to growth and to be able to receive new information without putting up a wall. I am always pursuing growth. Marriage material, to me, is a woman who can complement that because she's pursuing her own evolution too."
Marcus, 52, Divorced
"People really underestimate the power of interdependence. I'm drawn to a woman who knows that our relationship exists because we need to be able to lean and depend on one another. But, at the same time, she's still self-aware enough to be able to stand on her own."
Stephen, 46, Married
"A woman who takes on personal accountability for her actions is really attractive to me. I once heard my pastor say that a lot of us have a tendency to rationa-LIE our way out of things instead of taking ownership for what we do wrong. We'll deflect, shift blame, manipulate—do anything but say 'I was wrong. I apologize.' A lot of precious time can be spared if when you know you made a mistake or even did something that you knew was going to cause conflict that you just…own it. Otherwise, I start to wonder if there is some sneakiness or deception going on. And that leads to a breakdown in trust."
Jay, 50, Married
"Something that I didn't really consider before getting married is how important it is to be with a woman who truly believes in you. I don't just mean when it comes to supporting your dreams and goals."
"I mean someone who can look past your flaws and imperfections and still have your back. My wife does that and it's a real confidence-builder and super-empowering for me."
Aaron, 36, Married
"It's important for a woman to see sex and affection as more than just a desire; those are things that she needs to need just as much as I do. Some women use sex as nothing more than a bargaining chip and that is something a man can sense from a mile away. Marriage is too much of a long-term and serious commitment to be with someone who isn't as into intimacy as you are—or isn't at least willing to explore getting there."
Javis, 30, Single
"It's beautiful when a woman is really strong in her faith. Once you get married, so many things will test your love in your partner, sometimes even your faith in God. When a woman isn't swayed by trials or even her emotions during the hard times because she is unwavering in her faith, she is priceless."
"A woman who isn't enslaved by her feelings is golden."
Bryant, 28, Single
"I think a woman who encompasses peace is major marriage material. I think it's a misconception that men are afraid of commitment. What we're actually 'afraid' of is getting with someone who is going to bring anxiety and stress into our space—a woman who will make us feel like life was sooo much better when we were single. When we know that a woman is secure in herself and she thinks that 'home' should be synonymous with relational tranquility, we'll put a ring on her finger in a heartbeat!"
Wyman, 32, Married
"A woman who is sexy and knows it is marriage material to me. Sexiness isn't about looking like a cover model, being a size 0 or having long hair or a big butt. Sexiness is knowing what makes you different from everyone else and wanting to show that off, in and out of the bedroom. You can't be sexy and not be confident at the same time. Sexy women have sex with the lights on. Sexy women always have something spontaneous and a little mysterious up under their sleeve. Sexy women can draw you in with their eyes alone."
"Never underestimate the power of a truly sexy woman and how she can satisfy you in a marriage."
Donte', 39, Divorced
"Someone who embraces her femininity and respects my masculinity is fire. In my first marriage, it started to become more and more apparent that my wife wasn't looking for a man. She was looking for a woman who had male genitalia. Men and women are designed by God to have different approaches and feelings about, pretty much everything. Embracing that is what creates our balance. A woman who doesn't fight against that is one in a million."
This is some good stuff worth pondering. So, the next time you and your girlfriends are having a wine down and the topic of marriage material comes up, use this article to bring up some thinking points or FaceTime some of the men in your life. What they say just might surprise you. At the very least, you can trust it because it's coming from the male's perspective.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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7 Black Men On TikTok Making Everyday Living Look ThirstTrappy
You know how many of us, ladies, keep wondering why men don’t have the same sexy, handsome looks of yesteryear? That look from the ‘60s to the ‘90s? I FOUND THEM. And guess what? They’re doing what “real” men do best…simply making themselves handy (and not just in the traditional, gendered sense of the word). These fellas make it easy to fantasize about the reality that there are still good men out there – men who come into the lives of women and make it easier and softer by contributing every day but meaningful ways.
No, I don’t know them in real life because I found them via TikTok, but that’s the fun of fantasizing. You get to take one piece of the pie and make up the rest of it as you go alone. It’s like a game of MASH–choose your fighter and then go from there.
When I was watching their videos, I was totally unaware that my libido had been laying so low OR how attractive a useful man was until I tuned in to these guys (it started with Cam, and you’ll see why shortly). And I don’t mean to make it sound like men are only as good as what they can do for you, but I think it’s safe to say that far too many men are weaponizing their incompetence and enjoy being cared for but aren’t as quick to pour back into the women keeping their day-to-day afloat. Not even in minimal ways.
That said, these men seem to be a breath of fresh air on a sunshiny day. And, allow me to be wholesome and candid for a minute but they made me optimistic that there is hope for us after all. That we can find husbands and fathers who allow us to exist in this world with less harm and hope.
And, on a less wholesome note… never mind. I choose to keep it cute, but you’ll soon know exactly why this feels like a helluva task in just a moment. The other refreshing thing about many of these videos is the ASMR vibes – very cathartic to watch; really brings a sense of peace and calm over you. And, not to gas it, but if watching a man in action in that way via TikTok does that, JUST imagine what having the real thing would be like. My God.
Here are seven Black men on TikTok making everyday living look thirstrappy AF.
Cam
@renaissancecam subsist ⚙️ #vlog #dailyvlog #sundayvlog #peace #adayinthelife #gardening #handyman #rotties #bbq #pitmaster #juicing #health #healthy #fruit #fyp #explore #foryou #viral #menshealth #farming #country #outdoors #dogs #landscaping #food #vibes
Not only does Cam (28 and single) understand the assignment when it comes to carefully selecting Sunday’s cleaning playlist but he also was handcrafted by God himself, giving us #TradMan in only the best ways possible. Based on my lurking/Inspector Gadget deep dive through his content, he chops wood, gardens, fishes, and cooks–it’s no mistake that his handle is Renaissance Cam. And, ladies, I was able to get a few other little details about him because we all know curiosity kills the cat. No need to stay curious when we can just know. Yes, he’s single. He’s a Leo. And his ideal first date is a picnic at his favorite sunset island near one of the spots where he likes to fish.
Derwynn
@lifeofdwho Look how dirty my washing machine was 🤢🤮 . . #sundayreset #sundayroutine #cleaninghacks #cleaningmotivation #homefragrance #fyp #explorepage
Next up is Derwynn, who is more of a modern man. His content centers on his Sunday resets which entail deep cleaning his home–and, if you know, you know–Black household law is that this type of cleaning must occur on Sundays. And, man, ol’ man, does he make cleaning look good. It’s no wonder more men don’t do this willingly. Most have speculated that he’s a Virgo, but he’s actually a Cancer (but maybe he has other Virgo placements throughout?)
Deon
@chakmahtheking Brcome someone you woukd be proud of‼️ Don’t settle, you’re a KING! Follw me on IG @chakmahtheking #fyp #diy #motivation #jackofalltrades #king
Mister DIY himself, in living color! Admittedly, I did have to mute that Rocky music, but all the fix-it action 100 percent makes up for that. I don’t know him, but it’s giving “my man, my man, my man” type of delusion the minute I saw him handle that power tool (like my little pun). Unlike the first two, Deon isn’t quite as subtle in his understanding that he is indeed a prize (not to be confused with thee prize, y’all). But, he is, in fact, a man that adds value in many ways. And, this is what we mean when we say bring back these men – the good with their hands, easy on the eyes type men – and we’ll bust out the apron and the table settings.
Oklahoma Cowboys
@oklahomacowboys0 🤠 #oklahomacowboys #rodeo #blackcowboys #fyp #explorepage #cowboy #blacktiktok #fypシ #losangeles #countryboy #billpickettrodeo #race
When Destiny’s Child said, “they always be talkin’ that country slang,” I imagine these are the type of men they had in mind. Cause the video alone gone bring out my Southern ancestors in my spirit, and I was born and raised in Michigan. Babbbby, this is a retro type of man, and I’m here for it. It’s also a personal belief of mine that it speaks volumes about a man’s ability to nurture in the way that they care for animals and, in turn, the way animals respond to them. What’s that they say about animals and children being the best judges of character? Unfortunately, we don’t have a name for this cowboy, but fortunately, this page is action-packed with other cowboys.
John Doe
@atvmvp #honda #hondaaccord #carsoftiktok #cars #bodywork #painting #spraypaint #restoration #accidentrepair #southcarolina #blackmen #cartok #cartiktok #7thgenaccord #blackentrepreneur #blackdudes #budgetfriendly #voiceover #countryboy
While it’s always safest to have a bald-headed daddy to handle all your car issues, it definitely doesn’t hurt to have a car-fixing zaddy on call, too. Well, here you go! Out in the garage, in the hoop shorts and the slides – now him coming inside smelling like outside, car parts, and fading cologne. We also stan a frugal, problem-solving king! Peep how he purchased a used car and a five-dollar can of spray paint and got to work. The definition of getting it out the mud, if you ask me.
Stephen
@styleunrivaled #fyp #trending #viral #atx #car #ignitioncoil
Impressive, I must say. This gentleman, Stephen, walks us through replacing his ignition coils, but he also makes himself useful in other ways. That’s word to his other TikTok, where he offers the young fellas who want to argue about why women aren’t submissive instead of giving them something worth submitting to advice.
Lee
@leeshomeimprovement Deck for the chicken coop #fyp #foryou #dmv #blacktiktok #watchthis #explore #HousestoHomes #HomeImprovement #BuildingstoCompanies #blackmenbuilds #building #constructing #StayFocused #menwithdreads #follow #share #baltimore #HGTV
While this video doesn’t quite show Lee’s face, it does show his craftsmanship. I mean, it looks secure enough–I don’t know too much about building decks, but I do know this looks about right.. As for the rest, I scoped out the facecard on his other videos, and he is worthy of this list.
These men were difficult to come by, and I’m not sure if it has to do with the ratio of podcast mics to rakes/power drills/etc. Or because they’re simply not documenting themselves. But you should know that we’re looking for some more of these men folk to lust after while they check off the one honey-do list item within their reach through the internet … the one with my Rosé. Send more over! Tag them. I might even start a Make Men Great Again campaign on behalf of these brothas.
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Feature image by @renaissancecam/ Instagram, @steviie_j/ Instagram, @derwynnwho/ Instagram