

One of the reasons why I think it's important to tackle topics like this is because it's a reminder that when it comes to finding the one who is truly right for you, it's not really a one-size-fits-all kind of process. It's wise to keep this in mind because, if you're not careful, you'll hear someone else's love story, admire it, then think that if you do things exactly like they did—BOOM your man will suddenly appear. And then be pissed if "he" doesn't
Yes, y'all, I get it. Some women have written a list of what they wanted in a man and everything on the list did indeed manifest. Along those same lines, we've featured stories on the site of women who had a tattoo that made a romantic connection happen, prayed a particular prayer and got married—the testimonies go on and on. But just like those ladies are individuals with their own unique romantic journey, sis, so are you. That's why it's essential to pray, meditate, ponder on what is the best "method" for you to take in your quest for love.
Oh, and if you're hellbent on comprising a list, here are some things you should seriously consider first—just so you are able to keep a balanced and realistic perspective on what a what-I-want-in-a-man list can—and cannot—do for you.
PRO: You’ll Have Clear Direction About What You Want
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's heard that it's not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you're hungry and/or when you don't have a list in tow. If you do, everything that you see will look good to you and/or you could end up getting things that you already have, don't need or even really want. Along these same lines, that's why it can be a good idea to create a list of what you want in a man before getting into a relationship. While it's another message for another time that it can also be a good idea to not "shop for a relationship" when you're "hungry"—and by that, what I mean is needy—when you've taken the time to think about what you truly desire in a person, as well as a relationship, it can bring forth a clarity that cultivates the kind of self-confidence that reminds you not to settle for less.
CON: You Could Find Yourself Closed Off to What You Actually Need
If you don't get anything else out of this article, please hear me when I say that wants and needs are not always or automatically the same things. I can't tell you how many couples I have worked with who totally regret the spouse that they chose (if you quietly can relate, check out "What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?") because they were more focused on what they wanted than what they actually needed. What's the difference? There's one woman I know who was caught up in her now-husband, ever since I met her. He's fine. He's talented. A lot of women lusted him. I get it. But his work ethic sucks. While she was out here being focused on wanting him, she didn't really focus on needing someone who would be a good provider (among other things). So now, she's out here doing most of the work (literally) and that's been the case for many years.
A potential con that comes from the "what I want in a man" list is you can be tempted to treat it a lot like a Christmas wish list. You're so busy thinking about what tickles your fancy, that you're not really pondering what would be good, long-term, for your mind, body and spirit.
It takes a lot of maturity to realize that needs should definitely come before wants, across the board, in life. If you do decide to compile a list, make sure that necessities always trump fleeting cravings and desires.
PRO: Your List Can Keep You from Being Superficial
A wise person once said, "If you don't have a map, you don't know where you are going." Along with that, I once heard Bishop TD Jakes say that if all you want is to be with someone, nothing but "something" could be all that you end up with. In other words, when you're not thoughtful about what you desire, it can be easy to get distracted. Trust me, I know from whence I speak. There are some men in my past who were able to reel me in, bed me up and totally waste my time, all because I was caught up in the superficial of what they had to offer—good looks, semi-great sex and something to do. That's cool but it's also pretty shallow and superficial.
That's why it's important to create a list that reflects the quality of relationship that you want, not just the kind of man that you desire. Hear me when I say that there is a lot of "fine nothingness" walking around out here who might be a good time but won't hold you down when ish hits the fan and you're looking for real long-lasting love and support.
CON: Your List May Actually Be Hypocritical and/or Unrealistic
Another potential downside of creating this kind of list is you can find yourself wanting what you, yourself are not. For instance, I know one woman who said that a man who'd been married before or had kids was non-negotiable. I mean, go off, sis—that is your right. But what's interesting about that is she was already twice-divorced with two children of her own. I know another woman who wanted a man with a six-figure income while she was in five-figure debt. Then there's the woman who wanted a man with a six-pack but said she refused to go to the gym herself because "her husband should love her just as she is".
Yep. It can be really easy to create a "what I want in a man" list that oozes with hypocrisy that may even teeter on the side of being unrealistic. One way to avoid this "con" is, after you finish your list, purpose in your mind to make sure you are what you desire. That significantly ups your chances of attracting what you wrote down anyway.
PRO: You’ll Be Able to Nip Ish in the Bud Much Quicker
If there is one thing that I do actually like a lot about creating this type of list is it can help you to spot BS much quicker. If you want a man who is interested in marriage, then you won't go past a couple of dates when someone who says he doesn't want anything long-term. If you want to be with a man who has certain values, you'll nix the potential for a relationship the moment he shows that he isn't on the same page as you are. If you want a man who is spiritually at a certain level, why keep seeing someone who couldn't care less about God or his purpose?
Time is valuable. It's something you can't even get back. One benefit of having this kind of list ready before you start seeing someone new is it can let you know if something should last for three dates or—not.
CON: You Might Not Recognize the Universe Is Operating in an Unexpected Way
What inspired me to write this is this con right here. There are some women I know who can personally attest to the fact that they were so—pardon the pun—married to their own list of what they wanted in a man that when their now-husband came into their life, they almost missed out on him. For some, he didn't look the way they wanted him to. For others, their husband had certain personality traits that, while initially they didn't think they would be drawn to, it has actually balanced them out in the long run. Some didn't want a man with kids, but they have come to adore his children as their own. Others didn't want a "dreamer" but now he's a thriving entrepreneur. Some wanted to meet their man at church but ran into him at a football game. Others wanted him to come at a certain time, but he either came much earlier or…much later.
I can pretty much guess what some of y'all might be thinking. When you take this particular point into account, why come up with a list at all? At the end of the day, what I'm really trying to say is a list is cool, but it's best to use it as a guideline not some written law that has no room for editing—or for the Universe to alter if it so chooses. Bottom line, if you want to write a list, do so. Yet allow space in your head and heart for life to surprise you too…with a lot of what you want and even more of what you really and truly need.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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