Ciara Finally Lets Us In On The Prayer That Led Her To Russell Wilson
What if the man of your dreams was right around the corner, and only waiting on you to fall in love with yourself, first? God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes, His plan requires a lot of heavy lifting on your part. While He is our protector, provider, comforter, and salvation, faith without work is dead. Expecting to find love when you don't love yourself is also, dead AF. Recently, R&B singer Ciara took us to church in her most recent interview with Angie Martinez where we learned that doing the work can sometimes mean learning to love the woman staring back at you in the mirror.
Since Ciara and Russell Wilson got married in 2016, single women everywhere have been scouring the church pews in search of the fateful prayer the 33-year-old "Level Up" singer said in order that to secure the man of her dreams, and sis finally gave up a sip of the proverbial tea.
TheBeauty Markssinger explained that after her very public breakup with her ex-fiancé, she feared that the world would view her as a failure. It was at this point that the mother-of-two discovered that to love herself, she had to uncover some bad habits and stop them in their tracks. She explained:
"There's a moment of reflection where you look and you have to say okay, 'what am I doing?' There's something I'm doing that's consistent. And if you keep doing the same thing over and over [it] is insanity."
The next time you blame God for not sending you the man of your dreams yet, check yourself first. Along with finding the power to love herself, Ciara said that she also had to master the power of discernment and adjust accordingly.
"If you keep running into a roadblock or like, the wall, at some point in time you gotta go, okay something has gotta be a little different here. I've gotta do something different. That's just real, right? Especially when you want to grow, right? You gotta be real with yourself. I was really real with myself and I think it was also because I was ready to be at a certain place. Cause sometimes we're not ready for where we're supposed to be, we're not ready for where we're about to go."
It wasn't until she found the courage to stop seeking a partner and focus on herself that Ciara was able to truly discern the qualities that she wanted in a man.
"When I started to get myself centered, I started to understand the power of loving myself. I had to commit to that idea. Let me love myself, let me get myself in the right place so that I can love myself. If I love myself, I believe I can get the love that I deserve."
Rome wasn't built in a day and really, truly loving yourself won't happen overnight. When you know better, you do better, and Ciara was willing to set aside four single years to get to know herself the best she could.
"I was really ready to take my time and be patient and let love fall in place the right way because I deserve something new, I desire something different. I deserve to be loved to the highest capacity, and to be loved the way I deserve."
Although Ciara says that there was no one prayer that led her to Russell, she explained that she was very specific in her requests to God about her husband-to-be.
"I prayed for a God-fearing man. I prayed for discernment. I prayed for wisdom - to really learn from the wisdom that I've gained from the experience I'm going through. I prayed for a man that loved kids because obviously, me having my son if you love me, you gotta love him. I prayed for a man that was worldly as well, because I love to explore, so someone that's going to edify my world is important to me. I was ready to level up."
And level up, she did indeed. Russell and Ciara are constantly doting on each other like the adorable rich aunt and uncle that they are, and Ciara says she was only able to discover this euphoric happiness because she stopped praying for what she wanted and started asking God for what she needed.
"I did pray for what I needed, too. That's important. We can want love, but what does that mean? I think we have to be really specific about what we're attracting to our lives, because love can look different in different scenarios and with different people, and that's why I think you have to be specific."
Ciara's advice for snagging you a Russell is simple. Do the work and the rest will come. Ciara said that doing the self-work before she met Russell allowed her to truly open her heart to what she felt she deserved. She explained:
"It's the power of manifestation. You can taste where you're about to go, you can taste what you want, you can taste what you need, you can taste what you deserve. And you don't like the taste of what's not right, and you can feel it in your body. So for me, I was committed. It was like no more of the same habits, no more of this feeling again."
Amen, chile.
Check out Ciara's full interview with Angie Martinez below!
Ciara Explains The Meaning Behind Her Many Prayers For a Husband + Loving Herself Againyoutu.be
Featured image by Gregg DeGuire / Getty Images.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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