So, you started a new job, fantastic! But if you're an ambitious go-getter, you're already thinking about how to get to that next level and achieve success. Your company is highly competitive, and there are talented people, some with more experience than you, on your team and throughout your department. How do you stand out and make a name for yourself? What does it actually take to truly excel? What is it that the people that get promoted seem to know that you don't? The truth is, career success is less about what you know, but rather what you do with it. Having the right skills will get you in the door, but your ability to successfully navigate your work environment determines how far you go. Below are a few tips to get you heading in the right direction:
The truth is, career success is less about what you know, but rather what you do with it. Having the right skills will get you in the door, but your ability to successfully navigate your work environment determines how far you go. Below are a few tips to get you heading in the right direction:
1.Get to know your position well, and execute with excellence.
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Seems pretty basic, right? But too often, we walk into jobs looking to level up without first building a strong foundation of performance. Your work product is an objective basis on which you can be judged, so make sure it speaks highly of you. If your job offers free courses to help you further build your knowledge, take advantage! If there are subject matter experts in your department who can share useful tips and tricks, learn from them. This not only helps you to continue expanding your knowledge base, but also establishes relationships with critical members of your organization.
2.Speak up in meetings.
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You can be awesome and have all the expertise in the world, but if no one knows, it doesn't matter. Speaking up to share knowledge, offer new ideas, and ask (or answer) complex questions allows you to gain the attention of those in the room and shows what you can contribute. You don't even have to speak up to make your own point or suggestion. You can bolster or reiterate a point made by a colleague and still garner some head turns.
3.Take initiative and find ways to add value.
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Once you've gotten a good handle on your role, start identifying areas for improvement. Whether there are processes to streamline, reports to automate, measures to reduce costs, don't wait for someone to tell you there's work to be done. Identify these projects yourself and start taking action.
4.Work your relationship with your boss, and then their boss.
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The person you always want in your corner is your immediate boss. They are the person who can make or break your next move because they are seen as the closest to you and your work. If a new project comes up for you, your boss may get asked for their thoughts before it's even brought to you. So even if you aren't best friends, make an effort to establish a good working relationship. And then take it up a level. Get to know your boss' manager. Yes, they have insight that you can learn from, but let's be honest, they also have more power. So set up informal coffee breaks or lunches. Collaborate with your boss to present deliverables you've been working on. Create that connection so they can keep you in mind for bigger opportunities your immediate boss may not be aware of.
5.Become the problem-solver.
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Or as I like to call it, the "solution architect". Every organization has a "fixer", the person they call when something is broken, when they have an issue that no one else knows how to solve, or they've received a directive and don't know how to approach it. Seek to become that go-to person, the Olivia Pope of your department, if you will. Being that solution architect will facilitate you getting pulled into high-visibility projects and strategic initiatives because your colleagues, as well as your senior management, will be aware that you are the one who can not only get it done, but get it done right.
6.Go where the decisions are made.
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We all know that some of the most important decisions in business are made OUTSIDE of the office. This means you need to be in attendance for the non-office events. Whether it's going to lunch with the team, happy hours, holiday parties, or offsite events, make the effort to be present. It allows you to network and grow relationships with your coworkers and senior management. It also ensures you are part of key conversations in real-time and have the opportunity to offer valuable input.
7.Volunteer for the unconventional projects/assignments.
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While it is tempting to focus on work efforts on what's comfortable for us, a great way to get your name buzzing is to be the person who takes on the work that other people shy away from. Being willing to walk down the unbeaten path and deliver on the tough, unsexy projects showcases your leadership qualities, ability to make difficult decisions, and your depth of expertise.
8.Find a sponsor/advocate.
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Please keep in mind that a sponsor and mentor are not the same thing. One individual can serve both roles, but they are not one and the same. A mentor is someone who offers guidance and advice to help you on your career journey, many times leveraging their own personal experience. A sponsor is someone who has achieved a certain level of success in your company, and is willing to advocate on your behalf, open doors for you, and connect you to the right people. A sponsor will vouch for your skills and may have the "juice" to get you into positions that may have been difficult to secure otherwise.
For more information about Julia Rock, check out Rock Career Development or follow her on Instagram.
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Originally published on November 4, 2019
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RELATED
One day, I might really get into just how actually evil that is (because sex is never supposed to be a bribe in a relationship). For now, though, I want to talk about how motives reveal oh so very much when it comes to physical (and even emotional) intimacy. Hmph. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes on the topic of motives: “People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs, and motives.” An author by the name of Thomas Mann said that, and indeed it does because, when you are doing something merely to get your way, that is a form of manipulation or control.
On the other hand, when you’re doing it merely for the holistic pleasure of doing so — that is when you are experiencing intimacy in the way that it was intended to be.
So, when it comes to your personal motive for sex, what is it really all about?
What Are You Really Hoping to Get Out of Sex?
When It Comes to Your ‘What’, You Always Need to Know Your WHY
GiphyOh, I’ve got some more motives quotes for you. Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.” Author Paul David Trip once said, “We rarely do anything with one single motive.” It’s pretty ironic that actor Chris Noth (because if you know, you know) once said, “Since women ask me about male motives all the time, I can offer a bit of advice. If you feel like you're going to get hurt, then you shouldn't be there in the first place. That's the way I look at relationships.”
Now, before I attempt to build on these quotes, let’s first look at a very basic definition of motive:
Motive: a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious
Did you catch that? Oftentimes, when someone is moving based on a motive, the reason is hidden. Is it just me or does that sound semi-sneaky or opportunistic, right off the bat? Interestingly enough, some synonyms for motive include grounds, basis and root. All of those words make me think of the foundation of something. So, since we are talking about sex, specifically, today — before you decide to sleep with someone, you really should ask yourself what your foundational reason is and, if you’re choosing not to share it with said-partner…why is that?
Pick Your Top 3 Motives, Then Reflect
Let’s keep going. Some other synonyms for motive include aim; emotion; idea; impulse; intent; motivation; passion; rationale; occasion; incentive; consideration, and inspiration. Aight, so here’s another thing to ponder — out of these 12 words, select your top three that “connect the dots” as it relates to your motive (or motives). It could be that you feel passion for him, your intent is to show him that and, since you’ve been dating for a hot minute, you think that it’s the right occasion. In this case, what’s shady or opportunistic about that?
If that is indeed your motive, it would fall less into the “hidden” category and more in the “not obvious” once you really thought it through. On the other hand, if it’s more like you aim to have sex, because your rationale is to get some sort of incentive out of it — do you see how that’s totally different? And if indeed that is the case, WHY do you think that is okay?
Sex Is Not A Transaction — It’s An Exchange
I’m telling you, if there is one thing that I damn near loathe is how transactional sex sounds these days: “Unless you’re going to pay my bills, I’m not going to give you any.” What in the world? Listen, I don’t care how unpopular the opinion may be, sometimes — hell, oftentimes — the truth isn’t popular and the truth about copulation is IT IS AN EVEN EXCHANGE. No one should be paying you for it. He got pleasure, you got pleasure. Over and out. And if that isn’t happening, either there is more communication that needs to be going on (which is just one of the reasons why I’m not a fan of faking orgasms) or there is something “off” when it comes to you and your partner.
Whatever the case may be, before engaging in physical intimacy with someone, it’s beyond wise to spend some time getting really honest with yourself about what your motives truly are — because how we start something oftentimes sets the tone for the experience overall. Indeed, motives are a lot like cause and effect — they play a significantly profound role in determining the outcome of matters.
Real Compatibility Includes Mutual Motives
Sexual Compatibility Includes Having Mutual Motives
GiphyOkay, so now that we’ve discussed motives, in general — say that your motives are pure (and you are being really honest with yourself about that). You’re not hiding anything because there is nothing to hide. You simply feel so connected to someone that you are motivated and inspired to take things to another level.
Well, that’s where author Lebo Grand and something that he once said comes in: “Sensuality is the purest motive that exists on earth.” When something is sensual, it gratifies the senses. When something is sensual, it arouses the appetite — and yes, when you want to be intimate with someone, simply because you want to get closer to them, there is something that is very sweet, very sincere and even pure — in the sense of being authentic and real — about that.
If that is your motive, share that with your partner. If that is also his motive, then it’s time to get into what the mutual motives of what a healthy sexual relationship should be: pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Y’all, something else that messes many couples up is there is so much focus on what they want to get out of sex that they fail to fully tune in and tap into their partner — and that is unfortunate. You know why? Because it has been both my experience as well as my observation that when both people are totally invested in making sure that their partner is sexually satisfied both individuals end up feeling gratified and quenched. Yeah, a selfish motive rarely brings contentment like a selfless one does — and you can take that to the bank!
And that is why, although I think that sexual compatibility is important, you’d be amazed how much clear communication, patience and selflessness can “get you there” if sex seems awkward at first. Again, if the motives are right, goodness can come from it, even if it takes a bit of time and effort to get there.
When Your Sexual Motives Shift, Say Something
If Your Motives Shift, You Need to Speak Up
GiphyFinal point. It is the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who once said, “Change is the only constant in life” and this applies to every aspect of it — including sex. That said, some of you may recall back when I wrote an article entitled, “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go.” The wife who I featured in that piece, we were recently talking about it and how she remains 10 toes down about the fact that a “big one” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be if the man who owns it is attached to a huge ego and not much else.
When I asked her to reflect on how much of her dissatisfaction was — and kinda still is — about him vs. who she now is as a person, she admitted that so much of who she is has changed from when they first got together. She’s older and so her hormones have shifted. She has spiritually evolved and so a profound emotional connection is more desired. She knows herself better and so she has some sexual needs that she never had before. And so, her motives have shifted from pretty much just having a good time (only) to longing for something…deeper.
This isn’t abnormal; many people go through this. Thing is, instead of being forthcoming with their partner, they would rather have them pick up on hints or, even worse, attempt to read their mind. Yeah, that’s not how effective communication works, y’all — if your motives for sex have changed, you’ve got to say something. Otherwise, you’re going to end up frustrated or unfulfilled…and honestly, your partner probably will too because if you are different and you don’t share it, eventually there will be a “disconnect” (and not just in the bedroom).
____
As I bring this to a close, take a moment to circle back to the first motive quote that I shared in the intro (“People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs and motives.”). Whatever your sex life is like right now, what are your goals, needs and motives? What are his?
Figure that out and you’ll better understand where you’re at and, if you don’t like it, how to get to where you want to be.
It all begins with the right motives, sis. It really and truly does.
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