Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they spend it.
When you think of a nurse practitioner, you may think of the extras from Grey's Anatomy staged behind Jesse Williams. However, this specific one is doing anything but taking a backseat in the audience, especially when it comes to her finances. 44-year-old Princess Lomax is a family nurse practitioner by day and a sports bar owner at night, all while juggling and maintaining her doctoral candidacy at Valparaiso University. Lomax is conducting in-home assessments for the Medicare population and is the proud owner of Diamonds Sports Bar & Grill, so it's no wonder why she's able to write a book on taking your career to the next level.
Courtesy of Princess Lomax
The Atlanta-based serial entrepreneur's best-selling Amazon book 6 Highly Effective Strategies For Making 6 Figures As A Nurse is a compilation of real-life accounts and experiences of entrepreneurship while becoming a nurse. If you're a young Black woman in the healthcare industry looking to elevate your career beyond the examination room and medical jargon, it might be the read for you.
In this installment of "Money Talks," xoNecole spoke with the Chicago-bred nurse practitioner, real estate investor, and bonafide hustler about making well over six figures a year, splurging on her half a million-dollar home and flipping houses as an extra stream of revenue.
On how much she saves per month:
"Right now, I don't have a set goal for saving on a monthly basis, however, I'm in the process of setting up a portfolio that will allow me to start having money automatically deducted from my account that will go towards an IRA and money for investing in stocks."
On her definitions of wealth and success:
"I define wealth as the power to acquire whatever you desire and the power to put other people in positions to become successful. Being wealthy for me is about putting measures in place so that everybody around me can become wealthy also. I have the desire to uplift and motivate the people around me so that we can attain generational wealth and break generational curses.
"I define success as accomplishing and attaining the goals you've set for yourself. Success for me is a never-ending cycle because I'm always thinking of a master plan to achieve something higher than my last accomplishment. Not that I'm never satisfied, but I always push myself to a higher level that surpasses my current level. It's always me against me. I'm always striving to defeat the old me so that my success will continue to grow."
On the lowest she’s ever felt when it came to her finances and how she overcame it:
"I was born poor and raised in the heart of the ghetto so it doesn't get any lower than that. There were times growing up when I wasn't sure where my next meal was coming from. I didn't have the luxury of heat and hot water, so figuring out where I would bath from day to day was once a lifestyle I endured.
"I overcame being poor by thinking rich and pushing myself until I no longer had to figure out where my next meal was going to come from. I sometimes still have fears of not being able to eat, which is why I continue to grind like my next meal is depending on it. I sometimes have flashbacks of my struggling childhood and pray that God continues to bless me so that I will never have to endure those hardships again. So for me, I overcame it by never forgetting my struggle and by pushing myself on a daily basis to stay on top."
Courtesy of Princess Lomax
"I overcame being poor by thinking rich and pushing myself until I no longer had to figure out where my next meal was going to come from. I sometimes still have fears of not being able to eat, which is why I continue to grind like my next meal is depending on it. I sometimes have flashbacks of my struggling childhood and pray that God continues to bless me so that I will never have to endure those hardships again."
On her biggest splurge to date:
"My latest biggest splurge was the purchase of my new home which was over a half of million dollars. Splurging in the past for me has been the purchasing of Chanel bags, Christian Louboutins, and expensive cars. This year, God has allowed me to level up and splurge in a different way. I'm now a homeowner so my splurging this year has been phenomenal."
On whether she’s a spender or a saver:
"Unfortunately, I am a spender and sometimes wish I was a saver. Growing up poor and not having much of anything and not having anyone in my life to teach me about saving has unfortunately hindered me from being a saver. At one point, I was spending more than I was making, but as my entrepreneurship continues to grow, I'm learning how to save and plan for retirement. I'm still in the process of training myself to save and not spend. My training has just begun and plans for my future and retirement are at the beginning stages."
Courtesy of Princess Lomax
"Growing up poor and not having much of anything and not having anyone in my life to teach me about saving has unfortunately hindered me from being a saver. At one point, I was spending more than I was making, but as my entrepreneurship continues to grow, I'm learning how to save and plan for retirement. I'm still in the process of training myself to save and not spend."
On her savings goals and what retirement looks like to her:
"My saving goal is to save a minimum of $20K a month so that I can retire by the age of 50. Retirement for me as a Nurse Practitioner will be within the next 5-10 years and I don't think I'll really ever retire as an entrepreneur."
On the importance of investing:
"Most of my money has been attained via investing, so investing is extremely important to me. I've learned that if I invest in the right assets, my portfolio during retirement will be prosperous. I invest in real estate purchases and acquiring businesses. I invest mostly in real estate in the Chicagoland area and also invest in multiple businesses that will become great assets in the near future."
On her intentions behind multiple streams of revenue:
"My streams of revenue were established by buying and flipping houses and by owning and operating a successful nightclub and sports bar in the Chicagoland area. Having multiple streams of income became a way of life for me after having slow periods with both real estate and the nightlife industry. Having multiple streams of income has allowed me to continue to be successful without having too many periods of dry spells without income coming in."
On unhealthy money habits and mindsets:
"The number one unhealthy habit that I had to restructure is feeling like I always had to go shopping for the latest Chanel bag and or the latest pair of Christian Louboutins. Once I changed my mindset, I saw the bigger picture for saving and investing more. I now know that I can still look and be great while attending parties and/or events without having to buy a new pair of shoes and or a new bag."
Courtesy of Princess Lomax.
"My streams of revenue were established by buying and flipping houses and by owning and operating a successful nightclub and sports bar in the Chicagoland area. Having multiple streams of income has allowed me to continue to be successful without having too many periods of dry spells without income coming in."
On her money mantra:
"Keep God first and don't ever allow the money to change who you are on the inside."
On desperate times calling for desperate measures:
"Yes, yes, and hell yes. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in my past for financial gain, however, it has been a part of making me the successful female CEO that I am today. "
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"The worst money-related decision I ever made was not to invest early-on in stocks. I truly feel that if I had invested in stocks like Amazon instead of buying shoes and bags, my portfolio would be near retirement by now."
On her budget breakdown:
How much do you spend on rent?
"I'm a homeowner now, which allows me to spend less on [a] mortgage than I was paying on renting. $4,000 month."
Eating out/ordering in?
"Both $500 per month."
Gas/car note?
"$2,000 per month."
Personal expenses?
"$3,000 per month."
For more of Princess, check out her website.
Featured image courtesy of Princess Lomax
Originally published on October 9, 2020
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It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock