Jesse Williams & Aryn Drake-Lee's Messy Divorce Proves Every Couple Needs A Prenup
For better or worse, through thick and thin, we make a commitment to stand by our partners from the day we meet at the altar until death. But sometimes, the story doesn't play out that way. If that happens to be the case, you and your partner have to decide what comes next. Whether it's the kids, the house, or any other material assets that you may have acquired over the course of your marriage, you two must decide how those things will be fairly allocated. Although the last thing on your mind when preparing to marry the love of your life is getting divorced, knowing where you stand if you ever happen to grow apart can be one of the healthiest things you ever do in your relationship.
For example, over the past few years, Jesse Williams and his ex-wife, Aryn Drake-Lee have been engaged in a very public divorce that hasn't quite come to an end. After being married for five years and having two children, Aryn and Jesse split in 2017 but are still having some very public financial disagreements. Recently, it was reported that the Grey's Anatomy actor denied his ex-wife's $200,000 request for attorney's fees, and the actor currently pays $100,000 a month in spousal support and child support (based on a reported monthly income of $521,000).
While their tumultuous divorce may have created some bad blood, there was a time where Aryn and Jesse were very much in love. The two had been together for a total of 13 years, and when they met, Jesse explained that she was a well-traveled go-getter who elevated and supported him in ways he didn't think were possible. In an interview with USA Today in 2010, the actor said:
"I was a teacher when I met her, so she's been with me through all different facets of my career. She's stuck with me through thick and thick and thick and thin. We know each other in and out."
Although Jesse and Aryn may have begun their union with unconditional love and empathy, their relationship is now one that is defined by court orders and tabloid rumors. Jesse and Aryn's messy divorce battle is a cautionary tale that proves every woman should sign a prenup before they get married.
John Shearer/Getty Images for GQ Magazine
While Jessie claims that Aryn is seeking a "free ride", the former real estate broker finally opened up about her side of the story in an interview withPeople. She explained that while initially, she was the sole breadwinner in her household, things changed once they had children and her former husband's career began to thrive.
"When the divorce process started I had two nursing babies, and I am the one that ran our household for the 14 and a half years that he and I were together in the same house. And for our children, and for the creation of the businesses that we built together when I left my career in New York for us to move to California to pursue his, and then, as a result, built it…I knew, as the one that was really holding it all together, that I didn't have a lot of room to fall, even though I was falling."
Aryn explained that during her marriage, she fell victim to the unrealistic idea that a woman should take care of everyone but herself, and it didn't take long for her to reach a breaking point. Now, she's using her own experiences to help other women fight this sterotype and heal themselves in her new podcast, BBSARETRASH (Babies Are Trash). She explained:
"I think a lot of women are still in the place where we're pretending like we can do everything, and it's not realistic, it's not holistic, and it's not sustainable. I want to empower women to find their voice, to take the mask off so that they can really find the connection and the community that they're seeking."
Aryn says that she decided to create the community because she felt so isolated during her divorce and knew that there were other women who had also had similar experiences.
"I was in a place where I needed the support that was going to help to ground me. Most everybody I had spent the eight years here in LA with all went with him. Hollywood and I bump heads. It was never my value system, and it was never something that I was striving for. t never felt comfortable for me because of how superficial it was. And then that all became abundantly clear when everybody went left."
Divorce is scary and sad, and although none of us ever truly want to experience that type of heartbreak, sh*t happens. When people don't grow together, they grow apart, and that's exactly why Aryn says that her split from Jesse was the wakeup call she didn't know she needed.
"It was a blessing in disguise because it was a real slap in the face to see who was around us and why, and at that point, it became very clear. And it cleared a pathway for me to make a shift and get back onto a path that was more in alignment with how I wanted to live my life."
This couple proves that love is great when it lasts, but you should also be prepared for the slim chance that it doesn't. Take a page out of Aryn's book ladies, and ask for an agreement that states exactly how you two will manage if you don't wind up with the fairytale future you'd previously imagined.
The "p word" may be intimidating, but you and your husband-to-be both deserve to have a feeling of stability and security when it comes to your finances in the future. By putting these types of arrangements in place, I'm sure Aryn and Jesse could have both saved themselves a headache and a few hundred thousand dollars in the process.
Read Aryn's full interview with Peoplehere.
Featured image courtesy of John Shearer/Getty Images for GQ Magazine
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images