Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
Founder and CEO of Milan360 Strategies, a public relations and event management agency, this multi-hyphenate is more than just a sweet Georgia peach. In fact, 26-year-old Jasmine Murray is setting the bar for millennial women as a boss woman in the communications industry, all while having a complete handle on her finances. The young publicist-to-watch can also add "author" to her extensive resume thanks to her e-book, Finance Much?, that teaches readers how to conquer their bad relationship with money and create an electronic strategized money savings plan.
Courtesy of Jasmine Murray
However, like most of us, UberEats and DoorDash gets a little tempting, but she has to rely on her all-time favorite money mantra to keep her pockets in check - I have food at home. "It sounds so crazy, but I spend so much money eating out," Murray laughs with xoNecole, "Especially during summers."
In this installment of "Money Talks", xoNecole had the chance to speak to the Cupcakes and Convos creator about squeezing home decor into her budgeting plans, her previous occupation as a bartender, and her ideal retirement.
On the lowest she’s ever felt financially and how she overcame it:
"Oddly enough, the lowest my finances have ever been is actually when I had the most clients on my roster. I was managing my money completely wrong. So, even though I was clearing close to $10K each month, I was spending the money quicker than my invoices were being cleared, so I was never able to save the way I should have.
"I overcame this by just confronting the issue head-on and making some major life adjustments. I became so frugal with my spending, because I really enjoy seeing money in my account and living worry-free."
On her biggest splurge to-date:
"My biggest one-time splurge would have to be my Chanel bags, [but] my biggest ongoing splurge would have to be my car. I purchased these items because I felt like I deserved them. I work so hard and I sometimes forget to treat myself every now and then. When I do treat myself, it's sometimes over the top and I think I've finally got it all out my system."
Courtesy of Jasmine Murray
On if she considers herself a spender or saver:
"At this point I consider myself to be a saver. There's so many bigger plans that I have for my future self, so I've sacrificed a lot of casual luxuries so that I can better prepare for the life I want to live long-term. I trained myself to save money by having multiple accounts - some I never touch, some are for casual spending, some are only for paying bills. But when I separate my money, it's actually easier for me to see what I have and therefore, know how to spend it."
"I trained myself to save money by having multiple accounts - some I never touch, some are for casual spending, some are only for paying bills. But when I separate my money, it's actually easier for me to see what I have and therefore, know how to spend it."
On how much she saves per month:
"I try to save at least $1,500 a month that I place in an account that I never touch. I then separate the leftover profits into different accounts."
On savings goals and what her retirement will look like:
"I guess just like everyone else, I am trying to make my way to a million, but my biggest goal is to make sure that I am always comfortable, so whatever that means [in dollars] will always be OK for me as long as me and my family are provided for. For me, retirement looks like a four- to five-bedroom house paid off, no ongoing bills, and enough money in the bank to get me through life, as well as get my kids through college."
On business structures and multiple streams of revenue:
"The bulk of my money comes from servicing my clients, but I've also been able to create multiple streams by offering e-books and pop-up classes/events. It's a good feeling knowing that I can always offer something to bring in a couple extra dollars, if need be. Creating multiple streams of income has shown me that I can create something tangible that will provide a profit for me. Because my industry is service-based, it's difficult to offer something tangible, but I found something that works for me."
Courtesy of Jasmine Murray
On unhealthy money habits and changing her mindset:
"My unhealthy mindset with money was that 'it'll come back so it's not a big deal for me to spend it now'. While this is true - money does come back - I can save so much more if I am not so frivolous with my spending. I also had to get out of the habit of trying to help everyone. I was raised to have a big heart, but a lot of the people I've helped probably wouldn't do the same for me. Nowadays, I'm more inclined to politely say no. My bank account looks WAY healthier. It gives me a lot of comfort knowing that during slow periods, I can still sustain myself."
"My unhealthy mindset with money was that 'it'll come back so it's not a big deal for me to spend it now'. While this is true - money does come back - I can save so much more if I am not so frivolous with my spending."
On desperate times and desperate measures:
"I am able to make an income based on what I love to do, so that's a blessing within itself. Before my income was steady with my business, I [used to] bartend in nightclubs and that afforded me a lot of money and nice things, but it's so easy to get comfortable with easy money. Unfortunately easy money is not 'realistic' in a sense. In the real world, people can't always come by and sustain money that easily, so I didn't want to get so comfortable with my bartending money that I never learned how to make and sustain corporate money."
On the worst money/business-related decision she’s ever made:
"Investing in clients that were afraid to invest in themselves was the worst decision I made. I put so much money into people that I believed in and I always lost in the long-run because it's hard for that money to come back to you when someone is afraid to make money moves. I also suffered from not investing in myself enough. I, now, create a budget for rebranding regularly, personal photoshoots, and self-care."
On the importance of investment:
"I've recently just learned the importance of investing. It's always good to have money coming in that you don't really have to 'work for' [in a sense]. I've been interested in investing in cannabis companies, so lately I've done a lot of research in the market, connected myself with some canna-entrepreneurs, and prepared myself to invest a decent amount in cannabis that will easily pay off for me."
On budgeting must-haves:
"Somewhere in my budget has to include home decor. Now that I'm getting older, my treats/splurges go to kitchen appliances and pillows more than anything else. I've also put some money aside for a couple vacations throughout the year."
On her definition of wealth and success:
"I define wealth as enough money to compensate for my family's needs and wants and live comfortably. I define success as accomplishing the goals I have set on my own terms and defeating my own odds."
For more of Jasmine, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Jasmine Murray
Originally published on July 3, 2020
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This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?Giphy
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?Giphy
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an OrgasmGiphy
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for YouGiphy
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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Featured image by Giphy