Effortless grace, undeniable natural beauty, and a voice hand delivered by God and his angels themselves are just a few of the notable ingredients that make up Jordin Sparks. The former sixth-season American Idol winner - who made history as the youngest winner of the entire franchise at just 17 years young - has gone on to release hit after hit, marking her territory as a key voice in the 2010s R&B scene with “Tattoo,” “One Step At A Time,” “No Air,” and “Battlefield.” Now, the Sparkle star has added a few new titles to her resume, including wife, mother, and Cantu Beauty ambassador.
The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter has been personally tapped by the hair care brand to join forces in an effort to shine a light on the brand’s community initiatives to give back to women around the world. This includes her partnership with the global nonprofit organization Women Empowering Nations, which kicked off in 2022 with a surprise virtual visit to the final 11 young women who were awarded a spot in the Cantu GLOW Global Fellowship, a four-month hands-on experience in the beauty industry.
In an exclusive interview with xoNecole, Jordin opens up about her natural hair care journey, how self-love and self-care work hand-in-hand, and how becoming a mother and a wife has challenged her self-care maintenance.
xoNecole: How did the partnership with Cantu first begin?
Jordin Sparks: Well, I actually ran into [Global Marketing Director] Dametria [Mustin] down in New Orleans for ESSENCE Fest. We were at this Black excellence brunch and our paths crossed, and we just kind of connected. I really love what the company stands for and how they are empowering women, and at the same time making and helping women feel beautiful with their hair no matter how they rock it. Anytime I can be a part of something that helps uplift women and empower them, I want to do it, so it just seemed like the perfect partnership.
xoN: When did you begin to fall in love with your natural hair?
JS: Honestly, I think it took a little while to fully embrace my hair. I always loved my curls, but when I was growing up, I always wanted something that I didn't have naturally, which was straight hair just because it was different; it was so pretty. My mom's hair was straight as well, but I loved my curls - always. I never wanted to get rid of them. I think it wasn't until probably my mid-twenties that I really started to understand my hair and what it needs, what it doesn't need, how it works best, how to take care of it with a crazy schedule, and different things like that. I would say my mid-twenties was when I really started to embrace and love my natural hair.
Jordin Sparks.
Image courtesy of Cantu.
xoN: When does your hair feel the most beautiful?
JS: Honestly, I love it when my curls are doing what they're supposed to and being wild and free. I love them when they're like that, but now that I've discovered protective hairstyles, I also love my hair in braids. I feel really beautiful when I have those, and I especially love the fact that I can do so many different things with them as well.
xoN: How has your hair routine changed since you’ve become a wife and a mother?
JS: Well, I definitely don't take as long to do my hair like I used to. That's also why I love the protective styles. With braids, I tried faux locs, I tried the Marley twists. I love them all, but the best part about them is that you just wake up and go. You don't have to do anything and you still look fly no matter where you go. It's definitely changed as I have less time and I need less fuss, to be honest.
xoN: Why is it important to include natural hair into conversations about self-love?
JS: Honestly, I think this is a really good question because if we can't love our hair, which is our crown, it naturally comes out. We can change it when it's out with different treatments and stuff, but we can't change the type of hair that we have. I mean, I'm sure technology has come so far that maybe we can now, but as of now, I don't know if we can do that. If we're talking about self-love and loving ourselves in all that we are, that would definitely include the crown of hair that we wear.
I know when I was younger, my hair just did what it wanted to do. I didn't quite know how to do my hair yet, and sometimes it would make me feel a little self-conscious because I was already tall and stood out where I was. When my hair kind of just did its own thing, it stood out even more. I'm grateful. I know we're all individuals and I'm meant to stand out from the crowd, but when I was younger, I just wished my curls would've just done what I told them to do.
Embracing my hair has definitely helped me embrace the rest of me as well. My natural beauty and what I have. I love my cheeks, I love my eyes, I love my face, my skin, my smile especially, and I love my hair. When you look in the mirror, those are the things that you see. You see your eyes, you see your face, and you see your hair. I think that it's definitely important to include that in the conversation with self-love because it's one of the first things that you notice, and the first thing that you see, and it's going to be with you. I mean, hopefully, it'll be with us for as long as we are around, but it depends.
"Embracing my hair has definitely helped me embrace the rest of me as well. My natural beauty and what I have. I love my cheeks, I love my eyes, I love my face, my skin, my smile especially, and I love my hair."
Jordin Sparks.Image courtesy of Cantu.xoN: Who are some of the women that you turn to for natural hair advice?
JS: Honestly, this is a good question as well because I have learned a lot over social media, and with all the different women that I come across and I run into. Everybody that I have met, all these different women, these amazing artists, and songwriters, and actresses that I've come across, and in other fields as well. Everybody's got a different way of how they do their hair and it's always so interesting to me. If the conversation comes up, I definitely love to ask, but I learn a lot of different ways to do your hair and different hacks from social media, to be honest.
xoN: What are some key lessons that you’ve learned about natural hair and self-love that you wish you would’ve learned sooner?
JS: I wish I could have told my younger self that doing my hair is a process and that it's something that you have to learn. When you're young, you want everything to happen right then and there. I don't remember spending a ton of time crying over my hair, but I do remember moments where I felt frustrated and just wished it would've been easier. But nothing that's ever worth doing is very easy, so I'm grateful that I've learned to exercise patience in that way with my hair. Being able to love and embrace my hair has really helped me with who I am and all the things that make me me.
In the self-love department, I feel like I've had a good grasp on who I am for a long time, but I feel like I would have wanted to tell myself that true beauty and true inner peace do come from the inside when you shake off all those external things that don't really define who you are. Clothes don't define who you are - they're an extension of who you are, but they don't define you. An accessory in your hair, a shoe, makeup, all of those things don't define us. It's who we are inside and how we treat other people. Especially being in the industry, sometimes that message can get blurred and cannot come across so easily.
I think I would've just told my younger self to not worry, don't sweat the small stuff, you'll be coming into your own, and you'll be coming into your power as a woman the more you grow and the more that you learn, and that it's going to be amazing. I'm still the same person to my core, but I know that 18-year-old Jordin couldn't mess with Jordin now.
xoN: In the entertainment industry specifically, how have conversations around natural hair evolved, and where can we see improvement?
JS: I have seen a ton of conversation about natural hair. There's tons of think pieces, there's clips, there's videos, there's hacks, there's all these different things on social media and all over. I think it's great that we're having that conversation so the youth can hear these conversations, see them, and realize that they're not alone and that we've all had to figure out our hair journeys together. On the other hand, I do feel like what we need more of is people who know how to do these types of hairstyles. It's very few and far between where you find somebody who can do what is asked for a character as an actress.
Then have somebody come in and try and do natural styles in the way that we know that they should look. I don't think that there is enough. Basically, we need more hands on deck. All hands on deck. We need more people who can do natural hair. I've got to give a shout-out to my girl Alicia, who did my hair while I did my Christmas movie (A Christmas Treasure) in Vancouver. She took such good care of my curls. They were beautiful. We had a plan where I wouldn't put so much heat on my hair so that my hair could still grow and look great. I really love her, so I want to give her a shout-out because she really is helping us girls feel like we know what we're doing with our hair when we come to set.
xoN: How do you include your hair into your self-care routine?
JS: To be honest with you, right now, for my self-care routine, I just need something that I don't have to think about. My hair is in a protective, braided style right now and I love it. I know if I need to glam it up a little bit I can. If I want to be casual, I can do that as well, but for my self-care and my mental right now, I need something that I don't need to think about and I can just get up and go. That's where I'm at right now.
For more of Jordin Sparks, follow her on Instagram @JordinSparks.
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Featured image courtesy of Cantu.
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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