What Letting Go Of Protective Styles Taught Me About Natural Hair Shame
It was December of 2009 that I made an impromptu decision to cut my permed hair off. My reason for making that drastic change was due to ending a dating relationship at the time and the painful experience I went through from relaxing my hair in my dorm a couple of months prior. Cutting my hair immediately left me feeling bold yet boy-ish whenever I found myself dressing down or not wearing lavish earrings. After several months experimenting with wearing twist-outs, dyeing it myself (I was extra bold with that) and even getting my first blowout (that later resulted in heat damage), I thought I'd been hiding my beautiful kinks due to laziness.
However, the truth is that I was intimidated by and ashamed of my hair.
Well 10 years after back-to-back crochet braids, sew-ins, wigs, and braids, I decided to just let my hair out to breathe for once! As a result, I learned five important things:
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1. When you are not taught how to properly care for your natural hair, you see it as a barrier.
It was not until I was put in a position to care for my hair that I had no choice but to do it. It was a rocky start because I felt defeated and really believed I had no options until I gave experimenting on my hair another chance. The more I continued to play around in my hair, without a defeated mindset, the more I grew to love it and no longer felt intimidated by caring for it.
2. Finally wearing my natural hair actually boosted my confidence.
I felt more beautiful and confident when my natural hair was out. There is nothing wrong with wearing a weave or braids! (I repeat, there is nothing wrong! In fact, I will probably wear a protective hairstyle soon.) But it was not until I let my hair out in a 'fro that I looked in the mirror and embraced my strong jawline and beautifully shaped eyes.
I realized that my previous hairstyles were my hiding place and it was not until I let my hair out that I felt free. You need the confidence to rock any hairstyle, however, it takes a special kind of confidence to rock your hair in its natural state. That confidence is truly felt in every room you walk into.
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3. Hair is literally versatile from its roots.
Whether you decide to leave it out, cut it, relax it, dye it, wear a wig or braids, our hair is not one-size-fits-all and that is why Black hair is beautiful. Being able to do a multitude of things with my hair at any time is truly unique and empowering.
4. Media played a major role in how I viewed the beauty of my hair.
Since I rarely saw women with 4C hair in the media, I felt helpless with how I could care for my hair and as a result, wore my hair in back-to-back protective hairstyles. It was not until I came across Ijeoma Kola online that I felt seen because sis' hair looks just like mine and she always has amazing style tips!
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5. Starting over and cutting my hair was a really dope feeling.
When I did my big chop, I wanted a change and what better way to do so by cutting off dead weight: the hair that carried so many negative memories with the guy. There was a sense of freedom and relief when a pair of scissors caressed the strands of hair on my scalp.
As you can see, Black hair is not only beautiful, and it is a never-ending learning experience of self. My relationship with my hair has had its ups and downs, but in the end, it led me to a healthier outlook.
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Featured image via Getty Images
Joy is a 2x Author, Empowerment Speaker, and Strategy Coach. Her platform, Speak With Joy, mission is, "To empower and equip Women and Young Adults to speak with JOY despite life's circumstances in the area of FAITH, PURPOSE, and RELATIONSHIPS".
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage