January is all about closing one chapter and preparing for a new one. We begin the year with a little more patience and time needed than usual, with Mars, the planet of action, being retrograde as we enter 2025. With this important transit taking place, we are being reminded that this year is not a race, and the priority right now is about taking more concrete, well-thought-out action on our dreams, and remembering the power of believing in ourselves in the process.
January 2025 Astrology Overview: Key Transits to Watch
Venus, the planet of love, enters Pisces on Jan. 2 until Feb. 4, and Venus loves being in this water sign. Love is a little more magical under this energy, and the dreams you once intended for yourself in relationship matters have all the potential to be seen through right now. A few days later, however, Mars retrograde enters Cancer until Feb. 23, and there is a need to be more patient with your emotional world and that of others. Emotions are running high this month and things can be impulsive or erratic in this energy.
Time with your words and your actions is needed, and it’s time to trust your heart more than your fear or need to control.
January 2025 Astrology Overview
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in Cancer on Jan. 13, and this is the perfect time to say goodbye to what doesn’t serve your heart or your stability in life. If you have been feeling uneasy about a certain area of your life, this Full Moon will help you address that and create space for a new beginning and new foundations.
Aquarius season begins on Jan. 19, and this is the type of energy we need to feel more connected, inspired, and in tune with the universe. This season is bringing a lot of changes, but they are helping people get out of a place of feeling stuck or unsure.
On Jan. 29, we have a New Moon in Aquarius, and it's time to set your intentions not only for the next month but for the year ahead as well. Aquarius is hopeful and believes in the power of thought, so make sure you are focusing your energy on what you want to see come true for you right now. Before the month ends, Uranus goes direct in Taurus, after being retrograde since September, and this is bringing more stability and less disruption to the collective. Uranus now direct in Taurus, facilitates pleasant surprises in love, finances, and the little luxuries of life.
Overall, January is an opportunity to redirect your energy, ask yourself where you want to go from here, and believe in the impossible.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what January has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is a time to choose your battles wisely, Aries. You are being reminded to own your integrity and not let anyone take you out of your character right now. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of this month, all eyes are on you right now, and it’s the time to put your best foot forward. Your ruling planet, Mars, has been retrograde for over a month and enters a new area of your life on Jan. 6. This is the time to ask yourself what people nourish or disrupt you and how to protect your energy more.
This is the month to be flexible and to look for solutions rather than challenges. The New Moon at the end of the month on Jan. 29 will be a beautiful awakening for you when you not only feel capable of fulfilling your dreams but supported in doing so after a time of feeling a little strained here. Overall, this month is about not losing the faith you have in yourself or the convictions you have developed.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of adventure and new beginnings for you, Taurus. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 11th house of magic, and you are manifesting your heart's desires. You are focused on your new beginnings and taking a leap of faith in yourself, and are seeing the success come from the plans you are making now. This is a beautiful month of feeling an opening coming into your life and expanding your mind.
The most significant transit happening in January is Uranus going direct in Taurus on Jan. 2, after being retrograde here since Sept.1, 2024.
Over the past four months, you have been through an inner awakening and have been experiencing some pleasant and unpleasant surprises. You have had to work especially hard on your personal goals and may have felt more upheaval or uneasiness here than you may have liked. With Uranus now direct until September, more uplifting and exciting opportunities are ahead of you now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is activating your mind and your heart, Gemini. Life is coming full circle for you, and you are entering 2025 with an abundant mindset. You are feeling a little more hopeful and capable right now and are seeing how the things you were once concerned about are playing out for you in positive ways. Mercury moves into your 8th house of abundance on Jan. 8, and as you accept and take on new personal developments, changes, and commitments, you experience a rebirth of prosperity.
Throughout this month, you are being awakened to the connections you seek and the ones you want to continue to nourish in your life. There are people coming together to support you and your efforts, and you are being acknowledged for all you have done. The Full Moon in Cancer mid-month brings financial matters full circle for you, and you are getting your due rewards right now. Overall, you are walking into the year feeling confident, supported, and abundant.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is the month to find encouragement, protect what you are building, and not give up on yourself and your aspirations. You are closer to a breakthrough than you know, and this month is the last leg of a race for you, Cancer. Mars goes retrograde in your sign from Jan. 6 until Feb. 23, and you are being forced to allow things to fall into place right now. Your efforts or actions may not stick as quickly as you would like them to during this transit, and this is because you need more time. Mars retrograde in your sign will be helping you readdress your goals, passions, and intentions.
Emotions are running high for you in January, but you have the tools to navigate this energy. The first Full Moon of the year happens in your sign on Jan. 13, signaling a year of closure and healing ahead of you.
Your heart is experiencing a culmination, as you let go of what doesn’t serve your overall well-being, and make more space for what does. It’s time to give yourself a little more love and to give your self-doubts and insecurities a little less of your time. The New Moon happening at the end of the month is the perfect opportunity for you to turn a new page and feel more supported in doing so.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is about taking care of your health and gaining more stability in your life, Leo. You are focused on the foundations that nourish and support you and are spending time with your family, loved ones, body, and priorities. Mars goes direct in your sign on Jan. 6 after being retrograde here since Dec. 6, and after a month of reflection and redirection, you have a better idea of who you are and what you want out of life. The beginning of January is about taking a deep breath, and knowing that the past is now behind you.
The Full Moon mid-month on Jan. 13, is helping you find closure, healing, and inspiration, and is a good time to let a lot of the negativity go. You are getting an opportunity to reflect, forgive, and move on right now, and you are in supportive conditions to do so effectively. The New Moon of the month happens in your sister sign, Aquarius on Jan. 29, bringing love to the forefront and helping you see the big picture of your heart. This is one of the best times of 2025 to set your intentions for love, your relationships, and your emotional world.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are living in a state of abundance this month, Virgo. January is a time of fulfilling your dreams and feeling a sense of joy and prosperity in your life. You are proving to yourself that your intentions and efforts have been worth it, and you are seeing life come full circle in fortunate ways. The month begins with Venus entering your 7th house from Jan. 2 until Feb. 4, and this is bringing the magic not only into your love life but into your financial world as well.
Major developments are taking place for you as you move through this month, and you have everything you need right now.
The Full Moon on Jan. 13 is a time of seeing previous intentions manifest, and support coming in for you, and when it comes to your friendships in life. You have built a community of love around you, and you get to enjoy more of this connection and abundance now. By the end of the month, Uranus goes direct in your house of expansion and travel after being retrograde here since September, and you are ready to embark on some new adventures as you leave the month.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLove is coming together for you in January, Libra. You are beginning the month by building new foundations and setting yourself up for the future successes you want to experience this year. Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into your 6th house of health, work, and daily routine as the month begins, and you feel like you have a good head on your shoulders right now. The ideas that are blooming and the initiatives that you are taking are going to fulfill you for some time to come.
With the Sun in your 4th house of foundations for most of the month, you are overall focused on your foundations and your sense of security now. You are thinking long-term and doing what is going to provide you with more safety and personal abundance. The New Moon in Aquarius on Jan. 29 is the perfect time for love, and you are leaving the month with romance surrounding you. As the month comes to an end, have some more fun and let go of some of the seriousness that may have surrounded you in January.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about moving on and moving forward, Scorpio. You are recognizing where you need to let go a little bit more and what spaces you want to move away from and go more toward. Venus is in your 5th house of self-expression and happiness for most of the month, guiding you towards where your heart feels the most enlightened and nourished and helping you make the necessary changes for a better life.
On Jan. 29, a New Moon occurs, helping you open a new door when it comes to your home life and foundations.
You are gaining a deeper appreciation for the things that make you feel safe and nourished and are creating more of this energy in your life through your commitments and the relationships you are building right now. Some Scorpios could be making a move or experiencing a change of energy in the home right now. Uranus goes direct in your sister sign on the 30th, after being retrograde here since this past summer, and love feels a little more stable and nourishing for you as the month ends.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecolell eyes are on you this month, Sagittarius. You are being recognized, uplifted, and supported, and this is a month of success. With the Sun in your 2nd house of values, abundance, assets, income, and confidence for most of January, a lot of opportunities are coming into your life to succeed right now. The Full Moon on the 13th is a good time to look at the relationships and commitments in your life that support you and to find more gratitude for these spaces.
By the end of the month, we have a New Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and you are moving into a space of mental well-being, new beginnings, and inspiration. The conversations you are having now are setting you up for success, and you are feeling truly seen this month. Some great opportunities are appearing for you now; remember that you deserve all the good that is ready for you this month.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here, and you have a lot to look forward to right now, but also a lot to let go of Capricorn. You have been through a journey as of late, and are taking some time to heal, take care of yourself more, and nourish your heart. With Mars going retrograde in your 7th house of love on Jan. 6 through Feb. 23, you are being forced to address any imbalances you have been feeling in your love life or your close relationships.
Disagreements or conflicts with others are a little more likely now. Try to work through what is worth it for you, and let go of what is not.
Mercury enters your sign from Jan. 8 until Jan. 27, helping you see things a little more clearly in life. Your mental capacity and the developments that are taking place for you here are the highlight of the month for you, as you recognize where some things need to change in your life. On Jan. 13, a Full Moon is happening in your opposite sign, and the love you have in your heart is being reflected back to you now. This Full Moon is about letting go of past pain and emotional patterning and highlighting where in your life you are experiencing the love you are looking for.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour intuition is guiding you through this month, Aquarius. There is a lot of activity happening in your sign in January, and you are entering the year with breakthroughs and self-empowerment. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of the month, you have to take some time for reflection and allow things to come to fruition. Pay attention to what your intuition and gut instincts are telling you at this time, as this energy is going to be more prominent and powerful for you in January.
Aquarius Season officially begins on Jan. 19, and it is your time to shine! You are moving forward freely and confidently, and feeling a little less weight on your shoulders after doing the work at the beginning of the month. On Jan. 27, Mercury enters your sign until Feb. 14, and your inner clarity is beaming. You are getting your message across right now, and feeling empowered while doing so. Before the month ends there is a New Moon in your sign on Jan. 29, and this is one of the most magical times of the year for you to manifest. This month overall is about believing in miracles and seeing your dreams and intentions through.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about finding your balance, Pisces. Your life is taking shape in many ways right now as different levels of your life come into greater balance. With the Sun in your 11th house of hopes and aspirations for most of the month, it’s about thinking of the bigger picture right now and going after the things you dream of for yourself. Venus enters Pisces from Jan. 2 until Feb. 4, and love is blooming for you.
While Venus is in your sign, you are not only feeling the love from others but are giving yourself more of this energy as well. Remember: For you to experience a coming together with others, you must recognize the need for it and give yourself this grace first.
This is a month for receiving a helping hand and for experiencing a coming together that you have been hoping for. The universe is on your side, and you are recognizing that right now. On Jan. 29, there is a New Moon in your 12th house, and you are getting some more rest and reflection as the month ends. With all the activity of the month, by the end of it, you need time to recoup and gain your balance. This month is a good time to write lists of gratitude and lists of intentions and to find your power in the middle of what was and what is to be.
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On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
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Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
I was inspired to write this because, recently, while reading about eight types of narcissists and what their traits consist of, I revisited what a vulnerable narcissist is all about. Then, as I connected some dots via another piece that I read about how it shows up in female friendships — well, because this is a platform for Black women, I definitely wanted to put y’all on notice. Because when it comes to toxic friendships (which really is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?), there is probably nothing worse than having a narcissist friend — someone who displays traits like being highly self-centered, pretty apathetic, and constantly gaslighting those around them.
Okay, so what’s the difference between a “regular” narcissist and a vulnerable one? Yeah, let’s get into that now because I’ve got a feeling that some light bulbs are going to go on for a few of you…as it relates to at least one of your current…“friendships.”
So Basically, a Vulnerable Narcissist Is the Same Thing As a Covert One
GiphyIf you check out the article, “Science Says That Happy Couples Do The Following 7 Things” on this platform, one thing that you will notice that I said is, since I’ve been a marriage life coach, I’ve not really been big on using the word “vulnerable” when it comes to serious relationships. Charge it to being a writer who takes words pretty literally (dictionary-defined ones, not what social media makes up from year to year) yet I’ve never understood why we should encourage people to be vulnerable with someone who they deeply trust.
I say that because I know that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt” and “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.” And although I get that no one is perfect, if you feel like dealing with those closest to you requires taking this level of an emotional risk, on a fairly consistent basis? In my opinion, that is a dark orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
I’ve said before that my preferred word is “dependent” because it means “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and healthy relationships? They absolutely should be INTERDEPENDENT. Yeah, whether it’s romantic, familial or a friendship — why are you out here feeling like sharing yourself makes you open to attack and harm when you should be involved with individuals who can be relied on for support? See the difference? And that is why a vulnerable narcissist makes sense to me — since a narcissist is unsafe, by the very definitions of vulnerable, a vulnerable one would be too. Even more so, in fact.
Here's the clincher, though. Even if you’ve never heard of a vulnerable narcissist before, I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard of a covert narcissist, which is basically the same thing. The fascinating thing about a covert narcissist is they are more subtle than some of the other types — which is exactly how they are able to trip folks up. Because although they need lots of attention and they tend to act really self-important (like all narcissists do), a covert narcissist moves in some pretty sneaky ways.
For instance, they might go really heavy on what seems like compliments (more on that in a sec) in order to make you think that they admire you when, really, they just want to get your guard down in order to get whatever they want out of you. Another example of a covert narcissist is they might act like they are proud of something you accomplished; however, they are actually sticking close by to get some of your contacts or to work themselves into the successful world that you created, so that they can actually compete with you. One more example of a covert narcissist is if they don’t get their way, they may ghost you for days, weeks or months at a time and then be all passive aggressive about it whenever they resurface.
And why are they like this? Because vulnerable/covert narcissists get off on gaslighting — they want you to feel like you are crazy for thinking what is, 8.5/10, spot-on about them. That way, you can be the villain and they can play the victim — even though it’s probably the exact opposite that is actually going on. They do this because, ultimately, to boost their ego. For a narcissist, pretty much of any kind, game-playing is what fuels them and makes them bigger in their minds than they actually are (or even deserve to be).
10 Dead-Ringer Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyOkay, so even with all of what I just said, what if you’re like, “Shellie, I think I get it, but I need a few more examples of what you’re saying”? I hear you and I’ve got you. Some other ways that vulnerable narcissists like to show up and out?
- They are hypercritical and condescending
- They act like they are allergic to accountability
- Their expectations are unreasonable (and hypocritical)
- They are walking contradictions
- They want to be the center of attention (and while monopolize things
- They are masters at giving others the silent treatment
- Their expectations are unrealistic and their demands are ridiculous
- They deflect instead of apologize
- They flatter (use fluffy and insincere words) yet don’t affirm or compliment (yes, there is a difference)
- They lack empathy or humility
And why — or even how — would you be a friend with someone like this? Well, the other thing that you have to keep in mind about narcissism is they are excellent at using charm to their advantage. Charming people tend to come off as being charismatic and witty. Charming people seem to be really interested in you (at least initially). Charming people have a way of making you feel very comfortable around them. At first, charming people seem genuine, attentive and respectful. And they definitely make a good impression — sometimes one that is so solid that you keep going back to that memory during the “bad times” with them.
Hmph. The thing that you have to always keep in mind when it comes to charm, though, is what Scripture says about it: “Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30) — and that is just what a narcissist is: deceptive.
And when it comes to a vulnerable narcissist and her friendships with other women? The deceptive runs deep.
How a Vulnerable Narcissist Shows Up Especially in Female Friendships
GiphyAlways remember that a vulnerable narcissist moves in subtle and sneaky ways. Hmph, that alone should make you want to ponder if you have some female friends who would fit the bill of being a vulnerable narcissist because we do have a way of being clever and ingenious…which are two of the things that come with being a subtle type of individual. And the way that subtle narcissists use their clever and ingenious ways to their advantage? I’ll give you an example.
A former friend of mine who was — and from what I hear, still is — an absolute vulnerable narcissist really wanted me to be her fan rather than her friend. One time, she even invited me to a bachelorette party and said, “You’re the only one here who isn’t a bridesmaid. You should feel honored.” Nah, what you really said is that you don’t truly value what I bring into your life enough to be a bridesmaid but you know I am good for bringing one hell of a gift and cheering you on regardless.
And that’s how a lot of our friendship was — doing way more giving than I was receiving, doing way more listening than leaning and when I would call her out on some of these things, she would either freeze me out or play the victim and act like somehow it was my fault that she wasn’t being a better friend.
Yeah, that’s what you’ve gotta watch about vulnerable narcissists — it is going to be oh so very rare that they will take full accountability for where they have dropped the ball. To them, somehow, it — whatever “it” is — is either going to be your fault or someone else’s. And that’s why, in their eyes, if you were a “real friend” to them, you would coddle them through not meeting your needs instead of expecting them to actually change their ways so that you both could benefit from the relationship.
And why don’t your needs matter? Because, to a vulnerable narcissist, they believe that they are worthy of extra special treatment at all times — think of them like being a bridezilla 24 hours a day. LOL.
And although some of what I said can be nuanced, for the most part, that really is how a vulnerable narcissist tends to make themselves seen and heard in female friendships: treat them like queens and expect to be mere subjects in their court or…why are you around at all, chile?
5 Hacks for Handling a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyFeeling triggered? Or better yet, are you feeling like you finally can “scratch the itch” of what you’ve been looking for to describe a certain person (or certain people) in your life goes? If that is the case and although you see some flags, there tends to be at least a little bit of good enough in your dynamic with “your” vulnerable narcissist to not totally break things off (yet), how do you keep a vulnerable narcissist from causing (anymore) harm?
1. Set firm boundaries. The former friend who I just spoke of? It took years to fully and finally unravel out of all of that (pretty much because she took her elitism to “no turning back” levels a few years ago). A part of the reason why is because she’s not the devil; she really isn’t — she’s just a narcissist. So, what I did to make things more bearable for myself for a while was set some emotional boundaries.
Sometimes I had to tell her “no” and provide no explanation behind it (narcissists think that they are owed every damn thing, chile). I refused to be at her beck and call all of the time. When I felt like she was stressing me out, I would take a bit of time off from phone calls or hanging out. Listen, you will never survive a narcissist, of any kind, unless you have some firm and consistent ARTICULATED boundaries set. If you don’t heed any other point, please heed this one.
2. Have consequences in place for when they are broken. There is no point in setting a boundary if there aren’t going to be consequences for when they are broken. So, for instance, if you tell a vulnerable narcissist that you don’t appreciate them not taking accountability for telling your business to a mutual friend (because they are also extremely entitled individuals), you should probably keep your mouth shut around them for a while. Narcissists care more about their present interests than your holistic comfort which is why they tend to do stuff like that (sometimes).
3. Look at patterns over promises. Narcissists are a lot like energy vampires — and something that both of those need is a source of supply to leech off of whether it’s attention, emotional investing, resources…whatever will benefit them and what they are wanting at the time. And that is why they have no problem telling you that they will do something for you…even if they don’t end up following through. They do this because they want you to put enough confidence in them to be willing to go out of your way on their behalf — at least until they get what they need in the moment. Be careful of that. In genuine friendships, you should be able to rely on others just as much as they should be able to rely on you.
4. Choose to not see them as your “safe place.” Remember, narcissists are charming. They can also be witty, fun and totally entertaining to be around. A word that I wouldn’t use for them, though, is “safe.” The former friend who I mentioned? Although she was good at keeping information confidential (which is a safe trait), she couldn’t be relied on when I was hurting because, somehow, she was going to find a way to turn the focus on her (that is unsafe). I mean, rarely could I tell her something and she wasn’t going to turn it into a story about herself. Yeah, narcissists are always on some sort of makeshift stage, chile. And that can be exhausting.
5. Make sure you know what your “breaking point” is. I tell clients often: Be okay with being someone’s consequence sometimes because there may be a chance that they won’t learn any other way. Do I miss that former friend of mine? Eh, by the time that I was done, I was DONE done. However, we had a lot of years between us and so there are memories that get to me on random occasions. And although I don’t hate her and can see her and genuinely care about how she’s doing, we have nowhere to go in the future. She’s always going to want me to do most of the work — and I am no longer interested in doing so. Breaking points are good. They let us know when a chapter in a relationship has…completed itself.
____
An author by the name of Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “Love without sacrifice is theft” (that kind of makes me think of the late author Eric Jerome Dickey’s quote, “Sex without love is violence”). At the end of the day, that saying is a good way to “gut check” your relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Ask yourself if you are basically the only one doing any sacrificing. And if that is indeed the case, is it worth it?
Remember, a vulnerable narcissist thinks that they deserve to be treated better than everyone else — including you. If you want to keep that type of person as a friend, just know what you are getting yourself into. Because since they are probably never going to change, you will be the one who has to.
One way or another, sis. One way or a freakin’ other.
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