

I was privy to an interesting conversation a few weeks back about entrepreneurship and fulfillment. My sister had been taken aback by an Instagram Reel she saw that basically shamed people who worked 9-to-5s while touting the benefits of being an entrepreneur. It was as if one couldn't thrive at a 9-to-5, as if everyday professionals play themselves every day going into a regular J-O-B. My sister began to question whether she was missing out on something great in focusing on her 9-to-5 as a teacher (and a damn good, dedicated one, at that).
As a journalist, editor, and consultant, I have covered entrepreneurship (particularly in service to Black women) for almost two decades, and I’ve studied organizational leadership while earning my master’s degree, so I had to go into both journalist and big-sister-protector mode, immediately reassuring her that while entrepreneurship is an awesome endeavor, it’s not for everyone, and there’s no shame in working a 9-to-5 you love. Also, you can indeed build wealth and fulfillment when taking the traditional professional path.
We’ve all seen that theme being perpetuated on social, where influencers push hustle culture and entrepreneurship as the end-all-be-all to happiness and getting to the bag, all while disrespecting and disregarding the valuable work of 9-to-5ers.
Again, more power to my boss sistas (me included), but here’s the affirmation all my fabulous 9-to-5ers need, especially my young professionals who are early in their careers: Sis, it’s more than okay to love your job, be an employee, and thrive. And indeed, you can be financially free, happy, and accomplished without having a business account in your name or a brand you’re pushing on IG.
Here are a few stats to back that affirmation: According to recent Bureau of Labor stats, 1 in 5 businesses fail within the first year. And while Black women are among the fastest-growing groups in terms of entrepreneurship (with 2.7 million businesses across the U.S.) Black women have higher labor force participation rates than other women (at 58.8% compared with 56.2% for women overall). There are more than 75 million women in the workforce (compared with 12.3 million women-owned businesses), so sis, you’re not alone.
The key to thriving at a 9-to-5 is totally foreign to any IG Reel or TikTok video you might watch a million times regarding entrepreneurship. Here are five ways you can build a career you love and thrive as a 9-to-5 power woman:
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1. Actually pursue (and do) work you like to do.
There are so many statistics about unemployment, inflation, and what's wrong in the world of working. Please don't let that drive you to take a job that you either hate or aren't passionate about. While we all have bills to pay, it's a better idea to always strategize for landing a job that aligns with your passions, skills, and financial goals, even if you have to start from the bottom with a mindset and plan of elevating. You won't always get that dream job on the first try or even after the 10th interview, but find ways to work for that dream company, build that dream life, or work for that dream boss.
Do your research, get the training needed, and find unique but authentic ways to brand yourself via LinkedIn or Facebook. If you have to take that just-to-pay-the-bills job in the meanwhile, set a few goals with deadlines so that you can focus on your plan and get a better job that's more of a fit for what you'd like to be doing.
Take a few assessments to see what you're good at, what skills you have, and where your weaknesses might be. Sit down and write what you love doing, scenarios where you felt empowered and loved, and the types of jobs or industries where you might find a fit for what you're called to do.
This tip might seem like a no-brainer, but oftentimes women take jobs that they know aren't a great fit from the job description or interview process, remain at the job for longer than they should, and end up in both a professional and financial rut. If you can avoid doing this, you have a better chance of thriving.
2. Invest in yourself, your growth, and your future. Make this a priority.
Even with a job you don't necessarily like or when working for a company that's not quite a good fit, there are ways to invest in yourself and your financial future. Be sure you're locked into their 401K, you're taking advantage of every benefit of the packages they offer, and you're taking every bit of PTO allowed. In your spare time, again, be sure you're looking to the future and applying for jobs or positions that meet the standards of your future self. If you love your job, be sure you're setting benchmarks and goals as to how you'll grow, when you'll apply for promotions, who you'd like to work with in the C-suite, and what projects you'd like to take the lead on.
If you want to build wealth at a 9-to-5, investing is a good idea, no matter how much you make, and boosting your savings goals is also something you should become deliberate about. Some companies still offer matches for retirement fund investing.
That's totally okay because you can take retirement and investment planning into your own hands by talking to someone at your local bank or other financial services company (like Fidelity, for example). You can set up a regular or Roth IRA to save for your future. If you find the FIRE strategy to be one you'd like to pursue while you're working a 9-to-5, there are several online resources and available coaches to guide you through that process.
If you're okay with retiring at the traditional age, seeking out companies that provide opportunities for retirement investment is key and you must ensure you have a great financial plan for that. Prioritize your financial planning as a 9-to-5 employee so that you can achieve the life you want. While there are several systemic barriers to equity and wealth building for Black women, nothing beats a disciplined savings strategy and a bit of planning savvy. (Here's some great guidance on how to boost your savings goals in other ways beyond retirement funds.)
Remember, retirement planning isn't just about waiting until you're "older" and it's not just something your mom or grandma should be thinking about. You should be planning today for the lifestyle you want in the future, especially if you'd like to live it up via travel or lavish luxuries, you want to have a flexible work-life balance by a certain age, or you plan to finance your children's education. Wealth building is a game of strategy and long-term planning for sure.
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3. Connect with a mentor and create a community of support.
Thriving at a 9-to-5 is almost like raising a child. It takes a village. Connect with mentors, sponsors (or people at your company that can speak to your abilities for opportunities there), and other means of support in your career journey. Oftentimes, many of us work in a silo, just thinking hard work will pay off, but you'll need more than that to advance at a company. If you find that the culture of the company you work for is toxic, doesn't reward quality, or doesn't meet your professional needs, consider looking for work at another company. If the mission and values of a company don't align with yours when it comes to opportunities for growth and advancement (i.e. coverage of extended training, mentorship programs, ERGs, or workshops), it's time to say "Goodbye," or "No, thank you."
I remember my first major full-time job in publishing, and there were so many opportunities for growth. There was a stipend to take courses, opportunities to be mentored, company retreats, and a culture that made me feel like a valued team member.
I stayed at that company for almost a decade and had some of the best years of my professional life there. I also experienced growth in my confidence, skill set, and abilities to the point of ascending to a management position. I was also able to come up with a class (of sorts, like high school or college), of amazing Black professionals in media and communications, and make lifelong friends in the industry. These are people who, while we don't talk on the phone all the time, continue to inspire me and drive me to do more in my career.
4. Keep a positive perspective and add fun to your work day.
It's easy to get into a mental cycle of negativity, especially with so much bad going on in the world today. However, getting into the habit of gratitude and documenting wins at work helps to balance this. Keep a journal of your accomplishments, small and large, and be specific. (You can write, for example, that you led a team that brought in new clients or that you were able to boost revenues by 20% with your efforts. You could also write that you arrived on time for 30 days in a row, hired new talent that led to boosts in morale, or led trainings that helped with understanding a new system or way of doing business.)
While you indeed need to be aware of the challenges of working as a Black woman in any business arena, you should also keep your eyes on the prize (as the elders used to tell me growing up in the South as a child). If you are focused on the end goal, you're better able to steer your way through much of the mud of BS and strife that comes along with making boss moves at work.
I once had a situation at a job I loved, where an older professional was trying to get me fired. I'd already impressed managers in multiple departments and always wrote down my wins. Needless to say, not only did I not get fired but I thrived at the company for several more years and ended up befriending the woman who tried to get me fired (years later.) Keeping receipts and having a positive attitude through that ordeal is what led to my survival at that company.
Also, adding a bit of fun to your workday can help with coping with the everyday stresses of any job (whether you like your job or not.) Get active, make meetings you lead fun and engaging (in line with your company's policies and rules), and try out-of-the-box thinking when approaching problem-solving at your job. Smile often and find the humor (when appropriate).
Try to be a light in someone else's work day, and find ways not to take yourself so seriously (especially the higher up you go in your career). I often read emails back to myself before sending them just to find the "fun" or "light" factor to them and will add GIFs, a "LOL" or an exclamation point to take the edge off of a message. I'll also add a compliment, congratulations (if applicable), a fun quote, or a high point (especially to emails that might be about correcting behavior or disciplining someone.) It's super-helpful for me because I find management quite overwhelming and stressful and providing negative feedback is draining.
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5. Allow your purpose, not money or a job, to define and motivate you.
When your foundational motivation is purpose, you're often feeding fulfillment, no matter what role you take or job you have. I have always wanted to help give voice to the voiceless, and I've always been attracted to work that helps advance women, especially my fellow Black women. I've found that the jobs I've thrived in have done just that, even on the days when I feel the work is tedious, annoying, or overwhelming.
I know that if I'm writing or editing stories or working on projects that will achieve that goal, I'm more apt to enjoy the work I do, overall. I also am more likely to offer my best in those roles, versus ones where I don't feel like I'm actively contributing efforts toward purpose.
I once worked a customer service job, when I was in-between clients and needed to supplement my income, and found that the monotony of the job as well as the organization's culture just didn't align with my passion for helping Black women (or empowering women at all). This ultimately led to a very traumatizing end to my employment with the company. I totally disregarded purpose by taking on that job and staying there even when I saw signs that the way they did business just wasn't empowering and didn't align with my values. I also wasn't focused on how I could be a change agent to strategically leverage the opportunity, thus, it ended in an abrupt disaster.
While the position did help fulfill my financial and healthcare needs at the time, I probably would have found myself in a better ending with that particular company had I remembered my career purpose and held true to it.
All in all, if you're strategic, purposeful, deliberate, and open-minded about working a 9-to-5 and making a job work for you, you can find fulfillment and build wealth in order to reach your personal and professional goals. You don't have to be an entrepreneur to find ultimate happiness. You can succeed as a professional who offers the gifts God has given you to the best of your ability and with an end goal that honors why you're here on Earth.
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Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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7 Sex Resolutions Every Single Woman Should Make For The Rest Of This Year
Where does the damn time go? It literally seems like just yesterday, that “Did We Just Become Best Friends?” Ulta commercial was playing incessantly on the television and now, we’re “looking over the fence” at Valentine’s Day. Goodness.
Anyway, if you took out some time to check out “Resolve To Evolve In 2025. That's It.” which was published earlier this month, you already know what kind of headspace I’m encouraging us all to be on until holiday commercials come back on the tube at the end of this year.
Evolving? It’s all about growing gradually — and if you happen to be a single woman who is also sexually active (or planning to be), I wanted to share some ways that you can “resolve to evolve” in that department from now through another ball dropping as well.
So, before you decide to, as the artist Mya once said/sang it, give the best of you to someone else, please read the seven promises that I think you should make to yourself about your own sex life — so that this year can be one that is filled with as much pleasure and as little regret as possible.
1. I Will Not RELY on Anyone Else to Protect My Physical Health and Well-Being
He got me pregnant. She trapped me. I honestly can’t believe how much I hear both of these things on social media, almost on a daily basis.
And while there is such an evil thing as stealthing (when a man lies about using a condom) and yes, there are also some women who say they are on birth control when they aren’t (and I loathe that lie as well), when you factor in that only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms at all (and even that isn’t consistently — SMDH), those of us with maturity and common sense know that more times than not, folks would rather blame someone else for unprepared consequences of their sex-related actions than take some real personal accountability…and nothing about that is wise, smart or good. Please don’t be one of those individuals.
If you’re not already in this mindset, make 2025 the year when you commit to getting tested twice a year, that you take charge of your own body when it comes to birth control (instead of relying on the declarations of another person) and that you will set firm guidelines and boundaries, BEFOREHAND, of what you expect from your partners when it comes to their own sexual health.
Because sis, even if you’re into casual sex, if you’re not proactive about protecting yourself, sometimes the outcome of copulation is anything BUT…casual. In fact, even as we speak, STIs/STDs, globally, are on the rise.
2. I Will Clearly Convey My Intentions (and Boundaries) on the Front End
Let’s circle back on the boundaries thing for a moment. Boundaries are limits, right? Recently, I was talking to a client, who is currently sleeping with more than one person, about how important it is to communicate with each individual about what her boundaries are: this includes intentions, expectations, and deal-breakers (check out “These Are The Deal-Breakers You Shouldn't Hesitate To Have In The Bedroom”). And y’all, because sex can very easily (and oftentimes does) change the dynamic of a relationship, it is a good idea to talk about all of these things before the act happens — not after.
Before, you tend to be more logical. Before, you also tend to be more practical. Before, there is less of a chance that you will try and see things through rose-colored glasses (if the sex was good, I mean).Case in point. The client who I was just referring to? When I once before advised that she have this very conversation with a particular guy before coitus (because she said that she thought she saw a few red flags), she didn’t.
After everything went down, because he gave her more orgasms than she had experienced in a hot minute, here came all of the “rationalizations” about why he isn’t the best communicator and seems to only want to come to her place to “get up.” SMDH. When I asked her why she has a tendency to operate in this fashion, her exact words were, “I don’t want to put too much pressure on guys before we get involved.” Girl? GIRL.
If you’re not comfortable enough telling a man what your standards and requirements are, you shouldn’t be comfortable letting them enter into your being. A lot of people end up with their feelings super hurt and their health in a lot of jeopardy and it’s all because they didn’t make this vow to themselves. This year, please don’t be one of them.
3. I Will Not Act Like My Needs Are Being Met When They Aren’t
If when you read this one, the first thing that came to your mind is faking orgasms, that’s fair because it’s definitely one of the things that I am referring to (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP,” “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)” and “1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That”). I don’t care how many articles and podcast talking points try and justifying doing it — faking is a form of deception, and it makes absolutely no sense to pretend that you are experiencing the peak points of pleasure during sex when you aren’t.
One way or another, it will lead to some level of resentment on your end and a sense of delusional reality when it comes to your partner. I’ve seen it transpire too much to back down on that.
However, this promise speaks to satisfaction across the board. For instance, I used to date a guy who was a horrible kisser. Just ugh. Unfortunately, I sat up and endured that mess for…a long time because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then, when I did come up with what I thought was a more “tender” way of rectifying the situation, he got super sensitive: “You’ve been happy with it all of this time. Something else must be going on.” And y’all, that was actually a fair response on his part because if I had been acting like things were good when they weren’t — why am I just now bringing it up?
At the end of the day, needs are things that are deemed to be necessary or essential. When it comes to sex/sexual activity, please don’t be out here acting like “it’s all good” when it actually isn’t. If there is something that is necessary or essential for you to feel (holistically) good about the sex that you are having — SAY IT. It’s silly and counterproductive not to.
4. I Will Become a Student of My Own Sexuality
If you Google what sexuality is, AI is going to probably say something like this: “Sexuality is a person's sexual, emotional, and physical feelings and attractions towards others.” That’s fair. However, when I looked up sexuality on Dictionary’s site, I liked that the first definition was one’s “sexual character” because character is about moral and ethical values. It’s also traits that help to define you and your reputation. Character also plays a role in what makes you…YOU.
And since your sexual being is a very relevant and important part of who you are, then yes, you should make the time to figure out what your own sexuality is all about. Know what else? Since you’re ever-growing and transforming, you’ve got to be willing to accept that, in some ways, your sexuality is as well.
That’s why I say that it is so important to commit to being a student of your own sexuality. When it comes to the feelings that you have about sex, where did they come from? When it comes to what attracts you to certain people, where did that begin? How do you emotionally feel about sex and the people you choose to have sex with? What is your reputation when it comes to sex — how do you know? What are some distinct character traits that you would use to define your sexuality? How has your relationship with sex changed over the years?
Albert Einstein once said, “Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death” and if you think this doesn’t apply to sex, you couldn’t be more wrong. Recent reports reveal that people over 55 still have sex at least once a week and 1 in 6 adults over 70 do as well which means that you’ve got many more years to learn about yourself as far as sex is concerned. Please be open to that.
Trust me, you are doing yourself a huge disservice by not making room to learn, shift, and transform when it comes to sex. So, this year, get into some sex journaling in this department (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). The more that you discover and document about your sexuality, the easier it will be to accept yourself and also articulate who you are, when it comes to this area and aspect of your life, to others.
5. I Will Not Mistake How Sex Makes Me Feel for What the Relationship Actually Is
The reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like, “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.” and “Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner” is because two things that show up, chemically, during sex (especially orgasm-filled sex) is dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine helps to make you feel good while oxytocin bonds you to the people you have sex with.
This means that even science is all up in your business when it comes to sex — and yes, since coitus tends to feel great and make you feel closer to your partners, it’s pretty easy to understand how and why you could confuse satisfying sex for a genuine long-term connection with someone.
And so, just to make sure you can “see clearly” when it comes to having sex vs. being in a relationship, when you’re in a (healthy) relationship with someone...
- You and your partner agree that you both are on the same page
- Nothing is “complicated” because you want the same things
- There is reciprocity
- There is regular and open communication
- There are clear expectations
- You both know each other’s needs and wants — and enjoy meeting them
- There are mutual and consistent displays of empathy and affection
- You are a part of each other’s worlds (people, places, things and ideas)
- Future plans are made with ease
- Instead of stress and anxiety, there is peace — mutually so
If you can’t say this about who you are having sex with, I don’t care how many orgasms he gives you, while y’all may be in something (like a situationship), you aren’t in a relationship (don’t believe me? Ask him). If you are fine with that, cool. All I’m saying is don’t try to turn sex into something that it’s not. Orgasms are a sign of sexual fulfillment. Those other 10 signs are indications that a real relationship truly exists.
6. I Will Not Sacrifice My Mental and Emotional State for Physical Pleasure
Just this morning, I sent an article to a friend of mine that featured signs that you have a good amount of self-respect. Some of the signs included not tolerating being taken for granted, not allowing emotional manipulation, and not tolerating dishonesty. I sent that to her because she is currently in a situationship where she definitely is allowing a cyclic form of disrespect (inconsistency, gaslighting, etc.) from a guy and that tends to happen when we don’t respect our own selves very much.
Know what else is interesting about ole’ boy? She says that he continues to be the best sex that she has ever had — and here’s the thing about that: when someone makes you feel great on a physical level, it can be easier than you might think to ignore how they make you feel on a mental and emotional one.
If reading what I just said triggered you on some level, that’s a sign that you shouldn’t take it lightly. I have said it before and I’m sure that I will say it a billion times more before I close my eyes for the last time on this planet, that sacrifice means to give up something good for something greater — and you should never EVER think that sacrificing mental and emotional health and stability is a smart move, so long as your sexual needs are being met.
Nor should you lie to yourself and say that if a man makes you feel good, that automatically means that he is good for you. If you’re confused, upset, crying, chasing, or drained with said guy more times than not…you are exactly who I am talking to…too.
7. I Will Choose to Sexually Evolve — Constantly
A few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go.” To this day, the married couple who are mentioned in the piece? They are struggling in the bedroom department (even after over two decades of marriage) and a big part of it is because the wife has evolved into wanting other things, sexually, while the husband refuses to accept it. It has resulted in a pretty much sexless marriage which is really nothing more than glorified roommates.
This can happen when one or two people refuse to evolve — yes, even sexually. And the sad part is when you don’t opt to grow, even in the sex department, it can prevent you from discovering and experiencing so many other things about sex, you and your partner.
So yes, as I close this out, don’t let 2025 pass you by without also putting forth the concerted effort to (safely, wisely, and purposefully) SEXUALLY EVOLVE. To sexually ADVANCE. To sexually MATURE. To sexually EMERGE. Sex is too big and vast to settle for only what you know about it and you (as it relates to sex) now. Be a student, “graduate” from some things, and evolve into other ones.
Sex can handle it. And so can you.
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