
How Being A ‘Tri-Sector’ Professional Has Led To Career Wins For This Executive

In this special Women’s History Month Boss Up series, we talk to women who are redefining what leadership looks like. They’re deciding, on their own terms, to tap into a fulfilling career, walk their own paths, and embrace the fullness of the impact of Black women when they decide to unapologetically take up space and disrupt in business.
With the challenges of the day—a global pandemic (that’s still not quite over), horrifically high gas prices, and the yet-to-be-resolved issue of unequal pay, to name a few—the need to pivot, recharge, and reinvent in many aspects of Black women’s lives has become more and more important for us. The environment today has led to a shift in not only how we live but how we approach getting to the bag, whether that be through a full-time job, a side hustle, a business, or all three combined.
The days of the straight-and-narrow journey on the road to so-called success are quite long gone, and today, new generations of Black women are traveling roads that not only have detours but intersections created anew. And one unchanging component that seems to always fuel success is a plan founded on good old-fashioned principles of planning, education, and resilience through advocacy, empowerment, and innovation.
Courtesy of Ayris Scales
Ayris T. Scales is a leader who knows more than a thing or two about just those things, with more than 20 years of experience excelling as what she calls a “tri-sector” professional. The path to her current role as CEO of Walker’s Legacy Foundation included taking on a variety of roles in corporate, nonprofit, and public service industries.
“When I came into this role last year, it was interesting because someone who I considered a friend said to me, ‘So what are you now—a champion of women in business?’ It was a bit of a slight, and I had to correct her and say, ‘You know, I’ve really been doing this work for almost 20 years now,’” Scales recalls to xoNecole. “I started out in communications and got a job in corporate America doing corporate communications. I hated it. And we were working with big global brands. Every once in a while, we’d have these smaller businesses calling us about our services or calling us trying to tap into resources but couldn’t afford them. I come from a family that has been very focused on community, collective impact, and service, so I thought, let me get out of this corporate job and go into the public sector to work on policies to connect businesses with the resources they need.”
She eventually moved on to work in public policy, managing initiatives and communications for city governments including those in Washington DC, Indianapolis, Chicago, and Atlanta. Throughout her career, she’s seen many career highs, but one, in particular, landed her in a position to work with the Obama administration as the inaugural executive director of the DC Promise Neighborhood Initiative (DCPNI), part of the White House Neighborhood Revitalization Initiative with a purpose to end generational poverty.
To date, she has raised more than $50 million in funding and overseen more than $200 million in grants and subsidies to support women, marginalized communities, and small business owners.
Now at Walker’s Legacy, an organization founded in honor of beauty mogul Madam C.J. Walker and committed to uplifting the next generation of minority women entrepreneurs, Scales is tasked with leading the nonprofit arm’s charge of getting 10,000 Black women founders “capital ready” by 2025. It’s a challenge she does not shy away from. And it’s the use of transferable skills and the reliance on deep confidence to take risks to pursue out-of-the-box opportunities that have been key in building that tenacity.
Courtesy of Ayris Scales
“It’s been an amazing journey to be at Walker’s Legacy to lean in more on what I’m passionate about,” she says. “For me, I know that I have to bring those things that are natural to me. That’s not also to say don’t push yourself [beyond], because that’s important, too,” she adds. “I love to lead with my ‘why.’ Why are you here? Why do you feel the need to make a pivot, start a business, or go into a role? And I challenge people who say, ‘Well, I’m passionate about the mission or vision.’ We’re all passionate about those things but that’s not why you are here. When you have that understanding of what your ‘why’ is, it allows you to be more connected and invested in how you’re going to have a true impact and navigate when those days get hard.”
Black women millennials and Gen Zers, in particular, are at the forefront of putting their “why” first, further challenging the status-quo approach in building a successful career or business. “I’m just observing my own daughter, my cousins, and the children of my friends: They care so much more—which is great—about the quality of life–how they live–and not so much about being driven or focused on ‘I gotta chase down this role, and this job, and this title. They’re looking at how they move and how they make money [in a way] that’s more supportive of some of these broader goals that they have in life,” she says.
“And I’m like ‘How wonderful is that!’ As we think about millennials—who are well grown at this point—I think the path isn’t as linear as it used to be. We are seeing right now that more Black women are starting to go into entrepreneurship at faster rates and in larger numbers than ever before—even at higher rates than any of their counterparts. And we’re doing that for many reasons. Part of that is understanding that we want to start to create legacy."
"We are seeing right now that more Black women are starting to go into entrepreneurship at faster rates and in larger numbers than ever before—even at higher rates than any of their counterparts. And we’re doing that for many reasons. Part of that is understanding that we want to start to create legacy."
And here’s where the aggressive push for the “Capital Ready Initiative” becomes that much more significant for Scales. It’s a way to not only educate Black women founders on how to get funding that will sustain their businesses through the long game but also to remind the world that the disparity still exists. “When we talk about minority- and women-owned businesses, and then you throw on being a Black woman-owned business, it’s exceptionally hard to access capital for a few reasons. For one, we may not have the full understanding of what it takes to successfully complete a loan or a grant,” she shares.
“One of the things I’ve also said is that we have funding that’s available in this country. Capital is here and capital flows throughout this country. What’s not always available is for that capital to trickle down to our communities and that’s because of discriminatory and systemic types of barriers and criteria in which we are being evaluated against people who are not traditionally our peers.”
A huge part of an elevated pivot to success is one that involves Black women, especially millennials and Gen Zers, stepping things up beyond social media hype and overnight-success stories of six- and seven-figure revenues of bootstrapped startups, especially when it comes to the glazing over of in-real-life success metrics of actual profit, longevity, business legitimacy, impact, and market influence. “When it comes to social media, we want to see what others are doing so that we can draw inspiration and stay abreast of what competitors are doing in the market, but we can’t be distracted from what actually works for sustainability. When we have a plan, we have to work it. We want to talk about the ability to still be around when the market starts to shift.”
Scales, who is also an entrepreneur herself, having founded Abel Vision Enterprises, has had a chance to continue to lay the foundation for her own success, as a woman whose career has been multifaceted and nonlinear, and continues to work to pay it forward for other women who are operating in the same vein—and generations that will learn from their journeys in the future.
“As Black people, we are so enterprising anyway—that’s how we’ve always had to be. We’ve always had to create our own products and services for our own community. We've always had to figure things out in that sense,” Scales explains. “So to be able to do that today where there are some resources finally being made available to us, and where we have the luxury of being global—just because of social media— and we have the opportunities to be paid for our services and ideas, it’s something that our ancestors could have never, never even imagined. I’m extremely committed and passionate about creating legacy. We are literally our ancestors’ wildest dreams.”
Find out more about Walker’s Legacy’s “Capital Ready” Initiative and other resources for Black women entrepreneurs via their website or their Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Ayris Scales
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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