So, if you've been rocking with this site for several years now, you might vaguely recall an article that I wrote, a couple of years back entitled, "Why You Need To Grieve Your Past Relationship." The bottom line was if you don't make the time to go through the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — even when it comes to the ending of a romantic relationship, you could 1) mistake a lack of thorough and proper grieving for still loving someone and/or 2) prolong the process of healing, so that you can actually move forward.
Today, while this topic is somewhat along these lines, I'm actually going to touch on something a bit different. The reason why is because, after watching a movie where one of the female characters said, "How dare you not be the man I thought that you were in my mind," I felt it was also important to address that sometimes, we as women have a tendency to send ourselves through stress, strain and total emotional upheaval — not so much because the guy we were (or are) seeing did anything "wrong" to us or even because anything tumultuous happened in the relationship. It's simply because, if we're being really real with our own selves, we know that we wanted "him" to be someone he's not — and that is what we need to grieve so that we can know what to do next.
If that paragraph totally resonates with your mind, body and spirit on some level, let's walk through how you can grieve who you thought the man you care about was…even as you're catching on that he's not really that person at all.
Be Honest: Have You Been Ignoring Some Somewhat Subtle Red Flags?
Wanna know a sign of being a low-key control freak in relationships? When you ignore red flags under the guise of "I can change him". While this way of thinking is pretty common, I don't know if it's addressed enough, just how arrogant and presumptuous that sounds. Who are we to change anyone? That's not our job in any kind of relational dynamic. Yet when folks are of this mindset, they can be so caught up in what they think they are capable of doing — or even should do — that they will dismiss all kinds of blaring red flags.
How do I know? I used to struggle with being a control freak in this lane and it definitely caused me to overlook some stuff that I shouldn't have. And just what are some red flags that are beyond obvious ones like abuse or blatant disrespect? If you and the guy you're seeing don't want the same things (for instance, you want to be married and he absolutely does not). If you and the guy that you are seeing have different standards and values. If you and the guy you are seeing communicate poorly (like you chalk up constant arguing to being playful banter; relationships need to be peace-filled as much as possible).
If you and the guy you are seeing define things like exclusivity in dating in totally different ways. If you and the guy you are seeing are not doing a good job at meeting each other's needs. These are just some examples of what are considered to be signs of an unhealthy relational dynamic; still, so many people ignore them because whether it's fear, ego, or both, they tell themselves, "I mean, I might see that this person isn't the right fit but because I already decided that they should be, I will make them fit by trying to make them be who I want."
What a lot of folks who think like this don't realize is, the moment they've got to apply force (or even manipulation) in order to try and make something manifest, they actually need to be seen as a red flag to other people. Because y'all, it is off-the-charts crazy, just how many individuals will ignore signs that someone isn't a good match for them, believing that they will put their blood, sweat, and tears into turning them into something else and then acting like that person is the bad guy when things don't go as they planned. No one is the villain just because they didn't succumb to an agenda that consisted of trying to change them into something that they're not. And just why does this happen so often? I mean, besides the control freak thing? This brings us to my next point.
Did You Cast Him into Your Fairy Tale Without His Knowledge…or Permission?
Living for the fairy tale. Personally, I close-to-loathe that phrase. I've shared before that it's because I know that fairy tale means "a story, usually for children" and "an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief". You know, not too long ago, someone asked me what has surprised me the most about adulthood; the first thing that came to my mind is how many "old children" there are. In this lane, the stories that are often told to children are ones that far too many adults are still using to program their own minds when it comes to romantic situations.
Is it wrong to want to be in a relationship that you can describe as amazing, wonderful, and fulfilling? Absolutely not. At the same time, when you run with phrases like "my Prince Charming", I mean, don't even get me started on how even the Bible says that "charm is deceitful" (Proverbs 31:30); for now, we can just go with…who do you know is married to a prince? And if we tie this into fairy tales, do you ever hear what happens after the "…and they lived happily ever after part" of the story? Chile, we don't have a clue what Prince Charming and Cinderella went through after their wedding day. It's like we're left to make the rest of the story up.
And that's kind of my point. If you are still leaning into a "fairy tale mentality," you also can make up narratives to go however you want. If you're not careful, you can also carry that into your relationships with men. Before you know it, you've decided that some guy you like should be some leading character with all of the traits that you created in your mind. Then, you find ways to "sway" him into fitting into those roles — oftentimes without him knowing that that's what you're up to or that he wasn't even asked to sign up to go through those kinds of emotional contortionist positions.
Hey, I never said that this article was going to be an easy one. I simply said that sometimes grieving who you thought someone was is something that needs to happen. If you know that you've been guilty of coming up with your own story and then inserting some man that you like into it, script and all, this is a reality that must be faced. Otherwise, you are more of a villain in your own fairy tale than you will probably ever choose to accept.
Is Denial a Pattern for You (Especially in Relationships)?
Those of us who work in the lane of therapy/counseling/life coaching know that it's pretty common to have clients who use a state of denial as to their front line of defense when you're trying to confront them about something. And what are some telling indicators that someone is indeed living this way? They refuse to talk about their issues (or they don't tell all of what has led up to them). They are constantly on the defensive. They only share the good stuff. They find all kinds of ways to justify their mindset, behavior, or patterns. They "edit out" what they don't want to face head-on.
One of the boyfriends from my past, I was in a lot of denial about. I wasn't really physically attracted to him. I carried 90 percent of the financial burden in the relationship. He loved me more than I loved him while I wanted different things at a different time than he did (for instance, he actually loved me enough to marry me while I wanted to get married much sooner than he did; I ignored that I didn't love him enough because marriage was such a personal priority at the time). Yet because I wanted to be cherished so badly and I had already invested so much time into us, I spent a lot of time denying what was while telling myself to ONLY focus on the good. In the long run, it wasn't worth it. Living in denial rarely is.
The thing about making denial a pattern in your life is it's directly connected to self-delusion and self-deception. So, when it comes to this particular point, if you're not sure if you're living in denial when it comes to your relationship or not, ask some of your friends what they think. Real friends only want what's best for us and because they are not mentally, emotionally, and perhaps physically invested in the guy we're with in the way that we are, they can pick up on "hold up signals" in a way that we simply cannot. Can't. Yet still, need to.
Is Whatever’s Disappointing You Deal-Breaking Material?
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?" The reason why I'm mentioning it here is that, while it might seem on the onset that my recommendation to grieve who you thought someone was means that you are to kill and bury the relationship altogether, that is not necessarily the case at all. Again, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. So, what I mean is if you are in a constant state of irritation or even frustration because the man you want or even prefer (because want and prefer are not exactly the same thing) doesn't exist even though you keep trying to make want you want or prefer to be so, sometimes you really need to face that you are 1) in denial; 2) angry; 3) using pressure, ultimatums, manipulation, nagging and/or control to bargain with him to change; 4) you might actually be somewhat depressed about your situation (a profound definition of depressed is "anger turned inward") and so 5) it's time to accept reality for what it is.
And in this case, what you really need to come to terms with is, can you ACCEPT him for who he ACTUALLY is, or do you need to accept that you both should probably part ways, so that you both can be with someone who want try to change either one of you? One of the most helpful ways to come to the decision that you need to make is when it comes to who he truly is, are you upset because things aren't going your way, or are there real deal-breakers on the table? For instance, if you told yourself that he will become uber romantic and he just isn't that guy, can you deal with that long-term? Or if you told yourself that physical attraction doesn't have to be that important yet it's affecting your intimacy with him, can you really learn to adjust, or is it not something that you can get past? Or if he's all that you want in a husband but he has stated, more than once, that he doesn't want to get married (check out "He Loves You. He's Just Never Gonna Marry You. Now What?"), where do you go from here? Like, for real, for real?
A part of the reason why it's crucial to go through the grieving process whenever someone reveals themselves to not be who we thought they were is because it's the acceptance of this fact that helps us to make wiser decisions when it comes to what to do about the relationship, moving forward. If you don't grieve all of this, you could remain stagnant. And in this case, on a lot of levels, unfortunately, that typically equates to settling.
If This Stuff Applies to You, GRIEVE.
A writer by the name of Anne Rophe once said, "Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life." To me, this is one of the best ways to bring this article to a close. I say this because, if you now know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are grieving, not so much who a man actually is but who you thought he was, you can embrace the fact that it's not until you fully acknowledge the loss of that version of him that you can start to remake your life — whether that means coming to accept that it needs to be with him which includes the reality of the facts of what you're actually dealing with or alone so that you can 1) learn to become more honest with yourself about seeing people for who they really are so that 2) you can start dating and building with someone from a more realistic perspective.
And what should the grieving process look like?
Journal out what you've been in DENIAL about and why. While you're at it, if you know that all of this is a pattern of yours, write about that too.
Give yourself the opportunity to be ANGRY about what you've been denying so that you can get out your frustrations and not take them out on him. If this means venting to a friend or even speaking with a counselor, please do it.
Determine NOT TO BARGAIN over what you want vs. who he is. While all relationships require compromise and it's important to realize that it's rare to get everything that you want on your list from someone else (check out "The Pros & Cons Of Creating A 'What I Want In A Man' Checklist"), if you feel like you're making concessions that are going to leave you completely unfulfilled, long-term, you need to understand that aren't making the true definition of what a sacrifice is — "a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable". No one should feel like they've got to convince themselves to stay with someone else. Bargaining is oftentimes doing just that.
If you come to the decision to end the relationship, it's OK to feel SAD. Clearly, there were some good things about the person and the dynamic that caused you to stand. Internalizing your emotions will just prolong the healing process.
ACCEPT whatever you ultimately decide to do. If you decide to stay, be intentional about not trying to change him. If you decide to leave, be disciplined enough to not go back until you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you can accept him as-is; that you will only be there to support him in the changes he desires to make based on the man he needs to become vs. the man you want him to be (because that is not always or automatically one and the same).
Grieving can be hard. Shoot, harder than even that. This includes when it's tied to something like conjuring up an image in our mind that doesn't actually exist. But if you do it, you allow healing and clarity to manifest — and when you approach relationships from this space, you are more whole, you are more relaxed and you are better able to see things for what they are, not for what you want them to be. And then you can make wiser mate selection decisions from that. I know this from very up close and personal experience. So, grieve it out, sis. Grieve it all out. The pain won't last forever and you'll be the better for it. You truly will.
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (email@example.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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Tabitha Brown Explains Why She's Still Approachable After All The Success She Has Achieved
Social media personality, entrepreneur, and Emmy-nominated host Tabitha Brown have won the hearts of many with her kind demeanor and positive outlook on life, as evidenced by the uplifting videos she shares on her social media page.
The mother of two --who has been a part of the entertainment industry as an actress for over a decade with minor roles in films, television shows, and videos--became a household name in 2020 after her TikTok content of vegan food and inspirational posts went viral. In addition to the virality, Brown gained millions of followers solely based on her loving personality and was ultimately nicknamed America's Mom by her fans.
Since then, Brown has used her popularity to obtain various job opportunities. The list includes the 44-year-old's children's television show Tab Time, a haircare brand Donna's Recipe, a collection with Target, and a McCormick partnership for her Sunshine All Purpose Seasoning, among other things.
In a recent interview on Shannon Sharpe's Club Shay Shay podcast, Brown opened up about how she remains positive regardless of life's circumstances and why she continues to be an approachable figure despite all the success she has achieved.
Tabitha On Why She's A Positive Person
During the discussion, Brown revealed that her positivity comes from her late mother, Patricia, and how she dealt with her 2005 diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS.)
According to John Hopkins Medicine, the terminal disease "affects the functions of one's nerves and muscles." The site also states that ALS can affect "any racial or ethnic group" around 40 to 70 years old. To date, there is no particular cause or cure for ALS.
During her mother's journey with ALS, Brown shared that her mom never complained or wished away the disease but dealt with it gracefully because she believed it was part of God's will. Sadly two years following her diagnosis, Patricia passed away in 2007 at 51.
Following the loss of her mother, Brown disclosed that she uses the lessons she learned from her mom in her "everyday life" because she knows that no matter what happens, it will not compare to what her mother endured.
"Listen, it plays a large role in my everyday life, in my everyday life. Even like right now, things I'm going through, I be like, 'I'd hate that I'm going through this, but there's nothing compared to that,'" she said.
Tabitha On Why She's An Approachable Person
As the topic shifted to how friendly and approachable Brown has been toward her fans over the years, the star explained that her kind demeanor has always been a part of her personality and will continue to be regardless of her celebrity status.
When asked why she usually makes time for her fans, Brown told Sharpe that it's because she understands that her supporters are one of the reasons she is successful.
"I'm going in. I'm going in for the hugs. I'm like, 'Hey, how y'all [doing]? I love that, but also like how dare I not have time for the people who helped me climb. You know, I am in this position because God said I could have it right, but because people support me," she stated while describing her past encounters with her fans.
Brown would add that her appreciation for her fans runs so deep that she is willing to take time out of her schedule to meet and talk to everyone when she has events.
"I have events, and if there's a meet and greet, you better not put a time limit for me because I'm going to see every person literally," she said. "It will go from an hour to 10 hours."
Brown wrapped up the statement by saying her meet and greets could take about 10 hours because she gets to know everyone in line.
With Brown's recent revelation about positivity and being approachable, it appears that she's found the formula of what it means to be a well-rounded person.
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