One of the shortest words in the English language is also one of the most difficult to say. Boston-born, Alabama-raised digital content creator Africa Miranda says mastering the art of saying "nah" ultimately helped guide her on her journey to living her absolute best life, and she recently slid through xo to teach us her ways.
Being booked and busy is all fun and games until you realize that you're overscheduled and overwhelmed. This creative understands that time is one thing you can't get back and owes her selective nature to one simple equation. She told xoNecole, "Passion plus purpose equals profit. And it's how I make decisions of what deserves my time, what deserves my energy and honestly, also what drives me as well."
According to Africa, if an upcoming project in your life doesn't meet these criteria, it's time to pump the breaks, sis. "I look at things in my life and projects that I work on and I always ask myself, am I passionate about it? If you're going to use your time on this earth, it has to be [focused on] something you have some sort of fire inside you about. If I can answer yes to that, then I say, okay, we can at least investigate further."
Once determining her level of passion, Africa says that she then has to evaluate whether her plan aligns with her purpose. There's no blueprint to success, but there is definitely a formula for growth, and to Africa, this method is the key to securing the bag. I mean you, sis. You're the bag. "If I can say yes to both of those things, then there's always a profit that comes from it; and by profit, yes. A lot of times it is monetary, which is great because we love a coin, but it also is profitable in the sense that it will help other people, or it's something that will help me, meaning that I'll learn something from it."
We sat down with Africa to learn more about how she finds balance despite constantly jetsetting and being a CEO, author, and content creator at the same damn time, here's what she had to say:
What are your mornings like?
“When I'm more centered [and] when I'm not like so harried or so running around, I like to try to start my day a little quieter with like meditation or journaling. The goal for me is to always try to spend at least 10-15 [minutes] before I jump on social media. Some days are better than others, but that's always my goal, to try to just take some time to center myself for the day before I jump right into what everybody's posting and what's happening in the world."
"Some days are better than others, but that's always my goal, to try to just take some time to center myself for the day before I jump right into what everybody's posting and what's happening in the world."
How do you wind down at night?
“I used to have trouble trying to wind down and go to sleep and now I treat myself like a little kid. I know like okay, an hour or so before it's time to go to bed, I've got to start turning lights down and maybe light a candle, doing things to kind of signal my body and my brain that it's time to wind down. I've also have started taking this magnesium supplement that is fantastic. It's called Natural Calm and it really just helps literally calm your body. It doesn't put you to sleep, but it really helps with relaxation and anxiety and it's great. And I've noticed that doing that at night also helps me get ready to rest."
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week?
“The most hectic and stressful part is that everything is dependent on me. Because at the end of the day, yes, I have an assistant, I have an attorney, I have a team, I have people; but ultimately, so many things still rest on me and it is stressful. It's a lot physically, it's a lot mentally, it's a lot emotionally. I know everything centers around how well I'm performing or functioning from day-to-day, so I do have to really be careful about my energy and people and situations because if I'm off track, then everything's off track."
"I know everything centers around how well I'm performing or functioning from day-to-day, so I do have to really be careful about my energy and people and situations because if I'm off track, then everything's off track."
What does self-care look like for you?
“For me, it varies. Lately, it's just been saying no to things that I don't really want to do and not feeling bad about it. Understanding that sometimes I just have to be home. Let's say, for example, tomorrow, I have an audition I have to prep for and I have a project that I also need to prep for. So, if I have the choice tonight of like meeting friends for drinks or hanging out, it's like no, like self-care for me is prepping so that I'm not stressed tomorrow and I can walk into both of those rooms and perform at my optimal level. Versus like, 'oh let me have fun tonight' and then I'm stressed tomorrow. So I'm just learning that self-care for me these days may not be the spa. It may just be taking the time to do the work that I'm supposed to do so that I can not be stressed and perform well."
What advice do you have for women that may be busy like you who feel like they don't have time for self-care?
“The first thing I would challenge them to do is to throw away the definition that everybody has of what self-care is, like on the Internet and social media, whatever. Because everybody paints this picture of, if you're not like wrapped in a white robe at a spa with a candle burning, then it's not self-care. And that's not realistic for everyone. It's not realistic financially. It's just not realistic from a time perspective, everybody does not have time or the means to do that.
“But if you don't start carving out that time, then it's not going to happen. So I would just say one, adjust your definition of what self-care looks like and to be willing to sacrifice certain things to carve out the time that you need for stuff that's going to ultimately make you happier."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
“I don't have the answer for that because it is a struggle. I do miss a lot, like I miss a lot. Thankfully, my friends understand it, but there are times where I wish I feel like, okay, I should be being a better friend or I should be more present, but it's very hard to do that. No one talks about the loss of time, the loss of connection and the loneliness that comes with [being an entrepreneur]. I don't have many friends that do exactly what I do or understand. They love me, but they don't do what I do. It can be very lonely and it's definitely a struggle. I hope that we start being more honest about that so people understand that they're not alone in that, [and so] they're also prepared for some of the sacrifices that come with a life of pushing yourself, so to speak."
"No one talks about the loss of time, the loss of connection and the loneliness that comes with [being an entrepreneur]. I don't have many friends that do exactly what I do or understand. They love me, but they don't do what I do. It can be very lonely and it's definitely a struggle."
Romance?
“That is a challenge as well because again it's not easy finding a partner that can understand, but then also if you have a partner that also has a similar lifestyle and both of you are off doing things, how do you then connect? So I think it's just about choices and finding the time where you can. But again, it's a constant struggle."
Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
"I kind of treat it the same way. I order my groceries from Instacart, that was self-care for me, realizing that my time was not best served standing up in the grocery store when I was tired. I order my groceries and so that way, I have food at home. But, if I have food here to make to cook or whatever, but I'm tired or I had meetings, I've been running around, then self-care for me also was letting myself off the hook and saying, okay then I can still order some food tonight because it's better for me to rest and have this food than to kill myself. Sometimes we punish ourselves when it's like, spending $20 on takeout is not going to kill you if you're exhausted. Like just order the food, you know what I mean? Just order the food and eat so you can go to bed. And that's how I find my balance."
Exercise/Health?
"For me, [working out] is necessary. It's necessary for what I do but it's also necessary for like my emotional health as well. Like I feel better when I do it, so it's not something in my life that's on my schedule in pencil because if it is, you're going to always find a reason to move it around or 'oh I'll do it tomorrow' or 'I'll do the next day'. And I don't work out for like three hours in the gym. You go 45 minutes, the most an hour. You get in, you get out. I'm not training for a marathon, you know what I mean? I've learned to listen to my body and if I'm tired, it's not going to help to push myself beyond that and then make myself sick or like, you know, just kill myself just to say that I worked out today."
When you're going through a bout of uncertainty or you're feeling stuck, how do you handle that?
"My reset usually comes from people that I'm close to because we can get in our own heads. I'm guilty of that, of just feeling like, oh my God, this is not going to work and the world is coming to an end and I do think it's very important to have people in your life that can help you reset because sometimes you can't do it on your own."
What does success mean to you?
"Peace, opportunity, and options. [Having] the peace of knowing that you've accomplished or are accomplishing your goals. Opportunities, because the more success you attain, the better your opportunities are and they're more in line with what you really want, and options because the more successful you are, the more options and choices you have."
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
"Don't strive for something that's not attainable. I don't strive for balance. I just strive to have the best moments that I can because I don't think that this idea of balance is really unattainable and I think that it sets women up for failure and I'm not striving for failure. I'm just striving to have the best moments and best days that I can, and then have the next best moment and best day that I can."
"Even if you do have a moment of balance, it's not sustainable long-term. I just think for me, it's about striving to live your life as freely and fully as you can and functioning in that space."
You can keep up with all of Africa's adventures on Instagram @AfricaMiranda and shop her skincare line exclusively at BeautyByAfricaMiranda.com.
Featured image by Derrick Davis
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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What Is A Mother Wound? Signs You May Have One & How To Heal
I didn’t know I had a mother wound until my therapist named it for me.
I had been describing a pattern of emotional unavailability in my choice of partners as a commonality between them. I told him how there was often a physical presence but also one paired with an emotional distance. I expressed that I felt inclined to be the "reasonable" one in my relationships. Easy to love, eager to please, emotionally contained. He gently gave me language, but some I wasn’t expecting: “It sounds like a mother wound.” That statement helped me connect so many dots, but at the same time, I asked him, "But, how?"
My mother is there for me. My mother is a home for me. My mother loves me. What I learned was that a mother wound doesn’t always have to come from abuse, neglect, or other forms of toxicity. Sometimes it comes from a very human mother who is doing her best in all of the ways you could ever ask her to and even in ways you couldn’t, but one who is also emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or dependent on you to meet her needs. (Parentification, party of one.)
My mother wound took form not because she was unloving, but because she was often emotionally unavailable. As a single mother of three and a mother to countless others working in education, she carried the weight of everything. And while I’ve always admired her strength and loved her deeply, I now understand that some of my emotional patterns were shaped by the love I craved but didn’t always feel. She is an amazing mother, and I still have a mother wound. I hold space for both truths because they both deserve space.
If you’ve ever struggled with the ability to self-soothe, people-pleasing, low self-worth, or emotional boundaries, your mother wound may still be calling the shots in your life and your adult relationships. To learn more about what the mother wound is, how it shows up, and how to start healing it, keep reading.
What Is a Mother Wound?
A mother wound refers to the behavioral patterns, emotional pain, and belief systems derived from the relationships we have with our mothers or maternal figures. It's an attachment wound that is not always caused by overt harm. Sometimes mother wounds stem from emotional absence or a lack of emotional support, criticism, passive-aggression, control, co-dependency, or a feeling that you had to earn love by being self-sacrificing or self-sufficient, "easy," or helpful.
The wound is less about pointing fingers at who to blame and more about having awareness around where your needs were left unmet, and how that impacted the way you show up in the world.
Trauma Integration Coach Ally described the impact of such a wound perfectly. In an Instagram caption, she wrote, "When there has been mother wounding, the heart defends itself and tries to close. Our whole system lives in a state of contraction and unsafety, depleted of love, nurturance, and connection."
That "state of contraction and unsafety" she refers to can look like:
- Feeling emotionally guarded, even with people you love
- Struggling to trust your needs or believe you’re allowed to take up space
- Over-functioning in relationships or assuming the role of caregiver/fixer
- Having chronically anxious or hyper-independent nervous system states (i.e., never letting yourself rest or receive)
While these patterns are often unconscious, they have the potential to quietly shape everything, from your self-worth to your romantic relationships.
The Types of Mother Wounds
5 Types of Mother Wounds You Should Know About
While everyone's experience is unique to them, some types of mother wounds show up more commonly than others. According to The Mother Wound Project, there are seven types of mother wounds, but I've also seen sources that say they are as many as 15. Because mother wounds are complex and can originate from different behaviors experienced in a mother-child relationship, it is possible to have multiple types of mother wounds depending on the parent.
To begin healing your mother wound(s), it is helpful to identify the type of mother wound you may be carrying and how it might be playing out in your life today. Check out a few of the more common ones below.
The Abandonment Wound
If your mother was physically or emotionally unavailable, or even absent from your life altogether, you might have an abandonment wound. Perhaps she worked a lot, struggled with her own mental health, or was unable to attune to your emotional needs. As a result, you might have felt unheard, unseen, or like your feelings weren't important.
How it manifests:
- Attracting unavailable or avoidant partners
- Struggling to ask for help or trust others
- Having a fear of rejection, or like you're "too much"
The Criticism Wound
If your mother had impossibly high expectations for you, was overly critical, or was a perfectionist who wanted you to follow suit, it's possible you internalized a harsh inner critic. Love might have felt conditional, like it had to be earned through success by way of accomplishments, accolades, and achievements, or through being compliant, easy, or needless.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like you're not "doing enough," not now, not ever
- Struggling with impostor syndrome or chronic self-doubt
- Fearing you might make the "wrong" choice, or that you'll fail
The Enmeshment Wound
For many with mother wounds, it’s not just about what was lacking or missing, but instead how closely they were tied to their mother’s emotional world. This is where emotional enmeshment enters the chat. This can look like little to no emotional separation between you and your mother, where boundaries between the two of you become so blurred that you don't know where her needs and feelings end and where yours begin.
If you felt responsible for your mother’s mood, well-being, comfort, or approval as a child, you might have an enmeshment wound.
How it manifests:
- Feeling guilty when setting boundaries
- People-pleasing in relationships or anxious attachment
- Difficulty when deciphering what it is you want in life (Read: "Living Your Best Life Actually Looks Like Decentering Your Mother")
The Emotional Neglect Wound
A quieter wound, but felt nonetheless. An emotional neglect wound develops when your emotional needs are constantly overlooked, minimized, or rarely fully acknowledged. Your mother might have been there physically or provided for you through material things, but she rarely asked you how you felt, let alone validated your emotions or created space for vulnerability.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like your feelings are a burden instead of a gift
- Difficulty expressing your emotions or naming them
- Feelings of emptiness or disconnection even in close relationships
The Invalidation Wound
If you grew up feeling like your experiences, perceptions, or feelings were belittled, you're not alone. You're one of many with an invalidation wound. This type of wound originates from having your reality dismissed or constantly questioned. Your feelings could have been labeled as "dramatic," your truths might have been denied or invalidated, and your experiences might have been minimized.
With time, this behavioral pattern impacts you by causing deep confusion around what you believe you are "allowed" to feel and your overall sense of self.
How it manifests:
- Struggling with conflict or trusting your voice
- Second-guessing your instincts or questioning your reality
- Feeling gaslit even in safe relationships
How to Heal Your Mother Wound
As previously mentioned, healing a mother wound is not about blaming your mother, it’s about tending to the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed way back when. It’s about creating emotional safety, clarity, and self-connection, often for the first time. And you don't need anyone's permission to do it, just the courage to start. Here’s where to begin:
1. Acknowledge what you needed but didn't get: You're allowed to name the emotional gaps that were and are still very real for you. And you're allowed to do so without guilt. Awareness is the first step in the healing and reclamation of your voice.
2. Self-parent yourself: Speak to yourself with the softness, nurturance, love, and validation you once craved. You can affirm yourself, you can meet your needs, you can reparent your inner child. You can remind yourself that you have the power and you can choose how to go about wielding it. Self-mothering is one of the ways to do this.
3. Set compassionate boundaries: You don't have to cut your mother out of your life if you don't feel called to, but it's important to remember that setting boundaries is about protecting your peace, not punishing your mother. If you need to create some space while choosing peace over performance, do that. And do so with compassion.
4. Hold your grief without shame: Even if your mother did her best, you're allowed to grieve the mother you wished you had. Honor that loss as the act of liberation it is.
5. Redefine what mothering looks like to you: Yes, you're every woman, and it's all in you, but we weren't born to do life alone, hence the need for love and connection. If your mother can't meet those needs, open yourself up to receiving love from other places and sources.
Let yourself be nurtured by friendships, chosen family, therapy, and nature. You're worth it.
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