

When I graduated from college, I couldn't wait to be considered an adult. I was ready to get hired by my dream job, make a ton of money, and live my best life. Well, as we all know, that is not exactly the reality of post-grad life. One thing that has personally been nerve-wracking for me about joining the workforce is the idea of always having to prove myself to others in order to get paid. Just typing that out automatically gives me a headache. Sending your resume to dozens of companies, hoping they like you enough for an interview, then if you get the job, you have to make sure you are on your 'A' game at all times. It's exhausting AF in order to keep said job. And don't even get me started with the entrepreneur route.
Let's just say, trial and error are close friends of mine. It wasn't until three years ago that I figured out what that secret was to help me with all my work problems and obtain the keys to success. I noticed that once I mastered this, my professional career became much smoother for me. I was able to see myself level up like never before. The secret is (insert dramatic pause) having a high EQ.
You're probably thinking, OK Kiara, I know what an IQ is, but what the hell is an EQ? Well my lovelies, EQ stands for emotional quotient, also known as emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, in the general sense, is the ability to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. Some may not think emotions are an integral part of navigating the professional world; but the truth is, they are. Emotions are so intertwined in everything that we do, it affects our work life more than you think.
1.You are more tapped into your self-awareness.
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Self-awareness is a key component to having a high EQ. When you are self-aware, you know who you are. You know what you bring to the table and what you cannot bring to the table. You understand what your strengths are and what your areas of improvement are. Don't you hate it when you start thinking to yourself, "I wonder if they think I can do this job. Shit, I wonder if I can do this job." Well, self-awareness gives you the confidence where you don't have to rely on the validation of others. You have such a high sense of self that you can tell yourself, "I am capable and I am going to do the job the best way I can."
Even when you receive feedback from a manager or teammate, you are able to take feedback constructively and not defensively. Being self-aware also allows you to pivot better when there is unexpected change. You are able to look at a situation and identify if the change is a problem you can solve or something that is out of your control and you just try to adapt. Being self-aware helps with being more proactive than reactive. It really helps with reducing stress levels in tense environments and keeps you grounded.
2.You have better time management.
When you are able to manage your emotions, you are more likely able to manage your time too. I know I used to have the problem with over-committing to things. I would say "yes" all the time when asked to complete something. I would be running around trying to juggle 20 things knowing good and well I was only one human. I couldn't do it all. Having a high EQ helped me become more real with myself in how I spend my time. If I know I can complete five things in a certain amount of time, then I have to stick to those five things.
You are much more efficient with your time when you have less on your to-do list than with more.
When you manage your time better, you are more open to setting boundaries to make sure you do not overextend yourself. It can be tricky with saying "no" to tasks sometimes, because you want to impress your boss. I get that. But I guarantee you, if you are transparent with your boss about your capacity, they will be more understanding. Your boss would rather you complete a task giving it 100 percent than to juggle too many things and only giving the task 25 percent. If you explain to your boss that you are able to complete X amount of tasks effectively to get Z results, your boss will respect you and not see you as someone they can take advantage of. Time is more valuable to you when you have a high EQ.
3.You have motivation to grow.
Have you heard of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset? Well, that's kind of how it is when you have a high EQ, you are able to recognize the difference. When you have a fixed mindset, you think that your traits and abilities are things you are born with. For example, if you think you were not born smart, then you will never be smart. A growth mindset is when you believe any trait or ability you have can be developed through hard work, knowledge, and being persistent. Having a high EQ allows you to tap into a growth mindset.
With a growth mindset, you gain a sense of drive within yourself to continue to work towards your goals no matter what. You rely on staying motivated from your own inner wants/desires without needing external forms of encouragement. There is nothing wrong with being motivated by friends or family, but the most important source of motivation is YOU. When you are more motivated from within, you are able to pick yourself back up quicker when obstacles come along. You are less likely to stay in a state of feeling discouraged or knocked down for a long period of time.
4.You become a networking guru.
Your professional career is not just about how you navigate the office, but also how you build professional relationships. You go to events where you meet so many people with all these different backgrounds and careers. It can be challenging to know where to start when you want to connect with someone. Well honey, let me tell you, when you have a high EQ, you know how to WERK THE ROOM. You have that keen eye on who to spark up a conversation with and who to just leave alone. Remember, with emotional intelligence, you are able to understand the emotions of others as well as your own.
So when networking, you are able to communicate with others in a way that is very intentional. The way you interact with people becomes more collaborative and less transactional. Another thing you will notice when networking, is that you are able to read body language and facial expressions. You are able to pick up on nonverbal cues in people more than people who do not have a high EQ. It allows you to be more aware of your surroundings and more observant of the people you meet. Networking brings so many possibilities for you in your career. So, when you know how to say the right things to the right people, you can market yourself for the best collaborations. People who interact with you will get a sense of 'she knows what she's talking about' and be more inclined to work with you.
5.You will be ahead of the game.
Emotional intelligence is not something you think of as a skill to put on your resume, but you absolutely should. Having a high EQ separates you from the rest. Companies will see you as a person that exudes the team work and leadership qualities they look for in an employee. Companies today struggle with solutions on how to help their employees work well together, stay motivated, manage their time better, and acknowledge their strengths.
When you have a high EQ, you are the top candidate they need. You are already a valuable asset to the company's culture.
Even in the entrepreneur world, having a high EQ allows you to be a leader more than a manager. You can help inspire others in your team and provide high quality supportive that keeps the morale at an all-time high. It is extremely beneficial to have the power to be in tune with every single emotion you have. Being able to identify and control your emotions is one thing but using that to acknowledge emotions in others is similar to using emotions as a compass to climb up the success ladder.
Emotional intelligence is a hidden talent that you can definitely use to your advantage. In order to learn more about emotional intelligence, check outEmotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry. Click here to start.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Mastering The Art Of Talking Your Partner Through Orgasm: A Guide To Confidence And Connection
I have never been particularly good at dirty talk, but I love, love, love hearing it. Whenever I am getting close to “finishing,” I cue my partner, breathlessly stating, “Talk to me” or “Tell me you want it.” What I didn't know until more recently is that I am asking them to “talk me through it.” But what exactly does that mean? How can you learn to do it, or better yet, how can you get your partner to do it for you? (Go ahead and send them a link to this article, sis!)
In today’s world, the conversation around sex and intimacy is evolving rapidly. Platforms like TikTok have brought once-taboo topics around sex and intimacy into the mainstream. Recently, some of the men on TikTok have been sharing tips on "talking your partner through orgasm"—using verbal cues to guide your partner to and through their climax. It’s not just about talking dirty, but about being in tune with your partner’s emotions and body, enhancing both the physical and emotional aspects of the experience.
For Black women, who often find themselves at the intersection of societal expectations and personal desires, the need for open communication in sexual relationships is especially important. Many of us aren’t sure how to ask for the verbal affirmations that excite us. So let's dive into how you can master this art form.
What Does It Mean to "Talk Your Partner Through It"?
Talking your partner through orgasm can look (or sound) like a few different things. It involves using words and verbal cues to guide them to climax. Unlike regular dirty talk, which may be more about fantasy or teasing, talking your partner through orgasm is about being present in the moment, offering guidance, affirmation, or even instructions as your partner reaches their peak.
Marcqwuan, a sex educator and relationship expert, explains it perfectly:
“For me, talking her through it is a moment within a sexual experience where your partner is climaxing, and you use that special moment to communicate with your partner. Every moment is different.”
But this form of dirty talk isn’t one size fits all. It should be tailored to your partner’s desires, kinks, and needs in the moment.
But why do people go wild for this type of dirty talk? Whitni Miller, Sex Educator and Pleasure Coach, emphasizes, “For starters, it creates a sense of emotional closeness. A little positive reinforcement can make her feel like a goddess. Plus, words have power, and when you turn up the volume on verbal cues, feelings of pleasure can get cranked to 11. And who doesn’t want a bit more oomph as they approach the finale?”
Our senses play an important role when it comes to sexual satisfaction, and hearing your partner whisper sweet nothings while you approach your “O” can help make a lasting impression that keeps you coming back again and again.
Why Dirty Talk Feels Awkward (And How to Get Over It)
For some of us, the idea of dirty talk, especially in a moment as intimate as orgasm, can feel awkward or unnatural. We may not be able to think of the right thing to say or even hesitate for fear of sounding corny. The concern of saying the wrong thing or ruining the mood often holds people back. But most of these barriers are all in our heads.
Dakota Ramppen, certified sex educator, acknowledges these challenges, stating, “Some people get stuck in their heads wondering if what they’re saying is sexy enough or if they sound ridiculous. That hesitation kills the vibe.” But, be aware, your partner may not always want to hear your voice when getting close to their big “O.” Dakota continues, “If she’s in a zone and you’re too forceful or not saying the right things, you could break her rhythm.”
Part of talking your partner through it requires conversation outside of the bedroom, so you can be clear and confident about what they want. The other piece is intuitive and takes watchful practice.
Overcoming that awkward feeling involves communication and repetition. Before diving into talking your partner through orgasm, have an open conversation about what kinds of phrases or cues your partner likes. Witni says, “Adjust your approach based on her responses…find out together what makes her tick!” Start with words or phrases that feel comfortable to you and build from there. It also doesn’t hurt to have a few key phrases memorized (more on this in a few.)
After all, your partner won’t know if your sweet words are preplanned or improvised.
For Him: Tips on Talking Her Through Orgasm
Fellas, this part is for you! When it comes to talking your woman through orgasm, the key is to be present and attentive to her needs and body language. It’s not just about saying something sexy—it’s about creating a connection and supporting her as she reaches her peak. Here are a few tips to guide you:
- Be Affirming: Use phrases that affirm her pleasure, such as “You’re so close” or “You feel amazing.” These words can reassure her that she’s in control and that you’re fully engaged in her experience.
- Stay in Tune: Pay attention to her body language and sounds. If she’s speeding up, match her energy with your words, encouraging her to follow through. As Marcqwuan suggests, “If she can’t hear you, get closer to her ear and speak louder.”
- Use Sensory Language: Highlight the physical sensations she’s experiencing. Try saying something like, “I love how your body feels right now.” Describing what you’re feeling can heighten her own sensory awareness.
- Be Encouraging: Reassure her that her pleasure is your priority. Phrases like “Let go for me” or “I want to feel it” help her feel supported and free to enjoy the moment.
For Her: Talking Him Through Orgasm
Women can also take the lead in talking to their male partners through orgasm. The key is confidence and being in tune with your partner’s preferences. Whitni walks us through some tips:
- Confidence is Key: Own the moment and don’t shy away from guiding him through his orgasm. Your partner will likely appreciate your assertiveness, which can enhance his experience.
- Tailor to His Preferences: Use what you know he enjoys most. If he likes teasing or encouragement, lean into that. Dakota suggests: “It’s about creating a verbal map that gets him exactly where he wants to go.”
- Compliment & Tease: Build anticipation with compliments like “You feel so good” or “I love the way you move.” This will increase his arousal and bring him closer to orgasm.
- Encourage Surrender: Use encouraging phrases like “Come for me” or “Give me everything.” This can help your partner let go and fully enjoy the moment.
Universal Best Practices
No matter your gender or role in the relationship, there are universal tips that can help you master the art of talking your partner through orgasm:
- Positive Reinforcement: Affirm your partner’s pleasure with words like “You’re doing so good” or “Don’t stop.” Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and trust.
- Read the Room: Adjust your approach based on your partner’s reactions. If they’re responding well to your words, keep going. If not, switch things up. As Dakota says, “It’s about feeling where they are and matching that energy.”
- Be Genuine: Your words don’t need to be performative. Speak from a place of genuine connection, and your partner will feel that authenticity.
- Experiment and Have Fun: Don’t be afraid to try new phrases or approaches. Every experience is different, and what works today might evolve tomorrow.
Talking your partner through orgasm is a powerful way to deepen intimacy and create a lasting emotional connection. But it's not all about just talking! As Whitni shared, “And don’t forget your listening ears; tuning in to your partner’s needs will keep the experience flowin' and growin'.” It’s about more than just dirty talk—it’s about being present, engaged, and in tune with your partner’s needs.
So the next time you’re in the heat of the moment, don’t be afraid to use your words. You might just find that they’re the key to unlocking a deeper, more satisfying connection.
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Featured image by Wavebreakmedia/Getty Images