

When I graduated from college, I couldn't wait to be considered an adult. I was ready to get hired by my dream job, make a ton of money, and live my best life. Well, as we all know, that is not exactly the reality of post-grad life. One thing that has personally been nerve-wracking for me about joining the workforce is the idea of always having to prove myself to others in order to get paid. Just typing that out automatically gives me a headache. Sending your resume to dozens of companies, hoping they like you enough for an interview, then if you get the job, you have to make sure you are on your 'A' game at all times. It's exhausting AF in order to keep said job. And don't even get me started with the entrepreneur route.
Let's just say, trial and error are close friends of mine. It wasn't until three years ago that I figured out what that secret was to help me with all my work problems and obtain the keys to success. I noticed that once I mastered this, my professional career became much smoother for me. I was able to see myself level up like never before. The secret is (insert dramatic pause) having a high EQ.
You're probably thinking, OK Kiara, I know what an IQ is, but what the hell is an EQ? Well my lovelies, EQ stands for emotional quotient, also known as emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, in the general sense, is the ability to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. Some may not think emotions are an integral part of navigating the professional world; but the truth is, they are. Emotions are so intertwined in everything that we do, it affects our work life more than you think.
1.You are more tapped into your self-awareness.
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Self-awareness is a key component to having a high EQ. When you are self-aware, you know who you are. You know what you bring to the table and what you cannot bring to the table. You understand what your strengths are and what your areas of improvement are. Don't you hate it when you start thinking to yourself, "I wonder if they think I can do this job. Shit, I wonder if I can do this job." Well, self-awareness gives you the confidence where you don't have to rely on the validation of others. You have such a high sense of self that you can tell yourself, "I am capable and I am going to do the job the best way I can."
Even when you receive feedback from a manager or teammate, you are able to take feedback constructively and not defensively. Being self-aware also allows you to pivot better when there is unexpected change. You are able to look at a situation and identify if the change is a problem you can solve or something that is out of your control and you just try to adapt. Being self-aware helps with being more proactive than reactive. It really helps with reducing stress levels in tense environments and keeps you grounded.
2.You have better time management.
When you are able to manage your emotions, you are more likely able to manage your time too. I know I used to have the problem with over-committing to things. I would say "yes" all the time when asked to complete something. I would be running around trying to juggle 20 things knowing good and well I was only one human. I couldn't do it all. Having a high EQ helped me become more real with myself in how I spend my time. If I know I can complete five things in a certain amount of time, then I have to stick to those five things.
You are much more efficient with your time when you have less on your to-do list than with more.
When you manage your time better, you are more open to setting boundaries to make sure you do not overextend yourself. It can be tricky with saying "no" to tasks sometimes, because you want to impress your boss. I get that. But I guarantee you, if you are transparent with your boss about your capacity, they will be more understanding. Your boss would rather you complete a task giving it 100 percent than to juggle too many things and only giving the task 25 percent. If you explain to your boss that you are able to complete X amount of tasks effectively to get Z results, your boss will respect you and not see you as someone they can take advantage of. Time is more valuable to you when you have a high EQ.
3.You have motivation to grow.
Have you heard of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset? Well, that's kind of how it is when you have a high EQ, you are able to recognize the difference. When you have a fixed mindset, you think that your traits and abilities are things you are born with. For example, if you think you were not born smart, then you will never be smart. A growth mindset is when you believe any trait or ability you have can be developed through hard work, knowledge, and being persistent. Having a high EQ allows you to tap into a growth mindset.
With a growth mindset, you gain a sense of drive within yourself to continue to work towards your goals no matter what. You rely on staying motivated from your own inner wants/desires without needing external forms of encouragement. There is nothing wrong with being motivated by friends or family, but the most important source of motivation is YOU. When you are more motivated from within, you are able to pick yourself back up quicker when obstacles come along. You are less likely to stay in a state of feeling discouraged or knocked down for a long period of time.
4.You become a networking guru.
Your professional career is not just about how you navigate the office, but also how you build professional relationships. You go to events where you meet so many people with all these different backgrounds and careers. It can be challenging to know where to start when you want to connect with someone. Well honey, let me tell you, when you have a high EQ, you know how to WERK THE ROOM. You have that keen eye on who to spark up a conversation with and who to just leave alone. Remember, with emotional intelligence, you are able to understand the emotions of others as well as your own.
So when networking, you are able to communicate with others in a way that is very intentional. The way you interact with people becomes more collaborative and less transactional. Another thing you will notice when networking, is that you are able to read body language and facial expressions. You are able to pick up on nonverbal cues in people more than people who do not have a high EQ. It allows you to be more aware of your surroundings and more observant of the people you meet. Networking brings so many possibilities for you in your career. So, when you know how to say the right things to the right people, you can market yourself for the best collaborations. People who interact with you will get a sense of 'she knows what she's talking about' and be more inclined to work with you.
5.You will be ahead of the game.
Emotional intelligence is not something you think of as a skill to put on your resume, but you absolutely should. Having a high EQ separates you from the rest. Companies will see you as a person that exudes the team work and leadership qualities they look for in an employee. Companies today struggle with solutions on how to help their employees work well together, stay motivated, manage their time better, and acknowledge their strengths.
When you have a high EQ, you are the top candidate they need. You are already a valuable asset to the company's culture.
Even in the entrepreneur world, having a high EQ allows you to be a leader more than a manager. You can help inspire others in your team and provide high quality supportive that keeps the morale at an all-time high. It is extremely beneficial to have the power to be in tune with every single emotion you have. Being able to identify and control your emotions is one thing but using that to acknowledge emotions in others is similar to using emotions as a compass to climb up the success ladder.
Emotional intelligence is a hidden talent that you can definitely use to your advantage. In order to learn more about emotional intelligence, check outEmotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry. Click here to start.
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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The Overlooked Habit That Can Instantly Improve Every Area Of Your Life
Although most of my clients are either married or individuals who are in — or want to be in — a serious long-term relationship, there are times when someone will hire me to help them with finding their purpose and/or setting goals. One client, in particular, semi-recently asked me why I thought that she was constantly feeling overwhelmed and even a bit low, even though she continues to accomplish a lot of what she sets out to do.
The answer I gave her is what today’s article is all about: she doesn’t celebrate herself enough. Y’all, I’m so serious about how important it is to do that on a consistent basis that I’ve actually done research on why it’s not a very popular practice for most people. The reasons vary. Some folks don’t celebrate themselves because they think that it’s an arrogant thing to do. Others don’t celebrate themselves because they never really learned how to make themselves a priority (in that way).
Still, others avoid it because they are so used to making a big deal out of others’ accomplishments that it never crosses their mind to give their own selves the same type of intention and energy. And gee — that is so unfortunate because when you make it a point and practice to celebrate the things that you set out to do, it can boost your self-confidence, it can solidify your self-esteem and it can give you the “fuel” to make and meet even more goals in the future.
Why Celebrating Yourself Matters
If you’ve been rocking with me for a while now on this platform, you’ve probably heard me mention that one way to celebrate yourself (that I actually do quite often) is to pop open a bottle of champagne, wine, or sparkling cider and toast yourself at the end of every day or week (check out “10 Ways To Make Monday Your Favorite Day Of The Week,” for example). However, if you want to come up with other ways to improve the quality of your life, get more things done, and have so much (more) fun while doing both, learning how to celebrate yourself fully starts with really understanding what the word means — and requires.
And so, give me a moment to break all of this down for you by sharing five words that actually help to define what it means to…CELEBRATE…yourself. I’ve got a feeling that once you let it all sink in, you will want to start celebrating you and your life immediately and yes, that will absolutely change your life for the better. I guarantee it.
5 Ways To Celebrate Yourself & Honor Your Wins
OBSERVE: to see, watch, perceive or notice
Let’s begin with the fact that it’s pretty hard to celebrate something if you don’t pay a good amount of attention to what you are actually celebrating in the first place — and by this I mean, you should have clear and concrete things that you want to do — today, this week, this month and then this year.
For example, when it comes to the day that I am actually writing this: TODAY, I am going to open up an account to do online stocks on; this WEEK, I am going to get my will together (because grown folks should have one); this MONTH, I am going to pay off a tax debt that I have (1099s can kick your butt; stay on top of those), and this YEAR, I am going to go on vacation (which is something that I haven’t done since my 20s…no joke).
And yes, every time that I accomplish each of these things, I am going to commemorate it by celebrating myself. After all, another definition of observe is “to regard with attention” — and there is absolutely no sense in “seeing something” that you are not going to be paying real attention to (lawd, that will preach on a few different levels, come to think about it!).
PROCLAIM: to announce or declare in an official or formal manner
Once you know what you want to do, you should proclaim it — which basically means that you should hold yourself accountable for even saying that you are going to accomplish it, whatever “it” may be. A good example of this in my own world is, last year, I declared that I was going to publish my third book and my godchildren’s mom declared that she was going to complete her upcoming album. Thing is, I kept dragging my feet until I ended up doing what I seem to do with all of my books: I wrote it in six weeks (even though I had six months), and my godchildren’s mom? She is on the tail end of finishing her latest LP now.
A part of what held us both to the wire is us asking each other, “So, did you finish your project yet?” and that’s because, oftentimes, if you don’t have someone reminding you of what you officially announced to them, you will let life get in the way and procrastinate and/or make excuses (to yourself) and/or never do what you initially proclaimed that you were going to. So yeah, the next step that gets you to the point and place of being able to celebrate yourself is verbally proclaiming that you are going to do what you have started to give a certain amount of attention to.
BLESS: to bestow good of any kind upon
Did you know that a synonym for celebrate is bless (all of the words that I’ve provided are synonyms for celebrate, actually)? And goodness — how cool is that?
Once you’ve decided that you are going to do something, it’s important to not just declare it and get an accountability partner for it — you also need to bless your intentions. To bless means to request God’s favor on it. To bless means to be intentional about protecting it from dark forces (person, place, thing, idea). To bless means to bring nothing but good energy, good resources, goodness, period, its way.
This can come in the form of prayer, meditation, positive mantras, favorite quotes, a personal mission statement — anything that will put you in a state of confirming (a synonym of bless) that what you plan to do is going to be for your greater good and then honoring (another synonym of bless) that fact — because if it’s for you good (and you remain consistent in executing that goodness), that is definitely something that is worth celebrating. AMEN?
PRAISE: the act of expressing approval or admiration
Sometimes, when I’m talking to married couples, a Scripture that I will bring up is Amos 3:3 (NKJV): “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” To be in agreement means that you 1) give consent to something; 2) are on one accord about something; 3) are in harmony about something; 4) are CONSISTENT with something, and 5) have determined that the “something” is suitable. You know what? It’s not only relationships that should be in agreement — you should also be in agreement with yourself.
The way that manifests is, well, let me share a quote that I made up years ago that I have featured in one of my email accounts: “If your mind, body, and spirit are not all in agreement…pause.” It’s another message for another time that “trinity” is not a word that’s in the Bible (the Godhead is more appropriate and accurate — I John 5:8). Trinity simply means “three in one” and yes, your mind, body and spirit are certainly an example of a trinity.
And when trinities are in agreement, they can approve of what they are doing and even admire what they have done because, when there is no internal conflict, there is plenty of reason to praise what has manifested. That said, when it comes to your plans — do your mind, body, and spirit all agree that it — whatever “it” is — is a good idea. If not….why not? If so, it’s time to move on to the final word.
PERFORM: to carry out; execute; do; to carry into effect; fulfill
Now that you see what comes with getting to the point of being able to celebrate yourself — because, clearly, celebration is a methodical process — how could you NOT want to carry out, execute, fulfill an idea or plan to honor yourself for doing what you have just…done?
If you walked out the celebration steps, what’s wrong with: planning a self-care day; treating yourself to your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant; taking a personal day off from work; sending your own self some flowers; booking a night at a hotel; loading your bathtub with rose petals; getting dressed up and taking your own self out on a date; staying in bed all weekend; going on a solo road trip and/or purchasing pampering items? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Because once you have observed a mission, proclaimed it to someone else, blessed and approved it — you have already celebrated the mission and so it makes no sense to not also celebrate the vessel that put it all together: YOU. And when you’re in a constant cycle of celebration, how could it not significantly improve the quality of your life…right?
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A sex therapist by the name of Dr. Chelsea Page once said, “Celebration is the climax of self-love.” If you love yourself, celebration should be a common practice that represents that fact. So, whether it’s your relationship, your professional aspirations, your health goals, your money missions, or habits that you want to break and/or implement — if you want a hack to instantly change your life for the better, learn how to CELEBRATE YOURSELF.
It’s how to set goals, reach them, and honor them. Over and over again...in the best way possible.
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