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![Elmiene's "Marking My Time," Cecily's "I Am Love," And More Songs By Black Artists To Vibe To](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy81MDU3Mzk0MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc0MTI5OTY0Mn0.XFPUeifmf27SXxQxFZgG0gAbpFvjMJ6fgxQgpSffeoo/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C44)
Elmiene's "Marking My Time," Cecily's "I Am Love," And More Songs By Black Artists To Vibe To
The nicest thing about the music business over the holidays is that most well-known artists have already released their albums and singles for the year and have taken a seasonal slumber until the new year arrives. This gives lesser-known musicians who must work year-round a chance to shine and take over the airwaves for a short period of time. Therefore, this week's new music is filled with artists that you don't know but should.
With songs that share relatable themes of self-sabotage ("Ruined" and "Departure"), self-assurance and confidence ("I Am Love" and "Limbo"), and self-love and reflection ("Learn Ya" and "project"), this week's new songs illustrate the self-awareness that comes at the end of the year when everything has slowed down and solidified itself. Here are the top ten new songs of the week.
"Ruined" - Michael J Woodard
This song feels... familiar. The songs that the guitar strums remind me of were probably released in the late 2000s or early 2010s. The song's tempo, reminiscent of the time period, soothes listeners into a state of comfort as Michael J Woodard speaks on how a previous romance destroyed him. The ballad "Ruined" highlights two key points: first, the singer takes responsibility for his own life's devastation, and second, he is now pleading for some sense of pity, since his partner has moved on, indicating that his careless actions in the relationship have destroyed whatever prospects he may have had.
The song is enjoyable. However, listening to Woodard sing over the chorus of this song, which expresses how he created the riff in his relationship, yet is offended that his love has the nerve to go on, is annoying after a while. One finds it difficult to feel sorry for someone who is so self-aware. Mostly because, like a lot of others, he thinks that just admitting his mistakes and making a commitment to never make them again absolves him of responsibility for what he has done.
Although he doesn't appear to entirely believe in this "forgive and forget" truth, there is a part of him that thinks his love will hear about his suffering and understand that he is ready to change now that he understands where he went wrong. And with this belief, it feels like he never truly learned the lesson that ruined him in the first place.
"Marking My Time" (Live) - Elmiene
Futuristic neo-soul musician Elmiene released his newest EP, Marking My Time, in October 2023. When discussing the EP's release, the singer states that it was meant to mark time in his personal history so that he wouldn't "get lost." Almost creating an adhesion checkpoint, the singer wanted to be sure to document and acknowledge the imprint he left on the musical world, no matter how small. This, of course, makes sense, given the R&B singer is someone we will likely hear about for years to come, especially after being dubbed the "Golden Boy" of Brit R&B.
In his latest single, "Marking My Time," the singer speaks of putting his soul on fire and escaping a society that he believes is morally corrupt and damaged over a soft guitar and dramatic string orchestra. The live version of the song is warm, comforting, and a little disheartening as we hear the singer's smooth vocals moan and plea over the ability to free himself and how doing so is easier said than done. The entire EP is worth listening to. However, if you don't have the time, treat yourself to the live rendition on YouTube.
"I Am Love" - Cecily
"You're my favorite, dubby dubby doo."
Cecily Bumbray, I believe, would be the musical love child of Jill Scott, Kaiit, and Esperanza Spalding. A singer and songwriter from Washington, DC, Cecily finds her footing in the R&B/Soul/Jazz world in her newest single, "I Am Love," in which she sings of being the epitome of love. The lead track from her next project, Awakening Pt. 2, which drew inspiration from bell hooks' book All About Love, emphasizes the value of affirmations, as the song highlights one's ability to remind oneself, especially during times of hardship, that you are love.
Due to its earnestly positive themes, the song has a cozy, milk-and-honey feel about it. It is endearing, restorative, and full of affection.
In the end, the song provides a nice groove that shows that love can come from many places, even and especially from within. "I Am Love," characterized by a laid-back rhythm and deep harmonies, seamlessly resides at the nexus of jazz and soul, mirroring the romantic sentiments of 1990s neo-soul artists with a contemporary spin.
"Black Owned Friday" - Keke Palmer ft. Crystal Waters
This song would probably be a terrific choice for a ballroom challenge if Max hadn't canceled the show, Legendary, which Keke Palmer used to cohost. Unfortunately, it has been canceled, so this song would only work well at a club during a Renaissance- or 1980s/90s-themed night. During Black Friday weekend, the song honored Black-owned companies and provided unwavering support for them. Palmer reworked the 90s hit song "100% Pure Love" by Crystal Waters in collaboration with Google to highlight Black-owned businesses.
The song is entertaining and catchy, while the music video features several Black-owned businesses and goods. She exhorts that everyone, regardless of race, invest in Black-owned companies and use their earnings for projects that would help more underprivileged entrepreneurs. The message conveys the importance of building financial success in communities that otherwise wouldn't be able to do it on their own.
"Learn Ya" - 6LACK
In preparation for his upcoming fifth studio album, 6Lack is releasing the lyric video to some of his older songs. One of those songs is "Learn Ya" from his 2016 album, Free 6Lack. Now that I have the opportunity to listen to the song again, I can't help but think of how masterfully written the song is and how it makes one accountable to their partner.
In the ballad "Learn Ya," 6Lack describes the problematic relationship he has found himself in. Confronting his girlfriend, or soon-to-be ex, the singer lists many attributes that are necessary to have a successful relationship. Unfortunately, his lover doesn't seem to possess any of them. So, throughout the song, he brings her shortcomings to her attention in a straightforward, non-accusatory tone. He merely points out how she could love him better, and in hopes of succeeding together, he holds himself accountable for teaching her how to love him correctly.
Although she appears purposefully ignorant of her mistakes, throughout the song, she seems unwilling to correct them. Still, throughout the song, 6Lack continues to use words like "we" and "us" to show that she doesn't have to grow alone in their relationship and that despite being frustrated with her, he still desires to make their relationship work.
"Limbo" - Meduulla ft. The Mouse Outfit
How evocative this tune is.
I've been missing the storytelling rap that only a few artists—Kendrick Lamar, an early J.Cole, and older rappers from the 1980s and 1990s—can provide. Meduulla discusses finding contentment in simple existence in a narrative akin to a lullaby. Living such a life means remaining loyal to herself and without compromising the qualities that define her. She struggles, though, to balance the life she is now attempting to give up and leave behind with the one she is creating for herself through her goals.
Her biggest struggle at the moment is how to handle herself during this transitional period, or how she will manage to overcome being in limbo.
Even yet, it doesn't sound like she's doing this in a melancholy manner in the song.
As she creates the life she believes she deserves, she is primarily interested in learning the answer to her question in order to make sure she takes the most tranquil and healing path possible for herself. The song is easy listening and fun, making you question where people feel safest while they're going through their transformations and how one can obtain the most peaceful manner in accomplishing their purposeful growth.
"Lonely At the Top" (Remix) - Asake & H.E.R.
Nigerian singer-songwriter Asake's song "Lonely At The Top (Remix)" is the newest single from his latest project, Work of Art [WOA]. In the song, Asake and H.E.R. delve into the themes of determination, tenacity, and the cost incurred in pursuing one's dreams despite naysayers' beliefs. The song captures the loneliness that one can acquire when at the top, and how it frequently accompanies achievement when one is in unwavering pursuit of their dreams. The singers consider the difficulties associated with success and how it can create a feeling of loneliness, while one longs for understanding and human connection.
This is one of the better H.E.R. collaborations to come out in the last few weeks. This is mostly because the song does a fantastic job of capturing the artists' dedication to following their passion relentlessly, regardless of what other people might approve of or desire. The song's lyricism is serious, but the melody is relaxing and surefooted, allowing for moments of reflection on one's circumstances. The single demonstrates the artists' will to follow their ambitions despite opposition and loneliness.
It emphasizes putting one's own aspirations ahead of other people's ideas and expectations by showing the sacrifices and steadfast devotion that come with chasing dreams.
"Departure" - Fetty Wap
It appears that a number of musicians have encountered significant legal issues recently. For instance, Young Thug's long-delayed trial for gang-related charges has recently begun after more than a year of the rapper's incarceration, Tory Lanez was just sentenced to ten years in prison, and YNW Melly is awaiting a retrial on his charges of double murder. And that's only a handful of the musicians facing difficulties; Fetty Wap, for example, hasn't put out an album in what seems like 1,738 years due to his legal issues. Nevertheless, the musician has released his most recent album, King Zoo, months after being sentenced to six years in prison on drug trafficking charges. While away, the "Trap Queen" artist released his newest single, "Departure" from his newly released project.
It's a smart release that makes for a great single for his next album. The song's melody, which has a chord pattern similar to DJ Khaled and Rihanna's "Wild Thoughts" in certain portions and Ashanti's early 2000s smash "Foolish" in others, is catchier than its words. Though the message is clear: Fetty Wap trusted the wrong people, and despite all of his accomplishments and "good behavior," this has resulted in his downfall and inevitable departure from those in his original crew.
"project" - Zowie Kengocha
This song has the sense of a seductress luring you in with the promise of love and affection. And instead of taking a measured approach with every barrier up, you joyously disarm each act of protection in the hopes of feeling even a tiny bit of her professed devotion. Until today, I've never heard a song from Zowie Kengocha, a singer-songwriter raised in Nairobi, and born in New Jersey, but after I did, I wish I had heard from the artist sooner. However, as they say, I'm glad to have arrived later than never.
In her newest single for her forthcoming EP, Kengocha's voice is clear, clean, and seductive, as she gives listeners the impression of being enveloped in warmth while swaying in a lover's embrace.
This song is ideal to play for a new love since it describes the euphoric sensation that one has when one first falls in love and their sentiments are reciprocated. The track "project" is transparent and straightforward, adding to its charm that makes downloading this gem ideal for spending a beautiful evening with the one you fancy.
"Diversion" - Tamera
I really enjoy it when performers introduce their audience to other deserving musicians that they may not have otherwise heard of. R&B artist Mahalia presents her listeners to R&B singer Tamera in her most recent single. In the acoustic rendition of the more upbeat song "Diversion," Tamera declares a warning to her partner about the thoughtless and risky conduct she has noticed in their relationship. Primarily, she sings of how, after she sees the warning signs, his erratic and dubious conduct makes her suspicious and makes her battle between the urge to fall in love with him versus leaving him where he stands.
She understands that his actions are making her respond in a way that is consistent with her nature and how she has forgiven guys like him before. Though, based on her experience, she quickly acknowledges that he is nothing more than a diversion whose sole intention is to manipulate her emotions for his own amusement. The intriguing aspect of this song is Tamera's self-awareness, as she expresses discontent with the relationship. By the end of the song, listeners question why she hasn't "tapped out of the circus" she claims to be in when it is so clear that he doesn't mind making her look like a clown.
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Featured image via Cecily/Vevo
Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
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This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
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Featured image courtesy
8 Semi-Uncomfortable Things That MUST Be Discussed Before Marriage
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It’s a saying that virtually all of us have heard before, and yet, isn’t it interesting that, when it comes to things like marriage, far too many people are reactive instead of proactive? Take premarital counseling, for example. If folks are doing it at all (and not nearly enough are, trust me), they tend to wait until after they have gotten engaged and even set a date.
Yeah, I’m not a fan of that because, once you’ve already “locked in” on that level, going to see a marriage counselor or life coach is pretty much only seen as a mere formality. In other words, you’re not really looking to dive deep to see if there are some potential red, orange, or even yellow flags — you’re just going to a couple of sessions because it sounds like the right thing to do.
And because of that mindset, far too many people go into marriage totally blindsided and/or thinking that they can deal with things later and/or believing that love (which usually is some emotional version, not the biblical one — I Corinthians 13) will conquer all — and because of that, divorce court ends up becoming their reality. If not semi-immediately…eventually.
That’s why I write articles like this. Wisdom says that if you want to get into something as serious as marriage and you’re going to look someone in their eyes and vow to be with them for the rest of your lives, you both should know as much as possible about what you’re getting yourselves into…beforehand.
The following eight questions can help to lead the way when it comes to this…
1. Childhood Issues
A few nights ago, I found myself getting caught up in a movie on HBO Max calledOn Chesil Beach. It drags, so I’m not (necessarily) recommending it. However, it does help to drive home this first point that I’m trying to make because it’s all about the purely excruciating wedding “night” of a couple who waited to (attempt to) consummate their marriage. Although for a lot of it, the wife was pretty annoying, you do get glimpses of her childhood that help to shed light on all of her excuses and hesitancy (and there was A LOT of both).
If you do happen to want to watch the film, I won’t give all of what happens away. What I will say is that one of the main reasons why going to premarital counseling is so important is you and your bae should talk about childhood issues.
Listen, as one of my favorite quotes says, “Adulthood is surviving childhood.” Meaning, a lot of times, marriages struggle because it’s not two healed adults who are in the relationship; it’s more like two wounded (on some level, at least) kids who are trying to make a valiant attempt at an adult dynamic.
I know many people who grew up in hella dysfunctional homes who simply said, “I will never be like my parents when I grow up,” only to turn around and be just like them. How did that happen? It’s because of something that I tell a lot of my clients: we tend to do what’s familiar, not what’s right. The main way to prevent that from happening is by being open and honest about where we come from, how it all affected/infected/impacted us, and then getting help, if needed, before jumping the broom.
2. Greatest Heartbreak
Although I’m not sure that there is solid data on what I’m about to say, I stand ten toes down on the fact that I don’t think that men look to “fall in love” multiple times. If anything, they have a first love, their wife, and possibly someone in between. Why? Because contrary to what social media likes to cram down our throats about men, many men when they fall, they fall very hard and are all in. Case in point, I can’t tell you how many guys have told me how much of an influence their first love has had on them — even to this day. And when something monumental happens, it can totally change you (check out “Your Soulmate Might Be The One Who Broke You”).
That’s why I also think it’s a good idea for you and your man to discuss what your greatest heartbreak was like — past (how it affected you) and present (how you feel about the experience now). It can shed great light into how you see relationships and love and why you make some of the decisions that you now do. It can also help you both to express if there are still some unresolved issues that are dormant there because I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who, when things got rocky in their marriage, the very first place they went to was Facebook or Instagram to see what their “long lost love” has been up to.
A writer by the name of Jodi Picoult once said, “Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall.” Both of you discussing how this saying relates to this particular topic can, as I put it, “cover up mouseholes.” What I mean by that is, by getting it all out in the open, your partner will be able to know your wounds and weaknesses in that area and offer up some support and even protection — in ways you, he, or both may not have known was needed…until the topic was actually brought up.
3. Financial Habits
You know, I find it very interesting how the Good Book says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil (I Timothy 6:10), and yet, pretty much any time I tiptoe out to see what social media is yapping — sorry, I mean talking — about, “broke” comes up incessantly. Listen, should you want to be with someone who is financially savvy and stable? 1000 percent. Should you also be the kind of person who you want to be with? 10,000 percent.
That said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a premarital session and asked both people what their credit score was, only for them to look at me like I asked them to strip naked or something. LOL. Well, I guess, in a way, it’s the same thing because nothing reveals someone’s financial stuff like their credit score and what they’ve got in their savings account. Yet if you’re thinking that your soon-to-be spouse isn’t going to find all of that out anyway, you’re caught up in some sort of delusion that I’m not sure any therapist can get you out of.
Personally, I think that engaged couples should hire a financial advisor and get a financial mentor (preferably a married couple) to comb through both of their finances so that they can see each other’s current state, areas of strengths and weaknesses, and so they can come up with a financial plan for their first, third and fifth year of marriage.
You know, although actually the top reason for divorce these days has a lot to do witha lack of support (emotionally and otherwise),financial stuff is still up there. A part of the reason for that is that there’s no way around the fact that marriage is a business contract (among other things). If you’re signing up to do business with someone, you need to know what their finances look like. That’s common sense 101.
4. Character Weaknesses
Anyone who knows me knows that if someone tells me that they believe that they’ve met “the one,” while they are acting like that person is an angel on earth, the marriage life coach (and “Shellie”) in me is like, “Uh-huh. What are their character flaws, though?” It’s not to break their spirit or be a Debbie Downer or anything; it’s just that I have watched too many marriages crash and burn because they didn’t ask themselves questions like that before saying, “I do.”
For instance, one of my friends (who, yes, happens to be divorced now) told me that he had met who he believed was his soulmate; when I asked him about her potential character weaknesses, one of the things that he casually said was, “I mean, she has a bit of a jealousy streak but…” Umm, sir — you are handsome and an entertainer and you’re going to marry a jealous woman? Hacked emails and tons of drama later, he admits that he wished that he hadn’t underestimated that side of her personality.
Listen, no one is perfect — not by far. In fact, if you’re mature in your thinking, a part of what marriage is designed to do is give you the kind of accountability partner that will offer a safe space for you to address, refine, and improve some things about yourself.
However, in order for you and your partner to be able to do that, you need to know what those things are — and that needs to be discussed well before your wedding day, preferably in the presence of a reputable marriage therapist, counselor, or life coach who can help you to figure out what to do with the intel that the both of you are sharing.
5. Poor Boundaries
When you sign up to become someone’s spouse, your wedding day, in part, is about declaring to everyone that you want to make them the top priority in your life under God himself. And in order to keep anything from affecting that, you need to have some solid boundaries. Boundaries, at the end of the day, are nothing more than limits — and yes, you need to have limits as far as how much your family can know about your relationship, what your friends can and cannot speak on, and what kind of decisions y’all will make that, quite frankly, is no one else’s business…including the internet’s (because A LOT of people out here like to be passive aggressive about their relationship online).
Does it take a village to “raise a marriage?” In some ways, yes. However, when it comes to the vow-taking process, that is between a husband and his wife, and if they are religious, God. No one else made those promises and that means no one else should be as involved or invested as those two (or three) parties are.
Poor boundaries are the cause of so much drama in marriages and honestly, relationships, in general. You do not want to take the approach of, “We’ll figure out what limits we should have as problems present themselves.” Uh-uh. Talk about what your limits should look like ASAP, and make sure that you mutually agree on them too. This point alone can save your marriage more than just about anything else on here.
(P.S. A great book for you to check out isBoundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships. It’s by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.)
6. Perspectives on Daily Lifestyle
Something else that I’ve observed while working with married folks (and talking to older couples in Cracker Barrel; believe it or not, the marriage advice in there is top-notch!) is marriages tend to end, not so much because of one “big” thing that happened — it’s more like it’s due to the culmination of a lot of little ones.
Take how a person lives, for instance. I’ve dealt with couples where the wife was appalled by her husband not wiping the toilet seat, and the same husband was disgusted by her dishes being left in the sink overnight. A couple of weeks of this, and it’s whatever. Oh, but let it be some years? You’d be surprised.
It can actually be quite sobering to take a moment to ponder and process that, at least when you sign up for a traditional marriage, you’re signing up to share a home, bed, and life — for the rest of your life. If there are certain things that are super “icks” for you, if there are certain chores that you absolutely hate, if there are little pet peeves like sleeping with the television on or your partner being a morning person when you aren’t — you had better bring all of this stuff up now.
Many people have assumed that love will supersede peace when it comes to daily living. Chile, the reality is that you can love a lot of people who you just can’t live with. Please don’t find that out after taking vows and filling out paperwork. Discuss as much as possible about the day-to-day of how you both move, just as soon as you possibly can.
7. Patterns in Past Relationships
In interviews, some folks will ask me what I think about the whole “Does knowing someone’s body count really matter?” debate (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”). As it relates to this particular article, two things: one, check out TIME’s article, “How Previous Sexual Partners Affect Offspring,” when you get a chance. Secondly, let’s do it like this: if you were to find out that your boyfriend used to beat up on his girlfriends, but he hasn’t done it in a couple of years, would “That’s in the past” suffice as his rationale? BE HONEST.
No matter how nonchalant our culture chooses to be about sex, how we decide to move in that space is about more than recreation and experiencing orgasms. So yes, knowing about your past in this realm can shed light on your mindset, your perspective, and even some of your patterns — not just your sexual past, but your past, in general.
Anyone who wants to give pushback on that, I’ll just say this: it is human nature to brag about things that we’re proud of. When it comes to your sexual past, if you’re hiding or deflecting concerning it, why is that? And what would make you think that, eventually, the things that you are suppressing won’t somehow come out anyway? Real talk, a great sign that you’re over something or someone is when you can bring it or them up — not when you’re doing everything in your power to avoid it/them.
And when it comes to past relational patterns overall — have you always been the one to do most of the work? Do you tend to flee when things get too challenging? Do you ever stop to think about what you did wrong? Do you tend to handle things with ultimatums? Do you treat relationships as projects? Do you avoid things with sex? Do you not communicate your innermost feelings well?
A pattern is something that you do over and over, oftentimes very naturally. When it comes to the men of your past, what qualifies as a pattern for you? Getting married doesn’t miraculously make those patterns go away. Discussing them can help you to get to the root of those issues and if you need to break some of them on the front end.
8. Media Programming
A quote that I find myself saying often is by The Doors singer, Jim Morrison: “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” There is no way around the fact that media influences and impacts society on some pretty monumental levels (you can read more about thathere,here, andhere) — and so to think that what you take in when it comes to television programs that you view, movies that you watch, books that you read and social media accounts that you follow aren’t affecting you? That is some serious denial that you are in.
Case in point. I have a friend who also works in mental health. Whenever his wife is watching some trash reality television (and boy, is there A TON of it), he says that she is way more touchy to the point of almost being combative than when she isn’t. One time, he instituted a two-week fast from reality television. He said that the first week was rough for her, which caused her to realize that she was way more attached to the shows than she thought. The second week, she was calmer and far more peaceful (her words, not his). Did she totally give reality television up? I mean, we’re all a work in progress, right? LOL. She does watch it less, though, and their marriage is running smoother because of it.
As we close all of this out, definitely an underestimated influence in marriage is the media. Find out what your partner likes and why. See where the two of you are in sync, where you’re not, and what you think the compromises should be. Otherwise, you could end up with someone who is making judgment calls about your relationship based on what some random on TikTok said — you’d be amazed how many people do that. And it’s a damn shame that they do.
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There’s a reason why this article has the title that it does. Getting real — and I mean, really real — about relationships isn’t always the most comfortable thing to do; however, it is beneficial.
And what, after (genuinely) addressing things like this, you find out that you’re not as compatible as you thought? Eh. That doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Either — again, with the help of a marriage expert — figure out how to compromise or, if you ultimately can’t find enough common ground…as I oftentimes say, It’s always better to break up before marriage than divorce after it.
Words to live by. Promise you that.
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