In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
"I'm tired of coverin' up all my pride," were the first melodic words I heard sung from Little Inez's mouth in the hit musical movie Hairspray. Not the original; the Zac Efron and Queen Latifah version.
It's obvious to say that Little Inez ain't so little anymore, and she has blossomed into Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Tayla Parx. The "Homisexual" hitmaker has been pushing boundaries beyond gender and genre - and the metrics and streaming numbers don't lie. Every #TaylaMade production has been a guaranteed chart-topping, award-winning smash hit that you're sure to recognize.
Courtesy of Tayla Parx
Everything she touches turns to pure artistry from her vocal collaboration on Chris Brown's "Anyway" to her lyrical genius for Panic! At The Disco's "High Hopes" and Ariana Grande's "7 Rings". The multiple Grammy-nominated singer, songwriter, and actress made her debut as a solo artist with her album We Need To Talk back in April 2019 and has continued to soar as a solo act since. After serving as a special guest on the North American leg of Lizzo's Cuz I Love You tour and being deemed by Entertainment Weekly as "one of pop music's go-to songwriters", we're tired by simply condensing her receipts.
xoNecole had the chance to speak with the "Dance Alone" singer about how she finds balance between studio time, friendships, dating, and Korean skincare products in this installment of Finding Balance.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause?
Tayla Parx: I think understanding the balance is something that I've always had in the back of my mind as I grow as a business. I'm a creative in so many ways, it's very easy to get distracted and kind of half-ass things. So my number one priority is asking myself if I am able to do this to the highest of my capabilities. The more success I've had, the more I've needed to hold my time precious along with the experiences that come with making time for you.
Tayla Parx
Credit: Joey James
"My number one priority is asking myself if I am able to do this to the highest of my capabilities. The more success I've had, the more I've needed to hold my time precious along with the experiences that come with making time for you."
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
A typical week in my house would be, of course, working on music, learning how to garden - I've just started composting - watching some documentaries, cooking, playing guitar and hanging with my three dogs. It's a busy household, to say the least.
What are your mornings like?
I usually wake up pretty early so I'm taking care of my dogs, going through my schedule for the day and responding to emails. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, so I do a little cooking as well.
How do you wind down at night?
I turn on my lights to whatever mood I'm in, steam up my shower, give myself a facial maybe, and pretty much turn off the music in the house that's usually playing all day. It's quiet time for me when it's time to relax. If I'm feeling extra, I'll throw like three bath bombs in my tub and hop in. It's one of my favorite parts of my bathroom.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
On the busiest weeks, the most hectic part is the energy I have to give to so many different people. Handling so many personalities is work and I wear many hats, so subsequently I communicate with a lot of different people. It can become draining honestly if I don't have the right balance.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
I love Korean skincare products! Like, I actually might have a problem with buying everything on Peach & Lily and putting it into my mini makeup fridge. I love a good at-home spa day, so that's something I'm definitely into when it comes to Tayla time. Video games are another way for me to escape into my own world; it's like motion meditation. Lastly, I love to cook! It's a really fun way for me to get creative and learn more about other cultures!
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
There's always time if you value it. We all have so many moments to use the excuse of not having enough time versus being real about what our priorities are. We've all heard it! if you're not taking care of you, how can you take care of the ones you love? Any real workaholic's main priority should be long-term efficiency and that starts with taking care of you.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
I've always had to have friendships that can withstand spending long periods of time possibly without seeing each other. I try to make sure that even throughout the crazy schedules, I just check in every now and then. Even if it's for a moment. You never know what people are going through, and sometimes a familiar voice can be the grounding love that you need.
Love/Relationships? Dating?
I have to say I used to be really bad at this. I've completely put love on the back-burner for my career because I didn't believe I could find the balance. The fear of staying in bed a little too long and putting off important things because now that's you and someone else. It's always been scary for me but I think that balance and the right partner is key. Sometimes it helps to have someone you love telling you to either stay in bed longer or get your ass up!
Exercise?
I have three dogs and two of them are very active breeds. When you're sitting in the studio like I am all day, it's key to make sure you're being active in some way, shape, or form. Whether it's riding a bike, walking the dogs or dancing like nobody's watching, I try to do something!
Tayla Parx
Credit: Joey James
"Any real workaholic's main priority should be long-term efficiency and that starts with taking care of you."
What about health? Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
When I'm on tour, it's pretty tough to eat healthy! I'm a sucker for sweets but I honestly love to cook at home, so I have no problem cooking for myself when I have the time. It's relaxing and I love getting creative with my seasonings! I'm from the south so I don't play when it comes to that!
Do you ever detox?
Oh my God, actually I just finished a detox last week and it's so, so, so hard for me, but necessary. I've just found out I'm allergic to a lot of things I've been eating all my life. When you go back to eating after juicing, your skin will show you where you're messing up. It was three days of straight juice and the remainder of the week was intermittent fasting. I love food so that was tough. The very first salad I had on the day back eating was like heaven.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I try to hype myself up! Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader [and] remind yourself how far you've come.
What do you do when you have writer's block when creating a song or creative concept for a project?
I look to experience something new anytime that I have a block. It could either mean that I'm burnt out or bored. I find that if you put a creative in an uncomfortable situation or new situation it'll allow a fresh perspective!
Honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Success and happiness are intertwined for me. I've always thought that happiness is me having success doing whatever It is that makes me happy in that moment with no boundaries. If I woke up one day and wanted to leave the country, or not leave my home or take the year off. Whatever the mood, I find my happiness in the freedom of knowing that the decisions are mine to make every day.
For more of Tayla, follow her on Instagram. Her new single "Dance Alone" is now streaming on all platforms.
Featured image by Joey James
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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Featured image by Giphy