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Could The 'Scandinavian Sleep Method' Save Your Relationship?
Chile, the way that I am writing this article with a particular married couple in mind. I say that because, although they claim it doesn’t bother them that they don’t sleep together these days, I know that can’t be the case. Why am I so certain?
Because although this culture of ours is constantly trying to “dumb down” the importance of intimacy outside of sex, as far as marriage is concerned, I know for a fact that not only sleeping with your partner but going to bed with them at the same time does wonders for things like reducing stress and anxiety, boosting self-esteem levels, making you feel closer to them as well as ultimately helping you both to communicate more effectively as well. And that’s why, whatever I can do to get more couples to stay in bed together all throughout the night (instead of spending countless hours of bedtime quality time apart), that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Today’s suggestion: the Scandinavian sleep method. Although it might initially sound a bit odd, if you’re someone who finds yourself irritated beyond belief when it comes to trying to sleep soundly with your partner every evening, it could be the answer that you’ve been looking for…all this time.
Sleeping Together. For Some, It’s Hella Complicated.
Now, I guess we’ll have to get into it at another time, the fact that I find it so interesting that when folks are dating, they can figure out how to spoon all night long, and yet when people get married, “all of a sudden,” it’s a problem (kinda like how folks can stay in the mood for sex months at a time while dating and then go months without it in marriage…hmm). And just how much of a problem is it? From what I’ve read, reportedly, 25 percent of couples who are in long-term relationships either sleep in a different bedroom (which is oftentimes referred to as being a “sleep divorce”) or they do it like television shows did back in the day and sleep in two different beds that are in the same room.
Are there any “benefits” to doing this? I mean, some people say that they are able to sleep more soundly, especially if their partner is a snorer. Others say that they like it because they can get more quality time to themselves that way. And while I get both of those points in theory, being that couples only spend 2-2.5 hours together a day max, oftentimes bedtime is the only time when they can truly connect — and that’s why I am not a fan of sleep divorces myself.
Not to mention the fact that not sharing a bed with your partner can low-key create feelings of abandonment and cause one or both of you to “wall up” because you’re not getting the skin-to-skin experience that’s not only good when it comes to feeling closer to your partner (thanks to the oxytocin boost that it creates) but your overall health and well-being too.
In fact, there is a bit of irony that when you cuddle with your partner, it can help you sleep better in the long run. And since sleep deprivation is tied to things like memory problems, erratic moods, concentration issues, high blood pressure, and even a shortened lifespan — wouldn’t you want to do what you can to sleep with your partner as much as possible if you could?
In walks what has proven to be a good solution for some…
The Scandinavian Sleep Method COULD Be a Cool Compromise
You know what they say: successful relationships are all about compromise, and when it comes to sharing a bed with your partner, that’s where the Scandinavian sleep method comes in. As you see, it’s basically when you sleep in the same bed with your partner, only you use different blankets or comforters to wrap yourselves up in so that you don’t have to fight over bedding (even if it’s in your sleep) all night long nor do you have to tussle over wanting different levels of warmth.
So, basically, what you’re getting is a “co-sleeping method for adults” because you can cuddle and still customize your bedding to your liking (think of it like camping with your boo thang in your own bed instead of a tent).
And here’s the thing: not only does the Scandinavian sleep method make it possible for you to spend (more) quality time with your partner, but it’s also more economical than purchasing two beds. Plus, it lowers the risk of you going from a sleep divorce to possibly even more of a disconnect by not being in the same room with one another. Sounds pretty darn good to me.
Now, does that mean there aren’t any downsides to taking this approach? C’mon, nothing is perfect. For starters, you’ll have to get a little creative if you want to get extra close while cuddling (because, well, two types of bedding are involved). Not only that, but making the bed in the morning could be a slightly hellacious experience (because, again, two types of bedding are involved). Still, if it could keep you and yours in the same room, isn’t it at least worth giving it a shot? I would think so.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of sleeping bliss for long-term couples, I wanted to share a few other things that may help, too.
5 Tips for Making Sleeping Together Easier
1. Set the thermostat to the mid-60s. For most of us, it’s easier to warm up than cool down. So, if the two of you can’t seem to decide on what temperature to keep the room, opt for around 65 degrees and then customize your bedding via the Scandinavian sleep method that we just discussed. Not only will that make it easier to remain comfortable throughout the night (because our body temp tends to shift from night to morning), but as a bonus, it can keep your electricity bill down as well.
2. Get an anti-snoring pillow. If you happen to sleep with a loud snorer (or you are one), invest in an anti-snoring pillow. They are designed to comfortably elevate a snorer’s head and neck to where they are able to breathe quieter and sleep more soundly.
3. Spoon with your partner. As far as cuddling positions go, spooning is super comfortable and intimate. As a bonus, it can get a snorer to sleep on their side, which is one more way to get them to snore less.
4. Try some ASMR nature sounds. Although falling asleep has never really been much of an issue for me, I must admit that my quality of rest has improved, significantly so, ever since I’ve turned on rain sounds at night. From what I’ve read and researched, nature sounds are great for sleeping, in part, because they decrease the natural fight-or-flight tendencies that we all have. As a result, you can relax more easily. Plus, if you or your partner are a “noisy sleeper,” the ASMR will help to drown a lot of that out. YouTube has many videos that go for eight hours or more. Go to the site and put your favorite nature sound in the search field for options.
5. Try an eye mask and/or some earplugs. So, what if the main issue that you’re having with your partner is they get out of bed before you, and that disrupts the extra time that you’re looking to get? An eye mask will keep everything pitch black around you and some ear plugs will make it more challenging to hear any noise or movements around you. You can check out some of the best earplugs for sleeping here.
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Do I know some couples who have made things work via a sleep divorce? Eh. A couple of them. However, even they will admit that they’re willing to give the Scandinavian sleep method a shot. Because if the main time that you can get time in with your partner is at night — shouldn’t you want to do just that? Yeah. My sentiments exactly, sis.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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