Could The 'Scandinavian Sleep Method' Save Your Relationship?
Chile, the way that I am writing this article with a particular married couple in mind. I say that because, although they claim it doesn’t bother them that they don’t sleep together these days, I know that can’t be the case. Why am I so certain?
Because although this culture of ours is constantly trying to “dumb down” the importance of intimacy outside of sex, as far as marriage is concerned, I know for a fact that not only sleeping with your partner but going to bed with them at the same time does wonders for things like reducing stress and anxiety, boosting self-esteem levels, making you feel closer to them as well as ultimately helping you both to communicate more effectively as well. And that’s why, whatever I can do to get more couples to stay in bed together all throughout the night (instead of spending countless hours of bedtime quality time apart), that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Today’s suggestion: the Scandinavian sleep method. Although it might initially sound a bit odd, if you’re someone who finds yourself irritated beyond belief when it comes to trying to sleep soundly with your partner every evening, it could be the answer that you’ve been looking for…all this time.
Sleeping Together. For Some, It’s Hella Complicated.
GiphyNow, I guess we’ll have to get into it at another time, the fact that I find it so interesting that when folks are dating, they can figure out how to spoon all night long, and yet when people get married, “all of a sudden,” it’s a problem (kinda like how folks can stay in the mood for sex months at a time while dating and then go months without it in marriage…hmm). And just how much of a problem is it? From what I’ve read, reportedly, 25 percent of couples who are in long-term relationships either sleep in a different bedroom (which is oftentimes referred to as being a “sleep divorce”) or they do it like television shows did back in the day and sleep in two different beds that are in the same room.
Are there any “benefits” to doing this? I mean, some people say that they are able to sleep more soundly, especially if their partner is a snorer. Others say that they like it because they can get more quality time to themselves that way. And while I get both of those points in theory, being that couples only spend 2-2.5 hours together a day max, oftentimes bedtime is the only time when they can truly connect — and that’s why I am not a fan of sleep divorces myself.
Not to mention the fact that not sharing a bed with your partner can low-key create feelings of abandonment and cause one or both of you to “wall up” because you’re not getting the skin-to-skin experience that’s not only good when it comes to feeling closer to your partner (thanks to the oxytocin boost that it creates) but your overall health and well-being too.
In fact, there is a bit of irony that when you cuddle with your partner, it can help you sleep better in the long run. And since sleep deprivation is tied to things like memory problems, erratic moods, concentration issues, high blood pressure, and even a shortened lifespan — wouldn’t you want to do what you can to sleep with your partner as much as possible if you could?
In walks what has proven to be a good solution for some…
The Scandinavian Sleep Method COULD Be a Cool Compromise
You know what they say: successful relationships are all about compromise, and when it comes to sharing a bed with your partner, that’s where the Scandinavian sleep method comes in. As you see, it’s basically when you sleep in the same bed with your partner, only you use different blankets or comforters to wrap yourselves up in so that you don’t have to fight over bedding (even if it’s in your sleep) all night long nor do you have to tussle over wanting different levels of warmth.
So, basically, what you’re getting is a “co-sleeping method for adults” because you can cuddle and still customize your bedding to your liking (think of it like camping with your boo thang in your own bed instead of a tent).
And here’s the thing: not only does the Scandinavian sleep method make it possible for you to spend (more) quality time with your partner, but it’s also more economical than purchasing two beds. Plus, it lowers the risk of you going from a sleep divorce to possibly even more of a disconnect by not being in the same room with one another. Sounds pretty darn good to me.
Now, does that mean there aren’t any downsides to taking this approach? C’mon, nothing is perfect. For starters, you’ll have to get a little creative if you want to get extra close while cuddling (because, well, two types of bedding are involved). Not only that, but making the bed in the morning could be a slightly hellacious experience (because, again, two types of bedding are involved). Still, if it could keep you and yours in the same room, isn’t it at least worth giving it a shot? I would think so.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of sleeping bliss for long-term couples, I wanted to share a few other things that may help, too.
5 Tips for Making Sleeping Together Easier
Giphy1. Set the thermostat to the mid-60s. For most of us, it’s easier to warm up than cool down. So, if the two of you can’t seem to decide on what temperature to keep the room, opt for around 65 degrees and then customize your bedding via the Scandinavian sleep method that we just discussed. Not only will that make it easier to remain comfortable throughout the night (because our body temp tends to shift from night to morning), but as a bonus, it can keep your electricity bill down as well.
2. Get an anti-snoring pillow. If you happen to sleep with a loud snorer (or you are one), invest in an anti-snoring pillow. They are designed to comfortably elevate a snorer’s head and neck to where they are able to breathe quieter and sleep more soundly.
3. Spoon with your partner. As far as cuddling positions go, spooning is super comfortable and intimate. As a bonus, it can get a snorer to sleep on their side, which is one more way to get them to snore less.
4. Try some ASMR nature sounds. Although falling asleep has never really been much of an issue for me, I must admit that my quality of rest has improved, significantly so, ever since I’ve turned on rain sounds at night. From what I’ve read and researched, nature sounds are great for sleeping, in part, because they decrease the natural fight-or-flight tendencies that we all have. As a result, you can relax more easily. Plus, if you or your partner are a “noisy sleeper,” the ASMR will help to drown a lot of that out. YouTube has many videos that go for eight hours or more. Go to the site and put your favorite nature sound in the search field for options.
5. Try an eye mask and/or some earplugs. So, what if the main issue that you’re having with your partner is they get out of bed before you, and that disrupts the extra time that you’re looking to get? An eye mask will keep everything pitch black around you and some ear plugs will make it more challenging to hear any noise or movements around you. You can check out some of the best earplugs for sleeping here.
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Do I know some couples who have made things work via a sleep divorce? Eh. A couple of them. However, even they will admit that they’re willing to give the Scandinavian sleep method a shot. Because if the main time that you can get time in with your partner is at night — shouldn’t you want to do just that? Yeah. My sentiments exactly, sis.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images