The Journey To Motherhood Is The Best-Kept Secret, Let Me Tell You Why
Despite the fact that pregnancy has been around since the beginning of time, there’s still so much about pregnancy that we simply don’t know. For that reason, I think pregnancy is the best-kept secret. And while I suspected this going into the experience, I somehow still underestimated just how secretive some pregnancy matters are. It’s almost as if each line of women is sworn to secrecy so that heirs can continuously be produced in the name of capitalism. Whether your position is at the top of the food chain or the bottom (school to prison pipeline), more bodies are always of use and thus American tradition seems to be secrecy.
No one warned me about the endless amounts of mucus and ginormous boogers in my nose (rhinitis) or the fact that for some of us, breathing would stop coming easily in the first trimester. And though this isn’t the case for everyone, you’re made aware that every system in your body is being altered to create lifelines for this growing seed inside of you. And my mom was (or had the nerve to be?) shocked when I told her I purchased a bidet attachment for my toilet because I can no longer comfortably reach my ass to properly wipe it. I need assistance! So imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a TikTok comment section with so many other women professing what a pain it’s become to try to reach their ass, much less your vagina when you’re well into your pregnancy journey.
Many people feed you that bullshit line recommending that you get your sleep in now because when baby gets here it’s a wrap, but they fail to mention it’s nearly as hard to sleep throughout your pregnancy. Depending on your symptoms, insomnia can begin as early as the first trimester. For me, it began then because my breasts were so excruciatingly tender that when I would even step forward with too much "pep" in my step, I’d feel nothing but pain. Now imagine trying to sleep like that? No matter what angle you approach it from, it’s not going to work.
In my second trimester, I got hit with sciatic pain thus making it even more difficult to sleep (thank God for magnesium-infused lotion). And then, of course, there's the third trimester – the one that I have received disclaimers regarding – the one where I supposedly will be simply too large and uncomfortable to get adequate rest going into the delivery of my little seed.
While this is all comical, it does make me wonder what more is to come. What else have centuries of women remained mum about in regard to pregnancy, especially childbirth?
Yes, a “think piece” theory is coming! And here it goes: Much like the men seeking to create detrimental laws regarding abortion, the point of it all is to control and reduce the bodily autonomy of women, minimizing their ability to make informed choices (the best decision for them with the information on hand). Up until recent years, many didn't talk about childbirth and pregnancy. Things are changing, but still, I wonder how and why centuries of women remained quiet. As far as I’m concerned the answer is simple: Patriarchy. Isn't it always?
When women, or really people as a whole, don’t know what’s going on with their bodies, they maintain very little autonomy and the ability to make choices for said bodies. And it’s really that simple!
With just 100 days left until I deliver, the one thing my mother has said to me that has been consistently true is that pregnancy impacts every part of your body.
And the worst part of it is, because pregnancy is pertaining to the “lesser sex,” science hasn’t really made it their business to find a way to update the research at hand. I’ll also admit that pregnancy is a difficult subject to research because no one wants to be experimented on while another life is in their hands. I say this to say, in addition to all systems being impacted you’re unnecessarily put out by dated research that states that you can’t eat deli lunch meat because of listeria. Meanwhile, lettuce is recalled daily or damn close to it, and we’re still able to eat that!
Though it may seem small, for a human body that is already limited due to the ever-affected systems that cause food aversions, nausea, and heartburn, it can actually leave you feeling really defeated and hungry. While some things such as no raw meat absolutely make sense, some simply do not! And maybe I’m paranoid and wrong about all of what I’ve said thus far. However, what we have observed in the following seems to hold true:
- Research typically neglects women, especially those of color.
- Capitalism requires people to reproduce in order for things to maintain.
- There was just a memo put out stating how the reversal of Roe v. Wade was necessary to maintain the “domestic supply of infants.”
- When considering gender alone, women are seen as second-rate citizens.
With the information we have at hand, it’s difficult for me to anticipate that motherhood has remained the biggest kept secret for any other reason than selfish gain.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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