Halle Berry Has Advice For Women Over 40 Who Want To Be Moms
From the day we are born, we as women feel like our lives are dictated by a figurative biological clock that feels more like a ticking time bomb. From the day we start our menstrual cycle, it feels like we're forced to keep a consistent schedule that includes advancing our careers, finding love, starting a family, and somehow keeping our sanity in the midst of the chaos. If you're a woman who has a desire to be a mother but may be scared that your biological clock has now inevitability run out of time, Halle Berry wants you to feel the fear and do it anyway.
If there's anyone you should take advice from about late in life pregnancies, it's Halle Berry. After having her first child, Nahla, at age of 41, the John Wick: Chapter 3 actress gave birth to a her son, Maceo, six years later and her life hasn't been the same since. The now 52-year-old actress says that her miracle babies changed her entire perspective on life because, at the time, pregnancy wasn't something she thought would ever happen for her. In 2004, the actress told Ellen:
"I didn't think it was possible at my age, honestly. They call it a geriatric pregnancy. I was, you know, on my way. This is probably way TMI, but I was kind of premenopausal, so to have this happen was huge."
While the idea of having a baby later in life can be scary, Halle Berry said that every moment of her experience was worth it. The actress has this advice for ladies of 40 who still have dreams of parenting a child:
"Do it. Just do it."
I, in fact, am a living, breathing testament of the fact that it's never too late to pursue your dreams, especially if that dream is to become a mother. Although my mom had given birth to two children in her 20's and acted as a bonus mom to four stepchildren, things were much different after she gave birth to me at 39. I picked out my own clothes, I was taught to speak my mind and assert myself, even when it came to authority figures, and unlike my brothers and sisters, I didn't get spankings. Because this wasn't my mom's first rodeo, she was equipped with knowledge and tolerance that she didn't have when she was raising my siblings.
Along with having more patience, Halle Berry says that you can also be prone to having a greater appreciation for your pregnancy when you're older. Although all pregnancies are special, Halle Berry said that her miracle babies brought to light a number of truths about herself that she hadn't previously realized.
My mom's approach to raising me was different because she had some experience under her belt, and Halle Berry echoed that sentiment in her interview with Us Weekly:
"You're so much more ready to be a parent after 40 than when you're 20. You know yourself better. You've done a lot of things for yourself, selfishly. When you wait later in life, you can really put your kids forward I think in a more meaningful way."
While the term "geriatric" may a turnoff in and of itself, having a baby over 40 might be the best decision you'll ever make.
These high risk pregnancies can be dangerous, and there are certainly other routes you can take if traditional conception isn't an option for you. Whether you decide to adopt, try IVF treatments, or get it on the old-fashioned way, Halle Berry and her beautiful kids prove that the only person standing in the way of your dreams of becoming a mother is you.
Featured image by Mike Coppola/WireImage)
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images