

I Leveraged My Divorce To Help Women Balance Healthy Eating With Being Single Moms
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Chef Crystal's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
So funny story: I once made a "meat substitution" when I first became Prince's private chef.
I had been cooking dinner for him and his band for several weeks, but one afternoon he requested me for a private dinner. I remember I made this delicious vegetarian meal for him and his guest, but it didn't go over well at all. I was asked to not only throw it in the trash, but to throw it in the trash outside! I was mortified.
It all worked out in the end because he ended up hiring me full-time after that. But this was one of the days where I learned that my triumphant game was unmatched.
I'm Chef Crystal, a single working mother of two who has proven that healthy eating can be achieved at all ages, no matter the circumstance. From the artist Prince, will.i.am, Jessica Simpson, Lucas Films, and more, I have used this same philosophy in my approach to educating others on sustainable eating.
I knew all my life that I wanted to be a chef. I cooked for all the neighborhood kids and was constantly trying new foods. My mom wanted us to have an opportunity to see the world the way she never did as a child, so we ate out at fancy restaurants all the time. She allowed us to travel with our friends and their families, so being exposed to different cultures growing up just elevated how I saw food. I remember her always telling me, "You can do anything you put your mind to," and that's exactly what I did. So, as you can imagine my house was a very positive environment.
I was always active in school, I played sports, and was a cheerleader. I had a large supportive family. My grandfather has 11 brothers and sisters, so I grew up going to fish frys, barbecues, and potlucks. He was the family chef until he passed the torch to me, and food was the common denominator at every function. I would say we had a typical black family with sprinkles of the United Nations as many of us married outside of our race. It created a foundation of acceptance and love because we all thrived as one family.
But like most of us, growing up in a black family that loves mac and cheese, collard greens, and fried chicken, I knew early on that I wanted to be a chef that focused on healthy cuisine that was palatable. I have had so many conversations with my grandfather (who was a cook in the army) on how to recreate foods that we loved as a kid with ingredients that aren't going to give us high blood pressure.
So, I decided to do something about it.
But before I could get there, life took a few unexpected turns. During the start of my career, I found myself in the middle of a divorce. Yet, instead of allowing food to be an enemy or crutch as we often do during tough times, it became an ally. I literally took a negative situation and turned it into a platform that expanded my career into an outlet for self-love. This platform is Chef's Guide To Divorce, where “eating your feelings" never tasted so good.
After all, I couldn't let divorce stop or distract me. And as I always say, nobody ever died of divorce...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I'm a true believer in when life gets messy, you should get in the kitchen and get messier. We all have a natural ability to pivot built inside of us, it's up to us to tap into it. When life gives you lemons, go ahead and make that lemon drop martini, ladies.
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Through it all, I love that I've learned so much about myself in the process; about balancing my career with my kids. That's all I want for both myself, and other women. And I am a true advocate of trusting that everything will all work out.
As career moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it right. I know for me that I give 100% every day, but that 100% looks different every day.
I have a commitment to sit and have dinner with my kids four times a week, and everyone in my life is aware of that. So, during that time, I am just not available. This way my kids feel seen, and they have my undivided attention. I turn off my phone from 7-9pm so that I am only focused on my kids. I also include them in my plans so that they can hold me to my words and I don't break promises. I recognized many years ago that when I was at work I get to be at work, and when I'm home I get to be at home. Most importantly, I made it a priority to educate and cook meals alongside my children with the fresh produce we've grown in our own backyard.
Courtesy of Chef Crystal
That's how I have triumphed, how I have found my peace of mind.
My self-care practice is to always say yes to happiness; to our happiness. And I know that creating happiness for myself, creates happiness for others. Learning yourself through adversity is key—a major key. Now I know, without a doubt, that I am a powerful, confident, joyful woman. Making the best of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, regardless of any obstacles.
And I can make a killer vegan stuffed bell pepper, too.
Crystal also heads numerous projects that promote healthy eating such as, @ChefCrystalzGuide (lifestyle Chef brand) and #CineSoul Dine (community film, music, and dinner series in partnership with Airbnb). To learn more about Crystal's Chef Guide to Divorce, visit her website. You can also follow her on Instagram @ChefCrystalzWorld.
Feature image courtesy of Chef Crystal Blanchette
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
There’s A New 'Silent' Trend Inviting You To Leave Your Headphones At Home
I think we all can agree that if there’s one self-care practice that has drastically improved our lives over the last couple of years, it has to be the introduction of "hot girl walks."
These 30-minute to 1-hour-long strolling adventures have given us a way to clear our minds and listen to our favorite songs, all while staying active and getting our bodies moving. And while we may have grown accustomed to having a fire playlist or podcast as the soundtrack to our walks, there's a new, more mindful alternative that’s taking a spin on your sidewalk struts.
“Silent walks” are the new walking trend that’s offering a deeper mind and body connection while taking a solo walk. Sure, the thought of having to take a walk for any duration of time while alone with your thoughts may seem unnatural, but you may be surprised to learn that tapping into that silence around you could give you an extra boost of clarity that you’re looking for.
As explained by the creator of “silent walks,” TikTok user Mady Maio, the idea was sparked by her boyfriend challenging her to take a distraction-free walk without the audio support of music or podcasts. While she was resistant to the challenge because her “anxiety could never,” Maio soon found that after two minutes of her mind going “haywire,” she was able to tap into a flow state that allowed her to hear herself and her thoughts more clearly.
@madymaio #stitch with @KENZIEELIZABETH WE’RE SILENT WALKING ALL SUMMER, BABE 🚶 #walkinggirls #girlswhowalk #meditativewalk #intentionalwalk
Many times when we go on walks, the goal is to either get fresh air or clear our minds from all the mental junk that’s been floating around throughout the day. But when we don’t allow ourselves the space to sit in silence, our inner voice can be drowned out by external distractions and stimuli.
As the creator of the trend notes, God, the Universe, or whichever higher power you connect to has a tendency to speak in whispers. But if we’re unable to tap into quiet and still moments within our days, we could miss an opportunity to receive the answers that could come to us in the silence.
Silence allows us to tap into a meditative state. When we practice quieting our minds and focusing our attention inward, without the use of external guidance or verbal cues, we’re able to decrease brain fog, find solutions to our tangled thoughts, and let new ideas flow.
Silent walks also connect back to the original goals of its predecessor, hot girl walks, which encouraged walkers to focus on three main things: their goals, how they’re going to achieve those goals, and all the things they’re grateful for. Only this time, you're getting your dopamine hit from the thoughts you’re able to produce as opposed to the music, podcast, and phone calls you’re typically tuned into.
When channeled properly, silence is the gift that keeps on giving. With many people finding silent walks to be a valuable tool for reducing stress, enhancing mental clarity, and increasing overall well-being, this is your invitation to leave the headphones at home and plug into the world around you on your next outdoor journey.
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Featured image by Xavier Lorenzo/Getty Images