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DJ Khaled Just Reminded Me Why I'm Done With Male-Centric Sex

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Male-centric sex in my life has come to an end.


I was recently talking to a friend who told me that one of his greatest fantasies was to get the best head of his life on top of a mountain. He continued on to say he's never gotten any really amazing head before, to which I replied, "You put in what you get out. Maybe you haven't gotten any amazing head because you haven't given any amazing head".

"Oh, I don't do that," he said adamantly and without hesitation.

Really?

While I understand that every relationship is different, I was convinced that the oral sex double standard had been played out for years; I was sadly mistaken. Reflecting back on my own sexual experiences, I realize that when I was younger, it was taboo to ask a guy to eat the box, but now that I've grown into a woman, it's a requirement.

An interview between DJ Khaled and The Breakfast Club from 2014 recently resurfaced and has the internet up in arms about whether or not it's necessary for your man to reciprocate oral sex and prompting some hilarious commentary from onlookers. In the interview, Khaled said:

"It's different rules for men. We the king, so there's some things y'all might not wanna do, [but] it gotta get done. I just can't do what you want me to do. I just can't."

Khaled isn't alone in his thinking, as many cultures hail cunnilingus as a submissive act.

"I believe a woman should praise the man, the king. If you holding it down for the woman, I feel the woman should praise and the man should praise the queen but my way of praising is called 'How was dinner? You like the house you living in?' 'You like all the clothes you getting,' 'I'm taking care of your family. I'm taking care of my family?' You know, putting in the work."

Y'all smell that? Smells like the funky ass patriarchy indulging in some internalized misogyny at play here, and I want to get to the bottom of it. For years, vaginas have been used and abused for convenience, but I have made it my personal mission to end the male-centric sex in my life.

I have one golden rule in the bedroom, I come first.

Eating p*ssy is an obvious prerequisite for my strict requirement, and I won't have sex with a man unless he's down to lick all 32 flavors.

Giphy

Stars like Dwayne Johnson, Amanda Seales, and even the dictionary weighed in on the comical double standard. Seales joked in an Instagram video:

"So, Khaled doesn't eat p***... How can someone that's so much about motivation and support not understand the value of putting your face in the box? And then you gotta wonder like, what is he doing, if he ain't eating the puss?"

Let's face it, vaginal orgasms from strictly penetration are pretty much a myth. If you know someone who's had one, please find her and ask her to call me, I need to understand how this happened. Women normally require some type of clitoral stimulation before achieving an orgasm, and it's time to retire the age old theology that the d*ck should be enough. It's just not bro. No matter how big, wide, and strong a man is, it takes some quality TLC to help a woman reach her level of optimal pleasure.

Although I personally need a bang for my buck, this writer from Madame Noire hit the nail on the head about the real message that men perpetuate by not being willing to go down on their lovers: that they are selfish, inconsiderate and ignorant.

"Perhaps, he has a rare woman who doesn't appreciate oral sex and she's happy with him. At the end of the day, everything ain't for everybody. But what's particularly troubling is the message that's being disseminated here. I'm not speaking about Khaled and his fiancee. It might work for the both of them. But being in a romantic relationship requires more than money to ensure that both parties are happy. Paying for dinner, buying clothes and taking care of family doesn't give men a pass to have all their needs met while a woman goes without."

As much as I enjoy watching a man's eyes roll back and his toes curl as I give him the the ride of his life, no man will enjoy the fruits of my fellatio without offering up some sloppy top first.

The misogynistic idea that women should be satisfied by mediocre dick and the fulfillment of basic financial obligations alone is dead. Millennial women have succeeded in pioneering and securing the bag and achieving sexual liberation, creating a culture of women who know that they too, deserve to have orgasms.

Reciprocity is key.

If you haven't seen the controversial video yet already, click here or watch it below.

Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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