
Ebony Obsidian Is Proof Of What Happens When Talent & Divine Purpose Align

Beyond natural ability and innate talent, it's not too far-fetched to attribute our great success to the divine forces that guide our pursuits. Maybe it's fate, or simply the collision of refined skills meeting opportunity and preparation. Either way, there are some instances, like that of Ebony Obsidian, actress and star of the BET series, Tyler Perry's Sistas, that proves just how far one's gifts can take them when they're walking in divine purpose.
Coming of age, Ebony found herself to be a natural storyteller, drawn to the truth and humanity within others. Although she grew up with a shy and introverted personality, she found her voice by embodying the narratives of the characters she'd play, "Acting gave me a way to hide behind other people and hide behind someone who wasn't me." In that hiding, what came to be revealed was an inherent gift for the performing arts that lived within her all along.
"I never saw [acting] as a career that it has so beautifully become. But I think that it was definitely supposed to happen, that it was destined to happen. I just had to find my way there."
Photographer Joe Hernandez, Stylist Angelina Scantlebury, MUA Veronica GaonaCourtesy of Ebony Obsidian
The journey to follow her pursuits led to university where she studied journalism, a suitable major for anyone who enjoys "being in other people's shoes." Although she was performing well in her studies, it wasn't long before Ebony reached a breaking point, where something was telling her, "This is not where I'm supposed to be." Taking heed to that nudge, she knew that if she continued on this path, she would be costing herself peace of mind, "I remember breaking down crying to my mom. She was super encouraging of me venturing out to see if the performing arts was something that I could do for the rest of my life." Ebony playfully admits, "Thank God for that breakdown. It was the ugly cry too! But it really opened the door for everything since."
Everything that has followed in her career is more than deserving of her outpour of gratitude. The actress made her television debut playing in Masters of None's iconic Thanksgiving episode, along with noteworthy roles in Wu-Tang: An American Saga, Amazon's Hunters, and Barry Jenkins' If Beale Street Could Talk. Although it wasn't an easy road to success, the "yes" that Ebony gave to herself to pursue her dreams would act as a far greater force to combat the "no's" that crossed her path.
"The no's are a lot more frequent than the yes's, and I think it's just a matter of, do you want to do it enough that you find the role that does fit? Because everything that has been no was supposed to be a no."
As Ebony's career continues to launch into the stars, one thing she maintains through it all is that, "Honestly, I never thought of an alternative." Further proving that there is some cosmic reinforcement backing her gifts that can't be explained, but can only be witnessed.
xoNecole: You stumbled into your first acting gig after hearing about an audition call on the radio and you attributed it to fate! Tell us about that moment of alignment for you.
Ebony Obsidian: That was in my early teens, and what I like to call, "the signs coming back around again". This ad came on right before I was leaving the house and for me, that was such an odd thing to hear. It was the first opportunity that brought me to a stage. I had never been in front of that many people for a performance. I remember being scared, but also thinking,"I want to be good at this."I really wanted to be good and succeed, which led me to want to go study in school; that really was the beginning. But I think there was just a lot of back and forth with just being realistic. Is this a realistic thing to be pursuing? Not everyone succeeds in every field that they're in to whatever level of success that we measure it to be. For me, that bottom line was, if they're both going to be hard, I might as well go with the one that makes me feel happy.
"Not everyone succeeds in every field that they're in to whatever level of success that we measure it to be. For me, that bottom line was, if they're both going to be hard, I might as well go with the one that makes me feel happy."
Photographer Joe Hernandez, Stylist Angelina Scantlebury, MUA Veronica Gaona
Courtesy of Ebony Obsidian
As an actress, what have your moments of rejection taught you about timing? How do you find it within yourself to bounce back and continue to pursue your dreams?
I think the longer you do it, it becomes less personal to you. It is, after all, a business and about who fits well not just as the character but as an entire group of people who are going to build a world together. I think at the beginning, it was way more personal and way more painful. I took it to heart and used it to calculate how talented I was at any given moment whereas now, it really is me going into rooms and me bringing what I want to bring to the table, what I want to bring to this character and how I want to showcase their humanity.
I think it's so interesting with acting that you're playing other people, you go into rooms and [you are] told "no, you're not good at being someone else," when you're using that as a tool to deflect from the things that you don't quite feel comfortable with yourself about yet. Now it's funny because when I get no's, I'm like that's not a reflection of me at all, because it's such a different person than I'm portraying.
We love a full circle moment, tell us about how you went from sleeping on benches in Times Square to being on billboards in Times Square!
Whew, the early, early days! Wow, that was such a moment. I think I didn't realize how much of a moment that was for me until I went and saw the billboard. At the time, I was working in Times Square and I just so happened to miss the last bus going to Upstate New York where I'm from. So I said to myself, "Well, I don't have anywhere to go and there are going to be times where I won't have any place go," -- and there were other times like that. It's so weird because even though it wasn't the ideal situation.
I remember having a conversation with my mom about full circle moments and she asked me, "Why did you choose to keep going after that? What was it about what you're pursuing that made you believe that you needed to do that?" And, honestly, I never thought of an alternative. It never crossed my mind to quit. I never expected to have a billboard in Times Square, that was never the goal. The goal was always to just make a living being an actor and that's what I was doing. The way that it has gone could not have been planned, it's just incredible to me, even today. When I have conversations like this, I'm just reminded that just how you walk into a room for an audition, you never know if it's going to be a yes or a no, you just go in and put your best foot forward and the things that follow truly are the things meant for you.
"It never crossed my mind to quit. The way that it has gone could not have been planned, it's just incredible to me, even today. You never know if it's going to be a yes or a no, you just go in and put your best foot forward and the things that follow truly are the things meant for you."
Photographer Joe Hernandez, Stylist Angelina Scantlebury, MUA Veronica Gaona
Courtesy of Ebony Obsidian
Your character, Karen has experienced a lot of ups and downs in her relationships on the show, especially with her ex. It can be hard for women to let go of the love they know for something new. When do you think it’s time to fight for love and when is it time to give it up?
For me, my rule of thumb is when it starts to hurt more than it feels good, that's my breaking point. That's the point where I know this is not an even flow of energy. There is such a thing as obstacles and love is not easy, but my God, it should not be that damn hard! (laughs) It shouldn't be that you're now turning to look at yourself and you're questioning your own value, that's when it's too much for me. There's also the role of potential that comes into play and potential is deadly. Everybody has potential, there is no human on this earth that doesn't have the potential to be who they are destined to be, not only for their partner but for themselves -- that's a beautiful thing, but not everyone is compatible.
You’ve had the opportunity to work with a number of giants in the film world: Regina King, Angela Bassett, Lena Waithe, Aunjanue Ellis. Is there any wisdom that they shared with you during your time working together?
Absolutely, I have so many that stick with me. To sum it all up, the one thing that everyone of those women have done was encourage me to bring what it is that I have to offer. When you work with someone like Angela Bassett who's been around, she's like The Mother! To work with actresses like that, it can be absolutely intimidating. But I think one of the reasons why it wasn't as intimidating as it could have been is because of how open they were to helping me push my own envelope. I would be remiss to not mention Aunjanue Ellis who did play my mother on If Beale Street Could Talk. To be in the room with her and Regina King, just talking, it was electrifying to see your icons do work in front of you. To have worked with all of these trailblazers who continue to open doors for young actresses like myself, is incredible. There's nothing better than doing that and I didn't anticipate doing this so early on in my career.
Is there any advice you would give to someone looking to pursue a career in the performing arts who may not think it can happen for them too?
I would say that you're on the right track. I think there are moments where everyone thinks that they're not on the right track or making the right move. My thing was never whether I was chasing the right dream, but there were moments where I wondered if I was approaching things the correct way. And I think at this point looking back, I wouldn't change anything because it's why I'm exactly where I'm at now. So I would say keep going and stick to your integrity. The things you want will gravitate to you because they're the things you put out. It will pay off, we don't know when, but it will pay off, sis.
For more on Ebony Obsidian, follow her on Instagram and catch new episodes of Tyler Perry's Sistas, Wednesday nights on BET.
All images courtesy of Ebony Obsidian
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
Courtesy
So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
Courtesy
What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
Courtesy
Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Feature image courtesy
Remember When Brandy Said 'Almost Doesn't Count'? Here's What That Means.
Listen, although I pride myself in knowing quite a bit of random information (I get it from my Daddy), if there is one thing that I really don’t play about (and could easily win a ton of money as a contestant in a trivia game), it’s 90s R&B. And when it comes to that topic, if there are three women who I will forever stand 10 toes down on when it comes to them having some of the best vocal arrangements ever, it’s Faith Evans (a fellow Gemini), Missy Elliott and Brandy. Don’t play…don’t ever freakin’ play about them.
When it comes to Brandy, specifically, there is a song title that I find myself saying in some of my sessions, far more often than I ever thought I would — almost doesn’t count.
Chile, that song is so brilliantly written that I once shouted it out in a podcast that I did with a dear friend of mine a few years back (you can check it out here if you want to): “I can't keep on loving you one foot outside the door/I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure/Can't keep on tryin' if you're looking for more/Than all that I could give you, than what you came here for.”
Won’t it preach? “Almost” when it comes to romantic dynamics? It’ll have you out here feeling like you’re in some straight-up purgatory because, when you’re not really sure where things stand with someone and/or things feel like a perpetual game of hot-and-cold, you never really know what you should do — and that can have you in a very uncomfortable mental limbo or feeling like you’re in some emotional version of the throwback game Twister.
Today, though, we’re going to discuss “almost doesn’t count” from a broader perspective. I want to explore what happens when you’re in ANY DYNAMIC where it feels like you’re in a state of almost — and what you should do about it if that is indeed the case.
I’ve added Brandy’s jam for you at the top of all of this. Feel free to play it as your background music as we finally figure out what to do with the “almost ish” that is (currently) in your life.
Almost. Revisited.
Y’all, I am so sick of people allowing social media to redefine words.
For instance, just because something didn’t work out with a guy, that doesn’t automatically make him a narcissist (check out “You Could Be Turning Into A Narcissist...And You Don't Even Know It,” “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?” and “3 Warning Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist”) and just because someone doesn’t “gel” with you, that doesn’t mean that they are toxic (check out “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life” and “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself”) — and while we’re here, just because you hear the same online opinion dozens of times a day, that doesn’t make it a fact. Google is our friend. Open up browsers to fact-check things. It’s a wise move and well worth your time.
Okay, so in order to build the foundation of this piece, let’s look at what almost means (even though I’m sure that you basically know):
Almost: very nearly; all but
Synonyms: approximately, essentially, most, relatively, practically, virtually, about
It is a very wise man who once said that “The worst lies are 99 percent true” — and that is what’s so wild about almost: It can be so close to being something that you will think that it is that thing…when it actually…isn’t. You can literally have close to 99 percent of everything that you needed, wanted or required and that missing one percent can still totally jack you up out here.
A good example? A condom. If you go to pretty much any health-related website, it will say something along the lines that — eh hem — when used perfectly, condoms are somewhere around 98 percent effective. And yet, while I do tend to roll my eyes whenever folks (in general) end up pregnant and shocked, all the while claiming to have used them (because I also know that only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms and even they don’t consistently), I am aware that there are some people who are being completely honest: they used them, each and every time, correctly, and still…a positive pregnancy test result. And that’s because condoms are ALMOST totally reliable. Not totally, though.
Or a white lie. Oh, those are the “best” and most damning ones because they have so much truth to them that the deceptive part is super subtle. Hmph. It makes me think of a rather young South Korean artist (in her 20s) by the name of Dahyun. She once said, “When you love someone, or when someone is special to you, there are situations where little white lies are necessary.” Yeah, that makes me think of a quote by an author named T.J. Klune; he once said, “I lied to you because I thought it’d be easier for you, but I was really just trying to make it easier for me” — and he’s exactly right.
One of the greatest lies anyone can tell is that they are lying to protect or help another individual. More times than not, it’s a form of cowardice, because people don’t want to deal with the accountability (or even possible fallout) from telling the truth. Proof of this is a white lie: enough truth to cleverly hide the deceptive or omitted part(s).
Yeah, that’s what can trip you up about being involved in things that are “almost” what you are looking for or expecting: they can be so close to being on the mark that you let your guard down to the point where they can actually end up catching you off guard in some pretty profound ways.
The Difference Between ALMOST and POTENTIAL
Before we go even deeper, I do think that it’s important to explain the difference between almost and potential because, although they might seem like the same thing, they actually aren’t.
Say that you are working at a company where there is plenty of room for growth and promotion; that is potential. Potential is about possibility and capability. Sure, it may not have happened yet; however, you see plenty of signs that it really could. Okay, but after working there for two years and running circles around many of your co-workers with your performance, you keep getting passed over for other positions — and that is when almost comes into play.
What has you trying so hard is the POTENTIAL of what could be. What has you disappointed is things keep ALMOST happening — almost yet nothing more.
Let’s do relationships. Personally, I think it is hella arrogant and a bit delusional to say, “I don’t date for potential.” Umm, everyone out here is potential-in-progress, so are you saying that you want people to grant enough patience to allow you to keep evolving and transforming when you won’t extend the same grace their way? Gimme a break. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone’s potential and wanting to have a front seat in their life in order to encourage and support it. The issue comes in when they keep “almost” getting there without ever actually hitting their goals — and the reason why that’s problematic is…what is keeping you stuck at “almost”?
Example. Say that you’ve been exclusively dating someone for 15 months. You get along well, your family members and friends like you together and you seem to have similar life values and ambitions. Thing is, you want to get married within the year and he says that he wants to have a certain amount of money saved up before jumping the broom. The POTENTIAL of you becoming his wife is if you notice that he really is stacking paper. You ALMOST marrying him is when you factor in all of the other stuff that I said and yet his money is still funny (because he’s misspending, not saving or he’s simply not prioritizing like he said that he would).
Do you see the difference between what potential and almost look like and why “almost” can be so much more mentally draining and emotionally dangerous? “Almost” can — and oftentimes will — have you wasting precious time because it can deceive you with a feeling of “someday.” And that’s because things are so close to becoming a reality and yet, they never end up coming into full fruition.
And that, my friend, is why Brandy’s song is right on the money — at the end of the day, “almost doesn’t count” because, if you keep experiencing “most” or “practically” or “very nearly” of something or even someone and yet what is required for that something to actually become all of what you desire never manifests…what that ultimately boils down to is it — whatever “it” is — is really not much of anything at all.
It’s basically like what a playwright by the name of Nikita Gill once penned: “The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word 'almost'. He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. He almost lived. They almost made it.” It’s like…if it almost happened yet didn’t…why does the almost really even matter (much)?
At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, other than (hopefully) the lessons learned…it…doesn’t.
Someone Who “Almosts” You? That Is a Conscious Decision.
And here’s the wild thing about the person who “almosts” you — nine times out of 10, they know exactly what they are doing. The boss who almost promotes you and yet doesn’t…over and over again? You think they don’t have a self-serving strategy (or is it stratagem?) in that? The boyfriend who almost proposes (tells you that he wants to marry you while months to years later, he doesn’t do anything to prove that) and yet never does? You think he’s not aware of what’s going on? Oh, take it from me — the “almost folks” like being that way.
Why? I mean, think about it: If you are giving someone just enough for you to get what you need out of them without giving them all of what they want in the process, why not keep them in the cycle of “almost”? Let’s circle back to Brandy’s chorus to further illustrate the point:
I can't keep on loving you one foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin' if you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you, than what you came here for
Look at what she was doing: she kept on trying while he kept on hesitating. And what this basically means is she was mistaking almost for potential. And you know what? He was letting her because he was benefitting from all of her trying and, although she was getting something in return (maybe even 99 percent of what she was looking for), his hesitation was causing her to see that something isn’t everything…and everything is what she deserved — and still, he chose not to do that.
HE CHOSE NOT TO DO THAT. He chose to remain in the relational purgatory of “almost” because he didn’t want to be “all in.” He was right where he wanted to be and if that kept her uncomfortable…so be it.
See how ugly, self-serving and manipulative “almost” can be?
Do you see why we need to stop romanticizing it because it really shouldn’t count?
What Should the Shelf Life of Almost Be?
So, final question with this: When it comes to the “almost” areas of your life, how long should you allow them to last? Honestly, I think the answer to that lies in the definitions of the word “almost.” You see, the reason why most of us even notice that we have an “almost situation” going on is because there is a need (sometimes a want) that is going unmet to the point where we aren’t satisfied. And since one definition of almost is “all but” — what is the ALL and then what is the BUT?
Once you figure that out, it’s time to address the “but” part with the individual who isn’t providing it — and honestly, not just their response (words) but their reaction (actions) will let you know what the shelf life of the almost needs to be.
Case in point: When it comes to some of the couples who I work with, sometimes one of the partners goes through a significant change and they want their spouse to quickly adapt to that fact. Usually, the change within wasn’t instantaneous, and so, I share that it’s unfair to expect that to happen immediately; usually, a fair amount of time should be allotted. The relationship is ALL good in every area BUT where the evolution is transpiring. If the spouse’s response is, “Give me a minute to get used to this new you,” the partner should. The spouse is almost where they can accept matters. They just need a bit more time for the almost to turn into “I’m good now.”
However…say that you have a friend who you like and enjoy just about everything about them. The challenge is the fact that they want you to be on-call for their issues and gripes and yet, whenever you need them to do the same thing for you, they are more unavailable than not. Not only that but, whenever you bring it up, although they acknowledge your point, time and time again, nothing ever changes; you still pick up their calls at 11 p.m. while you are still leaving voicemails when you reach out their way. If that is indeed the case, that makes me think of an Instagram post that I recently watched that is underneath this last point. In it, the content creator says, “It’s so important to know where people go. Your feelings will be less hurt.”
And along these same lines, it’s important to know an “almost” when you see it. Isn’t it interesting that one definition of almost is “all but” and to that, I think most of us have heard that whenever you use “but” in a sentence, it negates pretty much everything that you said before it. Chile, if someone is doing all BUT and the BUT is a really big deal to you…does the “all” really “scratch your itches” like you need them to? And again, if they are refusing the “but” (and the “but” is realistic, by the way), isn’t that saying a lot about how they see you and y’all’s dynamic? I would certainly think so.
So, how long should the shelf life of an almost be? Long enough to articulate your needs, for the person to hear them, and then make adjustments. If no adjustments are made…almost is probably where things are going to remain — what you choose to do about that is on YOU not THEM. How long you take speaks to how much you value…yourself.
All this from the word “almost”? Yep. You can thank Brandy for that. LOL.
You deserve to get and have what you need. If you’re almost getting it, remember what Brandy said: When it’s all said and done, sis…almost doesn’t count.
A white lie will tell you it does.
The truth has just revealed — otherwise.
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Featured image by Unsplash