A Dating Coach Puts Us Up On The 2022 Dating Trend To Look Out For
In the new age of dating, we seem to think that everything is new. Younger generations in the search for a life partner are under the impression that our grandparents didn’t deal with the f*ckery while dating. When I say our grandparents, I mostly mean our grandmothers because let’s face it, new socialization as a result of feminism has indeed created an evolution in the dating landscape for women more than anyone. We no longer have to put up or shut up. These days we have greater access to careers, and our own bank accounts, and are unapologetic about exploring our sexuality. In other words: WE GOT OPTIONS!
At times, all the drastic changes can make it seem like men and women aren’t experiencing the same dating patterns but as Nana might tell you, “There ain’t nothing I ain’t never heard or seen before.” Catfishing, ghosting, and breadcrumbing may all sound like funny new “millennial” concepts but the reality is, the only thing that has changed is the language.
Certified Dating and Relationship Coach Alison Wellington confirms to xoNecole that the latest dating “trend” of them all, breadcrumbing, is better known to past generations as “bullsh*tting.”
What is Breadcrumbing? And Why Does it Happen?
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Of course, we needed to know a little more about breadcrumbing for our own protection while in these streets. So shall we back this up? Yes, because what exactly is classified as ‘bullsh*tting’ or ‘breadcrumbing’? Well, Coach Wellington put us up on game for when trying to build your starting lineup of potential partners and then hopefully a future with someone special. She first explained very matter of factly what the phenomenon is, “Breadcrumbing is when someone gives a romantic interest just enough attention to keep them interested but they aren't really looking to commit to this person.”
Additionally, our expert provides two reasons breadcrumbing often occurs: 1.) They enjoy the attention of multiple people at the same time, and 2.) They want to keep their options open so when they do decide to commit, they have more readily available options open.
How to Avoid Breadcrumbing
Like most anything else we can avoid breadcrumbing by setting healthy expectations and boundaries for all relationships, especially in the early stages of dating when breadcrumbing would be most likely to happen. Though this is not to say that it cannot occur in an established relationship.
Wellington advises, getting “clear” on “what you require from those you date” and then communicating those expectations to the person(s) you’re dating. She offers the example of quality time, stating, “If you'd like to speak to the person you're seeing every day or to go out on dates once a week, etc. [Make this known to your person.] After you've kindly made your expectations clear, if the person is unwilling or unable to deliver, then move on.”
You’ve Been Breadcrumbed…What Now?
Getty ImagesOnce you’ve been breadcrumbed, or the person has initiated the process, it’s essentially best to clock that behavior, set the boundary, and move on if it goes unchanged. Depending on who you are and how you operate in regard to red flags, it might even behoove you to get gone at the first sight of a red flag, especially because our expert states that more often than not the perpetrator “knows exactly what they are doing.”
When it’s all said and done, all is not fair in love and war but that doesn’t mean that any one of us has to accept less. That said, when you find yourself in this position it’s important that you move with integrity and thus on to the next. But, I will also add this is why it’s imperative that we get back to the true concept of dating. Not to keep deferring to our grandparents, but in the age of social media, it’s more critical than ever that we don’t put all our eggs in one basket.
Dating around is intended to see what our options are. Perhaps if we all continue to date this way until it is clear on both sides what the next steps are and what commitment looks like, then there would be no need for all of these games. Perhaps.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Kendrick Lamar And Whitney Alford: A Timeline Of Their Decades-Long Relationship
Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford are one of those couples who like to live their lives outside of the public eye. Unlike many celebrity couples, we don’t really hear a lot of details about their relationship in blogs and social media except for when Kendrick raps about it. Whitney has even been featured on many of her fiancé’s songs, but it was his last album, Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers, where he was the most vulnerable.
Outside of supporting her Pulitzer Prize-winning man, Whitney is also a licensed esthetician and makeup artist. The couple share two beautiful children together and seem to enjoy their privacy. From high school sweethearts to starting a family, here is a timeline of Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford’s relationship.
2001-2005?: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Meet
Whitney Alford and Kendrick Lamar at 2016 Key to the City Ceremony
Photo by Johnny Nunez/Getty Images
Kendrick and Whitney met in high school. However, there’s not a lot of details about what year. The two attended Centennial High School, which is located in Compton, CA, and began dating shortly after becoming friends.
2009: Kendrick Lamar Raps About Whitney
In his 2009 self-titled EP, Kendrick rapped about Whitney in the songs “She Needs Me” and “Determined.” He highlighted how he can’t live without her in “She Needs Me” and shared how she’s been his rock in “Determined.”
2014: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford’s First Public Appearance as a Couple
56th Grammy Awards with Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford
Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NARAS
Whitney stepped out with Kendrick for the first time at the 56th Grammy Awards. Kendrick was nominated for seven awards, including Best Rap Album for Good Kid, M.A.A.D City.
2015: Kendrick Calls Whitney His Best Friend
Talking to Billboard in January, the Compton rapper opened up about his love for Whitney. “I wouldn’t even call her my girl,” he said. “That’s my best friend. I don’t even like the term that society has put in the world as far as being a companion — she’s somebody I can tell my fears to.”
Whitney Appears on Kendrick’s "To Pimp a Butterfly" Album
In March 2015, Kendrick dropped his highly anticipated third album, To Pimp a Butterfly, andWhitney provided backup vocals for songs “King Kunta” and “Wesley’s Theory.”
Kendrick Confirms Engagement to Whitney Alford
Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford at 2015 BET Awards
Photo by Johnny Nunez/BET/Getty Images for BET
During a The Breakfast Club interview, the Grammy award-winning artist confirmed that he and his high school sweetheart were engaged. “Yeah, definitely,” he said. “I’m loyal to the soul.”
2019: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Welcome Their First Child
It was reported that the couple had their first child in July 2019. While her name wasn’t revealed at the time, fans later suggested that he mentioned her name in his song “Mr. Morale,” which is off of his fifth album, Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers. He rapped, “Uzi, your father's in deep meditation.”
2022: Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford Welcomes Their Second Child
The couple quietly welcomed a second child, a baby boy named Enoch and they made the big reveal on the cover of the Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers album. The cover features Kendrick holding Uzi while Whitney holds Enoch. Kendrick also mentioned Enoch’s name in his song “Mr. Morale” when he rapped, “Enoch, your father's just detoxed.”
Whitney Reflects on Working With Kendrick on "Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers"
In May, the makeup artist reflected on working with Kendrick on the album, which she helped narrate, and thanked him in an Instagram post. “Sometimes the mirror is a harsh critic. Shit can get real ugly. Im proud of the work we’ve done individually and as a family. Honored to be a part of this album @kendricklamar. Thank you for your transparency. Healing can begin…,” she wrote.
Whitney Appears in Kendrick's "Count Me Out" Music Video
Whitney also appeared in her beau’s “Count Me Out” music video and shared a snippet on her Instagram page in December.
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Feature image by Lester Cohen/Getty Images for NARAS