A couple of years ago, I had significant breakthrough in so many areas of my life. At first, it felt overwhelming to process so much guilt, shame, blame, resentment, and anger. There was so much digging I had to do to understand my journey — let alone accept areas in my life that I felt deprived of and to see the lessons in it regardless. It was a rude awakening to see all the things I was carrying for years emotionally and mentally, and I never thought it was necessary to pause and find tools to work through a lot of my issues. However, this transformative experience made me hungry for healing.
From books, to podcasts and TED Talks targeting healing, being more intentional in therapy regarding the areas I knew needed more love, meditation, interactive workbooks on healing, journaling, and having more in-depth conversations with friends and my partner at the time about the patterns I wanted to change. My fresh awareness planted a seed that made me inclined to do the work. I said, "God, I know you didn't call me to see myself so clearly for no reason, reveal what I need to see to push me to do the work needed to live a more intentional and less emotionally heavy life." And thankfully, he answered my prayer request, he knew I'd work through the adversary no matter how difficult things got, and he provided me with just the right tools and people to guide me to new emotionally mature heights at the right time.
Every individual has a unique journey on this planet, but one thing we all go through is trauma, and the advantage we have in this generation is having access and an overload of information to healing! So whether you need to work on your boundaries, trauma bonds, codependent relationships, enmeshed relationships, emotional intelligence, inner child healing, self-awareness, and the list goes on, I got you!
Check out the list below regarding the most instrumental books and podcasts that have helped me work through healing in many areas of my life.
On Purpose Podcast by Jay Shetty
On Purpose Podcast
The first time I witnessed Jay Shetty's wisdom was on Red Table Talk, an episode in season two called "The Roadblocks Between You and Love", and I was exceedingly impressed. Shetty has such a unique experience, born and raised in London, U.K., from a high expectation South Asian family, and yet he became a monk at age 22 and retired that lifestyle around 25. The level of discipline and willingness to unlearn consistently being a monk is a scholar's mindset, but it's even more courageous that he transformed his experience to a universal lens of healing in every aspect of life.
His podcast On Purpose, started in 2019 and is the number one podcast globally in the wellness market. Shetty covers topics consisting of pragmatic steps on unlearning unhealthy habits, skills to raise your self-awareness, tips for combating imposter syndrome, coping with anxiety and depression, and my favorite is his stellar relationship advice. We can all benefit from his wisdom, stemming from his monk analogies to modern-day tools to cultivate a healthier and balanced you! Also, check out his profound book called Think Like a Monk, which provides interactive questions to dive deeper into self-work in every chapter. His podcast is available on all major streaming services!
'After the Rain' by Alexandra Elle
Amazon
Alexandra Elle, aka Alex Elle, is an author of four self-help books, host of The Hey Girl podcast, and speaker. All I have to say is, After the Rain was life-changing. It was one of the most gentle, compassionate, introspective, and accountable self-help books I've read thus far. One of my biggest takeaways from this read was the gentleness I needed to implement working through my inner child healing. Before I was able to tackle the areas I felt deprived of throughout my childhood, I had to get to the bottom of working through playing back uncomfortable memories filled with tears and despair to understand how I can nurture areas that still need tending to.
I held on to Alex's tender affirmations. I wrote my heart out throughout every journal prompt question at the end of each chapter that highlighted areas she focused on working through regarding identity, validation, love, soothing in suffering, change, and becoming. Alex opened me up to acceptance, and compassionate accountability that I think will come in handy to all of us going through this roller coaster journey called life.
The Homecoming Podcast with Dr.Thema
The Homecoming Podcast
The Homecoming Podcast is a mental health podcast hosted by a licensed psychologist and ordained minister Dr. Thema Bryant. I enjoy Dr. Thema's approach with consistent episodes highlighting combating unhealthy patterns like becoming more emotionally available, unhealthy attention-seeking, increasing accountability, being open to feedback, commitment issues, etc. In many ways, she equips me to heighten my therapeutic self-soothing lens; she makes me feel like I have autonomy over my life while quoting scripture from time to time which I'm very appreciative of.
If you're open to changing unhealthy patterns and you're a Christian, this is an excellent start for you to understand how God-equipped professionals like Dr. Thema can give you the tools to be open to psychological transformation. Her podcast is available on all major streaming platforms!
'Clarity & Connection' by Yung Pueblo
I came across Yung Pueblo's self-awareness work through his Instagram page, and then I stumbled into hearing him being interviewed on an episode of Devi Brown's podcast called "getting closer to home." And your girl was hooked to his work ever since! Pueblo is the author of two self-help books, Clarity & Connection and Inward; he's also a meditator and speaker. Clarity & Connection took my mind to new heights regarding emotional intelligence, and as a very emotionally open person, I was pleased to see yet another man of color tapping into this level of vulnerability.
His words shifted my mind to turn more inward to understand my patterns and remind me that no one can fill my cup up like myself, and loving people without attachments is healthy for both parties. People flourish the most without being consistently judged or expected to be perfect when we're all flawed in our own ways. Pueblo didn't hesitate to dive into the depths of the subconscious mind, amplifying self-awareness to its fullest depths, exploring attachment styles, soothing our souls with being open to letting go what isn't for us and letting in what's for us. Pueblo's approach is an unusual way of analyzing emotions; he has a logical perspective on the depths of the most troubling yet fulfilling emotions we all experience.
Side Grace by Aliyah Grace Dean
Side Grace Podcast
The Side Grace podcast is hosted by Aliyah Grace Dean, podcaster, master's student of clientele mental health, powerlifter, and overall a beautiful soul speaking to the gen-Z market that's interested in working through healing. Dean walks listeners through childhood trauma, working through the loss of a family member and how it's changed her life, exploring different types of anxiety, tips on finding a therapist that fits you, and providing guidance for re-parenting yourself.
I love hearing her perspective because it speaks to my intersectional walk of being a first-generation Afro-Caribbean. She does in-depth research regarding our experiences, which is usually not amplified singularly. Each of her episodes is delivered with love yet assertiveness. She equips her listeners with tools to dive deeper into journaling intentionally, meditation, and validating their need to slow down to tend to their wounds because they aren't going to tend to themselves.
'The Language of Emotions' by Karla McLaren
Amazon
The Language of Emotions is basically the encyclopedia to building emotional intelligence and emotional awareness. Karla McLaren is an empath researcher and takes readers through her life journey of researching the depths of understanding emotions. She goes in-depth about the significance of embracing your emotions, let alone understanding the underlying things they are trying to tell you. I'm really enjoying reading this book because I was often told as a child that I was "too sensitive, or too emotional," and this book normalizes being an emotionally open person.
More than anything, it's teaching me how to regulate my emotions and not let them consume me. If you're someone curious about the depths of your feelings or working through increasing your emotional availability, this book is for you.
Dropping Gems with Devi Brown Podcast
Dropping Gems with Devi Brown
Dropping Gems is hosted by Devi Brown, former radio personality, Chief Impact Officer at Chopra Global, meditator, and educator. Brown does a remarkable job taking us through walking through soul bonds featuring Yvonne Orji, learning the importance of being present, and planting intentional seeds with Charlamagne the God. I love listening to her podcast because she has a mind full of no limits regarding expanding, building her emotional and mental awareness. She speaks to the experience of Black women processing grief and the importance of getting more acquitted with understanding your emotions versus suppressing them. Dropping Gems is available on all major platforms.
'Set Boundaries, Find Peace' by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Amazon
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab was a significant game-changer for me because I've been working through emotional turmoil in many areas of my life, and I just got to the point where I'm tired of the cycles, so what better area to focus on than boundaries. Tawwab is a licensed Black therapist with over 14 years of experience, and every ounce of that expertise is shown in her book. She walks her readers through understanding the focal areas of boundaries, first for self-preservation and second to build healthier relationships in our lives.
Nedra's narrative is fixated on curating boundaries in every area of our lives, from relationships with yourself, family, friends, romantic relationships, work, and technology. She also goes through the adverse effects of codependent relationships, enmeshed relationships, and trauma bonds. After each chapter, she provides interactive questions to explore how to clarify boundaries in each area of your life. Understanding the importance of boundaries is essential to our healing journey; you can't combat unhealthy relational skills unless you're aware of them first. Get this book to learn that giving someone tools is all you can and should do, and allow others to do the actual work. Change only sustains itself when you do it for yourself, not for others. To all my fixers, this one's for you!
I hope some of the tools above equipped you with what you need to start or continue your healing journey. Be patient with yourself, and extend the grace you naturally give to others, to yourself. The only real change we can make in this life is being conscious, intentional, and empathetic individuals that are aware of our individual pain and not making it someone else's job to fix. Emotional intelligence doesn't have an ending; it's an ongoing commitment. The best scholars are always students.
Healing is not a destination; it's a journey you have to be willing to continuously work through — you never arrive, so don't get complacent.
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
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She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla
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When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense
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Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon
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I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint
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If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger
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Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate
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September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg
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Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
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