

Well, it's pretty understood that this year has altered the idea of everything we thought we knew about being prepared. Between a global shutdown, to the White House's occupants believing that them not bumping into walls is a means for celebration, 2020 has straight up laughed in our faces, and continually proved that each month will progressively get even more ridiculous than the one before.
Add a layer of melanin on the year, and the essence of wanting more for ourselves as women who are minding our business and living in our blackness in peace, whilst expecting the same in return from society, leaves us exhausted and plain ole sick and tired.
Why Some Black Women Are Leaving America
I recently read a story via USA Today, featuring the amazing Lakeisha Ford, who'd chosen to relocate to Ghana to run her communication firm in Accra. She spoke so assuredly about her decision to move, so fearlessly.
What drew me to her, was that her decision to move wasn't solely based on the berating racism in America, it was just a mere contribution. She was mostly intrigued by Ghanaian culture.
"Here I don't have to think of myself as a Black woman and everything that comes with that. Here, I am just a woman."
This made me wonder, how many of us have considered leaving America behind? Is moving to another country the answer?
Well, for some, the answer is absolutely.
We found a group of fabulous ladies to tell us their stories about their why, and why they chose to leave America in their rear view. Here's what they told us:
Phelicia Deorrah | Relocated to Montego Bay, Jamaica:
Photo Courtesy of Phelicia Deorrah
Originally From: Atlanta, GA
Instagram:@n8kedtruthart
In June of 2017, I affirmed in my journal that in 12 months, I would finalize my move to Jamaica. At that point, I figured I would stay at least one year and then return to the United States if things didn't go as planned. During my preparation phase (2017-2018), I held a couple of full-time jobs to save money for my relocation. There was actually one job that I'd landed in early 2018, that actually made me consider postponing my plans to move to Jamaica, because I'd found a "good job". The benefits were good, the salary was adequate – but after working there for a few months, typical corporate America "issues" happened and I decided to quit abruptly and move forward with my plan.
Less than a month later, I was on a plane to Jamaica.
My younger sister, Crystal, was actually the first person I told about my plan to move to the island. I was sitting in Atlanta traffic after a long workday – tired, hot, and uninspired. My plans to barter art in Jamaica had failed and I had been trying to figure out a way to travel back to the island consistently. I called her up and said, "Crystal, why don't I just move to Jamaica?!"
And her response was, "Do it!"
From here, my affirmations were solidified. I knew that building my business in Jamaica is what I would be set on doing.
In the beginning, the unspoken cultural differences (the things a book or the internet can't teach you) and constant patois were overwhelming. It was a culture shock not being able to speak the language (yes, Jamaicans speak the Queen's English – but patois can be very hard to understand when Jamaicans speak to each other), so when people all around me were communicating, it was very overwhelming. I was on high alert all the time, because I never knew when people were talking to me; everything always sounded like shouting. Now that I understand most of what people are saying around me, AND I even know how to respond – it makes it way less intimidating.
It was also extremely overwhelming adapting to the fact that in Jamaica, as an American, I am automatically considered to be privileged– which is truly an out-of-body feeling, because I have never felt that way in America. So, I've learned to live more moderately and be extra careful of what I do, with what I have.
Other than that, I just try to take in all aspects of my new reality. I remember the first time I went to the local beach (no tourists) and I realized that it was my first time ever seeing all Black people at a beach. It's one of those things you never knew that you've never seen until you see it.
As far as the current events in the U.S., although I had moved prior to chaos, it all still affects me. I seem to be watching America from another world. I am happy to be in Jamaica, BUT I am still affected and traumatized by what's going on in the States.
People may think that I am lucky and I can "turn it off" or avoid reality because I am in Jamaica – but the truth is, when you are Black, you do not have the privilege to avoid your Black reality. Period.
Through it all, I've learned that I had to stop expecting American service and behavior and understand that I am the foreigner/outsider now. I've learned to adapt and embrace the differences. I am an empath, so seeing a lot of poverty and people working for next to nothing (the minimum wage of $7,000 JMD per week is equivalent to about $56 USD per week) affects me more than I anticipated. But, I started a charity called The Traveler's Contribution that helps me feel like I'm contributing more than just coming here and taking. I've learned to continue helping where I can, with what I can.
And lastly, I've been reaffirmed that what you put into the universe, you will get back. I followed my heart to relocate, and God has provided for me. I believe if you're stagnant, sometimes God will push you into a circumstance that requires action. Sometimes we have the faith, but we don't want to act – we have to follow through with our dreams and act.
Demetria Brown | Relocated to Puerta Vallerta, Mexico
Photo Courtesy of Demetria Brown
From: Long Beach, CA
Instagram: @meechieistoocute
I decided to move abroad in January 2020.
At the time, I was somewhere between being fully aware that no country was exempt from racism or prejudice, and standing in my personal determination of finding true racial and gender freedom. I wanted to show my people that we can thrive abroad and that we don't have to follow the social standards that others think we should stick to in order to do so.
Honestly, it had always been a desire to live outside the U.S., not because I hate America, but because I wanted peace from constant chaos of the society and the rat race that we are accustomed to.
But most of all, I wanted my daughter to see real life courage; to have the ability to excel in a way others believe we were never supposed to.
The path to arrive in Mexico has taken me 42 years. And believe me, it was muddy, rocky and grim the whole way. But now my route is laid before me. God and the universe has the stars aligned like a seasoned GPS system, creating the best navigation possible without any permanent road blocks--just for me.
Now, I feel as if I'm in a perfect place. For once I am not looked at as weird for hugging and showing affection towards others. I'm not looked at as strange for saying, "Hola" or smiling at people who may not know me. My kindness for humans is reciprocated. I am not judged by my occupation, complexion, shade, or gender. I am loved and accepted just because I am Meechie--and that is absolutely incredible to me.
The best thing I have discovered, honestly, is owning my time and creating new experiences that are beyond explainable with my new Mexican family and friends is what makes me happy. And not everything has been great, believe me.
Have I been overwhelmed? Oh my goodness, yes! For the longest, I wasn't sure of myself while here. I was second-guessing if this decision was a smart one. I didn't have proper resources available to assist me due to the pandemic and obviously relocating during it had its own challenges. Also, leaving my home, my family, my friends, my career...everything I built for so many years behind (I have an adult son who doesn't agree with the move and a teenage daughter who loves it and will soon join me), man, it was rough!
But I now know a bigger love. Home isn't your address. Home is a state of mind where you're comfortable and your skin shade is unapologetically safe. Home is where you are loved. Home is the epicenter of the heart.
And mine resides here in Mexico!
Before you make the decision, understand that moving away, whether across the street or to another country, doesn't solve internal problems--it just exposes what's broken in you. So, before you think you're escaping the pain of your current situation, be sure you're healed and ready to tackle the battle that lies before you.
Shar Wynter | Relocated to Lisbon, Portugal
Photo Courtesy of Shar Wynter
From: Detroit, MI
Instagram:@FeetMeetsLand
Initially, my desire to live abroad was out of pure curiosity.
At age 29, I made my first move overseas to live in London through a temporary job relocation assignment. And my time in London was AMAZING. It enlightened me in so many ways, including broadening my perspective on race relations whilst comparing being Black in London, to being Black in America.
When I compared the two experiences, on average, I was treated better and with more respect in London on a social and professional level. As a result, once I returned back to the U.S., the constant microaggressions and ill-treatment that I had previously normalized--and been desensitized to--became unbearable. This sentiment coupled with a series of traumatizing events (some which were racially rooted) motivated me to quit my job of ten years and leave the U.S for good (in 2019).
My goal was to travel, do some soul-searching, and find a new country to live in.
A few months into my search, the pandemic hit so I decided to stay in London for a few months, and then eventually landed in Portugal. Throughout this time, whenever a new Black Lives Matter hashtag emerged in response to the unjust killing of yet another Black person, my decision to leave the U.S. was further cemented. And guys, my life and health became significantly better. Also, there really isn't a price that you can put on the peace of mind that I get from being able to exist in peace without the heavy cloak of racism on my back.
And yes, I'm fully aware that every country has race issues (both the UK and Portugal have their fair share) but the difference is that the probability of me, or a loved one, losing their life because of it, is lessened. When I think about all the times when my life has been in danger, they all occurred in the States.
In London, the cops seemed less militarized. Most do not even have guns. I remember seeing the police dancing with the crowd at Notting Hill Carnival. I can also vividly recall the cops peacefully guiding protesters during a Black Lives Matter march. It was shocking to me to see the cordial relationship that cops had with citizens.
With respect to Lisbon, one major cultural difference is that the people in Lisbon seem to have a stronger level of respect for others by adhering to the rules and safety measures put in place as a result of the pandemic. For example, most people in Lisbon are wearing their masks without issue, they use sanitation stations, and do whatever's necessary to help protect the well-being of others. It's not a major point of contention.
Sometimes, my relocation does get the best of me, though. Yes, I'm a huge advocate for living abroad, but being away from family and friends, and learning how to navigate your way through foreign spaces, is not for the faint of heart. For example, it took me an entire week to learn how to use a microwave/oven because the manual was in Portuguese. Also in Lisbon, I have to go to multiple stores sometimes to get everything I need when grocery shopping so it's an entire three hour ordeal. The grocery stores don't carry everything all in one place like they do in America.
Ultimately, you really have to be open-minded and flexible because it's easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated, especially in the beginning, but the experience overall is totally worth it.
I say all of this to say that choosing a better life for yourself is possible. I was very surprised to find that there was a relatively large community of Black people living abroad and our footprint was worldwide. Connecting with this community transformed my overseas experience and made my life abroad so much more enjoyable. This inspired me to create an effort called XpatChats to spread awareness about the Black expat community. Highlighting experiences and stories of Black people living abroad, given the current social climate, and sharing the stories of us living freely all over the world, has empowered me because living freely, is a form of resistance against oppression.
You can do this, ladies. Just map it out and go for it.
Nicole Files-Thompson, Ph.D | Relocated to Hanover, Jamaica
From: Baltimore, MD
Instagram:@_goalslayer
I have always loved Jamaica and Jamaican tourism. I remember the first time I visited, it felt like home. It was so refreshing to be in a Black country, seeing people who looked like me--on Billboards, on TV, as news anchors, in advertisements.Over the years, I fell in love with the culture and have brought many of my students, friends, and family around the country to fall in love with it like I have.
Currently, I am a professor at Lincoln University, PA and I moved here on a Fulbright grant through the U.S. Department of State. Though my stay here is not yet permanent, it is indefinite, dependent upon grants, my ability to teach online, etc. I am working on making it permanent within the next 5-7 years.
My spirit is settled here. My favorite thing to do is take a drive and stop at small beaches. There are so many beautiful beaches in Jamaica that you can have all to yourself.
Everything moves at a much slower pace; patience was a huge learning curve. There is a lot of "paper" and face-to-face required to handle business affairs. The attitude of just letting things go fills the air. Culturally, there is an understanding that many things are out of your control, [so] why worry about what you can't control?
Jamaica, no problem.
There's also an incredible sense of community, everyone knows everyone where you live. There are no strangers. I have six mango trees in my yard, and people coming and collecting them in the mornings. Something that might make people call the police in the U.S., but it's normal here. The trees bear more mangoes than I could eat in a year. So they are for everyone to enjoy.
Basically, adaptation requires patience and going with the flow. I've had to change my consumption habits: electricity is expensive, so even though it is hot, I can't run the AC all day. My diet has been altered; I instead eat fresh or farmed foods instead of packaged.
Given the recent events, I feel much safer in Jamaica, in comparison to the political, public health, and racial climate in the U.S. The decisiveness of the government to protect the health of its citizens alone stands apart from what I've heard about the issues in America.
Moreover, though Jamaican citizens are not all in agreement about the measures that the government takes, they adhere to those measures.
I've gained a new perspective I have gained about "Americanness" by being on the outside looking in. I'm even embarrassed by the way our government and many citizens have behaved during this pandemic. In terms of the BLM movement, it has been difficult to watch from afar, as race is shaped much differently in Jamaica. However, the movement has sparked support from even the Jamaican Prime Minister who addressed police brutality in the U.S., and George Floyd specifically.
And although I haven't necessarily felt overwhelmed, I've admittedly felt unprepared or lonely. This was such a strange time to be living in another country. But I have learned that I am strong and I can adapt to any situation. I've learned that I can be flexible, I can figure things out, and family isn't only blood.
My Jamaican family looked out and cared for me too.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on July 21, 2020
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Why I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Moving Home To Be A Stay-At-Home Daughter
What is a dream deferred in 2025 with the rising cost of living, a trash job market, and an administration that is determined to make my life a living hell? Chile, let’s get into it.
For as long as I can remember, I have had dreams of being the Black Carrie Bradshaw, prancing around New York City as a fashion writer. The stylish apartment, the popping dating life, the impeccable wardrobe — that was all I wanted. (Lucky for me, the impeccable wardrobe has always been a constant.)
Bishop Carrie once said, “In New York, they say you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. So, let’s say you have two out of three, and they’re fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don’t have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?”
What a powerful question.
Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of
In 2022, I made the exciting move to New York City. Everything seemed to fall into place effortlessly: I secured a comfortable apartment and found myself immersed in a thriving freelance market. I even embarked on a new romantic relationship, a first for me. However, the tide began to turn by mid-2023. The once-abundant freelance opportunities dwindled as various platforms faced funding cuts and the media industry experienced a downturn.
Fast forward to 2024, and my mom, the woman who gave everything to raise me, is experiencing some health challenges. It felt as though the universe was pushing me towards a change. Around the same time, I began to question my career path as a fashion writer. The continual need to be "on" and present everywhere was exhausting, and the ups and downs of the job application process, including interviews and rejections, took a significant toll on my mental health.
The allure of New York City, with its bustling streets, towering skyscrapers, and the promise of endless possibilities, was beginning to fade.
The vibrant and exciting metropolis of the past now felt overwhelming and chaotic. The constant noise, the crowds, the fast-paced lifestyle – it all started to feel like a suffocating burden. The city that never sleeps had become a source of anxiety and restlessness, and the charm of the New York state of mind was slowly giving way to a sense of disarray and unease. There was always this sense of living in a dream coupled with overstimulation.
Given the current state of the world—rising costs of living, shifting career landscapes, and the emotional weight of supporting aging parents—it was time for me to be so real with myself. Did I really need to be in New York to be a fashion writer? Because opportunities have been presenting themselves that aren’t tied to location or a timeline.
The answer became so clear to me — it was time to go home.
Shifting the Narrative: Embracing the Return Home as an Empowered Woman
For generations, the concept of moving back home has been shrouded in negativity, often perceived as a regression, particularly for women who have strived for and achieved independence.
I want to challenge this outdated narrative and reframe the return home as a conscious, empowered choice. This exploration delves into the multifaceted emotions associated with moving back home, dismantling the guilt that often accompanies this decision, and embracing the evolving role of a daughter as a source of strength and support for my family.
From a cultural standpoint, returning home is also a radical act of preservation.
In a society that often devalues Black familial bonds and misrepresents our communities, choosing to be close to kin is an assertion of our values. It’s about honoring the aunties who raised us, the cousins who feel more like siblings, and the grandparents who built legacies from scratch. Our family structures are ever-evolving, stretching to support and uplift in ways traditional Western models don’t always understand.
When we come home, we’re not just coming back to a place—we’re coming back to a lineage of resilience and love.
In This Economy…
The economic realities of today make this decision even more practical. Skyrocketing rent, stagnant wages, and inflation have forced many of us to reconsider what independence really means. Living at home, or closer to home, can offer the breathing room to save, strategize, and build with intention. But beyond the numbers, there’s an emotional currency we gain too.
Home can be a sanctuary—a space where we don’t have to code-switch, perform, or constantly explain ourselves.
In a world that often demands our labor but rarely affirms our humanity, returning home can be the most freeing, grounded choice of all. And in full transparency, there’s a part of me that felt shame about going back home to Memphis out of concern for how others would see it. Memphis isn’t as bright and shiny as Denver and New York, these big cities where I had created a life and made a name for myself.
But why should I care? No one is paying these bills and dealing with the ups and downs of working in fashion with me. It’s just me. I’ve finally come to a point where I realize that I can no longer live for the cheers because if I do, I will die by the boos.
I am most concerned with the way my life feels instead of how it looks.
I Thought I Was Failing — But I Was Finally Healing
With that said, I am now rebranding myself as a "stay-at-home daughter."
More than ever, I want to highlight the ways in which women can contribute to their families while also pursuing personal growth and fulfillment. This exploration feels like a way to inspire and empower women to embrace their decision to return home, shedding societal expectations and redefining what it means to be a modern daughter.
I have the deepest feeling that this chapter is going to be healing for me and my mother, and we deserve.
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Featured image courtesy of Joce Blake