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'Black Love' Producer Codie Elaine Oliver Weighs In On Viral Dating Debates, Marriage, And Black Love Summit
The Black Love docuseries was first introduced as a way to show positive images of love in the Black community, and it has since expanded to different offerings like blacklove.com, the online series Couch Conversations, and the Black Love Summit. Created by Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, the Black Love brand has become one of the more popular brands that share authentic stories about love, relationships, and family while also sparking needed conversations in our community.
Over the weekend, they held their 6th annual Black Love Summit in Atlanta, Georgia, and it featured a variety of people like married couple and content creators Devale and Khadeen Ellis, singer Keri Hilson, and many more. xoNecole caught up with Codie to talk about the brand’s impact, social media’s role in how we show up in relationships, and her marriage to Tommy.
xoNecole: This past weekend was the 6th annual Black Love Summit in Atlanta, GA, and you had a variety of couples, from KJ Smith and Skyh Black, whose wedding recently went viral, to Slutty Vegan founder Pinky Cole and her husband Derrick Hayes. How did you go about choosing the couples for this year?
Codie Elaine Oliver: Well, I want to emphasize too that the Black Love Summit, we really try to focus on all of us and wherever we are. So whether you're single, whether you're dating, married, it is important for us to highlight, you know, married people with partners who are thriving individually and together. But also, you know, there's a lot of single folks on our panels, and we want to make sure that it's like a welcoming environment for all of us.
But as far as choosing the couples, I mean, we work hard to select speakers and talent who are transparent and vulnerable. We love people who, like, actually share candid experiences and stories online or with us. A lot of times, we know them, whether from our interviews with Black Love the docuseries or from our experiences. I say our, like me and Tommy, and so we know what they've been through.
We know the stories that they have to tell, and sometimes it's just as simple as like, ‘Man, I want more people to hear about this,’ and let's figure out what Black love experience you can be a part of so that you can share your journey.
(L-R) Shelah Marie, KJ Smith, and Egypt Sherrod.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
xoN: It seems like the Black Love Summit is coming at the perfect time, too. We’ve seen countless celebrity couples call it quits this year, and with the recent revelations about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith's marriage, Black love has been questioned. What do you want to say to those people who may feel that Black love is unattainable?
CO: I will say that Black love starts from self-love. It starts from within, and we're all on that journey, whether we are talking about Will and Jada. Like, I mean, I have a lot of thoughts in terms of these are two people who have shared at length in their books and have been vulnerable, you know, with the press and what is the common thread is a lot of personal history, right? From their relationships to their parents to their romantic relationships from high school and beyond. I think they're a perfect example of, like, looking at the whole person and how we show up in all of our relationships.
And if we don't have or understand self-love and self-awareness, then at some point, okay, it'll catch up to us, and not to spend too much time on them. But I feel like what Jada has articulated is that we looked up and we realized that we had a lot of work to do on ourselves. We weren't sure where we wanted to be and whether we wanted to be together, but they've made decisions that are theirs to make.
But it answers your question, really, I mean, outside of just them, is that Black love starts with self-love, and the sooner we understand what we want, what we need, and how we want to show up in relationships, the stronger and better our relationships will be with the people that we choose to bring into our lives. And so we, as a brand and with the Black Love Summit, you know, this is the sixth one, we work very hard to try to create the content, the experiences, the opportunities to draw out that self-awareness and that conversation in our community that says like, how are you showing up?
You know, how are you showing up, and how are you understanding your wants and your needs in relationships? Alone, and then in your relationships.
"I will say that Black love starts from self-love. It starts from within, and we're all on that journey."
xoN: Do you and Tommy ever feel pressure to be preeminent examples of Black love? If so, how do you deal with it?
CO: Yeah, he would say no (laughs). Tommy does not succumb to pressure of any kind. I would say not really. Sure, I've felt it ‘cause it's kind of a natural thing. You know, you put yourself out there a little bit. You say you know a little something, which we have so many blueprints from doing over 200 interviews with couples. We have so many blueprints that, sure, people might assume that we have it all figured out. And so I try to be very clear and transparent at every turn, that I don't. We don't.
We're on this journey trying to learn from others, trying to take what works for us and leave the rest, and trying to show up as our best selves individually and together. And so there's a little bit of that pressure, but for the most part, we don't have time to really look at it that way. We’ve had three kids, we're just trying to do the best that we can for each other for them. And I think that's all that anybody can ask for.
xoN: With social media nowadays, there’s so many conversations about love and dating. You know, different standards one is supposed to have in regard to dating. I don't know if you saw the viral $200 date and the most recent, The Cheesecake Factory first date debacle. What do you think people are getting wrong about dating, and what do you think the Black Love Summit can address with that?
CO: Yeah, well, I haven't seen that The Cheesecake Factory one. So I'll definitely look into that. But, I think that the Black Love Summit, the Black Love brand, like, we work to encourage our community to create authentic connection, right? That takes a little bit of vulnerability, and that takes a little bit of grace. And I think that some people hear that right? Grace.
Well, I’m not gonna accept this. This, that, or the other thing, and it's like, know your boundaries, but also recognize that people are human. I mean, that's why I go back to, like, it starts with self-love, recognizing you may be meeting someone who has a lot of potential but maybe doesn't even know their full potential. Or maybe it wasn't cultivated by their parents. We're all on a journey.
And so, for me, I think that what people may be getting wrong about dating is that they're often looking for some sort of perfect package right away. And if you're not a.) asking the questions to get the information that you want, right, and you're not showing up vulnerably yourself, then you're not creating an environment to really get to know someone, you're just looking at the superficial. What do they do? What do they wear? What are their answers to basic questions, you know, are you in therapy? Have you ever been in therapy? What do you think of therapy? How is your relationship with your family? Why or why not? Even just that answer doesn't necessarily tell you anything. Why? Why this, why that? Really spending time like getting to know someone, really understanding why somebody wants to go on the $20 date versus the $500 date, right? Maybe whatever, maybe they just got paid, maybe they bout to get paid, but they really wanted to be with you.
And so understanding why someone's making the decisions that they're making is really important. And so I just think that that's where the grace comes in, right? So, you know, and I think that social media creates an environment where we make a lot of snap judgments. People say however they feel in one sentence or less, and then there's a lot of bandwagon likes on that thing. And then we start to think, oh, that's popular opinion, when really people are just scrolling and clicking and scrolling and clicking.
They not thinking about you and your date, whether it was $20 or $500. They just got a little opinion and keep it moving. So I think to that end, we let a lot of other voices in when we don't really need to. You know what's best for you, but you have to be offering the same vulnerability and an expectation setting so that you can get that in return.
"We let a lot of other voices in when we don't really need to. You know what's best for you, but you have to be offering the same vulnerability and an expectation setting so that you can get that in return."
Codie Elaine Oliver (L) and Tommy Oliver (R).
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
xoN: You’ve been married for eight years, so what would you say is the biggest thing you learned about doing life with another person?
CO: I mean, going back to that grace thing for sure. Like, you gon’ have to do it when you're together. So you might as well (laughs) start now and understand what that looks and feels like, but I mean, I always say like the one thing that I know for sure. From interviewing 200+ couples and being married eight years, is that the work required in marriage? Everyone says marriage is work, marriage is work, and I think a lot of us are like, what does that mean? What kind of work? Oh, that sounds hard. But it's the work that you're willing to do on yourself.
You know, somebody else might have a different opinion. But for me, that is what I see, and what I feel like unequivocally is the work. And so for me, it's, you know, deciding whether or not to be in therapy individually, maybe together, maybe your partner doesn't want to do it. So you know, it's deciding whether or not that's for you. It's recognizing when you might be wrong but you mad at them about something. It's recognizing when they might be wrong, but they're never gonna admit it, and you've got to decide how much it's worth to you to make it a fight or hold on to it. And so it's that inner work that they may not even see. But that's what's going to help you, help anyone, I think, stay partnered with someone for a long time.
xoN: What’s next for the Black Love brand?
CO: More content, really. I mean, we launched the Black Love docuseries in 2017 and 2018, we launched blacklove.com and the first Black Love Summit, and with blacklove.com came several digital series from Couch Conversations, which at that time was hosted by Devale and Khadeen Ellis. The most recent season was hosted by Ace Hood and Sheilah Marie, and we've done ladies' roundtables, men's roundtables, moms with coffee. We launched a podcast network with eight podcasts on it. And so more of all of that in more places because we just joined TikTok a year ago I mean, the world is expanding in terms of where and how we can consume content. And we want to do our best to be a source of value and positivity and light for our community, but also calling us on our stuff, right?
We want to be that place where when life is hard, because it is, we, Black Love, is a place you can turn for a good laugh, a smile, a heartwarming, you know, family moment because that's Black. All of that is Black love. But we also want to be able to challenge the way people think and say. There was a meme recently that said somebody's not calling you because they owe you an apology. We want to be able to bring up, like, calling people on their stuff, right? This is what love looks like. Showing up, doing self-work, giving people grace. And so what's next is really just creating more content and more opportunities to do that digitally, TV, film.
And that's what you'll see more. In addition to more apparel, because we had some very cute sweatshirts last year. We have more stuff coming this year and beyond.
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London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images