Devale and Khadeen Ellis are all about getting marriage right for themselves. The two have been married for 10 years, but friends for almost 20. So to say they know a bit about making marriage work for them, is quite an understatement.
They aren't here for societal norms, or whatever you read in the books, they just want to live within their own realm of happiness, their way. And they just so happen to be open to sharing their journey with all of us. From uploading the cutest family moments on social media, to taking the time to have those tough, vulnerable conversations, they don't shy away from anything.
And the latest episode of their Dead Ass Podcast was no different as the two touch on what it means to be married, today. Titled "Put Bae On A Platter", the happily married couple got on the subject of catering to each other and why in today's society, this is considered a bad thing. Devale says:
"If you go into a marriage, and you're complete, right? And now that I'm a complete person, I know what I can give. So I can serve my wife. But here's the issue with serving your wife: most dudes that go in and say 'I'mma serve my wife,' people call them a simp. Most women, who talk about 'serving my husband,' people say they're submissive. And both of those words have a negative connotation."
Khadeen agrees, and he continues:
"Simp and submissive. And in this generation everyone wants to be a boss or a bad b*tch or an alpha male so in order for me to be an alpha male, I can't serve my wife. You know what I'm saying?"
Khadeen goes on to say that they have both been referred to as such for serving each other, "I've been called submissive by our circle, and you get called a simp all the time." Sidebar, for anyone not familiar, a "simp" (short for "simple") is internet slang for a person (often male) who performs excessive sympathy and attention toward another person. He finishes:
"Put bae on a platter. Just imagine what two people could accomplish in a marriage if both parties dedicated their lives to serving one another."
Which...in this generation...is a bad thing, right? I guess it depends on who you ask.
The conversation of serving your partner, stemmed from a previous episode, where they discussed what it means to be an "alpha male".
"I have always felt that my job as a husband is to create a space of unlimited possibilities for my wife. People love to throw around the word 'Simp' for a man who caters to the woman he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. But imagine how powerful and secure you have to be in order to create a life of full autonomy for the woman you love. Now image how small and insecure one must truly be, to take that all away from her--in an attempt to feel like an 'alpha'."
"There's this whole idea that if you're an alpha male, you control your wife. But what I've just realized that being an alpha male, doesn't mean that you control your wife or the person you're with. Being an alpha male means you control everything that exists around her, so that she can have control over what she wants to do. You can't be an alpha male if you are controlling. If you have insecurities, you can't be an alpha male. You're just controlling."
The episode ends with a final message: "Do not be afraid of being of service."
Watch the clip below:
Ladies, let's talk about it. Do you think partners should serve each other?
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Featured image via Devale Ellis/Instagram