
Devale & Khadeen Ellis: "Why Is It Considered Negative To Serve Your Spouse?"

Devale and Khadeen Ellis are all about getting marriage right for themselves. The two have been married for 10 years, but friends for almost 20. So to say they know a bit about making marriage work for them, is quite an understatement.
They aren't here for societal norms, or whatever you read in the books, they just want to live within their own realm of happiness, their way. And they just so happen to be open to sharing their journey with all of us. From uploading the cutest family moments on social media, to taking the time to have those tough, vulnerable conversations, they don't shy away from anything.
And the latest episode of their Dead Ass Podcast was no different as the two touch on what it means to be married, today. Titled "Put Bae On A Platter", the happily married couple got on the subject of catering to each other and why in today's society, this is considered a bad thing. Devale says:
"If you go into a marriage, and you're complete, right? And now that I'm a complete person, I know what I can give. So I can serve my wife. But here's the issue with serving your wife: most dudes that go in and say 'I'mma serve my wife,' people call them a simp. Most women, who talk about 'serving my husband,' people say they're submissive. And both of those words have a negative connotation."
Khadeen agrees, and he continues:
"Simp and submissive. And in this generation everyone wants to be a boss or a bad b*tch or an alpha male so in order for me to be an alpha male, I can't serve my wife. You know what I'm saying?"
Khadeen goes on to say that they have both been referred to as such for serving each other, "I've been called submissive by our circle, and you get called a simp all the time." Sidebar, for anyone not familiar, a "simp" (short for "simple") is internet slang for a person (often male) who performs excessive sympathy and attention toward another person. He finishes:
"Put bae on a platter. Just imagine what two people could accomplish in a marriage if both parties dedicated their lives to serving one another."
Which...in this generation...is a bad thing, right? I guess it depends on who you ask.
The conversation of serving your partner, stemmed from a previous episode, where they discussed what it means to be an "alpha male".
"I have always felt that my job as a husband is to create a space of unlimited possibilities for my wife. People love to throw around the word 'Simp' for a man who caters to the woman he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. But imagine how powerful and secure you have to be in order to create a life of full autonomy for the woman you love. Now image how small and insecure one must truly be, to take that all away from her--in an attempt to feel like an 'alpha'."
"There's this whole idea that if you're an alpha male, you control your wife. But what I've just realized that being an alpha male, doesn't mean that you control your wife or the person you're with. Being an alpha male means you control everything that exists around her, so that she can have control over what she wants to do. You can't be an alpha male if you are controlling. If you have insecurities, you can't be an alpha male. You're just controlling."
The episode ends with a final message: "Do not be afraid of being of service."
Watch the clip below:
Whew.
Ladies, let's talk about it. Do you think partners should serve each other?
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Featured image via Devale Ellis/Instagram
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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How A Group Chat Became A Game-Changer For Empowering Black Professionals In Sports
In 2016, Shaina Wiel started a simple group chat with friends and colleagues in the New York sports industry. What began as a space for professionals of color in sports to share resources and opportunities blossomed into the Minorities in Sports Business Network, a thriving community of more than 1,000 members and a full-fledged company shaping the future of sports business.
Shaina, who has held roles at companies including ESPN and the NBA and has taught strategic sports marketing at esteemed institutions like Georgetown University, officially launched the network as a business in 2019. Since then, it’s hosted high-impact events like the Toast to Black Sports luncheon during Super Bowl weekend and built student chapters at both HBCUs and PWIs to pipeline underrepresented talent into the industry.
She shared with xoNecole more on the early days of launch, the turning point that made her realize she had a platform with real influence, and what keeps her going. With 17 years of experience across agencies, teams, and networks, Shaina is proof that grassroots efforts can turn into transformative change—especially when backed by passion, vision, and community.
xoNecole: How did the Minorities In Sports Business Network come to life?
Shaina Wiel: So, I just started the group chat and added a few of my friends who work in the industry as well. We were all kind of in New York at the same time working in the sports space… Very quickly over the next few years, the chat grew to over 800 individuals within the chat. Then, we had over 1000 individuals.
xoN: What was your ‘aha’ moment to expand?
SW: I noticed a bunch of employees from the Big Four leagues— NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB— within my group chat had all started posting roles. And when I asked, 'What is going on? Why are there so many posting jobs within the group chat?' I was told that HR had sent a note to their Black Employee Resource Group and had told them they had heard about this group chat.
That's when I realized, ‘Okay, this is more than, you know, my little friend group chat. Let's see if we can turn this into an actual business. And then in summer, 2019 I decided to do this full time.
Brittany Dacoff
xoN: What was the transition like growing the group chat into a full platform offering membership perks like access to job listings, networking opportunities and more?
SW: I was working at an agency, and the agency had lost their account. It was the account that I was working on. So they were like, you know, we can try to find another or we can separate. I decided to leave. And then, as we know, COVID happened, which actually was a blessing in disguise.
I was able to really focus on building the vision with this group chat and turning it into an actual company, seeing what works, seeing things from an events and a relationship standpoint, in terms of like, how we were interacting with different partners from different companies, and actually turning that into something substantial that could last.
xoN: Speaking of events, talk more about what inspired the Toast to Black Sports event you held earlier this year during the Super Bowl. Why is it important?
SW: This was the second year. There are so many dope people of color, specifically Black people, who work in this industry who are just doing the work behind the scenes. They’re not getting their flowers. I took it upon myself to say, I want to celebrate you. We’ve honored Kimberly Fields, Esq. of the NFL, Kevin Warren, CEO of the Chicago Bears, sports executive Jason Wright, sports and entertainment vet Carmen Green-Wilson, and NFL coach Jennifer King—all of whom have made major contributions to the industry.
xoN: What do you enjoy most about your role today?
SW: I think the work that I enjoy the most, honestly, is with our college students. We have 12 chapters across different colleges and universities. We help eliminate some of the barriers a lot of us had coming out of college. What I love seeing is that we have students who are now looking at roles they never even thought of.
xoN: What’s a bit of career advice for women breaking into the sports industry?
SW: I would say, build relationships. That’s really it: Build authentic relationships. Make sure it's a give and take and that you're supporting other people because once you're building those relationships, then it's a lot easier to either get into a space or to have those conversations when you want to do something.
And always be willing and ready to do the work.
Featured image by Hosea Johnson